In the Lyrics (38 page)

Bullshit. I’m not stupid. She was trying to trick Hensley into thinking we were together. Yeah, I fucked up, we kissed. Sue me, but it was one little, innocent kiss. I’m a fucking man. Hensley ripped my heart out and stomped on it, and Brittani helped me cope for a few minutes until I came to my senses.

“Motherfucker!” I shout while pressing my foot on the accelerator. Speeding back to the apartment, I’m glad to see Brittani isn’t home.

Jumping in the shower, I wash my body and then dress in my work clothes. I have another shift tonight at Mitch’s. Hopefully work will help occupy my mind so I don’t do something stupid like find Hensley and beg for forgiveness for something I never did in the first place.

PULLING UP TO the bar, I see two things that make me wish I had called in. Hensley’s mom’s car is still parked out front and her old beater is parked next to it. It’s like I can’t escape her. The universe keeps pulling us together for some damn reason, when it did everything in its power to pull us apart when it really mattered.

Shoving my gear stick into park, I hop of out of my truck and slam the door. I open the back door to the bar and my eyes immediately scan my surroundings for Hensley. I see her perched on a barstool, sitting next to Jennifer, one of our regulars.

As I near, her words cut right through me like glass.

“It’s like he doesn’t even care he fucked a girl other than me. And he’s too cruel to admit it to my face,” she slurs before taking a sip of her beer.

Glancing at my watch, it’s only six o’clock. I silently pray that she hasn’t picked up drinking, although it’s all I’ve seen her do the last two days.

“Men are sometimes fuckwads. We can’t live with ‘em, we can’t live without ‘em,” Jennifer shouts before she raises the neck of her bottle to Hensley’s and they cheer.

As I walk up to their table interrupting their roast of Colby Grant, I snarl, “I second that.”

Hensley’s eyes widen, and Jennifer gives a flirtatious grin that makes me wish she put her teeth in today.

“Are you drunk again?”

“I think I have a problem,” she admits while rolling her eyes.

“Dammit, Hensley. This is getting ridiculous,” I huff, aggravated that we’re reliving last night. “Hang tight while I call you a cab.”

Holding up her hand, she stops me. “No need. Logan’s on his way to give me a ride. Wait, there he is. Logan!” she yells while waving her hands.

Logan is wearing jeans with a button up, and some kind of blazer over it. He looks like he just walked straight out of a clothing commercial.

“There’s my girl,” he beams as he walks towards her and then takes her drunken body in his arms and hugs her tightly.

“Hey, Colby. Long time no talk! How’s managing the bar going for ya?”

“It’s fucking great,” I seethe.

“Well, thanks for keeping Hensley company while she waited for me. We’ll see you around.”

Taking her hand in his, she steps off of the barstool and straightens out her dress, her very short dress. I’ve never even seen her wear one quite as revealing, other than on TV during those lame award shows. What’d she do – run home and change and then come to the bar? Is this her way of making me jealous?

“Bye, Colby. Oh, and please don’t tow my cars. I’m staying the night with Logan and he promises to bring me by and get them tomorrow.”

Then they both turn and walk away. His arm dangles over her shoulder as he turns around and winks at me. Why the hell would she call him? She thinks I screwed Brittani so she is trying to make me jealous, with Logan of all people? Doesn’t he see that she’s using him to get back at me, just like she did at that bonfire last summer? He’s just someone she falls back on.
He doesn’t mean anything to her,
I repeat to myself, trying to convince myself in the process.

“If I would have known she was calling him, I would have called her a cab myself.”

Turning around to face the bar, I see Mitch standing behind it.

“I know you got it bad. You have for a while now, but you might just need to accept that she isn’t the Hensley she once was. My point is, from the looks of it, she’s moved on. You might need to do the same.”

Nodding my head, I acknowledge what he’s saying and then walk away towards the employee bathroom.

Locking the door behind me, I turn on the faucet and lean forward. Cold water fills my hands, and I splash it on my face.
Why did you have to come home, Hensley? Why couldn’t you have just stayed in Cali?
Pulling out my phone, I send a quick message to Dusty telling him what’s been going on since she got back. He tells me to man up and tell her how I feel, or felt. Really I don’t know if it’s present or past tense because I don’t know how I feel anymore. One minute I don’t ever want to see her face again, and the next I’m wishing she was standing right in front of me. I know the only way I’m going to find closure is with the answers I’ve been longing to get for a while now. But they’ll have to wait because tomorrow is her dad’s funeral and then Thanksgiving is two days after that.

For some reason, I have an uneasy feeling about her leaving with Logan. I know Mrs. Blair thinks her son hung the moon, but to me he’s nothing but a pile of useless horseshit.

LOGAN DRIVES US back to his small apartment and is a gentleman as he opens the door for me.

“Thank you.” I smile as he gestures me out of his car.

Leading me up a set of stairs, his hand rests at the small of my back. He only moves it to unlock his apartment door. The space looks like a small loft, but it’s nice and clean. Nothing like I remember him being before. Time really did him well.

“It’s small, but it’s home.” He walks by me and opens the refrigerator. “Would you like a beer?”

When I nod, he hands me one and I sit on his couch. The remnants of my buzz still linger, but I pretty much sobered up from the look in Colby’s eyes when I told him I was staying with Logan. It was a low blow, I know it, but it felt good to get him back for fucking Brittani.
When are you going to stop these games? You’re older now, it’s ‘bout time you grew up!

Conversation fills the room as we both talk about what’s new in our lives.

