Imperative: Volume 1, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (48 page)

“No, I have to go home.  You see that handsome man there?”  She looked down to Darcy and he stood uncomfortably while seven pairs of eyes considered him.  “That is my husband, Mr. Darcy, and he wants me to play with him now.  I promised, so I must go.”

“What will you play?”  The smallest boy called to Darcy.

He started and met Elizabeth’s eyes.  “I leave that for your cousin to decide.” 

“Come children, kiss Lizzy goodbye.”  Each child kissed her cheek and gave her a hug, then started back to the nursery, all turning to send suspicious looks at Darcy.  Elizabeth laughed softly and walking down the stairs, put on her coat and bonnet. 

“They do not trust me.”  He spoke quietly.

“Well, trust is earned, is it not?”  Elizabeth took his arm and looked up to find him contemplating her seriously.  “Fitzwilliam?”

“I invited your uncle for dinner tomorrow.”  He was relieved to see her pleasure, and bowed to Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner.  “We look forward to your company.”

Mrs. Gardiner smiled at Elizabeth and tilted her head.  Mr. Gardiner nodded and bowed.  “And we will be glad to see the place our Lizzy now calls home.” 

They stepped outside into the frosty night and Darcy kept a firm hold of Elizabeth’s arm while they carefully walked down the slippery steps.  The coachmen had jumped to attention as soon as they appeared and Robbie stood by with the door open.  She paused and waved goodbye, then climbed inside, quickly followed by Darcy.  The door shut and they were underway. 

Elizabeth shivered and Darcy pulled a rug over their legs, and looking down to her upturned face, read her eyes.  “I beg your forgiveness.”

“I beg yours.  You have not married a child, Fitzwilliam, despite all appearances to the contrary.”

“And you have not married a,” he looked down, “whatever names you were thinking when you listened to my arrogant pronouncements and drove away.”   Elizabeth’s hand slipped into his and he looked at the ring.  “You were forcing me to come here.”

She watched his thumb caressing the band.  “When I climbed into the cab, it was in my mind that I would show you how wrong you were.”

“And then?”

She looked up at him.  “I was terrified that you would not come.”

“That never crossed my mind.  I had to find you.”

“My aunt and uncle seemed to be disappointed in me.  They presented quite convincing arguments for your stance.”  Darcy smiled and she searched his face.  “Why does that amuse you?”

“Because your uncle clearly expressed his unhappiness in me for not appreciating you as I should.”  Her hand went to her mouth and he squeezed the hand he clasped.  “It seems that they thought we both were fools.”

“Oh, Will.”

“And they are correct.”  Darcy wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her to his side.  Elizabeth looked up to him and they kissed. 

“We have much to talk about tonight.”  He nodded and hugged her tight.  “Will?”

“Yes, dearest?”

“I never stopped trusting you.”

“And I never stopped feeling respect for you.”

“Despite all outward appearances on both sides.”  She closed her eyes and laying her head against his chest, gladly heard the soft rumble of his laugh. 

“ARE YOU FINISHED?”  Darcy asked as Elizabeth continued to push around the food on her plate.  They had arrived home to find that their worried staff had already decided they would dine in their rooms.  “They were hoping to force us to reconcile, I think.” 

“Yes, I thought as much, it is a very romantic atmosphere they have created.”  She looked around the softly lit room and back to the meal that had magically appeared in their shared sitting room.  “They remind me of us trying to get Mama and Papa to speak after a quarrel.”

“Did it work?”

Elizabeth shook her head.  “I suppose enough to satisfy us, but I doubt that anything of significance was solved by our attempts.”  Darcy put the covers back over the trays and reached for her hand.  She smiled.  “I do not think that we needed their help tonight.  But, I do think that we are talked out.”

“I have never spoken so much before meeting you.” 

“Well!  Now that is an accomplishment!”  Darcy laughed softly and rubbed his thumb over her ring.  “Can you bear just a little more conversation?”  Seeing his serious gaze studying her, she looked down at his hand and touched his ring.  “Tell me the story of the engraving.”  She said softly, watching her fingers tracing over the softly shining band of gold.  “I love what you wrote in mine.  Why would you not share it with me?”

“Elizabeth . . .”  He stopped, and knew that he owed her the truth, and spoke quietly, “When I came here in my great rush to begin the preparations for our wedding, I . . . I went through the jewel cases to select your wedding band.”   She nodded and he bit his lip.  “I thought of purchasing something new, but . . . you were being forced into marrying me . . .”

“Hardly forced.”  She said softly.

“Well . . . at the time . . .”  His pale cheeks warmed as he read her eyes, “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.” 

