Authors: Kay Hooper
“I shouldn’t have told him that?” she ventured.
“I think I’ll call Stuart,” Josh murmured. “It’s way past time to have you committed.”
“Josh—”
“Serena,” he interrupted gently, looking at her with the despairing gaze of a man who
knows
explanations are pointless, “you’ve just told the man you’d like him to be your first lover, with the express intention of learning how to become another man’s lover. Now, don’t you think that just
might
have bothered him a little?”
She reflected for a moment, then looked at him uncertainly. “I know it bothered him. He said it sounded cold-blooded, and that sex should never be that.”
“To which you replied?”
“Well, I drew a comparison with his life. Short-term relationships he
knew
would be nothing more from the beginning. He defended that, just as I thought he would, by saying it was an understanding of adult relationships and his own goals. I told him to apply those words to me.”
Josh sighed. “Serena—”
“I know, I know. It’s different. You want to tell me
how
it’s different?”
“You’re using him,” Josh answered promptly. “Or at least it seems that way to him.”
After a moment Serena sighed, and gestured bewilderedly. “And I’m tangled in my own damned plot! Josh, when he said he wouldn’t teach me, I wasn’t worried. He—well, I knew he wanted me. But when we were in the garden, something happened. And I don’t know what it was. I couldn’t think. I looked at him, and … and I just couldn’t think. That was when I told him to go back to California. And I asked him what he’d say if I told him I loved him.”
“What
did
he say?”
“He asked why I was after you, then. I told him
he should think about it.” She looked at Josh confusedly. “Why did I do that?” She felt the same bewilderment she’d felt then, the same panicky sensation of having lost the threads of her plot.
Josh leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, and gazed at her quietly. “You are tangled, aren’t you?”
Serena shrugged helplessly. “I just—dammit, I as good as told him he was the one I wanted. And now I want to run. I want to get away from him. I’m
afraid
. I don’t know why, but I am.”
Josh nodded, as if to confirm some private deduction. “You looked scared in the lobby; I thought something like that had happened. I thought maybe it
would
happen, in fact.”
“How could you think it’d happen?”
He smiled a little. “You forget. I’ve watched you work. You control things, Rena. People. You never hurt anyone, and I’ve often suspected you’re perceptive enough to guide them in directions they want to go anyway. But you’re always in control. Maybe even detached.”
Serena looked at him, anxious. “I care about people.”
“I know you do,” he said instantly. “In fact, you care more about people than anyone else I know. And that, plus the brains you inherited, makes for a somewhat Byzantine personality.” He smiled again. “Fascinating to watch. The point is, though, that you’ve never plotted for yourself. Never used any kind of scheme to get something
you
wanted. This time you did.”
“And so?”
“And so you couldn’t be detached from this one. Your own feelings got in the way. Any poet, honey, would be delighted to tell you what happens when a person falls in love. The mind goes first, I’m told.”
“I can’t control,” she said slowly, hollowly.
Josh nodded confirmation. “That’s what I’d say. In fact, I’ve been waiting to see if that would happen. If you could stick to your neat little plot, control Ashford and yourself, then it wouldn’t be the real thing. It would be just what Ashford thought it—cold-blooded. But it isn’t that. Not now. Your emotions are in control now, and no one ever claimed emotions were logical.”
Serena stared at him. “Josh, d’you have to leave the hotel?”
He got to his feet, setting aside his glass, and smiled down at her. “I won’t be your buffer, you know,” he told her quietly. “I was willing to go along with you on the jealousy bit—mainly because I knew it probably wouldn’t work. But you’ve pretty much shot that down anyway. You’ve very likely confused the hell out of Ashford, but I doubt he’ll take it seriously if you go on making sheep’s eyes at me. No, honey, you’re on your own now.”
“So you’re leaving?”
He nodded. “In the morning.”
Shrewd gray eyes met his for a moment, and Serena said dryly, “But you won’t go far, not out of town.”
For the first time Josh seemed uncomfortable. “I told you I had business—”
“And I know what kind of business.” She laughed, half amused and half irritated. “Daddy played innocent too; he acted surprised you were in Denver. But it occurred to me it was just a bit too pat that you were at this hotel. I had told him
earlier where we’d be staying; I knew the phone was safe. He called you in, didn’t he? Reinforcement.”
