In the Air (22 page)

Natalia nodded and turned to walk away. I wanted to kiss her goodbye.

Next time I will.

My hair was a tangled mess and my skin was sticky with sweat. All I wanted to do was shower and take a short nap before my date with Samson. Just thinking about tonight made my stomach jittery. Kingsley took off, saying she had to meet up with a friend. I was almost positive she was meeting up with the guy she'd been texting non-stop lately.

Rounding the corner to our dorm room, I stopped when I saw a girl leaning against my door. Our eyes met, but I didn't recognize her. She looked lost. Her face was blotched and her eyes, though a beautiful honey color, were bloodshot.

"Can I help you?" I assumed she was a Juilliard student, since there was no other way she could have gotten up to the residence floor.

"Are you Natalia?" Her voice was hoarse. She studied every inch of my body.

"Yes, who are you?" I was creeped out. This girl looked like she'd been through hell and back. Her clothing was pristine, but her long, red hair was a tangled mess. Her mascara had run down her cheeks. I imagined how beautiful she was when put together, but right now, she looked as if her world had turned upside down.

"I'm the girl whose life you've ruined."

With her words, I knew exactly who she was.

Aubrey.
Samson's ex-girlfriend. I was going to be sick. Sweat began to bead on my forehead and all I could do was stand there, speechless.

"You're Aubrey."

She nodded her response. "Samson's told you about me?"

I'd never been in this type of situation before. I didn't know what to do. I felt as if I betrayed this stranger somehow.

"Listen, I don't know what's going on between you and Samson, but–"

"You've ruined everything!" Aubrey shouted and stood up from the floor, dusting off her skirt. She walked closer to me, our noses practically touching. "I hate you."

My breath quickened. I'd never been in a fight before, but at that moment, I thought Aubrey was going to claw my eyes out. She was filled with rage, and I was the reason for it. I backed away before speaking.

"I know it must seem like I've stolen your boyfriend, but–"

She cut me off. Again.

"It doesn't
seem
like it at all. You stole Samson from me!" Her voice rose again, and students in the hall stared in our direction.

I wished Kingsley were here. She would have stepped in by now and put Aubrey in her place. I felt my purse vibrate, but I didn't dare answer it. "Aubrey, can we please talk somewhere else? Let's grab a coffee." We needed to be in a quiet place, to talk about things privately.

"There's a coffee shop down the street, I think it's called Cafe Lalo. Meet me there in thirty minutes," Aubrey said as she bumped my shoulder and walked away.

I was left trying to decide if actually meeting her was the best idea. We'd be in a public place, so she couldn't kill me or anything.

I opened my door and threw my gym bag down. I checked my phone and had a missed text from Samson.

"You mentioned hating heels, but wear a pair tonight. I'll take care of the pain if they end up hurting by the end of the night."
I frowned at the screen. I couldn't even get excited about tonight because of what I was soon to face with Aubrey. Should I call and tell him Aubrey was here? I decided to leave him out of this, at least for now. Aubrey was here confronting me, so I had to deal with that on my own. I brushed out my hair and put it in a ponytail. I threw on a pair of jeans and flats, grabbed a jacket, and headed for Cafe Lalo.

The cafe was busy. I scanned the shop for Aubrey. She was already seated at a table in the back corner of the cafe, looking down at a menu. I nervously approached, taking a seat opposite of her. She looked up from her menu, resentment filling her face.

"Do you make it a habit of stealing people's boyfriends?"

"I didn't steal anyone's boyfriend. Samson left you, there's a difference."

Aubrey slammed her hand onto the table, shaking the water glasses.

"He wouldn't have left me if he hadn't met you! Do you have any idea what you've done?"

I didn't know what to say. I would never ruin someone's relationship for my own happiness. I felt like a child being yelled at for doing something wrong.

"I'm sorry if it seems like I stole Samson, but–"

"You conniving bitch!" She cut me off. "Are you so stupid that you don't realize what you've messed up? Whatever delusion you have in your mind of you and Samson, it's not going to happen. Samson is and always will be mine."

"Samson didn't choose you!" My voice rose. I didn't steal anyone. This was Samson's choice, and he made it by himself.

"Samson chose me every day for the last eighteen years!" she screamed, halting all conversation in the cafe.

"Excuse me, ladies," a waiter approached our table, "I've been asked to let you know that you're causing a disturbance. Please keep it down." The waiter grabbed a notepad from his apron and asked if we would like to order anything.

"No, we won't be here for much longer," Aubrey responded while glaring at me. The waiter walked away, looking back to make sure we listened to his request.

I lowered my voice, "Aubrey, I know it must be so hard to–"

"I doubt you know the first thing about love." Her voice softened a bit.

I looked down at my lap, at a loss for words. I'd known Samson for such a short time and I questioned whether he was worth all of this drama. I quickly decided he was.

