Imperfect Bastard (12 page)

“It means nothing,” he softly bit out. The tension from his encounter with Spencer hadn’t evaporated, still thrumming in his veins.

Unsure what to do, I tugged on the ends of the cushions as I tried to suppress a sinking gut feeling. And when his blue eyes finally landed on me, I felt the impact as though I had been thrown into an iced lake. Those eyes had the power to send me cascading to Hell and soaring to the heavens in the blink of an eye.

“I don’t want you spending time with him alone. He’s a loose cannon. Do we understand each other, Chloe?” he bit out, his temper reaching the tipping point.

Son of a mother fucking gun! No, we were far from understanding each other. I wasn’t going to bow down just because he demanded, even if I loved him more than words could ever express. Whom I kept company with was my decision alone. He should know better than to interfere.

“Well, that’s all according to you, but he’s been nothing but kind to me. Besides, Jackson hasn’t said a word, so why should I?”

“What are you trying to do here, Chloe? I mean, look at you with that dress and that pearl thing on your head …” His eyes burned as he roved his eyes about me, fuming with some swift hand gestures then shaking his head in disbelief. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you actually want to date him; is that it? Because if you do, I’d rather you tell me straight up.”

He was livid that I was going against his wishes. What he had with Spencer had nothing to do with me. Heck, I wasn’t even here when it all had happened, so he shouldn’t hold this against me.

“I’m not trying to do anything but stress the fact that I have a right to my own mind.” Why wouldn’t he just leave it be? He was acting as though he had caught me cheating on him or betraying him to some degree, which was really absurd because we weren’t anything. He had made sure of that.

“You haven’t answered the question.”

We both stilled as he stepped closer, reeling me in, radiating anger. His heat made me feel threatened and mesmerized at the same time.

“Do you want to date him or not?”

He was too close. It felt like he was intimidating me for some reason.

Torn between wanting him to kiss me and still hold my ground, I cast my eyes down, ashamed that he might see how much his closeness affected me.

“I barely know him,” I whispered. “But I’m not going to lie. I’ve thought of it. It’s kinda hard not to.”

The tip of his tongue curled around the bottom of his lip, pensive as he looked at me with a soul-crushing glare. “I find it funny how it was just the other night you told me you loved me, and look at you now, two nights later, getting cozy with another guy who just happens to like the woman I slept with.”

“Don’t you dare fucking use that against me! It’s just an odd coincidence. He doesn’t have a clue about what happened between us.” I hollered back with the same intensity as he had. I was drunk, and even though I meant every word, he didn’t have the right to casually reference it just to prove a point, as if I hadn’t given my heart to him on a platter.

“Oh, yes, I fucking dare, Chloe. Something must’ve gave it away cause assholes like him picks up on shit like that. I’d never hold it against the woman, only him since he intentionally sought her out. But you’re not just any other woman. It’s impossible to laugh it off or not care. You’re—” He caught himself, pausing before resuming his speech. “How can you even—I mean, it’s vile—you—why—FUCK. What the fuck!” he growled into my face before he took a step back and pulled the side of his hair, looking more lost than ever. “Why does it have to be now? Why does it have to be him? You’re attracted to
him?
”

I opened my mouth to respond, but he stopped me, apparently not done yet.

“Are you punishing me? Because this is really cruel of you. It’s bad enough that you’re thinking of dating, but
him?
It’s just fucked up. I can’t stomach the thought of him touching you. It fucking drives me insane. I can’t fucking think straight. You’ve got to stop this, or I’ll lose my mind.”

I caught my breath. Time became suspended as our eyes battled one another, one yielding power, the other unyielding.

“You can’t stomach the thought of him or … any other guy?”

“Yes. Maybe. Both.”

Did he have any clue what he had put me through all these years, trying to ignore all the women he had been with?

Regardless, that was the past, and this was present. I could only influence what I could control and not much else. There was a solution. The only one hindering it was him.

“Make me yours. Be with me. Then I wouldn’t have a reason to be with anyone else.”

He grimaced, confounded. “You know my reasons. I explained in great detail.”

“I know … I remember them all, but I’m sorry, it’s not enough.” Life was about taking chances, so here I was, doing just that. Yet again. “So either you claim me as yours, or you’ll be seeing more of me doing that very same thing with different guys. Take your pick.”

“Is that a threat?”

“No. An ultimatum.” Immobile, I licked my lips and delivered what I had in mind. “Either you have all of me or nothing at all. I can’t keep going like this. I’m going crazy.
You
make me feel crazy.”

Silence stretched. My chest felt as if my lungs were about to collapse while I nervously waited for his answer. I wanted him so much it was ruining me. He wasn’t impervious any longer. He felt strong emotions, so there had to be a chance, no matter how small it might be. If the time came when there wasn’t anything between us, then that would be when my heart forever left him.

He made a low, guttural sound before taking a step toward me, stopping an inch from my face, almost kissing me. He cupped my face, boring into me. “I’m not … I don’t think I can do it.”

Had I really expected any differently? He was as stubborn as a mule. The sliver of hope died before my very eyes.

“Neither can I, Drew. I’ve waited for years. You know I’ve loved you for so long. If you can’t even try to love me back, then let me go. You have to let me go.” I choked back a sob, loathing my impossible position. Unrequited love was the worst fate anyone could go through. It diminished everything in a person, shrinking you into feeling like you were this tiny, irrelevant person who had no value.

“Chloe, please,” he softly pleaded, sounding just as torn as I.

If he could remain unmoved and unchanged, however, then so could I. Two could very well play that game. My heart already lost the battle, so I had nothing left to lose.

