Impostor (16 page)

“What happened?” he asked. He looked at me as though he thought I’d done it on purpose. I wanted to rest my forehead against his chest but stopped myself.

“The mirror shattered.” I nodded toward the shards of glass on the floor and in the trash can. I didn’t even feel the pain, still felt strangely removed from my body.

Devon shook his head, his fingers gentle on my hands. “We need to disinfect this and bandage it up. I’ll go get the gauze. You stay here. I don’t want Mom to see. She’s been worrying enough about you lately.”

“Who’s been worrying enough lately?” Linda stood in the doorway. When her eyes fell to my cuts, the color drained from her face. She took my hands, her touch gentle.

The worry on Linda’s face was too much. I stared at my palm. The gash seemed to be much smaller than I remembered and had nearly stopped bleeding. Maybe my transformation back to Madison’s body had helped to heal the wound.

Linda tended to my hand without speaking, but I could feel the questions and worry roll off her in waves. Eventually she was finished. She hugged me, barely leaving room for my breathing. After a moment, I hugged her back with just as much force. It felt like some of the broken fragments inside me had mended, too.

Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to pretend that Linda was really my mom, that her love and worry were for me and not for the mask I’d put on. I dreaded the day this would all be over.

“You have to be more careful. Please, Maddy.”

I pulled away from her embrace. “Don’t worry. I will.”

CHAPTER 18

T
he morning after the mirror incident, Linda accompanied me to Sheriff Ruthledge’s office. Before we entered the building, she paused and wrapped her arms around me. “It’ll be okay. Just tell him what you remember. Even if you think it’s not important, it could be helpful for the police. Everything could help lead them to that . . . that person.” She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear with trembling fingers. “Maybe something you say will give them a lead and then all of this can finally be over.”

Sheriff Ruthledge was a short, stocky man with thinning red hair and pockmarks on his cheeks. He rose from his chair and shook my hand across his desk before he gestured at the vacant wooden chair. I sank down onto it.

Linda sat off to the side, out of sight where she couldn’t influence me, but her presence was calming.

“Thank you for coming today,” the sheriff began. “You don’t have to worry. I’ll ask only a few questions. If you don’t remember something, then tell me and don’t feel any pressure to add anything just to give a response.”

I nodded and relaxed against the chair. Sheriff Ruthledge’s deep, calm voice dispersed the rest of my nerves.

He went over my name, birthday, and place of residence before the real questioning started. “That day, March second, what did you want at the lake?”

I’d learned about police procedure in FEA classes, so I doubted he’d ask any questions that would surprise me. “I—I think I was there to meet someone.”

“You think? Or you remember?”

“I don’t remember, but I know I often met with friends at the lake.”

“With your friend Ana for example?”

I hesitated. “Yes.”

“But you don’t remember who you wanted to meet that day? Are you sure?” His eyes were sharp but not unfriendly.

I shook my head and looked at my lap. Major didn’t want the police to interfere with our investigation, so I had no choice but to lie.

“It’s okay. Dr. Fonseca told me that you’re suffering from amnesia.” Summers had spent the last few days diverting the police’s attention. She’d once demonstrated the full extent of her Variation, which left Holly and me so befuddled that we hadn’t been able to find our room, though we knew our way around every inch of headquarters. I was willing to bet my interrogation would have been very different without Summers’s intervention.

“Do you remember what happened when you were at the lake?”

“No. I’ve been trying so hard to remember, but it’s all gone.” I let my voice come out shaky and nervously wrung my hands.

The sheriff scribbled something on his notepad. “Did you have a fight with someone before you were attacked? Or was there someone you didn’t get along with?”

“I don’t think so. I know that I broke up with Ryan a while before the attack, and Ana told me that we had a rift within our group of friends because of a fight, but I can’t remember what caused it.”

He nodded, satisfied—Ana had probably said the same thing. He asked a few more questions about my relationships with Ana, some of the other students, Devon, and my parents, but I could feel that there wasn’t the usual urgency behind them. Summers had said that Major wanted the police to believe the killer was an out-of-towner. She’d already begun turning their suspicion in that direction. If nothing else, it was now overwhelmingly clear that the local police wouldn’t be getting in the way of the FEA.

• • •

Alec kept his eyes firmly on the windshield, fingers tapping an erratic rhythm on the steering wheel. “Listen, I don’t like this charade any more than you do, but Major’s right. It’ll be less suspicious this way. Ana thinks we’ve gone on dates before, so it makes complete sense that we’d show up together.” He really had no clue how much I’d have liked being his date if it was the truth, and not one more lie in our elaborate game of deceit.

