In the Lyrics (23 page)

When I turn to look at her, she looks scared to come any closer. I nod and quickly wipe my eyes and then murmur, “I love you, Levi.”

Her smile is infectious. This isn’t a happy moment, but she’s smiling. Like always, she knows exactly what I need, just like she did last night. Sitting, playing that song with her, it helped me more than she knows. I wouldn’t put it past my momma to have told her where I went. She knows me well too.

“I, umm…you’ve been up here a while. I thought maybe I could talk to him too?”

She kneels down beside me, reaches up, and runs her soft hands down his wet tombstone. “Hey there, Levi, I’m Hensley. I appreciate your brother bringing me here to finally meet you. He talks about you all the time, so it’s nice to spend this moment with him. I promise you I’ll take good care of him, and make all his dreams come true. Like music. He told me you were his biggest influence and he wants to make you proud. I know he loves and misses you, Levi, and there isn’t a day that your memory doesn’t affect him.” I reach over and grab her hand. Her being here, talking to him, I know it’s genuine and it makes me care about her more. It brings how I feel about her to a whole other level, I can’t even explain it. “Tell my dog, Rosie, that I love her, will ya?”

Grabbing her hand, I stand up and then pull her up with me.

“Bye, brother, I love you,” I whisper.

Hensley wipes a tear from under her eyelid, “It was nice to meet you, Levi. Thank you for giving us your blessing.”

Perplexed, I ask. “His blessing? What do you mean?”

She shrugs her shoulders.

“Hensley, tell me.”

“I just feel like we have his blessing. I don’t know why, okay? It’s just a feeling. I feel content, that he understands how much I love you and adore you. That’s all.”

Taking one last look at my brother’s final resting spot, I turn towards the small pathway. The walk is only a few feet to my truck, and as we stroll in a comfortable silence a strange sense of need washes over me. Maybe it’s the emotional encounter of being here, or the mere fact that she did so great sitting in the rain talking to him or maybe it’s the fact that since she’s been here she’s seen my father freak out and she hasn’t gone running for the hills yet. The combination of all of those things should make my heart flutter, but if we’re being honest, it makes me want to make love to her – raw, passionate, out of this world love. There’s only so much a man can take. I’ve been fighting these urges, waiting for the right time, but…
fuck
, I love this girl. If there was ever a lingering feeling that maybe she wasn’t the one for me, it’s gone now. The vulnerability of this moment has disappeared and is replaced with a lust so pure it’s almost palpable.

Stopping dead in my tracks, I pick Hensley up and toss her over my shoulder. Squeals and giggles escape her mouth as she hits my back lightly. The ground is wet, but I don’t care as I walk as fast as I can towards my truck. I can’t take it. Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I unlock the driver’s side door and then stand Hensley back up.

“What has gotten into you?” she chuckles. The sweet sound renders me speechless.

Gripping Hensley, I pull her towards me, causing her to lose her footing and stumble onto the wet, muddy ground. Kneeling down in front of her, I hold up her hand and brush away the wet leaves that are stuck to her palm. Making sure she’s okay from the fall, I look into her eyes and push a damp piece of brunette hair off her cheek. Lunging forward she grabs me. Her hold is firm around my shoulders, and her face is nuzzled into the nook of my neck. She holds me like she’s never letting go, and I hold her knowing that after hearing her talk to him, I’m never, ever, letting her go.

The rain stops, and the sun slowly starts to come back as the cloud that was hiding it moves. I’m not really a big believer in the supernatural or anything like that, but I do feel a sense of calm. Like Levi is telling me, solidifying, what I already know – she’s the one, for always. And then it strikes me, this is the blessing she mentioned.

