In Safe Arms (27 page)

He didn’t say anything for a while, and she knew it was because he couldn’t.

Eventually he spoke, the words bitten off, harsh. ‘Please — Josie. Don’t quit on us.’

She reached out and put her hand on the doorknob. ‘Goodbye, Nate. Just let me go. Let me walk away — now.’

‘I love you.’

She turned away, and when she opened the door and stepped into the foyer, Allegra was waiting by the lift.

5:50 p.m. Friday — Three weeks later

Josie let herself into her Pyrmont apartment and sighed with relief.

It felt so good to be home.

She dumped her handbag on the lounge, picked up the dead plant from where it sat on the coffee table and carried it through to the kitchen. Unlike her, the poor thing hadn’t survived the last four weeks.

Three days ago, her mother had gone to stay with a friend, and she’d moved back into her apartment. Luke had withdrawn the security guards from around Rainbows End, and she’d finally gone back to work at Grace and Poole. Some of the staff were awkward, didn’t really know what to say to her, but most were fine and treated her as they always had. Of course, she’d had to put up with Allegra saying ‘I told you so’ every hour, but she didn’t mind, and they were so busy she hadn’t had time to think about much else anyway.

Working helped, and her life was inching its way towards a new kind of normality.

The drug network still figured in the news, but as fresher stories began to take precedence, the spotlight turned away from the New South Wales police. Still, Josie sat down each night and watched every broadcast, just to catch a glimpse of Nate.

He hadn’t called her again, and she hadn’t expected him to. Like the gentleman he was, he understood her position, respected her feelings.

It only made her miss him all the more.

She boiled the kettle and made some instant pasta, stirring it into a mug and carrying it back into the living room to watch the news. The turbulent emotions of the last few weeks had diminished her appetite, and the only thing she could bring herself to eat was creamy pasta.

She was about halfway through her dinner when the news anchor introduced the nightly update on the recent drug arrests.

A photo of Nate came on the screen. Josie froze, fork halfway to her mouth.

‘It’s been revealed today that New South Wales police were watching Detective Ignatius Hunter for two months in the lead up to him uncovering the drug ring. Aaron Michaels is at police headquarters in the city and has been following this breaking story. Aaron, these are extraordinary claims that police were concerned enough about Detective Hunter’s activities, to have his controller, or handler if you like, determine whether or not he should be pulled from the operation?’

Josie lunged for the remote, increasing the volume, heart beating wildly as Dickson’s face replaced Nate’s on screen.

‘Yes, Michelle. Police were concerned because of the sheer length of time Detective Hunter had spent undercover. Two years is a long time away from your family, your loved ones, away from normal life so to speak. It takes a special kind of person to do this job, and they can be at risk of becoming so entrenched in their other life, it becomes normal to them. They make friendships, they enter into relationships, and they can start to care about the people they ultimately have to betray.’

Josie thought of Mitch Kennett. There was no way Nate had come to care about the chapter leader of the Altar Boys. He loathed him.

She tuned back in to the news anchor’s next question.

‘But there were also concerns that Detective Hunter might have been “turned”. Can you explain exactly what that means?’

‘There’s always concern that if the operative’s identity is discovered, he may get offered inducements. In Detective Hunter’s case, this would be by the Altar Boys. Corrupt police have in the past been paid for turning the other cheek when crimes are committed, bringing pressure to bear to make cases go away. They’ve even been paid to make files go missing.’

Josie sat frozen on the lounge as the news anchor spoke again.

‘But it was determined that this actually wasn’t the case with Detective Hunter?’

Josie breathed a huge sigh of relief.

‘Yes, that’s right. I spoke today to Detective Dickson Cross, the controller in this situation. Here’s what he had to say.’

Dickson appeared on the screen. It was the first time Josie had seen him since that horrible afternoon in the hotel. He looked exactly the same, and the bump on his head had healed.

