In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) (5 page)

“Listen to me now. I know you have asked and I also know you sometimes need direct answers so here it is. I am a thirty five year old man and I have had sex with twenty two women in my life and I have had three long term relationships all ending in disaster. I have been engaged once before and it fell through as I started working at Rutherford Metals. At that time I was an arrogant, insensitive pig with no real experience of what real life was not for the everyday man. My mentor told me a few home truths and he refused to work with me until I knew how to appreciate a fellow working man. He sent me to your father who indeed taught me a lot and then it all changed. You know why,” Jeanie shook here head intent on listening,

” I met an amazing person who was more real, who had time, patience, respect and love for everything she did. She’s intelligent, talented, ambitious and loyal and she has the biggest heart I have ever seen and she frightens me to death.

   I didn’t understand and couldn’t believe that this woman was covered in grease and oil everyday and loving it because of the gratitude and dedication she had for her family. From that point nothing was the same my patients where brother, aunts, cousins to me and they needed to be treated the same. My relationship failed as I changed because I realised I was marrying her because it was expected of me not because I wanted to or was that much in love with her.

   This person changed me even though she never asked for anything in return she was always willing to give more. I used to admire her confidence especially with her people. Throughout all these qualities she still has no idea of how beautiful she is.” James paused, unfolding his arms which had been pinched tight.

” The other thing you should know is on the evening your father died I went back to the factory. I saw you taking a shower and I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I’d never seen someone with so much devotion for her family and you still had the passion to keep everything going even if that meant you had to be their after your father died.

  You’re the most beautiful woman I had set eyes on and even in grief you kept strong for everyone else. I needed so much to speak to you I couldn’t get you out of my head or heart.

   I made love to that girl last night and I have never felt like this before. I cannot concentrate, I’m smiling uncontrollably. I never expected being this close to you so soon and I just want to love you. I would have given my career, my life and everything just to have you. I understood with the circumstances you insisted….you insisted I go and live if not for myself for you. I knew that and that’s why I’m here Jeanie, I’m here because I don’t feel like a whole person unless your with me, you are my dream and it didn’t take me long to realise it. Catherine….I’ve talked about Catherine to you and I realised after cheating on her for the second time that love shouldn’t feel empty. Until knowing you I don’t think I’d ever realised what it was or how to give it.

   I can remember my first day at the factory on my first day I remember you saying something along the lines of my people are not as educated as you but they have something I will never have. Until I learn that this is just a man and I am just a woman our lives will always be portrayed as futile and not important enough to save. We all bleed and feel Doc just on different pay grades. In here it makes no difference if you fuck up we don’t kill people. If you fuck up it’s because you’re an arsehole and not worth respecting.  Do you remember that?”

Biting her lip Jeanie nodded unable to reach eye contact James stepped closer.

“I remember those words like Shakespeare had written them because they were honest, decent and true. I did at first think who the hell are you to talk to me like that. Lying in my bed that night I couldn’t help but think about what you said. I love you for your honesty and I love you for your grace. It is time to believe that in all my life I have never wanted anyone the way I want you…...”

Jeanie looked at the floor unable to comprehend, she didn’t realise those days had meant so much and when they kissed the burden of her family had just taken over everything.

   James softly put his hands around the sides of her face, “I love you Jeanie Rutherford.” Jeanie closed her eye’s she had dreamed about a night in shining armour to take her away and make her life better however something still seemed to good to be true.

  He wasn’t running away in fact he was standing defending her honour and all she could do was doubt him.

” James I have listened but I don’t think I’m hearing it. Last night was wonderful…I’ve never had anyone touch me the way you did. I’ve been so lonely…I don’t mind admitting it I just don’t want to get this confused. I remember working with you James and you’re a crap engineer but we became close friends but I always thought...”

” What did you think. That you weren’t good enough for me?”

Jeanie nodded and took hold of his hand placing it on her chest,

” My heart is racing James this scares me. You’re a doctor I was an engineer’s daughter still am. I’m covered in grease, shit and god knows what else to make ends meat but you, your this figure this extremely handsome doctor with your black hair and deep blue eyes and you’re just that fantasy icon that girls like me dream about.

James last night doesn’t seem real this whole affair whatever you want to call it… Listen I learnt that you came back for me. Why me of all things? I am what I am James this, this to me all just seems too good to be true you seem too good to be true….”

” What do I have to do to prove I love you Jeanie. I sacrificed everything for you I don’t….I don’t want to loose you I can’t and I won’t.

I understand this is quick and rushed and possibly too much I just want you to love me like I love you. Also please stop putting me on a pedestal as I have done lots of things I regret especially to the people I’m supposed to love and I don’t want to do that anymore. Let me prove to you…..please at least give me a chance.” 

   Jeanie stepped down from the bed and sat James down on the chair trying to hear his words with sincerity.

“I’ve been in a toxic relationship and I’ve never been in love…but I’m imagining it should feel like this. Please just give me some time….”

   As Jeanie walked away James grabbed her hand pulling her onto him, kissing her he pulled at the loosely fastened shirt and as he kissed her collar bone Jeanie closed her eyes. She didn’t want him to stop, just as she didn’t want to leave him that morning. Kissing her fervently Jeanie held on tightly and as the kiss reached her mouth she rested her head on his.

” I love you I’m not going to stop saying it but I understand how quick everything has been. I don’t seem to be able to keep my hands off you either. I’m sorry if you felt pushed……I just want this more than anything and if you want me I’m yours…….everything.”

