In My Arms (7 page)

How did I turn such an amazing day into this? 
I’m such an ass!

Chapter 8

Ava

How do I let this happen?  Why do I allow men to screw with me?  First Kyle, and now Trevor?  Granted, Trevor was not mean to me outright, but somehow what had just happened felt worse than anything Kyle ever said to me.

At least with Kyle I expected it.  I knew he was a jerk.  Trevor had a way of looking at me like I was the only one in the room.  He made me feel special.  For weeks he’d been openly flirting with me, but the one time I take him up on it he turns me down. 

I’m such an ass!

I filled my large tub with water, poured some lavender and chamomile oils in and sunk down, closing my eyes and trying to forget tonight. If only the damn phone would stop ringing!

After about the fiftieth ring and text alert, I said to hell with it and got out.  I turned the damn thing off without even looking at it and went to my room.  It was almost midnight and I had work in the morning. 
Oh!  How was I going to face Trevor in the morning?

I pulled the covers back and climbed in, not even bothering to put on any pajamas.  The tears started again and I fell into a restless sleep thinking about how messed up my life was becoming.

The walls I let down had shot right back up—higher than ever.

***

“What the hell happened last night?”  Talia was in rare form this morning.

“What do you mean?”  I tried to fake innocence.  I really didn’t want to talk about it.  It was still too raw and I was still feeling so stupid.

“Don’t pull that shit with me girly!  Tom told me you guys left, and when he was driving me home, Trevor called him going absolute ape shit crazy. Spill it!”  I held the phone away from my ear and could still hear her.

“Talia, I’m an idiot.  I all but forced myself on him and he turned me down. That’s the last time I use a little liquid courage.  I made myself look so stupid.  It’s okay.  I’m not sure I am really that interested anyway.”  
Yeah, she wasn’t going to buy that.

“Bullshit! A sober heart conceals, what a drunken mouth reveals, or in your case, a drunken body and lips.  Don’t even try to deny it missy, and if you must know, I’m pretty sure he was kicking the shit out of himself too.  He seemed really upset Ava.” 

I sighed.  “I can’t do this right now.  Meet me for drinks after work.  Are you on call tonight?”

“No, I am not on call and this is not over.  I will meet you at the bar down the street from your apartment.  You know….the one with the cute bartender?  Yummy!”  She laughed.

“Fine, I’ll be the one there missing their self respect.”  I hung up the phone.

My friend is the kind of person that would flirt with the firemen while my house was burning down, but I loved her anyway.

Someone was looking out for me for sure.  As soon as I walked into work, Chelsea gave me a folder of information and told me that I needed to head straight over to the Daniel’s headquarters for an impromptu meeting to get some specifics on the account that they wanted us to have.  I wouldn’t need Trevor as no decisions were being made, so he would stay here and work.

“Thanks Chelsea!”  I turned and hopped on the elevator, locking eyes with a very unhappy Trevor as the doors closed.

***

By the time I got to the bar, Talia was in full flirt mode, leaning up against the bar. 

“Why, that's such a lovely shade of
whore
you have going on.”  I whispered in her ear.

She turned and smirked at me.  “Thanks! It compliments your
bitch
quite nicely.”  She grabbed our drinks and led me over to a far table, ready to go Dr. Phil on my ass.

“So spill it.  What happened when you saw him today?”  She took a sip of her drink.

“Nothing.”  I stated proudly.

“Nothing? You mean you ignored him all day?”  She looked shocked, knowing that was so
not
my style.

“Not exactly.  I had to work outside of the office today, so unless you count a five second staring match as the elevator doors closed, I didn’t have any contact with him.”  I shrugged.

“You are such a chicken shit.”  She shook her head in mock disgust, or it could’ve been actual disgust come to think of it.

“I know.”  I couldn’t argue that.  “I don’t know what to say Talia.   It’s been so long since I was on the dating scene.  Hell, I actually never really was, no thanks to Kyle.  I should send him a bill for all my time he wasted.”  I giggled at the thought.  “I have no idea what I’m doing.  You should have seen me last night.  I was all over him and he still turned me down.”