‘I was already working as Detective Hunter’s controller,’
he was saying in response to a question that had been cut out in the editing process. ‘
That’s why I was given instructions to meet with him and determine the state of his health. I was able to do this when he removed Ms. Valenti from harm’s way. Look, this is not unusual. We’re always concerned about our operatives in the field. What I can categorically say is, from my observations of Detective Hunter, there was no indication he needed to be pulled out. Sure, he was deep undercover, but he was patient and strategic in what was an extremely dangerous situation. He exercised restraint until the very end. I have the highest regard for the skills he displayed.’

‘Oh.’ Josie clapped a hand over her mouth. Nate had been right being wary of Dickson. He
had
turned up with another agenda. Not an evil one as it turned out, but Nate’s intuition had warned him not to entirely trust him.

And if she were honest, she’d had her reservations too.

I always believed you. I never doubted you
.

But he’d doubted Dickson, and she understood now why he’d pressed her that day. They hadn’t been alone. He’d been trying to tell her with his eyes, but she’d been too distraught about her father to pick up on it. And he’d tried to tell her after she’d fainted, only the doctor made him leave.

Oh God. She had to call him.

She ran to get her mobile phone, then stopped. No, she needed to see him. A phone call wouldn’t do.

Excitement raced through Josie’s veins. She’d survived the last three weeks, surely the worst was over now and things would improve from here. Maybe they could make it work after all. Luke and Allegra had done it, despite some incredible obstacles. Why couldn’t she and Nate do the same?

Yes, tomorrow she’d drive up to the mountains and see him. She’d have to rent a car, because hers was written off, but hell she’d ride a bicycle if she had to.

Nate loved her, and she hadn’t told him she loved him back.

It was about time she did.

9:30 a.m. Saturday

When Josie knocked on the front door of Nate’s house the next morning, it was Dario Byrne who answered the door.

‘Josie! How lovely to see you again.’ He smiled, eyes dipping to the flowers and wine in her hands. ‘I’m guessing those are not for me and you’re looking for Nate.’

A mixture of excitement and anxiety churning her stomach, she looked past him into the white tiled foyer, hoping Nate would suddenly appear. ‘Is he here?’

Dario’s eyes turned apologetic and it was only then she noticed the can of furniture polish in his hand. ‘You’re a day late. He left for the States yesterday.’

All the breath left Josie’s body.

She’d missed him! And it was her own stupid fault. She’d pleaded with him to let her go, and he’d abided by her wishes.

‘Oh.’ Somehow she managed to speak over the mind numbing disappointment. He would have gone back to America to visit Jonathan. And that meant seeing Jonathan’s mother.

‘I…I see.’

‘They made him take some of his leave. He’ll be back in a couple of weeks.’

She nodded, throat aching, unable to think of a single thing to say.

For a moment, Dario Byrne looked lost for words. ‘My wife and I are about to take off around Australia for three months in the Winnebago. I thought I’d give the place a once over so it’ll be nice when he gets back. Got to keep topping up the beer fund money you know.’

Poor guy, he was trying to make her smile. And here she was, standing on the porch clutching her gifts, and probably looking like she was about to burst into tears.

‘Doing the grey nomad thing huh?’ she asked, brain finally beginning to function.

‘Yes, we’ve been planning it for years. Look, Josie, do you want to bring those inside? I mean, you may as well take the flowers home, but you can leave the wine for him if you like.’

‘Um.’ She raised the wine bottle a little. ‘Do you mind if I put this in the cellar?’

‘That’s a better idea.’ Dario smiled again, clearly relieved the awkward conversation was coming to an end. ‘Go right ahead.’

Josie turned and walked down the steps, berating herself for thinking she would just turn up and find Nate sitting around waiting for her. After all, he had his real life back now, a life she wasn’t part of. There would be family to catch up with, and friends to see, she understood all that.

But did he have to go so bloody far away so soon?

‘Enjoy your trip,’ she called over her shoulder, all at once eager to get away.

‘Thanks. See you, Josie.’

And then Dario Byrne closed the door behind him.

