In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) (20 page)

James stood up and kissed her sweetly on the forehead, “I understand its ok.”

James stood in the room opposite his glances never wavered as he paced the floor. His stomach began to turn and as the time dragged on his anxiety increased.

   Checking his watch he realised forty minutes had passed and as he tried to relax his thoughts kept running over her first few sentences. He clenched his fists over and over again and he could see Jeanie slump back into her bed exhausted by the recall of her experience.

   He saw her eyes fill and dry over again as the minutes laboured. Unable to settle he arose again and placed his hands on the back of his head. His sickness grew with each moment underpinned by jealousy and concern that the conversation was taking longer than anticipated.

Jeanie had already told him everything they had sat up for hours talking and the images Jeanie had conjured played on James’s mind. Compounded by the guilt he also felt for the way he had behaved that night.

   Jeanie’s attack ran over and over again and there was nothing he could do, he felt powerless. Seeing John stand, James jumped to attention jealously growing as John’s kiss lingered. Standing in the corridor he waited for his deliberation.

   John clenched his hands tightly around the leather bound file and as he offered out his hand to James he pulled the doctor closer to him.

“I appreciate your patience James. I know everything.”

   John smiled and let go of the doctor’s hand. He looked like a man on a mission, focused and determined John disappeared down the corridor. 

   James stood looking at the door his heart leaping out of his chest and after checking his stethoscope for the seventeenth time he had to make an excuse to walk into the room.

  Jeanie lay on the bed looking half asleep and worn out and as he started to check her pulse he could feel his own heartbeat. Desperately needing to know what had been said, he couldn’t concentrate as she lay back

“Why are you worried?” As she smiled James sat on the side of the bed and kissed her, his guilty complex or his ruffled exterior had given his thoughts away cheaply.

“Why would you say that?” Jeanie shrugged her shoulder’s rolling her head over the pillow,” I know we argued before I left and I also know you didn’t mean it. I know you love me,” James held her hand, rubbing his fingers over hers. Fighting between the doctor and himself he needed her to understand.

“It wasn’t like I was such…the night all this happened and I feel partly responsible.” Jeanie placed her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat fast. “I don’t blame you why would I. I wanted my baby but I don’t blame you…..I don’t know why this has happened to any of us but I don’t blame you. I love you...” placing his hand over hers he knew things couldn’t be the same, this would change anyone.

   Jeanie saw the lump appear in his throat, “I’m sorry…I just thought for a while I was going to loose you and now I have to at least put you back together.”

   Jeanie looked at her scars, he had produced them but in doing so she was alive and feeling his heartbeat slow Jeanie closed her eyes.

“Maybe we both can heal each other.”

Chapter 18

Irene, Ivy, May, Rose, June, Iris, Daisy and Flora stood at the window anticipating their sisters return. Tensions where already running high in the house and with Irene trying to find her inner matriarch she put her foot down for the first time in a while.

“Stop pissing about, change the covers and for Christ sake put that kettle on.” Bellowing at the girls Irene’s emotions flipped over within her stomach however, she couldn’t let her daughters know how she felt. She needed to be strong even if it was only until Jeanie got home.

   James brought the car around the front of the cottage and opened the door. Irene sighed heavily at the sight of her daughter as Jeanie looked pale, fragile and her delicate condition upset her greatly.

May clung to Ivy, “I have missed her so much, I never thought….” May broke down in tears squeezing Ivy’s arm for comfort. Patting her lovingly Ivy couldn’t bring herself to respond just in case she was going to have the same reaction. 

   James softly spoke knowing his wife was lucky to be alive never mind going home, “NO your not carrying me in I can walk.” Jeanie still defiant couldn’t let him pick her up. There was no doubt she felt frail but she knew the sight of him carrying her would have worried her family more. Stepping out of the car, Jeanie stood tall with James by her side.

“Come here closer…” Jeanie kissed him on the cheek, “I never got to say it in hospital but Thank you and don’t worry I will be ok...”

   James winced an unconvincing smiled whilst biting his own lip. The front door was open before either of them got the chance to announce their arrival and Irene stood proud as her daughter and son in law where home and safe.

“My mum and dad have set off already so it’ll be later tonight before they get here,” Irene was grateful for the physical and moral support of another set of parents.

“May, Rose….tea she needs tea…” Irene was anxious, undoubtedly flustered and Jeanie as per usual just wanted to calm the situation.

“Mum…Mum.” Jeanie tried to get Irene to settle without much luck, “She needs a pillow as well. Flora upstairs get that big one from my bedroom…” Irene barked her orders as Jeanie smiled gingerly. Only being able to gain her attention by grabbing her hand she tried to reassure her again. “Mum I’m ok….I’, I’m home .James sit down please both of you….”