“Ava?”  Talia put her hand over mine. “I think you’re wrong.  I think he really likes you.  You should have heard him last night.  He would not have sounded like that if he didn’t care.”

“Thanks Talia.”  I smiled.  I had no idea what I was going to do, but it felt good to have such a great friend.  Sometimes a girl just needs her best friend…..and a strong drink.

***

I got to work early so that I would be in the office first.  It was silly, but I felt like I could handle it better if I was already seated when Trevor came in.

I was busy organizing my notes that I took yesterday so that I could go over them with Trevor when he set my coffee down next to me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before looking up at him.  My heart was beating like I’d run a marathon.  “Hi.”  My voice sounded soft and I chastised myself for sounding so wounded.

“Ava, I’m sorry.”  He looked horrible and I felt bad for being so mean to him.  It wasn’t his fault that I’d thrown myself at him—that he had to stop me.

“Listen Trevor, I should never have pushed things as far as I did.  I'm really sorry.  It won't happen again.”  I couldn't gauge his mood or what the look he was giving me meant, so I just went back to work.

“I had a meeting yesterday with the Daniel's group.  I have some notes to go over with you whenever you're ready to get started.”  I heard him sigh, but I didn't look back up.  I didn't want his pity.  This was my issue, and I wasn't going to allow it to affect my work for one more day.  It wasn't his fault I misread the signs, right?

We jumped right into our work without discussing anything else.  We worked right through lunch before we even realized, and finally sitting back and taking a break, I couldn't believe how hungry I was.

Trevor was still looking over some information.  His eyebrows were pulled tight together and he was biting on his bottom lip.  I still couldn't help but appreciate him.  He was gorgeous.  His jaw was slightly squared and he had a bit of stubble casting a shadow on his face.  His hair was messy from his hands running through them, but my favorite part of his face was still his eyes.  They were the most interesting shade of green with beautiful golden flecks in them.  They were surrounded by long black eyelashes.

Almost as if he could hear my thoughts, he raised his eyes and looked right at me. I gasped from being caught staring, but he didn't say anything; he just gave me one of those half smiles of his and closed his folders, stretching. 

“What do you think about us calling it a day Ava?” It was almost four o'clock anyway.  We had accomplished quite a bit, and I needed to get something to eat.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”  I stood up and packed up, not looking back up at Trevor, but I could hear him doing the same.

We walked out together and caught the elevator down.  I wished the tension wasn't there.  Trevor had become someone I'd really enjoyed spending time with, and it pissed me off knowing I was the cause of the tension.  Hell, I was the one who told him I wanted to be friends in the first place, so how could I be upset just because I'd changed my mind, and he no longer felt the same?

I stepped out into the lobby and turned to say goodbye to Trevor, but I felt his hand on my arm. “Let's go eat Ava.”

Part of me wanted to say "no thanks" but he looked hopeful, and I couldn't deny that I wanted to go with him anyway.  I just nodded as he led me out onto the street.  The sun was sitting low in the sky and the sidewalk was bustling with people.  Trevor held tight to my arm and kept me close so that we could maneuver through the crowd.  I’m not going to lie, the feel of his hand on my arm still sent chills through me.

“Are you cold?”  He raised his eyes at me.  I shook my head and gave him a reassuring smile.

 We walked the few blocks to an Italian restaurant.  It was packed already, but we were able to get a table in the back.

We chatted a bit more about work and some of the new accounts we might be working on, and then Trevor proceeded to tell me about Nick's most recent hook-ups that just so happened to be complete disasters.  He didn't seem to pick his women very well.

We joked about how he and Talia seemed to always be at each other.  It all came down to the fact that they were so very much alike—strong-willed and stubborn as all get out.  

“What does Tom do?”  I can't believe this had never come up.   I knew that Nick was in accounting, but over the past couple of weeks, I hadn’t had the chance to talk to Tom as much.  He was much quieter than his two friends, that’s for sure.

“He is a teacher.”  He smiled.  I could totally see that.

“What kind of teacher?”  I asked as I dipped a piece of crusty bread in the olive oil and herbs, careful not to drip on myself.