Josh sighed and folded his arms across a broad chest; he gazed down at her ruefully. “He just wanted me to be handy, Rena. In case. That’s all.”
She looked at him for a long moment, then said steadily, “This isn’t a good time for my plots, is it? Daddy’s worried.”
Josh hesitated, but he knew Serena too well to dissemble. “He’s worried.
I’m
worried. Stuart’s hit solid walls in trying to find out who’s behind the threats, and it looks like they’ve traced you as far as Wichita.”
For the first time since the whole thing started, Serena felt a chill. “Questions at our hotel there?”
He nodded. “Stuart pulled some strings; according to all records, you and Ashford left Denver last night on a flight to Phoenix. With any luck, they’ll buy that. The rental car could be anywhere, including on the road, being used as a decoy.”
She squared her shoulders unconsciously. “So
you’re leaving this hotel, but staying nearby. In case.”
“If you leave the hotel for any reason,” he instructed firmly, “call me first.” Removing a business card from his pocket, he handed it to her. “Number’s on the back. And you’d better tell Ashford it’s more serious than we thought.”
Serena’s smile was a little painful. “Just when I wanted to run, I have to pull up the drawbridge and stay put. Great.”
“That’s not all.” He grimaced slightly at her sharp look. “I know you won’t like this—”
“A real watchdog.” She spoke grimly.
“Sorry, Rena. Stuart’s orders. The man’s a P.I. with plenty of security experience. He’ll just keep an eye on the comings and goings here at the hotel. You won’t even know he’s around.”
“Want to bet?”
He grinned faintly. “Okay, so maybe
you’ll
know he’s around. But it’s strictly low profile; he won’t hover over you with one hand ready to reach for his gun. I promise.”
“Brian’s just going to love all this,” Serena muttered.
“You’d better tell him. All of it.”
“Who you are, you mean?” Her expression was wary. “I’m not so sure I want to do that just yet.”
“When did you originally plan to tell him?” he asked, curious.
Serena reflected. “First anniversary?” she offered ruefully.
He chuckled softly. “You know, for someone whose plots are generally successful, you don’t plan ahead, do you?”
She looked up at him, the same masked vulnerability Brian had seen in the garden again tightening her face. “Not this time. It looks like I haven’t done anything right this time. Josh, he’s going to hate me! And he won’t leave, not when he finds out it’s more serious. He’ll stay with me—and he’ll hate me.”
Josh reached for her hands, drawing her to her feet. “Somehow I doubt that, Rena. It’d take a very hard and vindictive man to hate you, and I don’t think Ashford’s that.”
She sighed and sent him a humorous glance.
“You think more of him than he thinks of you. I believe ‘rake’ was the kindest word he used.”
Josh grinned, the tough, handsome face softening amazingly. “His judgment’s faulty where I’m concerned. I’m the villain of the piece, after all.”
Serena began looking thoughtful. “Maybe I can use that somehow. Until I tell him the truth, I mean. Sometimes tangling a problem even more is the way to untangle it.”
Josh was unsurprised, yet still he winced. “I was afraid you were going to say that. Look, Rena, I don’t mind—very much—being window dressing for you. But I’ll be damned if I’ll meekly let Ashford knock me into next week. Which, until he’s figured you out or he learns the truth, he’s very likely to do.”
“If you hit him I’ll never forgive you,” she said instantly.
There was a humorous gleam in his blue eyes. “Honey, if Ashford slugs me—”
“Please, Josh. You both know karate; if one of you doesn’t back down, you’ll both get hurt.”
Josh lifted his eyes heavenward. Then he sighed.
“All right. But he could probably use a good fight. Dissipates tension, you know.”
Serena ignored the information. “Promise?”
“I promise,” he agreed dryly. “Besides—from the look of him, if he decks me I’ll be a while getting back up. What does he eat for breakfast anyway, nails?”
She was gazing at him, obviously occupied by thoughts of her own. “How’s your evil-rake-benton-seduction laugh?” she asked suddenly.
Josh laughed, but it was a sound of pure amusement.
“That won’t do,” she told him, mildly cross.
“Honey,” he said, still laughing, “don’t ask me to play an impossible part, or Ashford’ll smell a rat.”