I don’t know what comes over me, but I have an urge to be inside her. This isn’t the time or place to be ripping her clothes off, I know that. But I cherish her, and I want her now, more than ever. She’s perfect for me and now there is nothing else that she doesn’t know about me. My Pops has acted crazy, and she’s met my deceased brother, there’s no going back. Our bond is deep, it’s unbreakable. There’s only moving forward, and she’s already made it clear that she wants me. She gave me the okay that night at Mitch’s. I should have taken her V-card then, but I couldn’t stomach it. Not then, not when we were both so full of lust, and her of alcohol. It would have been meaningless sex then, but not today. Today a different kind of lust hangs between us. It’s a need. I need to feel her around me. I need to see her come undone by my doing.

Moving my head to the side, I kiss her. It’s an urgent, hungry, soul-quenching kiss. I don’t care that we’re both muddy and wet, or that we’re in a cemetery. All I care about is making her mine, fully. This is the last way I know how to. This is all kinds of wrong to be feeling this way, especially after bawling my eyes out just seconds ago, but I need this. I need her to be close to me, as close as humanly possible.

I think she feels the same way and her hands start to roam my rain-soaked body. “I love you, baby,” she hums through panted breaths.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” I demand, as I lead her body up with my own. Our lips never part. The moment never breaks, until we hear someone laughing.
Shit.
Her cheeks redden as we look the other way and pretend we weren’t just caught red-handed. No words are spoken. Not from us at least. I’m sure the parents whose child was laughing at us making out in the middle of the cemetery are pissed, I’m certain they’d have a few choice words for us, but we’re not sticking around long enough to hear them. We both jump in the truck. My foot slams on the gas pedal, causing the tires to squeal on the wet pavement. Hensley is sitting in the middle of the bench seat. Her lips are kissing my neck, and then my earlobe.
Holy fuck, that feels good.
It’s like I can’t get home fast enough. I’ve never been so turned on in my entire life, and it’s awful. It’s horrible.
Oh, it feels amazing.
I hope Levi didn’t witness what just happened.

Hensley’s hand starts to rub my inner thigh. It’s been a long time since anyone touched me there. Trying to focus my attention on the road, I turn on the windshield wipers to clear the rain that’s begun to fall on them again. Who would have guessed that she would know how to do this, know what to do, to turn me on? I wouldn’t have, that’s for sure. This is the last time I will ever doubt her again. We turn onto my driveway, and I’m half-tempted to take her here in my truck. Shaking away those thoughts, I open my door and jump out. Thunder sounds in the distance and droplets of rain soak my shirt. I open her door, and before she has a chance to step down, I pick her up in my arms so she is cradled like a baby, and we run inside. Moving my hand to open the door, a piece of paper stops me. Hensley reaches up and grabs it, and holds it in front of me.

Honey, we’re going to see Levi and run some errands. Be back tonight. Leftovers are in the fridge.

-Mom

They’re not home? Could we be any luckier?
God must want me to get laid. Opening the door, I kick off my boots and take off up the steps. As soon as my foot hits the top step, the power goes out. The bathroom light that was shining, guiding a path up the steps, goes black.
I don’t care.
Pushing open my bedroom door, I walk inside and rush over to the bed. Laying Hensley down, I look into her big, round eyes. She leans up on her elbows, her hair is a wet mess and is sticking to her cheeks, but she is breathtaking in this moment. If I wasn’t fighting so hard to keep my composure, I’d probably faint from being out of breath.

“Hensley, I love you. You calm me, you own me. I need this right now. But if you say no, if you’re not ready, tell me.”

“Shh…” she whispers into the darkness as she leans up and moves. Dangling her legs off of my bed, she pulls me by my belt loops, directly in front of her. Leaning forward I can feel her hot breath on my stomach. Her small hands are cold as they move to lift up the hem of my shirt. Slowly she raises it, until her arms are all the way in the air, unable to pull it up any further. I raise my arms and lift the cloth over the top of my head and toss it to the floor. Her eyes look me over, from my head to my stomach. It’s like she is memorizing every part of my flesh. The brightness of lightning outside of my bedroom window showers us with light, illuminating our faces for a few seconds.