Darcy’s steady gaze held her eyes as his thumb continued rubbing over her ring.  “I wanted you to know that I . . . I thought enough of you to present you a wedding band with . . . a provenance.” 

Feeling the intensity of his look, she studied his eyes and suddenly realized the significance of his gesture.  “I was your equal.”  He nodded, “And the engraving expresses your love for me.”

“I . . . I had growing feelings for you, since the moment we met.”  He looked down.  “I dared not call it love.”

“Why?”

“Because I had not told you the truth of Georgiana, and . . . I lived with the belief that once you knew, I would never hear you express such feelings for me.  Or if you did feel them once, they would surely be destroyed forever.”  He sighed as she shook her head and squeezed his hand.  “So I put the words on your ring, where you would wear them as close to your heart as I ever believed I would reside.” 

“Oh Will . . .”

“And I had my ring made to resemble yours, and . . . I saw that it was acceptable for a man to wear such a thing with his and his . . . love’s . . . initials . . .”  He watched Elizabeth’s fingertips move over his ring.  “After our wedding night, and our confessions, I thought of wearing it before you, instead of keeping it a . . . a stolen symbol for when we were apart.”

“Why would you hide it from me?  I would have been so very happy to see such a declaration on your hand.”  He did not respond.  Elizabeth studied him.  “Ohhhh.”  Her eyes welled up.  “Did you wish that I had given it to you, that I had placed it on your finger?”  Nodding, he pinched the blur that suddenly appeared in the corners of his eyes.  “You dear man.”  She got up from her chair and he stood, opening his arms to her.  “I gave it to you tonight, your wish came true.”  She felt him swallowing and hugged him tightly.  “I love you, Fitzwilliam Darcy.”  

“I love you, dear Elizabeth.”  He kissed her hair.  “Look at me; is it possible that I can actually feel grateful for this night of misery because it resulted in me wearing this ring?”  He crushed her in his overwhelming embrace, and buried his face in her hair.  “Lord, help me.” 

“Why do you call on help from above?”  She kissed his throat and he groaned as her hands caressed over his back.  “Will?”

“Because . . . I want you.”  He kissed her softly.  “I want you, Elizabeth.”  Darcy’s nose gently rubbed her cheek while his mouth caressed over her skin, exploring her face with his lips.  His warm breath filled her ear as his tongue tasted the tender lobe.  “I love you . . .” He whispered, now kissing her throat.  “I love you . . .” He lifted his head and their eyes opened for a moment before their mouths joined.  Elizabeth’s hands wound up into his hair, and he moaned, drawing her against him.  Their kisses were slow, caressing, their tongues swirling and rolling together as their bodies begged to be joined the same way.  Elizabeth’s heart pounded, and she could feel the pulse in his neck beating against her wrists as she drew his head down.   They broke the kiss long enough to take several deep breaths and their eyes meeting, immediately resumed, this time, not quite as gently.  Urgency overtook them, their kisses became hungry, demanding, and their hands clutched at each other.  Elizabeth gasped when his mouth returned to her throat, and he suckled her, sending shivers of pleasure through every part of her body. 

“Oh Will . . .” 

Darcy pulled away, breathing hard.  “I am sorry . . .”

“Sorry?”  She gasped and held her hand to her heart.  “Why are you stopping?   I thought . . . I thought . . . Are we not to . . . have a wonderful night?”  She said as a blush crept up her cheeks and she looked down at his waistcoat.  “I want so very much to have a wonderful night.”

“You . . . You would still have me?  After . . . everything?”

“My kisses do not make that clear?”  She took his hands and laughed.  “Oh Will, how can I convince you of my desire?”

“The blood has rushed from my brain, dearest; forgive me for being such a fool.  Of course, yes, yes, we must have our wonderful night!”  He beamed and kissed her hands.  “I must tell you . . . While I stood in your uncle’s parlour, angrily pacing and describing my worry to you, it was all I could do not to express my relief and terror by . . . ripping off that horrible gown and loving you in such a way that you would never ever contemplate leaving me again.”  Elizabeth’s eyes widened and he laughed, kissing her gently.  “I am sure that I have convinced you of my desire, and I am overjoyed to know of yours.  Go on and change, I will join you soon.”  Suddenly shy, he looked down at the floor.  “I . . . I must prepare myself.”

“Is there anything I must do?”  She said just as shyly.

“No, love.”  He chuckled.  “Just be kind when I reappear.” 

“Kind?”  Elizabeth smiled and caressed his face. 

“I have never worn a . . . skin before.”  His face reddened and he looked back to her pleadingly.

“Well . . . I have never been,” she touched his arousal and he moaned, “. . . before.”  