   James had been pacing the floor quietly behind the settee unable to settle or relax and as he sat beside her he took her hand and started to squeeze it tight.

“I’m. We are just concerned for you today has been a big step for all of us.” Jeanie held onto both of them as if it where the last moments together. “Both of you listen I owe you both so much and I’m sorry for putting you all through this. I’m where I want to be and that’s home... I need things to be as normal as possible…I can’t…”Jeanie started to well with tears she couldn’t express how much she wanted normality. She wanted to move on and more than anything wanted Signthorpe to be eradicated from her dreams and her memory.

“Sounds like things are back to normal in there anyway…” Jeanie chuckled at the noise of raised voices and slamming cups from the kitchen. Irene at least wanted calm and some serenity for the first hours of her daughter being home. Instead the bickering of her daughters seemed to enrage her more than usual.

   James looked straight forward as if he was a judge and jury combined and Jeanie longed to know what was on his mind. Moving slowly she leant into his arm, “Penny for them….” James wrapped his arm around her and began to settle a little.

“I’m sorry just I have to deal with…I’m struggling no one tells you how to cope when it’s your wife I don’t know how  ...”

“Do you love me James?” closing his eyes he swallowed deep.

“Jeanie you know I do. What kind of a question is that?” James placed his hand on her cheek trying to comprehend everything that had happened. “Then I’ll be ok….”

“It’s just a big jolt today and I want…..I want us to be a family and I’m just grateful that your home I love you.” Kissing her gently James pulled her close.

   Irene stood at the door with the pot of tea in her hand, tears had began to fall as the pair clung together desperately trying to make it work. Noticing Irene at the door James stood up, “Irene is everything ok...Can I be of assistance.” Placing the pot on the parlour table she wiped away her tears with her apron.

“No….No love I’m sure everything will be fine.”

   As the family gathered around Jeanie slept the comfort of her family and security of her surroundings had given her the best gift, sleep.

   Carrying her upstairs, James rested his head on hers, placing her gently down he removed his shirt he got in beside her as he placed his hands on her back he could feel her heartbeat.

   The scars of her ordeal ran deeper than the superficial ones on her body and James still playing doctor counted the rhythm of her heart.

   Unable to settle he kissed her shoulder and sat up on the end of the bed, walking towards the window he lit a cigarette.

“Do I make you feel that bad?” Jeanie wished she could take everything they had been through away and as he stubbed his cigarette out he sat and ran his fingers over the scar on her shoulder and chest.

“I wasn’t there for you. I wasn’t there when you needed me and…I.” placing her fingers on his tears she felt his pain, she felt how close he was to loosing her and his vulnerability touched her deeply

“I love you more than anything James Watson and without you…without you I wouldn’t be here. Your a good man and a great doctor and I can’t thank you enough I’m alive James and it’s all because of you.” taking hold of her hand he kissed it sweetly his tears pieced Jeanie’s translucent skin, moving forward she winced in pain. James started to examine her “James I’m ok stop just lie down with me Please.”

Together in the dark James kissed her hand again the guilt of that night still pierced his heart, he couldn’t get away from that night, and he couldn’t get away from what he said.

The whole night still haunted him.

Sharing the same pillow he stared into her dark eyes and as she stroked the hair around his ear she ran her fingers down the line of his jaw.

“It’s ok go to sleep….”

Chapter 19

Walking into John’s office James knew exactly what he wanted.

“Where are we at John, I need to know whether she’s going to get answer’s of how a homicidal maniac was aloud on the base.”

   James protective over Jeanie and pissed off with getting no where confronted him. The sentiment of spending the night at home had pricked his conscious and it wasn’t good enough anymore to be pacified that it was being looked into.

   John had took hold of the investigation James needed answers.

“Good Morning James, take a seat….. “

“Don’t patronise me John, I know things are a little different but you still can be a dick and you know it. Have you seen her John?

I have in a way I never want to have to again. I had to cut half way around her body to stop the bleeding and they want it washed away like a dirty secret.

Well on behalf of myself and my wife tell them to go fuck themselves.” John stood up and closed the big oak door. Smiling to his secretary he knew she had heard every word. Sitting back down at his desk he brought out his leather bound folder.

“I have sat and read this file over and over again, every sordid little detail every misogynistic comment. Now I need you to calm the fuck down and let me deal with this. Do you understand …?” James sat back in his chair, “I know you’re keeping something from me…from us. What don’t you want her to know John?”

  Pushing the leather bound folder over to James, John walked towards the window and as he looked out he wiped his hands across his face.

“This is Jeanie’s hair there’s pictures of her asleep….”

John turned around sickened again by the predator who had pursued her so fiercely.