Trevor finished chewing his bite, “He teaches ninth grade health and he coaches junior varsity soccer.”

I nodded.  I bet he was a good teacher.  He seemed to be very patient.  “I’m sure he does well with that age group.”  I smiled as Trevor looked at me curiously.

 “Why do you think that” He asked.

I smiled. “Well, he seems to handle you and Nick well enough.”  I suppressed a giggle when Trevor’s mouth dropped open slightly.

“Are you suggesting that we act like fifteen year olds?”  His eyebrows were raised and I could see the barely there smile as he waited for me to answer.

I just giggled.  He nudged my hand with his. “Awe come on Ava, It takes skill to be this epic.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me, but didn’t move his arm away from mine.  In fact, he seemed to move his arm even closer and run his pinky finger softly against mine.  My heart started beating faster as I searched his eyes, trying to figure out what he was doing.  I was so damn confused.

He continued to look at me.  I felt like he was seeing everything in me—all my thoughts—everything.  “Trevor?” I couldn’t do this again.  I was so tired of getting hurt.

“Listen Ava…” Just then our meals showed up and the moment was gone.  We both moved our arms away and focused on our plates. As much as I wanted to figure out what was happening between us, I was ravenous with hunger.  I took a bite of my pasta, closed my eyes and groaned.  It was so good!  When I opened my eyes, Trevor was staring at me.

“What?  I’m hungry.”  I smiled.  “I didn’t get my coffee or my muffin this morning.”  I winked at him.

“I’m sorry Ava.  I knew you were mad at me and I didn’t want to push you.”  He looked sad.

“Hey,” I reached out and grabbed his hand, “It was my fault.  I misread the situation.  You have nothing to be sorry about.” I pulled my hand back and took another bite.

“You didn’t misread anything Ava.” My eyes shot up.
What kind of game was he playing?

“What are you talking about Trevor?” I whispered.

“Christ Ava!  You were killing me that night!  I wanted you so bad, you have no idea.”  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“What do you mean Trevor? 
You
told me no. 
You
turned me down.” I pushed my plate away from me.  I wasn’t hungry anymore. 

“Will you come over?  I’m not done talking about this.
Please
.”  Against my better judgment, I agreed.

Trevor insisted on picking up the tab and we walked back to the office to get the cars.

“Leave your car here.  I’ll bring you to work tomorrow.”  He grabbed my hand, pulling me to his car.

“I can drive to your house.”  I protested.

“Don’t argue with me Ava.  I don’t want to give you the chance to change your mind.”  He opened the passenger door and waited for me to climb in before closing it and walking around to the driver’s side.  He climbed in and fastened his seatbelt before glancing at me again, then shaking his head as he started the car and pulled out of the parking garage.

We drove the short distance in silence.  I wasn’t sure what to say.  He was sending such mixed signals, and I felt like an emotional basket case.  I had fought my feelings for him the past weeks, swearing I just needed him as a friend.  I allowed myself to let my guard down a bit, and ended up making a complete fool of myself.  I needed to be careful.

We parked in front of Trevor’s building.  I reached for the door handle, but he was already there opening it.  Before I could say anything, he took my hand and laced his fingers through mine.  We walked into the building, still not talking.  My heart was beating so fast that I was sure he would be able to hear it.

The ride to his floor and walk in the hallway seemed to take forever.  I can’t remember feeling this nervous.  Trevor only let go of my hand to unlock the door and then reached down and took it in his again.  He set his keys down on the small table inside his door and walked us over to the sofa.  I sat down, waiting for whatever it was that he wanted to say.

“Do you want a drink?”  He walked over to the kitchen.

“Water please.”  I didn’t want any alcohol right now.  My stomach was turning from nerves, and the last time I’d had drinks with him I made an ass of myself.  I needed to have my wits about me this time.

Trevor brought me a bottle of water and handed it to me before sitting down next to me.  He leaned his forearms on his knees and looked down for a minute.  I just waited.

“I need to tell you some things, and I would appreciate it if you would keep your mouth shut until I’m finished.”  He looked up at me.  I was about to protest when he took my hands in his. “Please Ava, for once just listen, okay?”  I nodded.