She’d fought the fear, and embraced the memories.
But she hadn’t just lost her husband. Her sons had lost their father. Gavin’s memory of him was dimmer—dimmer every year—but sweet. Luke was too young to remember his father clearly. It seemed so unfair. If she moved forward in her relationship with Logan while her boys were still so young ...
It was a little like no longer missing home, she supposed. It seemed disloyal.
As she walked into the showroom, she spotted a number of customers with wagons, browsing the tables, and Hayley hunkering down to lift a large strawberry pot already planted.
“Don’t!”
Her sharp command had heads turning, but she marched right through the curious and, slapping her hands on her hips, glared at Hayley. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”
“We sold the point-of-purchase planters. I thought this one here would be good out by the counter.”
“I’m sure it would. Do you know how pregnant you are?”
Hayley glanced down at her basketball belly. “Kind of hard to miss.”
“You want to move a planter, then you ask somebody to move it for you.”
“I’m strong as an ox.”
“And eight months pregnant.”
“You listen to her, honey.” One of the customers patted Hayley on the arm. “You don’t want to take chances. Once that baby pops out, you’ll never stop hauling things around. Now’s the time to take advantage of your condition and let people spoil you a little bit.”
“I’ve got to watch her like a hawk,” Stella said. “That lobelia’s wonderful, isn’t it?”
The woman looked down at her flatbed. “I just love that deep blue color. I was thinking I’d get some of that red salvia to go beside it, maybe back it up with cosmos?”
“Sounds perfect. Charming and colorful, with a whole season of bloom.”
“I’ve got some more room in the back of the bed, but I’m not sure what to put in.” She bit her lip as she scanned the tables loaded with options. “I wouldn’t mind some suggestions, if you’ve got the time.”
“That’s what we’re here for. We’ve got some terrific mixed hollyhocks, tall enough to go behind the cosmos. And if you want to back up the salvia, I think those marigolds there would be fabulous. And have you seen the perilla?”
“I don’t even know what it is,” the woman said with a laugh.
Stella showed her the deep-purple foliage plant, had Hayley gather up several good marigolds. Between them, they filled another flatbed.
“I’m glad you went with the alyssum, too. See the way the white pops the rest of your colors? Actually, the arrangement there gives you a pretty good idea what you’ll have in your garden.” Stella nodded toward the flatbeds. “You can just see the way those plants will complement each other.”
“I can’t wait to get them in. My neighbors are going to be
green
with envy.”
“Just send them to us.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time. I’ve been coming here since you opened. Used to live about a mile from here, moved down toward Memphis two years ago. It’s fifteen miles or more now, but I always find something special here, so I keep coming back.”
“That’s so nice to hear. Is there anything else Hayley or I can help you with? Do you need any starter, mulch, fertilizer ?”
“Those I can handle on my own. But actually”—she smiled at Hayley—“since this cart’s full, if you’d have one of those strong young boys cart that pot out to the counter—and on out to my car after—I’ll take it.”
“Let me arrange that for you.” Stella gave Hayley a last telling look. “And you, behave yourself.”
“Y’all sisters?” the woman asked Hayley.
“No. She’s my boss. Why?”
“Reminded me of my sister and me, I guess. I still scold my baby sister the way she did you, especially when I’m worried about her.”
“Really?” Hayley looked off toward where Stella had gone. “I guess we sort of are, then.”
WHILE SHE AGREED THAT EXERCISE WAS GOOD FOR expectant mothers, Stella wasn’t willing to have Hayley work all day and then walk close to half a mile home at this stage of her pregnancy. Hayley groused, but every evening Stella herded her to the car and drove her home.
“I
like
walking.”
“And after we get home and you have something to eat, you can take a nice walk around the gardens. But you’re not walking all that way, and through the woods alone, on my watch, kid.”
“Are you going to be pestering me like this for the next four weeks?”
“I absolutely am.”
“You know Mrs. Tyler? The lady who bought all those annuals we helped her with?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“She said how she thought we were sisters because you give me grief like she does her baby sister. At the time, I thought that was nice. Now, it’s irritating.”
“That’s a shame.”