We pulled up in front of Francesca’s house. The driveway and most of the curb were already crowded with cars, so we had to park a block away. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing considering the sullen looks on our faces, which didn’t scream happy new couple. The house was bigger than the surrounding homes, with a huge porch illuminated by small lanterns. As soon as we were within sight of the other guests, Alec took my hand in his. It felt warm as always, and my belly flapped with butterflies when he smiled at me.

Inside, the party was in full swing. A wave of smells flooded my nose as we entered: beer and smoke and something sweeter—pot? Apparently most guests weren’t adhering to the “smoke outside” rule, and Francesca wasn’t stopping them. To my surprise, she had invited us all to the party, though she’d still been giving me the evil eye every day in school.

In the corner of the living room, Francesca’s arms were wrapped around Devon and her head was flung back, laughing at something he was saying to a small crowd. I’d thought Devon couldn’t stand her, but apparently at parties all bets were off. Her skin was flushed and her eyes looked glassy, like she’d already had one drink too many.

The music was almost a physical thing. The bass vibrated in my body and made me want to grind and swing along with the other partygoers. The living room was huge, with several couches and armchairs and even some lawn chairs thrown into the mix. Most of the furniture was pushed up against the walls to make space for a dance floor.

Alec dragged me through the crowd of dancing bodies to where Ana sat on a couch with her date, Jason. I’d barely spoken to him before, but I knew he belonged to the same group of friends Devon always hung out with.

There was room for one more person on the couch. Alec let go of my hand and nodded toward the open spot.

“You can sit on his lap!” Ana suggested, the way she slurred the
S
making it clear that the beer in her hand wasn’t her first.

I looked at Alec and time began to stretch. Ana and Jason were staring up at us, not drunk enough to miss the strange tension in the air. Suddenly Alec grinned and in one fluid move scooped me up and settled me on his lap. Heat surged through my body at the feel of him so close. Our kiss from a few days ago flashed in my mind and all I wanted was to repeat it.

“When did this thing start? It looks like the party’s been going on for hours,” I said.

Ana took another gulp from her cup. “Nah, not so long ago. Most people were already drunk when they got here.” She stood, surprisingly not yet swaying. “Bathroom” she mouthed before she disappeared from my view.

Alec and Jason began talking about the upcoming football game while I tried to focus on observing the other guests. But it was incredibly difficult with Alec’s legs pressed against my butt, his chest warm against my back.

Ryan sat in one of the lawn chairs with Chloe, shoving his tongue down her throat. He pulled away and looked at me as if he could feel my eyes on him. My skin flushed after being caught staring and I quickly looked away.

A cup materialized in front of my face, startling me half to death. I rammed my elbow into Alec’s stomach. Of course, it hadn’t hurt him but I apologized anyway. I took the cup from Ana’s outstretched hand. A sniff revealed it as beer.

“Since your date is too busy to take care of you, I’ll do his job,” she said with a grin.

I raised the cup to my lips. Alec put his hand on my thigh, squeezing. It was a warning, but my body interpreted it in a very different way. Alec’s eyes locked on mine. I tipped the cup back and took a gulp, still holding his gaze. It wasn’t much, but the taste was enough to make me shudder.

Alec’s lips tightened. The angry glint in his eyes made me want him even more. Why was it that I was unable to resist him, no matter how often he pushed me away?

I took another swallow. Alec squeezed my thigh again and leaned in close, his lips against my ear. “That’s a bad idea.” His hot breath against my skin, his hand on my thigh, his chest pressed against my chest. His smell. His warmth. It was all too much.

I put the cup on the table beside the couch. My hands moved to Alec’s shoulders, my eyes dropped to his mouth, and I leaned in for a kiss. I could feel his breath on my lips, could feel my heart slamming against my rib cage, my stomach tightening in anticipation, until he turned his head away and my lips grazed his cheek.

It felt as though the air had been sucked from my body. I stumbled to my feet, knocking the cup of beer off the table. Alec’s eyes looked alarmed but there was something else in them, something much worse. Pity.

I entered the kitchen, where two boys were mixing vodka and juice in a huge plastic bowl. Their words and laughter warped in my head and eventually became lost in the rest of the buzz. I opened the fridge. It was filled to the brim with beer. I grabbed a bottle, opened it, and began to guzzle it down. After the first few gulps the taste became bearable, but the alcohol did nothing to correct the abyss that had opened up in my stomach.

Ana leaned against the counter beside me. She didn’t seem that drunk anymore. “Do you want to talk?”