“He took pictures of us together at the hotel. He also took clippings of her hair, the bed linen and the name tag out of your jacket. James this wasn’t just an incident it was planned, calculated merciless she didn’t stand a chance. I’m supposed to burn this evidence and the worst thing is I can’t share my grief. I lost as well…….I lost my baby.” John covered his mouth trying to swathe the break in his voice.

“You where going to cover this you where going to let them wash over this weren’t you,” John’s silence angered him more

“John Answer ME! Weren’t you!”

“I have no choice what do you want me to do James there’s a fucking war on don’t you think I have enough to contend without taking on the fucking government as well. I have no choice.” James took the leather bound folder.

“Give me something I can use John give me something which isn’t going to implicate you. I haven’t got a lot of time left and you know I leave soon give me something to make me at least sleep let me do this for all of us.”

John ruffled through the file and found the letter Signthorpe had wrote to Jeanie pulling it out his head dropped

“Listen to me no one knows about this letter not even Jeanie. If she…take it to a bloke called Fred Tetherington, he is a correspondent in London I met him when I got married. He’s an obnoxious twat but he loves stuff like this. I can give you some time James but it’s not going to be much,” John sat down in his chair and placed his head on clasped hands with emotions running high James nodded.

“I know….I don’t know what you’re going through he wasn’t my child I never even touched that beautiful bump. Jeanie’s my wife if you where in my position what would you be doing.”

“I’d be fighting tooth and nail to protect her. You know I love her James you know I would do anything for her. I’m caught on a wish….”

   James walked back across the room and shook John’s hand, and with that he left. The letter was much more than James had hoped for and all the harassment from the secret service officials gathering around Jeanie’s bed made the whole affair tainted.

   Jeanie had been forced to sign the official secrets act, gagging her from talking to anyone about her ordeal. Only those around her knew the truth but as far as the world was concerned she was some tramp who had sullied herself with another soldier and the baby had died.

   James arrived back at the cottage and made his way upstairs. She was sat in the windowsill looking out into the garden watching May, Rose and Jayne play together. Jeanie giggled at the antics her sister and niece got up.

She was trying to move on.

   Watching his family enjoy there time made him question his motives. He wanted his own revenge but he wasn’t thinking about what Jeanie needed. The truth needed to be exhumed but maybe not yet.

   The war had taken so much and he didn’t want the quest for justice misconstrued and she already had to live with a lie.

   There actions could be interpreted as selfish compared to the millions of soldiers loosing there lives each day and as a soldier he couldn’t allow his feelings for his wife cloud his judgement and his duty.

   All the time James focused on Jeanie, her smile and her loving glare towards her family. With there father gone they turned to her for guidance and being so loyal she accepted without reproach.

   James hid the letter in his pocket and made his way downstairs his fool hardiness of the morning made him feel as if he needed to apologise to John. He now and only now understood John’s position, but this wasn’t going to be the end.

   The realisation and the truth felt unbearable and the fact that Jeanie had been carrying him all this time made him come to his senses quickly. It was about time that he looked after her.  James sat at the bottom of the stairs lost in thought. On hearing the knock at the door it startled him back to reality.

   His dad grabbed hold of his hand and hugged him assiduously trying to make up for some of the time he hadn’t been there.

“Hello Son we just had to when we heard……Irene…..we came when we could…” his dad genuinely concerned couldn’t let go of his hand. Entering the cottage his mum flung her arms around him, “Where is she is she ok….oh James I’m so sorry.”

   James stepped back into the hallway as the reaction of his parents made the reality flood back, a line in the sand had to be drawn.

“Where’s Jeanie?” Robert stroked James arm as he whispered as not to disturb, “She’s upstairs dad, I will get her she would be thrilled to see you both. Why don’t you go through to the garden the rest are outside?” Smiling his mum and dad made there way through the kitchen. James could still hear Jeanie’s giggles and as he stood at the bedroom door he observed patiently.

“Can you only watch me from the door way?” Jeanie’s playful response made James smile, “I have a track record obviously…..”

“Your mum and dad have arrived guess my mum asked for the cavalry. You know when I first me you, you used to hang around at my office door. ”James walked towards the window and started to lean against the pain. “You know I was always cocky and self confident until I met you. Hanging around at your door was the only way I got you to notice me.” “So kissing me after a shower in the locker room wasn’t enough.”

As she stood Jeanie slowly walked to the door placing her hand on the frame she looked back, “Are you coming?”

   Picking up Jayne’s ball off the window seat James threw it up and caught it with one hand. Placing his hand over the top of hers he bent over he kissed her.

“I remember the first time you trapped me like this.”

“How can I forget? If it was up to me you would have never left.” Jeanie’s body betraying her reacted as he leant in closer pressing her body against the frame. As he stroked her hair her deep eyes told a thousands stories. “Jeanie you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t regret anything.” Jeanie looked perplexed.