“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be with your mom. I stopped by there today and she seems pretty lonely.”

Sitting next to me, he extends his arms on the back of the couch. “It’s not that I don’t want to be there. I do, trust me. It’s just that she isn’t herself anymore. Once my dad left, she shut down. Since you’ve been there, I’m sure she talked your ear off about it. She stopped caring, and got really depressed. It started affecting me and my studies. I couldn’t handle being around her, so I moved out. Finished my classes and am student teaching now. I love it. The feeling of knowing you have such an impact on future generations is truly amazing.”

I say a silent prayer that my mom doesn’t get depressed and stop caring about herself. Logan must have sensed my emotion as he scoots closer to me.

“I’m really glad you’re back, Hensley. I wish it was under different circumstances, but it’s nice to see you.”

Thoughts of my mom in oversized clothes with a thinned body make me wish I lived closer.
What happens when I go back to Cali? Will she become like Mrs. Blair? What if she starts drinking like Dad did?

Logan’s hand brushes over my cheek. “Don’t be upset. I still go over there. I don’t help out around the farm because Colby is always there. He normally has the chores done before I’m even out of school, so there’s no need. But I am there for her. I bring movies by and watch them with her, or I try and take her out to dinner. She doesn’t like leaving the farm. Truthfully, I think she’s ashamed and doesn’t want the town to see how broken she is.”

“I was just thinking about my mom and how she’s going to react when I leave. Will you keep an eye on her? Please, for me, Logan. Make sure she’s okay, and if she isn’t, call me. I’ll leave my number with you.”

Running the tip of his thumb over my upper lip, he says, “I’ll do anything for you.” And then he leans forward and kisses me. I’m taken off guard as his warm lips meet mine. I’m not ashamed to say I haven’t kissed anyone since I kissed Colby goodbye, and this is new for me. Having someone else’s lips on mine is strange. Closing my eyes, I try and feel it, get into the kiss by opening my mouth wider and accepting Logan’s tongue. It doesn’t work. Raising my hands, I hold his face and press his mouth harder to mine. The scruff on his chin tickles, but the closeness doesn’t excite me.

Jerking my head away, I know I shouldn’t have come home with him. It isn’t fair to him, Colby, or myself. “Logan, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. It was extremely selfish of me to come back here.”

He looks me in the eyes as he wipes the wetness from our mouths off of his lips. “It’s because of him, right? Just like last time? I’m just a pawn. Did you ever consider the fact that he may not love you anymore, that maybe you being here and feeling this between us is because he’s over you?”

“I’m really sorry,” I mutter. “Honestly, I was…I’m just in a bad place in my life, but I genuinely did want to come see you. I’m so proud that you’re student teaching.”

“He’s with Brittani, Hensley. You know that, right? They live together and probably share a bed for all I know.” He attempts to use his words to take a dig at me. Luckily, I realize what he’s doing, just like he used to do in the past. I guess he hasn’t changed as much as I hoped.

“Logan, I’m truly sorry for tonight.” Standing up, I straighten my shirt and then attempt to walk to the door. Before I can move past the coffee table in front of the couch, he grabs my arm.

“You’re not going anywhere. You came here for a reason. You called me, remember?”

Sitting down, I grab both of his hands in mine. “I know I called you. Like I said, I did want to talk to you, but I can see you thought I wanted more. I’m sorry, but I really think I should go.”

Moving his hands over mine, he closes them; his grip is tight, and frankly, it scares me. For a few brief moments, we don’t move. We just sit, staring into one another’s eyes, and then in a split second, I’m being pushed backwards onto the couch.

“Now lie down and spread those pretty legs and give me what I’ve been waiting a long time for!”

My skin crawls, like actually moves. I can feel it as he clasps my arms so tightly I can’t even wiggle underneath him. “Stop! You don’t have to do this. Please, Logan, please!” I beg him as I kick my legs and try to shove him off of me.

“Hensley, baby, calm down. It doesn’t have to be this way. You know I’ve wanted you forever, and I know you want me too. Just relax and give yourself to me. Forget about Colby; he isn’t here. We could have been great together, but you wouldn’t ever give me a chance.” He leans forward and his close proximity to my mouth makes me nervous. “He walks into your life, and bam, it’s Colby this and Colby that. I was there too, ya know? I was waiting for you to pull yourself out of his ass and notice me. But the only times you did is when you wanted to make him jealous. Just like tonight. So what we’re going to do is fuck, and you’re going to enjoy it. And maybe when we’re done you’ll realize how good we could have been together.”

Closing my eyes, I start to pray.
Dear Lord, please don’t let him rape me.
I should have never come back here with him. Why do I always get myself in the worst situations? But even worse, why isn’t he accepting I’m saying no? I don’t deserve this. No woman does.
Oh, please stop touching me.

“Think again, Logan,” the voice of an angel calls out as my eyes dart up and see the outline of a man standing in the open doorframe of the apartment.

Logan jumps up off of me and the couch, his hands clenched into fists. I scoot back and hold my legs, too scared to move.

“How’d you know where I live?” Logan’s voice sounds startled as he eyes our new guest.

“It doesn’t matter, but let me tell you something that does,” Colby raises his hand and points at me. “She matters, she matters a lot actually, and to walk in here and see what you were about to do makes me want to kill you. Right here, right now. But I’ll spare Hensley the sight of that, because I can tell she’s been through enough. Come on, Sunshine.” Colby holds his hand out. Nervous to move, I look between him and Logan. “Don’t be scared, he can’t hurt you anymore.”