“From what I’ve heard, it isn’t at all an impossible part for you. Not evil, maybe, but you’ve been bent on seduction for years.” She looked at him curiously. “Why blondes?”
“I avoid brunettes.” He eyed her dark hair thoughtfully. “Can’t imagine why.”
“It isn’t because of me,” she said scoffingly.
Josh was already regretting his careless comment,
and only shrugged. Truth to tell, it wasn’t because of Serena that he avoided brunettes, but he had no intention of explaining the matter to her. An amazing woman, Serena, with a heart of gold … and if she knew the truth about his weakness she was perfectly capable of using that knowledge ruthlessly.
“Look,” he said, “why not just be honest with him? It’s been known to work.”
She looked at him and shook her head a little. “I told you. He has more guards than you have, and you can’t fight through walls. I couldn’t think of a way over them or around them, so I decided to go through them any way I could. When we face each other on the same side of those walls, then I’ll be honest.”
After a moment Josh said, “And what if he decides a fling was enough? To get through his walls you’ll have to drop your own. There won’t be anything for you to hide behind, Rena.”
“I know.” She squeezed his hand and smiled in a way Brian wouldn’t have recognized, because it was entirely vulnerable and a little scared. “That’s … that’s a chance I have to take.”
“He could hurt you.”
“Funny. He said the same about you.”
“I believe it.” Josh sighed. “In fact, if you have your way about it, people are going to start using my reputation to frighten children with,” he commented sadly. “Clearly I’m a rotten human being.”
She looked up at him for a moment, her lips twisting. “I’m using you, too, huh?”
“Only because I let you,” he told her gently. “Rena, you’re too softhearted to make people do what they don’t want to do. It’s your saving grace, I think.”
“Am I as terrible as I sound?” she wanted to know in a small voice.
He grinned at her. “No. You’re worse.”
Serena shook her head slowly.
“Now. Seriously,” Josh said, “I think it’s time you put the tricks aside for a while, don’t you?”
She was silent for a long moment, then smiled slowly. Oddly. “Yes. I’ll tell Brian the truth. The whole truth.”
“You’re still plotting,” Josh accused with the acute perception of experience.
Serena looked at him guilelessly. “I’ll tell him the truth,” she repeated.
“What truth?” Josh demanded suspiciously.
Obediently she said, “I’ll tell him what’s going on with Daddy. And I’ll explain all about your being window dressing because I wanted to make him jealous.” She smiled. “And I’ll explain why I wanted to make him jealous.”
“You will?” He was still suspicious. He knew Serena.
“Well, what else can I do?” she asked reasonably. “I’ve as good as told him how I feel. Why not just be honest?”
Josh could tell she was up to something, but he couldn’t follow her reasoning. It wasn’t surprising; he couldn’t follow her tortuous reasoning half the time, and scared himself the rest of the time when he
could
follow her reasoning. “You’ll tell him the whole truth?”
“And nothing but the truth,” she said, solemn. “I swear.”
“I wish,” he said despairingly, “that made me feel better.” He wasn’t surprised at her changes of mood since he’d entered her room tonight, and he
wasn’t entirely surprised that she’d decided to confess the truth to Ashford. What surprised him was how quickly she’d given in.
“Why?” he demanded suddenly, staring at her. “Why do you want to tell him the truth now?”
Since there had always been complete honesty between them, Serena answered honestly. “I just don’t want to trick him anymore.” Her smile was shaky. “I’ve been thinking about what happened in the garden—and that’s what it was. I looked at him and I couldn’t stand tricking him. So I’ll tell him the truth.”
Startled, Josh realized then that there was something about Serena that
was
guileless, something innocent. She was, he saw in astonishment, utterly and completely vulnerable—under all those plotting, scheming layers.
And if he, with considerably more than three weeks’ experience of her, had been deceived into thinking her far from vulnerable, then what would Brian Ashford believe?
“All your walls down,” Josh murmured. He felt a little grim, and more than a little awed. That Serena, with years of cheerful plotting and
scheming at her back, should cave in abruptly because she loved a man was incredible.
Serena deciphered the expression on his lean face with no trouble. “Time to grow up,” she said softly. “I can’t control everything, can I, Josh? I’m not even sure I can control me. Now. With him. I think I knew that even when I said I’d wait for his walls to fall before I was honest with him.”