Three months later

Nate dumped another armload of vines onto the pile he’d stacked near the arbour, and paused to take a drink from his water bottle. Sweat trickled between his shoulder blades, and he wiped his forehead on the arm of his tee-shirt and gazed out at the mountains. Summer was on its way, and summer meant bushfires.

The quicker he thinned out the undergrowth the better.

He thought about going for a run, following the trails beneath the cool canopy of trees in the valley, but he was getting enough of a workout here. And he hadn’t even started on the cellar yet.

He turned and walked towards the old air raid shelter. He hadn’t been inside since the night they got the bottle of Grange for Josie’s birthday and Dickson had turned up. It was bad enough working beneath the arbour and dealing with the memories. Strange how he could still feel her body tucked against his side, smell the perfume in her hair.

He thrust his hand into the vines and groped for the metal handle, thinking he’d have to buy a few dozen bottles of water to stack in here the next time he went to the supermarket. But he avoided that place too. It reminded him of Josie.

Christ, Hunter, get a grip. When are you going to accept that it’s over?

He located the handle, pressed it down and opened the door. Daylight spilled into the room and he stepped inside.

What the fuck?

Nate’s heart began a slow throb in his chest. There, on the single plastic chair, was a huge bunch of flowers. Dead flowers. So dead they’d completely dried out, and some of the brown petals had fallen onto the floor.

And sitting beside the flowers, was a bottle of 1994 Grange.

Josie?

Nate’s breath hitched. When had she come up here?

Christ
, he hadn’t known.

Hope welled up inside him as he spotted the small gift card attached to the flowers.

He snatched at it, tearing it off and taking it closer to the door so he could read it in the daylight.

I love you too. Call me. J

She loved him!

She loved him and she’d come up here and bought him —
flowers
?

Nate grinned like a fool. Wasn’t he supposed to do that?

Exhilaration raced through his body as he turned the gift card over. How long ago was this?

Nate checked the date on his watch against the date on the back of the card.

Two and a half months ago.

‘Arrgghh,’
he shouted in frustration and raked both hands through his hair. Two and a half months ago he was in the States, seeing Jonathan.

Why hadn’t she called again?

Because you didn’t call her, you idiot
.

All that heartache. The pain. The sleepless nights.

All that wasted time.

They’d make it up. It would be alright. She couldn’t fall
out
of love with him in two and a half months, could she?

Shit. He had to phone her.

Explain.

And he needed a shower, needed to get into the city as fast as he could.

Holding the card in one hand, Nate pulled the door closed.

Then he took off for the house at a run.

‘The hall’s filling up. There are kids everywhere.’

Josie looked up to see Allegra standing at the backstage door. She smiled at her friend and breathed a huge sigh of relief. She hadn’t been sure how many parents would bring their children along to the rescheduled annual concert, but from the look on Allegra’s face, it seemed they were getting a good turnout.

‘I’m going to go sit with Luke now. Good luck, Josie.’

‘Musicians say “break a leg”.’

‘Break a leg then.’

‘Thanks.’

Josie stood and smoothed her hands over her black top and skirt as the first of the parents began chaperoning their children through the stage door.

‘Hey guys,’ she said as they gathered around her, ‘come on through. For the Mums and Dads, there are refreshments for sale at the back of the hall.’

She watched, heart soaring as one by one her students began to turn up.

Tonight was another small step towards regaining her life. No, not regaining it, building her new life. Building the life she wanted.

She looked around the room and smiled at the children, her hope in humanity restored, even as the ache in her heart grew worse by the day.

The only thing missing was Nate.

Nate kept his head down and moved through the darkened hall. He could see Josie up on the stage, surrounded by children, and he didn’t want to distract her. She was playing a guitar, and the kids were banging a variety of instruments and singing. It looked like a scene straight out of
The Sound of Music
.

Sidestepping between rows of parents with cameras, he eventually slipped into the seat next to Allegra.

Luke reached around his wife and they shook hands.