“You told me so yourself that you wanted me to move on with someone else, someone worthy of me—whatever that means—so please give me space to figure that out for myself.” Though my eyes appeared misty, my voice unsteady, I had never felt this determined to achieve something.

It had been a shadow all my life, a love so blinding it had become a compass determining which direction I should take. Even after that fated night when I had given him myself and he then left without a word of good-bye, the guilt ate at me, though I knew remorse should be the last thing I should feel. Nevertheless, it was there, holding me prisoner to a love that wasn’t remotely close to being worthy of my perpetual devotion.

He threw his hands up in surrender. “Fuck! Okay, you win … but I need time.”

Masking my enthusiasm, I regarded him with a steady gaze. “How much time?” It was a small victory. There was still a lot of work ahead of me if I really wanted him to commit to me and me alone.

His eyes darkened, riddled with uncertainty and indecision. “I don’t know.”

If he was trying to lead me on just so he could get what he wanted, there would be hell to pay. I was at my wit’s end. M patience was as thin as a balding person’s hair.

Hardly containing my despair and fury, I took a sharp breath. “What do you mean
you don’t know
? Are you talking about weeks, a month or two, a year? What? I need a timeframe here, Drew!” My cool demeanor snapped. My hidden fear and resentment got the best of me.

“Fuck, Chlo, stop pressuring me. I honestly don’t know. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and have an answer for you.”

That was pretty vague.

“That’s not good enough.” If he kept hesitating, then why couldn’t he just let me move on? How could he be so selfish?

“All I know is … I care about you more than any other woman in my life. That’s all I know.” His words went straight into my heart, but the feeling vanished just as quickly when it dawned on me that he had never failed to stress how much he cared for me. Regardless, caring could be misconstrued for something else. One could care about a lot of things without investing time, effort, or affection. My parents, for instance, cared about me, but if I were to die tomorrow, they wouldn’t be as devastated as they would if it were to happen to my brother…So, yeah, caring could mean a whole lot of things.

Not willing to address his statement, I thought it would be wiser to question how this process would proceed. In other words, where his fuckboy ways began and ended.

“While you weigh this out, are you’re going to keep seeing other people?”

“Why? Is that what you want?”

Typical, answering a question with a question. My answer was both a yes and a no. A part of me wanted to see other people, too. Drew could wake up one day and realize he didn’t want me, after all.

“How about I propose that we see other people without involving sex.” The last part was to ensure he wouldn’t continue his nighttime festivities, because he was one active fucker, pun intended.

“You’re proposing this because you still want Spencer around.” It wasn’t a question.

“Quite possibly.” It was neither right nor wrong, but a truthful maybe.

“I don’t want him near you, Chloe. How many times do I have to keep telling you?” he whispered, his eyes glued to my lips, contemplating something. “What can I do to change your mind?”

He was implying sex. Damn him for playing dirty.

“Don’t use sex as a weapon to get what you want.”

He brushed his lips along my cheek until he reached my ear and said, “I can and I will to protect what’s mine.” His possessiveness made me want him all the more. “Do you still remember how it feels to have my cock inside you, Chloe?”

Cock.

He just said cock, and my pussy became sopping wet. Drew had never once spoken to me in such a way before. I couldn’t help being turned on by his crudeness.

“I remember the sting, but you took me gently. You were very cautious …” I recalled the time I had seen him with that model in his room and the blinding jealousy that had consumed me every time I thought of him with another woman. “But I know you don’t fuck like that. You fuck like you’re owning them, marking them as yours so they keep coming back.”

“You’re different,” he stated with guarded eyes. “You’re not like them. I don’t want to treat you like you’re one of them.”

“But sex is better with them. That’s why you can easily resist me: because you can get it better elsewhere.” Jealousy was a lousy bitch.

“It’s not like that at all—” His phone rang loudly, interrupting us. We waited for what seemed like an eternity until it went to voicemail, and just when he was about to resume his speech, it went off again.

“You really should get that.”

“Fuck.” He exasperatedly pulled out his phone, checking whom the caller was, and unknowingly, a fat wad of crisp Benjamins flew out of his pocket.

My eyes bulged out. It could have easily been about ten to fifteen grand right there—in his pocket. Who in their right mind carried that much money in their pocket? More to the point, where was he getting all this money from? I knew he had a small inheritance after his mom died, but with tuition costs and living expenses, I doubted there would be much left to be rolling in the deep like he was.

While he busied himself with a text to whomever it was, I slowly shifted my foot so I didn’t have to put pressure on the bad one while I bent to pluck the brand new money off the carpet. It was so new it still bore the scent of newly printed money. I should know since my grandmother used to gift me three hundred dollars each birthday with brand new bills. She was cute and quirky like that with a sense of humor to match.

“I’m sorry about that.” He sighed, looking up and seeing me holding the money in my hands.

“It fell out of your pocket.” Handing him back his cash, I watched as he placed it back in his jeans along with the phone. “You’re not doing anything illegal, are you?” My voice shook as I gazed worriedly at him.

He was perplexed and insulted. “You can’t be seriously asking me that?”

“I am, actually.” Serious as a heart attack.

“No, Chloe, I’m not doing anything illegal.” He blew out a breath, looking at me with a contorted expression. “Wow, I can’t believe you just said that.”

“I’m sorry, but it worries me, you know. After your mom and grandma died, I’m sure it’s been hard for you. I mean, if you need anything, Dad would be more than happy to help. You know he would.”

“Thank you, but I don’t need anyone’s charity,” he said in a clipped tone.

It was a touchy subject, and I felt awful for questioning him, but someone had to. He practically had no family left.