Bending down in front of Hensley, I sit on my knees so we are eye level. Raising my right hand, I grab her by the back of her head, my fingers tangling themselves in her hair as I pull her face forward. Using my other hand, I trace the outline of her lips. They’re now puffy and swollen from kissing, but they’re still perfect. “These lips were made for me.”

Her body trembles, “I was made for you.”

Easing her down onto the mattress, I climb on top of her. She scoots back, and lies on the bed. I feel like a lion, and she is my prey as I crawl above her body. We lay, kissing, our bodies still wet from the rainstorm we were caught in twice. I’ve been thinking about this moment, envisioning it with candles and rose petals laid around everywhere. I wanted it to be perfect for her. The truth is all I needed to make this moment perfect was her. She doesn’t need all those cliché things we see in the movies. When she looks back and remembers her first time, I want her to get goosebumps. I want her palms to get sticky as her mind recalls this very moment, me lying on top of her. Kissing her soft skin in places no man has ever kissed her. The small moans that escape her sweet mouth, as I expose her breast and how it feels to have my mouth blowing hot air on her nipples. This moment will be what we make of it. It will be perfect, in our own special way, because that’s what this moment is – special. As my desperate mouth is eager to kiss and taste every inch of her body, she is just as hungry for me.

Her voice is almost so low I can barely hear her when she says, “I want to taste you too.”

My mouth stops licking and my hands stop palming her breast as I tilt my head up to see her face. She starts to sit up, so I roll over. Now I’m the prey and she is the one doing the kissing. She doesn’t lie down on top of me like I did her though; she stays sitting up, shirtless with her hair cascading down her naked chest. Bringing one of my hands up to her mouth, she kisses my fist and then opens my hand and places small pecks on each of my fingers. I feel like I’m going to come undone at any minute. My dick twitches in my jeans, and the throbbing is almost too much to handle, but we’re doing this on her terms. If there’s no romantic music, and everything else I wanted to plan for her first time, then the least I can do is allow her to be in control.

She’s the master; I’m just the puppet along for the ride now and she is holding the strings.

A PLACE I never knew was possible to ache so desperately does. I lean up and take his hand in mine, fingers that I want so badly to be buried in me, and then I kiss them, one by one. But this is a once in a lifetime moment and I know I’ll regret moving too fast, not cherishing it. I want to savor every moment, so I lower his hand and move my body to straddle his. His hair is messy from being wet earlier and looks adorable as it curls at the ends. His eyes are glued to mine and I feel as if we’re singing our own secret anthem, though we haven’t uttered a sound. He’s telling me it’s okay and silently urging me to take charge of the situation.

Leaning forward, my swollen buds brush against his bare chest, and cause me to squirm. The feeling is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s amazing. The closeness of our bodies turns me on. My lips find his and I kiss him slowly and lightly, and then I move to his neck, running my tongue around on his bare skin. Leaving a trail of kisses from his neck to his collarbone, I place both of my hands on each of his arms, and push myself towards the opposite side of the bed. Parting my mouth, I place small kisses on his abs. His stomach is lean and sexy. I want to lick each defined muscle, memorizing its shape. My mouth hovers over the button on his jeans, I look up and his eyes are closed. I can feel myself getting more turned on by the minute as I desperately try to silence my heavy breathing.

I may be a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it feels like to be turned on. My fingers work on unbuttoning the button on his jeans, and when they slide the little piece of metal from the loop, I hear him clear his throat.

He knows what I’m about to do, so he raises his hips and allows me to gently tug on his jeans, lowering them to his ankles. Positioning myself back in front of him, I take my index and middle finger and slowly trace an imaginary line from the inside of his ankle all the way up to his thigh, stopping right before I touch the material on his tight boxers. His hips move, and so does the bulge in his pants.

Closing my eyes, I envision what’s underneath, waiting for me to find it. I’ve seen his penis almost every night, but suddenly I freeze. He notices.