“I’m taking care of myself.”
“Yes, and so am I.”
Hayley sighed. “If it’s not you giving me the hairy eye, it’s Roz. Next thing, people’ll start thinking she’s my mama.”
Stella glanced down to see Hayley slip her feet out of her shoes. “Feet hurt?”
“They’re all right.”
“I’ve got this wonderful foot gel. Why don’t you use it when we get home, and put your feet up for a few minutes ?”
“I can’t hardly reach them anymore. I feel ...”
“Fat and clumsy and sluggish,” Stella finished.
“And stupid and bitchy.” She pushed back her damp bangs, thought about whacking them off. Thought about whacking all her hair off. “And hot and nasty.”
When Stella reached over, bumped up the air-conditioning, Hayley’s eyes began to sting with remorse and misery. “You’re being so sweet to me—everyone is—and I don’t even appreciate it. And I just feel like I’ve been pregnant my whole life and I’m going to stay pregnant forever.”
“I can promise you won’t.”
“And I ... Stella, when they showed that video at birthing class and we watched that woman go through it? I don’t see how I can do that. I just don’t think I can.”
“I’ll be there with you. You’ll be just fine, Hayley. I’m not going to tell you it won’t be hard, but it’s going to be exciting, too. Thrilling.”
She turned into the drive. And there were her boys, racing around the yard with the dog and Harper in what seemed to be a very informal game of Wiffle ball.
“And so worth it,” she told her. “The minute you hold your baby in your arms, you’ll know.”
“I just can’t imagine being a mama. Before, I could, but now that it’s getting closer, I just can’t.”
“Of course you can’t. Nobody can really imagine a miracle. You’re allowed to be nervous. You’re supposed to be.”
“Then I’m doing a good job.”
When she parked, the boys ran over. “Mom, Mom! We’re playing Wiffle Olympics, and I hit the ball a
million
times.”
“A million?” She widened her eyes at Luke as she climbed out. “That must be a record.”
“Come on and play, Mom.” Gavin grabbed her hand as Parker leaped up to paw at her legs. “Please!”
“All right, but I don’t think I can hit the ball a million times.”
Harper skirted the car to get to Hayley’s side. His hair curled damply from under his ball cap, and his shirt showed stains from grass and dirt. “Need some help?”
She couldn’t get her feet back in her shoes. They felt hot and swollen and no longer hers. Cranky tears flooded her throat. “I’m pregnant,” she snapped, “not handicapped.”
She left her shoes on the mat as she struggled out. Before she could stop herself, she slapped at Harper’s offered hand. “Just leave me be, will you?”
“Sorry.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“I can’t breathe with everybody hovering around me night and day.” She marched toward the house, trying hard not to waddle.
“She’s just tired, Harper.” Whether it was hovering or not, Stella watched Hayley until she’d gotten inside. “Tired and out of sorts. It’s just being pregnant.”
“Maybe she shouldn’t be working right now.”
“If I suggested that, she’d explode. Working keeps her mind busy. We’re all keeping an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t overdo, which is part of the problem. She feels a little surrounded, I imagine.”
“Mom!”
She held up a hand to her impatient boys. “She’d have snapped at anybody who offered her a hand just then. It wasn’t personal.”
“Sure. Well, I’ve got to go clean up.” He turned back to the boys, who were already squabbling over the plastic bat. “Later. And next time I’m taking you both down.”
THE AFTERNOON WAS SULTRY, A SLY HINT OF THE summer that waited just around the corner. Even with the air-conditioning, Stella sweltered in her little office. As a surrender to the weather, she wore a tank top and thin cotton pants. She’d given up on her hair and had bundled it as best she could on top of her head.
She’d just finished outlining the next week’s work schedule and was about to update one of her spreadsheets when someone knocked on her door.
“Come in.” Automatically, she reached for the thermos of iced coffee she’d begun to make every morning. And her heart gave a little jolt when Logan stepped in. “Hi. I thought you were on the Fields job today.”
“Got rained out.”
“Oh?” She swiveled around to her tiny window, saw the sheets of rain. “I didn’t realize.”
