Imperative: Volume 2, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (84 page)

“I had to adjust to my new position amongst different people when I married Mr. Darcy so I can understand somewhat.  I suggest that we put this behind us now.”  She drew a breath and smiled weakly to the ladies around the table. “Well, that was certainly a wide-ranging discussion.  Have we left any stone unturned?”

“I would still like to know what happens the morning after the wedding night . . .” Cathy offered and instantly the tension in the room was dissolved when the women laughed.  “I did not mean it as a joke!” 

DARCY HEARD A SOUND and turning away from the window was surprised to find his cousin with a bag of sewing in hand, frozen in the doorway.  He nodded, “Good morning, Anne.” 

“Good morning, Fitzwilliam.”  Stiffly, she crossed the room and stood a little uncertainly by a chair.  Darcy read her face and approaching, wordlessly offered his supporting arm as she slowly descended ungracefully to take a seat.  Immediately he straightened and retreated.  “Thank you.” 

“You are welcome.  I have fallen many times and I assure you that the pain will fade long before your embarrassment.”  His lips lifted slightly and he returned to his post. 

Anne watched him.  Taking in his handsome, imposing form, her eyes strayed over his open coat to his thighs encased in well-cut breeches, down to his finely polished boots, and back up to his waist, where even the looseness of the fall could not hide the very definition of his masculinity.  She shifted in her chair and his eyes moved from the window to find her staring.  He looked down and feeling the heat rising in his cheeks, met her gaze. 

“Do you realize we have never been alone in a room before?”  She said quietly.

“I had not thought of it.  But it would have been improper, considering the suppositions by your mother.”

“And yours.” 

“I only know what I have been told.  I hope that you have recovered from any disappointment you may have felt with my . . .” He struggled.

“Absolute rejection.” 

Darcy inclined his head.  “I will not attempt to change your mind from an opinion you clearly will not relinquish.” 

She watched as his gaze returned to the view and after several pregnant moments of silence, she spoke.  “I see.  You cannot reject what you never considered?  Did you never imagine me as your wife?” 

Supremely uncomfortable, Darcy glanced at the doorway.  “Why are you asking me this now?  You are married.  You have achieved status that you never would with me.  You are titled and have the potential to rule not only Rosings, but this home as well.  You should be satisfied with your life.” 

The women’s conversation played in her mind and she said bitterly, “Yes, as a celibate who will never experience her purpose as a woman.” 

“Lady Gladney, this is not . . .”  He stopped and faced her.  “I made you no promises, others did that.  It was not my fault that you were led to believe I would ever offer for you.  I will not take that responsibility.  Why do you wish to burden me with guilt that I assure you, I do not feel?  I thought that you seem content with the viscount.  He is certainly showing every sign of caring for you.”

“He does, and I care for him.  But . . . he does not express it easily . . . But then, neither do I.”  She looked down at her hands.  “What is the point of expressing affection when nothing can come of it?  Even if he were physically able, the disease he believes he carries would stop him.  Why attempt to feel like a woman when the man I married cannot . . . fulfil . . . we cannot be . . .” She looked at Darcy again.  His face was now unreadable.  “He is trying very hard to overcome his desires for the opium.  I suppose that sometimes I think that it would be so much easier for us both if we could . . . be properly married.  At least then he would seek comfort from me rather than from a snuff box he no longer carries.” 

“I see.” 

“Obviously you are unmoved with my plight.”

“Your plight?  Do you expect me to relieve it?  Lady Gladney, you are aware that being properly married, as you say, carries risks that you probably cannot bear.   If that is what you covet when you look at me, I hope that you understand there is more to marriage than that particular connection.  Fleeting moments of pleasure are meaningless without love.  If you are not expressing affection to your husband with any means available to you both, then I can only feel pity for your refusal.  And if you look at me and imagine what might have been . . .” He shook his head and rubbed his thumb over the ring on his finger and spoke bluntly.  “It would not have been what you witness me expressing with Mrs. Darcy.  It would have been duty.  It would have been infrequent, and ultimately, I believe it would have been even more dissatisfying than you imagine you have now, because with me . . . I apologize for saying this, but I never would have felt any affection beyond that of responsibility.  I would have led a terribly unhappy and lonely life as a result, as would you.”  Anne received the statement with her chin held high.  “I hope that as harsh as my words are, they forever close whatever . . . fantasy you may have in your times of loneliness.”  He looked back out of the window and noticed Gladney strolling with his uncle.  “You say that you care for him.  Why would you betray him like this when you know he cares for you?” 

