In A Universe Without Stars 1: Skyeater (22 page)

Cole
looks at the tree as Julio climbs up it, Cole pants, he’s covered in sweat, but
he treks on, he didn’t come this far to stop now. Julio goes inside the cave.

“Come
on!” his yells echoes out. Cole climbs on and hikes up.

In
the cave, Cole walks alone. It’s a dark one way tunnel, a small stream leads
him up to an opening only a couple of hundred feet in front of him. The opening
is shining too bright to see where it leads.

“Julio!”
He clutches his ears as his yell vibrates down the small cave.

“Down
here!” He’s at the opening. Cole runs down the tunnel, footsteps splashing in
the water. The opening outlines Julio’s silhouette as he approaches.

“About
time,” Julio says as Cole came to a stop. The opening is only a few meters in
front of them. Julio just stares out the opening, but Cole can’t see what it
leads to because of the darkness of the cave.

“I
used to come to this forest all the time when I was younger, to escape my
problems, to escape my life, to leave this world behind me. I haven’t been here
in years.”

Julio
leads Cole to the opening.

“Because
I’ve found this,” he says as he walks into the opening.

Cole
shields his eyes as he walks through the light. His eyes finally adjust, he
looks around.

It’s
just a waterfall. He can see out over the treetops and see the mountains in the
distance.

The
waterfall drops into a small pool of water fifty feet down.

That’s
it.

What’s
so special about this?

“I
found a way to finally escape my problems. A way to go away to where nobody
would find me and never come back. A way to escape the pain once and for all. I
was going to kill myself.”

Cole
bores over the edge, he sees nothing special, nothing life changing about it.

“That
was until I closed my eyes, lingering over the edge of life and death, that I
finally found a reason.”

He
pauses as Cole looks over. Cole turns and looks at him.

“A
reason for what?” Cole asks.

“A
reason to live.”

Cole
sees no reason here, just a potential photo op for the national geographic
channel.

“It’s
a mind thing,” Julio says taping his head.

“What?”

“This
fall makes you think of the reasons worth living for. It’s different from when
you point a gun to your head, you have no chances for second thoughts, no
lingering emotions. With a snap of the trigger it’s over, it’s too instant,”
Julio says as he walks to the edge.

“With
this, you can see the three seconds it’s going to take for you to hit the
water, three seconds where you can figure out if this world is for you or not. Three
seconds is enough to change your mind.”

“So
after I jump I will change my mind? You must not know how much I really want to
do it.”

“No.
The fall will kill you.”

Cole
twitches back.

“Now
what I want you to do it go over to the ledge and close your eyes for a second,
and stand there on the fridge of death, which should be enough to get your mind
racing, if then you cannot find a reason, something in your life to live for,
hope for, then just let go of everything and drop. It will kill you.”

Cole
looks at the edge and creeps toward it. He stops and closes his eyes.

There
has been so many times when he almost pulled the trigger.

He
just stands there.

He
feels nothing.

This
is bullshit, Julio is a fucking liar. He feels no second thoughts, or sudden rush
of emotion. He feels…Nothing.

I’m
sorry.

He
spreads out his arms and falls off the edge head first.

Everything
slows down as he falls.
I’m sorry
. Words he’s never uttered to himself.

Why
is he only thinking of that statement?

I’m
sorry.
Why is it making him hesitate? He’s already taken the leap, so why is he sorry?

Sorry
for what?

He’s
sorry for letting down his mother.

It
all flashes before him, eyes still close as he slowly falls to his end. He
flashes to memories of himself walking down the street with his mother.

I’m
sorry for failing you.

He
flashes to a memory of himself hanging out with his squad mates at a bar. Julio
danced on the bar, the bartender yelled at him while Cole and the rest of his
mates cheered him on.

I’m
sorry for being so fucking useless.

I’m
sorry for letting you die.

Another
flash.

His
mother kneeling in front of him, he’s a kid again. They are in front of their
old janky house. Her hands lie on his beaten-up face, he was crying.

“I’m
sorry I’m worthless,” he said. He held shards of house ornaments in his hands.
“I tried to stop them.” He cried louder.

“
Shh
-, it’s okay, never feel sorry for trying your best.
Never apologize for yourself or anybody else,” she said. She kissed his head.
“Only hold yourself accountable for yourself.”

“But
I—“

“You
are not useless, Cole. You can do anything you want, if you fail once, try over
and over again, until you can do it. As long as you try, no matter how many
times you fail, everything will be alright. The only thing that matters is that
you tried.”

She
removed the shards out of his hands and gave him a big hug. His tears waned.

She
was wrong, it isn’t the only thing that matters, but if he fails he’ll try
again.

Another
flash.

Kid
Cole punched a punching bag in the basement. He punched it over and over again
until he finally looked down at his hands, they’re red and bloodied. He
clutched them and punched the bag again.

If
I fail, try again.

Another
flash.

This
time later in Cole’s life. He sparred in an air force barrack against a fellow
soldier. Soldiers surrounded the blue mat cheering him on. He sparred hard and
heavy until his opponent flipped him on his back and pinned him.