  Jeanie kissed him again as a tear fell James caught the salty taste,

” Don’t cry please don’t cry...”

” You scare me just be patient.” Escorting her to the door she paused,

” Promise me something James…”

” Anything” moving her hair away he smiled and looking into his eye’s Jeanie wanted to believe him.

  ” When we next make love let me be the first to tell you I love you.” James swallowed deeply holding her he felt scared to respond and as she slipped away he knew inside the more he pushed her to love him, the more she would run away. The last thing he wanted was her to leave

     The day seemed to have merged into one big event and as she wearily made her way back home that evening it felt like a long journey. Walking through the door for the first time in two days her senses were hit with the sounds and smells that seven women in one household can create.

    Jeanie paused at the living room door where her mother and aunt was sat listening to the radio. Jeanie breathed in her family as if she was breathing in the smells of a home cooked meal. Walking tiredly towards the kitchen she stood again at the door frame smiling to herself as the frivolities and silliness erupted in front of her. He was right her family had become her life. They were scattered around the kitchen like chess pieces, dancing around to the music playing from the radio in the living room.

“Jea Jea come here. What time do you call this?” Rose winced with excitement, “Iris has been in touch with Liz tell us everything.”

As Rose finished her sentence mum walked into the kitchen

“Busy Day you look dreadful and smell worse, Girls go and get the bath ready for your sister she looks as if she could drop.”

   A precession of “Yes mum” followed as they disappeared in a gaggle of noise and perfume.

  “Two days, what is it can’t stand being home?” Jeanie wearily took off her boots and placed them near the back door. She gazed onto the back garden which looked like a winter fairytale and the noise from her mum faded in and out buzzing around the inside of her mind. As the noise started to re-enter back into the conversation her mum jumped in first, “What can’t come home and can’t answer me either!”

“It’s been a whirlwind couple of days I’m tired, I’m hungry and I’ve got to go to work in six and a half hours, I’m sorry if my conversation isn’t sparkling enough for you but that’s how I feel.”

Wearily responding Jeanie didn’t want to cause her any offence and started to undress from her blood smeared oil filled clothes. Placing them in a bag she tried to turn off her mother’s scold by doing what she was told.

  Her head and her hand hurt and she longed for sleep and as she was ushered up the rickety stairway every board creaked and cracked as if to welcome her home.

  The girls had placed the bath in Ivy’s temporary bedroom and filled it to the top with hot water and soap. Iris stood behind the door unable to stand still anticipating the next juicy piece of gossip.

“Come on spill the beans, Lizzie is livid and I’m glad, come on Jea,” Jeanie stood in an old vest and pants shivering, “Can I at least get in the bath first before you start the Spanish inquisition.”

Iris helped Jeanie into the bath and as Jeanie lay in warm soapy water she waited for the bombardment of questions.

“Where did you meet?” Iris couldn’t help herself

“No how long?” June trying to settle the others own responded to the excitement, “Leave her alone she knackered, anyway sweet pea I’m happy if you’re happy.”

   Jeanie lay back and disappeared under the water and as she emerged Flora had her fingers in the bottom of the tub wanting to speak and not quite knowing how to go around it.

She played with the water like a child played with sand contemplating her thoughts she spoke, “Jeanie” her questioning tone aired her concern, “You don’t have to say anything about him I just want to know one thing……Do you love him?”

Jeanie looked at the girls inquisitive faces unrequited to Jeanie’s new found romance.

  She was usually the butt of her sister’s jokes, the old cat lady and spinster type. However on this occasion Jeanie’s life was more interesting and for a change their lives had taken a back seat.

Sitting up with her head on her knees she whispered to Flora.

“Go and get my coat from the door and look in the pocket.”

    Flora closed the door like a mouse prising a small piece of cheese from a trap as not to disturb the cat which sat downstairs.

  Jeanie’s heavy oil soaked coat both disgusted and intrigued her at the same time as she rummaged around in the many layers of pockets.

” Jeanie this is disgusting, hold on.” As she raised the jacket the St Christopher appeared first and then the blue sapphire ring.

“He proposed last night and I accepted.” 

A small yelp of happiness from the girls brought mum upstairs,

“What’s going on?” the girls froze to the commander in chief as she stood at the foot of the bath.

“Nothing  ...mum umm just a little fun that’s all.” the sound of her swearing profoundly under her breath could be heard as the door closed abruptly.

“That was close” Iris murmured.

“Jeanie just be careful. I would hate anything horrid to happen to you?” Jeanie lay back in the water contemplating her sisters concerns. She had her own concerns and the fact that James wanted to rush into a relationship and even marriage pricked Jeanie’s conscious more.

” I will be …. I think after what he said today he really does mean it and that’s good enough for me. Right you lot bugger off I need to sleep!” Getting out of the bath she changed into her long johns and as she sat in front of the fire she tussled with her long auburn hair. The day replayed over and over again as if she was sat in a cinema the thoughts of her and James together felt exciting but Jeanie’s scepticism couldn’t be satisfied. Lying in bed unable to sleep all she could feel was James but the words of Iris echoed around inside.

  Jeanie was new too love, to sex, to life and she had sheltered herself away from any feelings after her dad died expecting her life to solely revolve around her mum and aunt. Never experiencing a feeling like this before scared her and she didn’t know what it was or how it was supposed to feel.

Jeanie had an instinct specifically around people that never failed and being with James made her feel free, happy, loved. Questions circulated her mind and whether or not she falling for him or whether it was lust didn’t seem to matter. The general satisfaction that someone loved her back felt amazing.