“Betray him?”  She gasped.  “I have done no such thing!”

“You are speaking to a man you once considered as almost your property about the most intimate acts that can occur between a husband and wife.  It is horrifying and incredibly embarrassing to me, and I only remain because you clearly need to express this frustration and for some unfathomable reason you chose me over a more appropriate choice, such as a woman.”  He was struck as he realized there were no married women in her life who could hear her out.  Not her mother, not Lady Matlock, and certainly not Elizabeth.  He heard footsteps coming down the hallway and he looked to the door and back at Anne. “
Do
you care for him?”

“Yes.  He accepts me for myself.  And I accept him.”

“Then why not attempt to express that to him?  If he is cold or pushes you away, do not give up.  Try again.  Even Richard has trouble expressing his affection for his wife in words. Those brothers were not raised that way anymore than you and I were.  I saw the viscount panicking when you fell, Lady Gladney.  The feeling is there; help him to bring it out.”

“I am embarrassed to have spoken.  I escaped from a difficult conversation with the ladies to find peace and instead found you.”  Anne’s face and throat were blotchy with an unbecoming blush.  “Why are you calling me Lady Gladney?  It has always been Anne before?”

“To emphasize that you are a married woman, a titled one, and above both me and Elizabeth.  I hope that you will become comfortable speaking to your husband in future, if any male should hear you, he is the one.”  The rustling sound of a gown made him look hopefully to the doorway.

“Oh Will, there you are!  I was so happy to receive your message, but I should have asked for directions with it.”  Elizabeth entered the room and reached for his outstretched hand.  “I have been here a week and I still become lost.  I was sure that this room was beside the third suit of armour on the right.”  Laughing, she finally noticed Anne as Darcy entwined his fingers with hers and clasped her hand tightly.  Her voice moderated, “How are you feeling, Anne?” 

“Tolerably well.”  She said tonelessly to her hands.

“Oh my, well hopefully that is an improvement.”  She glanced at Darcy and reading his troubled eyes, she looked back at Anne.  “I did not have the opportunity to tell you earlier, I was speaking with your husband this morning; he was asking my advice on teaching you how to jump properly.   I was surprised that he asked, but he told me that it was Richard who instructed Cathy.  Of course he is a natural teacher.” 

Darcy could feel his tension easing as her hand returned his clasp, and offered quietly, “Perhaps Albert should ask her?  She is clearly very accomplished.”

Elizabeth smiled at him, “You may not have noticed, dear, but the viscount is not precisely a favourite of his sister’s at the moment.” 

“She blames him for her spinsterhood.”  Anne said quietly.

Darcy rolled his eyes and Elizabeth sighed.  “If I had never married, I suppose that I could blame my father for not giving me an education or a dowry, Cathy has both.  She is her own worst enemy.” 

Darcy studied the puffiness around her eyes and drawing her to his side, slipped his arm protectively around her waist. “Why do you say that?” 

“Because she has this hard shell around her that no feeling man can penetrate.  So she has only these hard-bitten men who nobody wants anyway approaching her, and inside she is just as soft and vulnerable as Richard, and from what I have seen, the viscount.”  She watched as Darcy met Anne’s gaze.  “These Fitzwilliams and their protective conceit.” 

“Is that me?” 

“Absolutely, but add in the Darcy pride and reticence and you are truly a tough nut to crack.” 

He smiled at her.  “And you; love?  You are just as difficult.” 

“That is from feeling inferior, not superior like your family.  It took you to open me up.”  Elizabeth said shyly and closed her eyes when his lips brushed her temple. “Hush.” 

“I did not say a word.  But I have a few that I would like to say to your mother.” 

“That would require visiting her, or shall we invite her to Pemberley?” She smiled at the horrified look in his eyes and turned to Anne.  “At least your mother does not send your husband running for his horse.” 

“They have butted heads a number of times.”  She acknowledged.

“Really?  That retiring woman?”  Elizabeth laughed and looking up to Darcy, was glad to see that the frown in his brow had faded.  “Well, Mr. Darcy, what are our plans?” 