 “A night of firsts, all around.”  Turning her by her shoulders, he patted her bottom.  “Go on, then.  I will not be a moment.”  He watched her go and laughed at her backwards look. 
She is not nervous, why are you?
   Ringing the bell, servants immediately appeared to clear away the dishes while he retired to his dressing room to change.  He noticed that Parker had lit a fire in his chambers and smiled at the man’s caution.  “No, no worries there.  Our quarrel is over.” 

Impatiently he went through the routine of preparing for the night and finally dismissed Parker, declaring that his clothes could just remain wrinkled.  At last alone, he stripped off his nightshirt and stood naked and aroused before a box of the newly purchased condoms.  He removed a sheathe from its wrapping and biting his lip, opened it and quickly tried to slip it over his erection.  Immediately it tore. 

Groaning, he opened another and tried rolling it up like a stocking. Gently setting it over the head of his penis, he started to unroll the delicate material, but it was tight.  Becoming increasingly frustrated, he struggled, wanting to grab the bastard and pull it straight down, but fearing another tear he tried wiggling it, swearing under his breath as his penis bobbed and his hips swayed until infuriated, he ripped it off and threw it across the room.  He rested his hands on the dresser and breathed deeply.  “Calm Darcy . . . calm . . .  Remember the goal.” 

Again, he reached into the box.  This time he thought of some advice Richard had given him, and embarrassed even in his solitude, he lifted the skin to his lips and blew.  His eyes widened when he found a veritable sausage of air in his hand.  “Well . . . at least it is intact.”  He compared the shape to his erection.  “It seems to be large enough . . .  Now to don the damned thing!”  Carefully, he slipped it over his aching member and grimacing with trepidation; he struggled but somehow managed to slide it on.  His face broke into a wide smile.  “Well done, man!”  Darcy laughed.  “Well done!”  Triumphantly, he reached into the box for the ribbon, and stood unsure of how to go about tying it on.  “Richard said it should attach around the base . . .”  He wrapped the ribbon twice around and tied a knot.  Looking it over he nodded, pleased with himself until he suddenly felt an exceptional jab of pain.  “Tight, too tight!”  His fingers were too large to work out the knot and desperate, he spotted his pocket knife.  Quickly opening the blade, he slipped it under the ribbon and slashed it in half, then resting his hand on the dresser gasped as the pain ebbed away along with his arousal.  He watched as the condom slipped off and fell to the floor.  Deflated and angry, he swore that he would never humiliate himself like this again.   Darcy donned the nightshirt and miserable, blew out the candles and fell into his empty bed to stare up at the canopy.  “How can I face her?”

Elizabeth could hear him sit on his bed and waited, listening and wondering what was wrong.  She was nervous enough as it was, but this delay was not helping at all.  She looked at the clock; nearly twenty minutes had passed when she again heard the bed creak and his familiar footfall crossing the floor.  It stopped.  She heard the footsteps and again, the creak of the bed.  Something was very wrong. 

Darcy sat up when she appeared in the doorway and drank in the sight of her.  She was wearing the nightdress from their wedding night.  “Lord, help me.”  He whispered. 

“Will?”  Elizabeth sat beside him and rubbed his back.

He swallowed and touched the gown, then caressed her face.  “You are so beautiful.”

“What is wrong?”  She took his hand and tried to read his expression, but all that she saw was the look of utter dejection in his eyes, even as he tried to draw himself up to speak. 

“I had the opportunity to . . . think as I prepared for . . . us . . . and I have determined that I will sleep in my chambers alone tonight.”

Elizabeth face fell.  “Why?  Have I done . . .?”

“No, no, no!”  Darcy immediately embraced her, and swallowing his pride, spoke quietly, “I failed to don the condom.  I am . . . I am both too large and inept.”  He heard her soft “oh” and continued, “I . . . lay down and thought . . . This happened for a reason.  I have been uncomfortable with this idea since I first thought of it.  This is not the way we should be together.”  Pulling back, he caressed her face and spoke very sincerely, “I do not want to feel you for the first time through a sheath; I want to experience all of my Lizzy.  And I want you to feel me moving inside of you, as it was meant to be.”  He kissed her deeply, then cradling her in his arms, whispered in her ear.  “But I realized that if I were to lie beside you tonight, I could not possibly hold back.  Not after all we have experienced today.  Perhaps tomorrow, when the emotion has ebbed, I will be able to resume what we have begun, but . . . tonight, dearest Elizabeth . . .”  He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it, “I say goodnight.  You dare not stay a moment longer.  I am at the very edge of control.”  He let go and caressed her hair.  “I love you.”