"I like Samson." I looked up at her as I said my words, and her eyes immediately filled with tears.

"You might like him, but it doesn't compare to what I have with him." Aubrey whispered her declaration as a tear spilled onto her cheek.

"Can I ask you something?"

Aubrey nodded her head, her eyes downcast onto her lap.

"Are you sure you still love Samson? Or is it the thought of not having him there anymore that scares you?" The way Samson explained things to me, Aubrey had changed lately, and he fell out of love. I wasn't sure if Aubrey had gotten over him, or if she were the type of person that would hold onto something even if it was hanging by a thread.

"I don't know what Samson has told you, but I'll always love him. I'm sure you see how easy it is to fall for him."

Aubrey was right. It was very easy to fall for Samson. He had a way about him that made you feel protected. Samson could easily make your stomach turn, but then put the biggest smile on your face, making you forget about the narcissistic comment he had made. While in my reverie, I realized just how much I cared for Samson, how deep I was already invested, and how it was wrong because across from me was the girl he would probably end up with.

"I'm obviously clueless," I muttered to myself.

"What?"

I took a drink from the glass sitting in front of me. The faint taste of lemon surged through my dry throat. "You're right. I could never fill that void of first love." I stood up, putting my jacket on. "I'm sorry." I shook my head as I bounded away from the table and out of the cafe.

Who was I kidding? I'd been living in a daydream if I thought I could compete with Aubrey. She was his whole life for eighteen years. I was pretty much a stranger. I grabbed my phone and texted a response to Samson.

"Meet me at the library in ten minutes. We need to talk."

The text from Natalia was cryptic. I was supposed to meet her in a few hours, but she wanted to meet now. I threw on a light sweater and some jeans, and headed for the library. I walked in and saw Natalia sitting on a bench. Her face was ashen. I sat down and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Are you okay? Are you not feeling well?" I tried to touch her forehead but she swatted it away.

"Samson, stop."

I put my hand in my lap, lacing my fingers together. I was nervous. Something seemed off. Natalia wouldn't look at me. Her eyes stayed on her lap.

"Natalia–" I started to speak, but she cut me off.

"We can't do this," Natalia whispered.

I barely heard her words. "What did you just say?"

Finally, her eyes met mine. The spark I was used to seeing was gone.

"I was kidding myself when I thought we could do this." Her hand motioned between us. "We can't. I can't."

"What can't you do?" Her decision threw me for a loop. Just hours ago, she was in my bed, wrapped in my sheets, smothered to my side. What had changed since then?

"What I'm trying to say is that this thing between us is not going to work. It's conflicting with why I came to Juilliard in the first place." The emotion in her voice ran thin. "I'm here to dance, not to fall in love."
Was she in love with me?
Her eyes ran back to her lap as she bit the corner of her lip.

"Are you afraid of falling in love with me?" I took her hand in mine. That had to be the reason she was pushing me away. She was afraid I'd hurt her.

"Very much so," she replied, her eyes still avoiding mine.

My fingers ran over her smooth skin and my thoughts went back to this morning. While our bodies were pressed against one another, the same thought kept ricocheting through my mind.
Was I falling in love with her?
I knew I liked her. But
love
? My heart thumped in my chest, answering the question that refused to go away. Yes, I was falling in love with her.

"What are you so afraid of? Explain it to me." My hands stayed wrapped around hers tightly. If I let go, I was afraid she'd run away. Her mouth opened and closed, like she was preparing herself for a long speech.

"I'm afraid of losing my identity. I'm scared that I'll be so entranced by this relationship, I'll forget all about my passion for dance. I've worked too hard to get here. Allowing myself to fall for you will ruin everything."

"Natalia!" I couldn't believe she was saying these things after all that we had already been through. "You can't be serious. Why would I want to destroy your dreams? Mine are the exact same!" My blood began to boil. I stood up from the bench and spoke her name, willing her to look up at me. Her head snapped up, but I could see that she was trying to avoid looking into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Samson," she whispered.

"No, you're not!" I hurried out the door. I needed air. I wanted to scream. As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk, I heard Natalia calling after me.

"Samson, wait." She rushed to my side. I turned to face her, seeing that her eyes were filled with tears. "This is what I need right now. Please understand," Natalia begged.

"I don't understand. Natalia, we were just laughing and joking together hours ago. You were naked in my bed with me. How the fuck am I supposed to understand why you suddenly don't want this?"

"I don't know." Her eyes followed the cracks in the sidewalk as she spoke. "But you're going to have to." She turned to walk away, but I grabbed her, forcing her to turn back around.

"You're not telling me something. I know it, because you're an awful liar. Just know that you're making a colossal mistake. We could be happy together. I could have been the support you need, the support that you don't get anywhere else." Tears began to fall onto her cheeks as the words left my mouth. "I would have never hurt you."