“Uncle Barton asks us to remain for an extended visit.  Albert, Anne and Aunt Catherine will remain longer than expected due to Anne’s injury.  Albert is concerned that the jarring motion of the carriage will only worsen her pain and he wishes to spare her unnecessary suffering.” 

“He said that?”  Anne’s eyes dropped to her lap.

“Yes.”  Darcy saw Elizabeth watching Anne closely.  “Samuel must return to work and of course Aunt Susan and Uncle Harding wish to return to Hope.  We have the harvest beginning any time now . . .” Elizabeth looked back to him.  “Would you like to remain?  Aunt Grace will undoubtedly want to talk fluently about the Season and your and Sophie’s presentations next year.”  He nearly snorted with her look.

“I think that Georgiana would like to depart.  She is receiving a great deal of attention now that the wedding is over and feels quite uncomfortable with it.  In fact, she was near panic to see me leave the room even though Aunt Susan was by her side.” 

“Is that so?”  The crease in Darcy’s brow returned as he read the meaningful expression in Elizabeth’s eyes.  “Aunt Grace and Aunt Catherine
can
be overwhelming.”  Elizabeth nodded.  “Very well then, I will speak to Uncle of our regrets.  And could you please tell Mrs. Kelly that we will guide them to Gladney in the morning?” 

“Poor Richard and Sophie; married one day and already entertaining.” 

“Only for a few hours.  I feel no pity at all.”  He studied her eyes and caressed her cheek.  “Are you well, dearest?”

“If you are.”  She smiled as his lips lifted.  “Go on, then.”  Darcy let go of her waist and kissing her, nodded at Anne before striding quickly from the room. 

“He looks like he is happy to escape.”  Elizabeth met Anne’s fixed gaze and flexed out her fingers.  “Now, what did you say to him that nearly resulted in my hand being crushed?” 

“It is not your concern.”

“It most certainly is!  You have made it abundantly clear upon every meeting we had that you felt Fitzwilliam was your birthright, and not once since our marriage have you looked at him impassively!  Even now, with your title and the viscount’s ring on your finger, you still look at him with . . . I do not even know.  If it was desire I saw I would have scratched your eyes out upon the first glance.  But there is something else in your gaze, and it makes him extremely uncomfortable.  And that, Lady Gladney, is extremely unacceptable to me.”

Anne said nothing.  She stared at her hands and then looked towards the window.  Frustrated, Elizabeth sat down.  “You left the dining room in a rush.  I know that the conversation about a woman’s duty to provide an heir is difficult for you, but you knew of this before you accepted Albert’s offer.  I believe that your upset is due to your mother’s attention and approval of me.”  Anne gaped and Elizabeth nodded.  “How can she possibly like me after I stole Fitzwilliam away, even though you did far better with your marriage to Albert?  I am still the guttersnipe who ruined your dreams?”

“Yes.”  Anne lifted her chin.  “It has . . . it does not matter that I married Albert in the end.  You . . . you came along and took . . .”

“What was never yours.”  Elizabeth reminded her.  “Nobody respected Fitzwilliam’s opinion in this, did they?   Why should his feelings not be considered?  Do you have any more right to be hurt by his rejection than he does to feel hurt by your presumption?”

“I had not reflected upon his feelings before.”  Anne admitted. 

“Feelings are not important in a business proposition, and that is exactly what that marriage would have been.”

“Yes, he told me.” She looked down at her hands. “I am glad of it.”

“Your mother is proud of your marriage.”

“Of course.”

“No, she is happy for you.  She is happy that you are still at home with her.  Did you not hear her speak to Mrs. Kelly, saying how fortunate she was that you married a man who would stay at Rosings with you?  She would miss you.  Of course saving the estate and seeing you in line to be a countess are bonuses, but this is
your
mother we are speaking of.”  Elizabeth smiled and Anne, utterly surprised, nearly laughed.  “Now I know that you were angry and hurt seeing her supporting me; and that you ran from the dining room without direction.  I know that Fitzwilliam was here waiting for me to arrive and was blindsided by you coming in, and . . . whatever you did.  The poor man was ill-prepared for the assault and I know that he was grateful for my arrival, but I also know that my dear husband would have tried to help you if it was possible.”