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?” James kissed her again and held her tightly. “I mean other than the fact of you nearly dying. I don’t regret falling for you I’m who I want to be when I’m with you. I love you.” The safety of James’s arms felt comforting and it was reassuring to know that he had no regrets.

“I never wanted to leave that morning. I would have stayed underneath that duvet with you forever. I can’t…” James rested his thumb against her magnificently soft lips.

“Forever is what I’m offering.” Kissing her again he took her by the hand and led her down the stairs.

   Jeanie sat in the shade of the large oak tree at the bottom of the garden. Watching Jayne play she couldn’t help but think what her little boy would have been doing. Holding her stomach she longed for her baby and the pain and realisation that he was dead loomed over her.

  Jayne emphasised her loss. James watched her intently from the gaggle of people surrounding the cottage grounds. She had grown a little distant from her niece and as the family played he too wondered how his son would have been.

   Jeanie gracious as ever offered refreshments and compelled not to leave her on her own he followed.

“Let me help you.” James fussed over her and Jeanie knew it was his unrequited need to help and his way of loving her

“James is everything ok. I have this feeling you need to tell me something. I mean you know I’m getting better now I’m home.” Jeanie stood side by side and James couldn’t help but look at her every move. “James is there something you need to say,”

“I went to see John about what’s been happening. I know you said not to but I couldn’t help myself. I needed him to realise that I’m not going to let this go Jea……” Picking up the tray Jeanie paused before exiting the door. “Take these for me…..” seeing him disappear she realised his guilt of that night ran deeper than expected. Jeanie picked up her wedding photo and sitting at the kitchen table James saw Jeanie smile.

“You where the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, when you walked up to the alter I felt like the luckiest man on the planet.”

Jeanie ran her fingers over the picture. “Fred Tetherington he said speak to him?”

“How do you know?”

“He doesn’t exist. James….John…John knows that this will never be resolved not now and the war has to be priority and a scandal now will undermine everything and I’m a scandal…..I’m front page news,”

James tried to interrupt.

“Please just listen I think it’s the most admirable and honourable thing you have tried to do for me and I love you for trying to protect me. I also appreciate what your trying to do but please don’t. All I want to do now is live my life with you…” James stood at the table unable to understand how she knew.

“I see you every day coping with the pain I’m a man Jeanie I needed to feel like I could solve this. I obviously took it for granted that you wouldn’t know.”

“I’m smarter than you think. Plus it helps having lots of sisters with boyfriends on the base….” James smiled seeing how her resolve shone through.

“So you have a sophisticated set of spy’s watching my every move...” Still stroking his hand Jeanie mischievously couldn’t wait to respond.

“Depends whether you’re in the shower then I only have photo’s….”

   Her cheeky response made him blush and Jeanie couldn’t help but smile.

   The radio played softly in the background and as she stood he took her by the hand. “You know Mrs Watson I think we’ve only danced once and I can’t recall every finishing it.” Taking her hand he softly placed his hands on her back and as he pulled her close she rested her head on his chest. The soft swing of the music dipped and glided as they met together.

“What time do you leave?” James had rested his head on hers indulging himself in the brief moment of calm. “Doesn’t matter now…just being here now is all I need…”

   Jeanie sat in the chair brushing her hair and as she watched James disappear back to the base it seemed to pain her more than ever.

   Taking his bath robe she smothered it around her body surrounded by his smell and as it engulfed her senses flushed at the brief moments they had.

   Watching out of the window Robert sat beside her, “You know I remember Flori James’s mother looking out of the window like that to me.” Jeanie turned her head and smiled in kindness.

“You know my Son was a brilliant doctor before he met you but he was just too cold and forceful in his opinions. I thought it was a bad idea coming to work with you but the Surgeon insisted he had to.

You know James had already spent time in France that’s when he met the surgeon you know the one that told him he had no people skills.” Robert paused to dip his biscuit in his tea and Jeanie fixated by the conversation listened intently as this part of James life seemed to be a closely guarded secret.

   “He spent around nine months with you and at Silloth Bay military hospital still as a soldier you know he had to keep that part secret of course but you know that. He was with Catherine then oh been with her for years promised to marry her when the war was over.

Do you know he never visited once when he was working for you and your father? He talked about you insistently… we didn’t know it was you then but he was different. Flori didn’t understand him at all and Catherine. Catherine was so upset in fact furious I knew my son hadn’t been faithful with her….I always thought he would come to his senses sooner rather than later. Catherine had been on the seen so long we had made her part of the family, so when he said he’d met someone else we thought it was another whim. The thing is I noticed he’d grown compassion and he started to understand fear and loss something he had never had to experience before. You did that…he told your mother the day after your fathers funeral that he was going to Marry you…..what where the words he use. Oh yes…I’m the man I want to be when I’m with her….. Or something like that. I knew then Catherine didn’t have a chance.”