Try
again.

Cole
reversed it and pinned him until he tapped out. This was the first time he’s
won a major match. When he finally succeeded it was the best feeling he’s ever
felt.

Cole
can feel this journey coming to an end, Jahum has found what he needed.

Another
flash.

This
time Cole ran up a mountain trail on a hot summer day. He’s wearing grey shirt
and shorts, they’re drenched in sweat but he didn’t care.

He
came up to the edge of the trail and looked out. It’s the most alive he’s ever
felt. He wanted that feeling again. When he pushed himself, nobody could stop
him.

He
glanced back down the path, the way he came. Others ran up, other soldiers
training.

I’m
sorry mother, for not being strong enough to save you.

I’m
sorry I wasn’t pushing myself hard enough.

I
promise I will be strong enough next time.

He
breathed in and out. A PT commander ran up. “Get back in formation Lieutenant
Reyes,” he said. Cole looked off one more time off the trail as he ran back
into formation.

A
final flash.

Cole
opens his eyes as he hits the water. He sinks down to the bottom, he’s back at
the waterfall.

So
it didn’t kill him.

For
once he’s actually glad.

In
a splash he pops out of the water. Julio looks over the edge of the fall.

“I
thought you said it was going to kill me!” Cole yells.

“Well
aren’t you glad it didn’t?” he yells back.

It’s
only a few moments later. Both Cole and Julio sit on the edge of the pool, mud
and dirt cake their clothes. Cole stretches out his arms and looks at
the callouses
on his hand.

“Thanks.
Julio,” Cole says. Julio just nods. They sit there in silence, taking in the
surroundings.

“So
what’s your story?” Cole asks.

“It
really doesn’t matter, now does it?”

It’s
the end of the day, Cole sits alone in a booth in a dinner car. He still wears
the same dirty clothes he had on with Julio. A girl sits in the booth in front
of him.

Thora.

She
glances over at him and smiles. She gets up and sits in the seat in front of
him.

“I
love a man in uniform,” she says, extremely forward.

“I’m
not a soldier anymore.”

How
did she know that anyway?

“Well,
I love a man who used to be in uniform.”

Cole
doesn’t answer.

“Come
on, guy, talk to me! In the last four years, I’ve watched you come to the same
diner as I have and we’ve never talked or anything.”

It’s
odd Cole never noticed her, he must
have been in his own world.

“So?”

“So?
I thought that a good looking guy like you was gone for good when you
disappeared for a few months.”

“I
don’t even know your name.”

“It’s
Thora.” She puts out her hand. “What’s yours?”

“Cole.”
He awkwardly shakes her hand. She clutches it and doesn’t let go.

“You
look down.”

He
shrugs.

“Well,
Cole, today I’m feeling a little down too so…”

She
gets up and pulls him up.

“You’re
going to take me on a date.”

“What?”

“I’m
not taking no for an answer.”

She
pulls him toward the door.

“Wait!”

Cole
opens his eyes. He floats in darkness.

What
just happened? It feels like someone just fucked his mind. He tries to look at
his hands but all he sees is darkness.

What
in the hell did Jahum do to him?

Thousands
of small dots of light start to spark in the darkness.

Stars.

More
start to appear around him.

Billions
of stars, billions of solutions, billions of questions.

Cole
looks around, more and more stars appear, it’s too much to comprehend but
somehow Cole does.

One
of them is the answer, every single one of them is a possibility. Choose one.

Cole’s
gaze focuses on one star in particular. One star out of trillions.

“How
can I choose?”

How
can Jahum expect him to choose an ‘answer’ out of trillions? For some reason he
feels like he already knows the answer.

The
star he focuses on gets bigger, as if it’s floating toward him.

Your
choice is already predetermined in this universe.

The
star gets bigger and bigger, its light somehow not illuminating the darkness
around him.

An
imperfect universe is what created many as gods. With so many gods creating so
many laws. There is bound to be conflict.

Cole
can feel something from the star approaching him, it doesn’t get any bigger. It
comes within range and hovers as a small ball of light. It felt bigger farther
away. It’s no more than a foot in diameter.

I
plan to stop the violence and pain caused by these so called gods. Through you
and the other chosen. To stop the mistakes I’ve chosen in the past and the
answers I believed in. Titans, titans were beings who challenged the gods.

The
chosen are the titans, equals to the gods.

The
small ball flashes in front of Cole, a crack appears on its shell.

So
many people worship so many gods. How can anyone tell who is the true shepherd
to stop the universe from being engulfed by the blackness of the perfect?

The
light flashes again.

Why
were we born in this universe when there are an infinite amount of other perfect
universes where a version of ourselves could exist?

The
stars around them flicker out, disappearing one by one. Only leaving the small
ball of light in front of Cole.

The
answer is different for everybody. Based on what you are looking for, what answers
you want and what you believe in.

The
light flickers again, Cole stares deep into it, somehow not getting blinded by
the brightness. His body starts to materialize. A swirl of dust comes from the
light in front of him.