“All those numbers and columns can be pretty absorbing.”
“To some of us.”
“It’s a good day to play hookey. Why don’t you come out and play in the rain, Red?”
“Can’t.” She spread her arms to encompass her desk. “Work.”
He sat on the corner of it. “Been a busy spring so far. I don’t figure Roz would blink if you took a couple hours off on a rainy afternoon.”
“Probably not. But I would.”
“Figured that, too.” He picked up an oddly shaped and obviously child-made pencil holder, examined it. “Gavin or Luke?”
“Gavin, age seven.”
“You avoiding me, Stella?”
“No. A little,” she admitted. “But not entirely. We’ve been swamped, here and at home. Hayley’s only got three weeks to go, and I like to stick close.”
“Do you think you could manage a couple of hours away, say, Friday night? Take in a movie?”
“Well, Friday nights I usually try to take the kids out.”
“Good. The new Disney flick’s playing. I can pick y’all up at six. We’ll go for pizza first.”
“Oh, I ...” She sat back, frowned at him. “That was sneaky.”
“Whatever works.”
“Logan, have you ever been to the movies with a couple of kids on a Friday night?”
“Nope.” He pushed off the desk and grinned. “Should be an experience.”
He came around the desk and, cupping his hands under her elbows, lifted her straight out of the chair with a careless strength that had her mouth watering. “I’ve started to miss you.”
He touched his mouth to hers, heating up the contact as he let her slide down his body until her feet hit the floor. Her arms lifted to link around his neck, banding there for a moment until her brain engaged again.
“It looks like I’ve started to miss you, too,” she said as she stepped back. “I’ve been thinking.”
“I just bet you have. You keep on doing that.” He tugged at a loose lock of her hair. “See you Friday.”
She sat down again when he walked out. “But I have trouble remembering what I’m thinking.”
HE WAS RIGHT. IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE. ONE HE HANDLED, in Stella’s opinion, better than she’d expected. He didn’t appear to have a problem with boy-speak. In fact, during the pizza interlude she got the feeling she was odd man out. Normally she could hold her own in intense discussions of comic books and baseball, but this one headed to another level.
At one point she wasn’t entirely sure the X-Men’s Wolverine hadn’t signed on to play third base for the Atlanta Braves.
“I can eat fifty pieces of pizza,” Luke announced as the pie was divvied up. “And after, five
gallons
of popcorn.”
“Then you’ll puke!”
She started to remind Gavin that puke wasn’t proper meal conversation, but Logan just plopped a slice on his own plate. “Be smarter to puke after the pizza to make room for the popcorn.”
The wisdom and hilarity of this sent the boys off into delighted gagging noises.
“Hey!” Luke’s face went mutinous. “Gavin has more pepperoni on his piece. I have two and he has three!”
As Gavin snorted and set his face into the look, Logan nodded. “You know, you’re right. Doesn’t seem fair. Let’s just fix that.” He plucked a round of pepperoni off Gavin’s piece and popped it into his own mouth. “Now you’re even.”
More hilarity ensued. The boys ate like stevedores, made an unholy mess, and were so overstimulated by the time they got to the theater, she expected them to start a riot.
“You’ve got to remember to be quiet during the movie,” she warned. “Other people are here to see it.”
“I’ll try,” Logan said solemnly. “But sometimes I just can’t help talking.”
The boys giggled all the way to the concession counter.
She knew some men who put on a show for a woman’s children—to get to the woman. And, she thought as they settled into seats with tubs of popcorn, she knew some who sincerely tried to charm the kids because they were an interesting novelty.
Still, he seemed to be easy with them, and you had to give a man in his thirties points for at least appearing to enjoy a movie with talking monkeys.
Halfway through, as she’d expected, Luke began to squirm in his seat. Two cups of pop, she calculated, one small bladder. He wouldn’t want to go, wouldn’t want to miss anything. So there’d be a short, whispered argument.
She leaned toward him, prepared for it. And Logan beat her to it. She didn’t hear what he said in Luke’s ear, but Luke giggled, and the two of them rose.
“Be right back,” he murmured to Stella and walked out with his hand over Luke’s.