“No. I want to forget,” I said.

“He’s stupid if he doesn’t want you. There are plenty of other guys who’d jump at the chance to make out with you.” She wrapped her arm around me and I leaned against her.

The stench of puke wafted through the open window. Someone must’ve thrown up in the garden.

Ana handed me a cup with the fruity mixed drink. “Here, take this. It’s good.”

Surprisingly it tasted better than the beer, if a bit too much like cough medicine. But after the first swallow, I stopped. Being angry with Alec was one thing but I couldn’t risk losing control. What if my Variation stopped working once I was drunk?

Ana waved her hand in front of my face. “Hello? Did you hear me?”

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“I said it looks like your brother’s getting lucky tonight.” She pointed at the stairs.

Devon and Francesca ascended the staircase, their arms wrapped around each other. One of Francesca’s hands rested in Devon’s back jeans pocket. It made me want to gag. They disappeared from my view, on their way to do God-only-knows what. At least the party hostess was having fun. The way my life was going, it’d never be my turn to get lucky.

I took another gulp of the fruity vodka mix. It left a trail of heat in my throat that spread all the way down to my stomach.

Ana glanced toward the living room, where Jason stood waiting for her in the doorway.

“It’s okay if you go to him, you know,” I said.

She looked conflicted but after an encouraging smile from me, she dashed off, leaving me alone with my drink.

Seizing the moment, Ryan strode into the kitchen and propped himself up on the counter. He sipped his beer, never taking his eyes off me. “So, are you and that Alec guy together, or what?”

“No. I mean, not really.”

Ryan leaned closer until our shoulders were touching. “I’m sorry about the other day,” he said. “But when I see you, I can’t think straight.”

“We broke up months ago.”

His face tightened. “I know. And I hated every minute of it. I can’t stand the thought of seeing you with another guy. I want you back, Maddy. I want a fresh start.”

“I don’t think that’s possible. We both need to move on.”

“But I can’t!” Frustration flashed in his eyes. “Don’t you get it? I don’t think I can ever feel the same way about anyone.” He grabbed my hand but Alec was on his way into the kitchen. Ryan glared at him before storming out of the room.

“What did he want?”

“The usual.”

“Is that vodka you’re drinking?” Alec crossed his arms with disapproval.

He took the cup out of my hand and sniffed. His lips twisted. “Vodka,” he said, as if he was addressing a small child.

“Stop patronizing me. I’m not a baby.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking.”

I stared pointedly at the cup in his other hand. He was giving
me
a lecture? “You’re not allowed to drink either, but you are.”

“No, I’m not. I dumped my beer and refilled it with apple juice because I want to stay lucid. I
pretend
to drink because I want to do my job of fitting in. You still realize that this is a job, right? Sometimes I think you forget that.”

Even though he didn’t say it outright, I knew he was also referring to the incident in the living room.

“You sound like Major.” I pushed past him. “I’m off to
pretend
to have fun. Sometimes
I
think you’ve forgotten what ‘fun’ means.”

I pushed past him and into the throng of people grinding against each other in various stages of drunkenness. I spotted Ana, her body entwined with Jason’s, their lips locked as they rocked back and forth to the music. Ryan wasn’t in the living room. He probably needed time to cool off.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and a scowl immediately blossomed on my face. It was Phil. Had Francesca actually invited him or was he a party crasher? He pushed his hands into his pockets and looked at his feet. “Hey. Do you want to dance?”

My eyes darted over the crowd, looking for Alec. What would he say if I danced with someone else? The bass was working its way through my body along with the vodka. A haze spread in my head. Phil took a step back, embarrassment crossing his face. “Never mind. Forget it. I shouldn’t have asked.” He turned to leave, but I gripped his arm, only to shy back as a strange sensation prickled in my fingertips. Our gazes locked and his eyes grew wide. We stood too close but I was unable to move.

“Leave her alone.” A tall shape appeared in front of me, causing Phil to stagger a few steps back. Alec. I took a step forward to stop him. Shock rendered on Phil’s face, but for a moment it looked like he considered fighting back. “Go,” I said. He hesitated, the flush spreading further on his cheeks before he stormed away.

“What the hell was that? Why were you looking at him like that?” Alec hissed.

“He asked me to dance.” I didn’t mention the strange sensation I’d felt when I’d touched Phil.

“Dance?” His mouth twisted. “He was looking at you like he wanted to devour you.”

Was Alec really jealous of
Phil
? “So what, Alec? Why do you even care? You’ve made it very clear that you don’t give a shit about me.”