In the Mix (15 page)

“Where’s Ava?” I ask Charley as she arrives—late as usual. Maddie, Julie, and I have already had a first round.

“I’m sorry; did I get promoted to Ava’s fucking keeper?” She wraps her purse strap on the back of her chair before sitting. We all hiss at her and put our claws up.

“Sorry. I’m in a pissy mood.” She props her elbow on the table and lays her head in her open palm.

“What’s up?” Maddie asks then slurps her margarita up in an obnoxious manner that has all three of us staring at her.

“Just Mitch. He says some fucked up shit sometimes. I get it. I know why he does it. My problem is that he catches himself quickly, apologizes, and in the same breath, expects me to be ok. Like . . . let me pissed off for a minute. I’m, like, entitled to my feelings. Just because you, like, apologized doesn’t mean I’m supposed, like, get over it that quick!”

“I, like, totally agree with you.” I try to keep my straightest face.

“What does Mama Kardashian say about this?” Julie asks in an extremely serious tone. I actually don’t know how she is keeping a straight face or any of us for that matter.

“What?” Charley squints her eyes at Julie as if she’s trying to figure her out.

“I think she would, like, totally agree with you.” Maddie pipes in, clearly knowing where we’re going with this.

“What the fuck are you bitches talking about?!” Charley practically yells.

“Have you recently watched a Kardashian marathon or something because you are,
like,
totally sounding like them?” I ask.

“Fuck, really?”

“Like . . . yup,” Julie says then laughs. “Here’s Ava, now.” She adds, nodding her head towards the door.

“Sorry!” She runs up. “What did I miss?”

“Charley spent the night with a bunch of valley girls, that’s all,” I inform her.

“You whore!” She spits out at Charley. “Were they cute?”

“Not as cute as you.” She smiles and goes in for a hug.

“Alright, knock it off with the girl on girl love. I have some serious shit I need to discuss. Order your drinks so you two can catch up to us.” I point my finger and wave it between Charley and Ava.

“Eh, I’m going to pass tonight. I’m actually feeling a bit queasy.” Charley says as DeeDee walks up to us for their order (Yes, that’s Buddy’s bitch . . . I mean, owner.). “Just a pineapple and cranberry tonight, DeeDee. I want one of Mick’s Reubens, though. I’m wicked starvin,’” she informs her.

“Welcome back to New England.” Julie lifts a glass to her.

“Thanks. I’ve missed it. Such a lovely place.” Charley winks. Ava orders the same as Charley and as soon as Dee leaves, all eyes are on me.

“Ok. What are we looking at here—zombie apocalypse?” Ava asks, pulling a white packaged snack of some sort out of her purse.

“What the fuck is that?”

“My granola snack,” she says defensively.

“You’re a fucking a dork.” I shake my head.

“What?” She shrugs.

“You don’t come to a bar and pull out your own Goddamn Scooby Snack! You fucking drink a beer and eat some bad bar food that will give you the shits tomorrow,” I inform her.

“It’s called the bar diet; man’s secret for years.” Julie offers. “I know this because I’m a model, there’s not a diet out there that we don’t know years before anyone else. We’re like the guinea pigs for the FBA.”

“It’s the FDA, dipshit.” Charley interjects.

“Who cares anyways? What the hell do they even stand for?”

“Fat Dickheads Association!” I yell over Maddie who is, of course, offering the right information. Mine sounds better, though, doncha think?

“What the hell is the FBA then?” She gives us a quizzical look.

“Full Breasted Asswhores . . . they are the sister administration.”

“Isn’t that the club we belonged to in high school?”

“That was FBLA.” Maddie fans herself. Oh boy . . . this is going to be a banner night.

“Which stood for: Fucked Before Legal Age.”

“It did not!” Ava laughs, “Knock it off.”

“Yes! Can we get back to the topic at hand?” Charley snaps. Man, she is in a pissy mood. Normally I would fuckin’ run with this shit but I’m praying she doesn’t say anything about Kyle and me last night. If I mess with her, I can kiss that prayer goodbye.

“Alright! Geez!” I say then close my eyes to regroup. You have no idea how hard this is for me (Psst . . . that’s what she said). “I think you all know that I’ve been struggling at the shop for the past few months. Wait! Let me finish!” I put my hand up when half of them open their mouths. Julie, of course, is not. That’s because she knows partly what’s going on. Don’t let her fool you with this whole ditzy model routine; it’s all part of her act. She’s pretty fucking brilliant and can get info out of you like a twenty year veteran spy. “No, I’m not selling the shop. I’ve never hit a low like this but I’m sure I can figure out how to fix that. In the meantime, I am going to sell my house, catch up on my bills, and possibly look into another idea I’ve recently given a second thought to. What do you guys think? I’m going to need help—and by that I mean—I need to borrow money from all of you.” I say the last bit quickly. It doesn’t matter how fast I just said that; I heard the tires screeching in my head as they all came to a complete stop.

Collectively—they all stare.

I stare back.

It’s becoming uncomfortable right about now.

Can somebody please unpause this shit?!

I’m not surprised by their reaction. I never ask for help . . . not like this. Charley clears her throat and leans in from across the table like big brother is watching. “What do you need? You know Mitch and I—”

“No!” I cut her off. “Mitch can’t know because he will tell Kyle. I don’t want Kyle to know any of this.” I tap at the table for emphasis. “That’s why I’m asking all of you for help. He won’t notice the amount I’m asking for.”

“What amount is that?” she asks.

“The amount that he won’t notice.”

“Which is?” she asks impatiently as DeeDee places all of our drinks down then walks away.

“You suck his dick . . . what amount won’t get his balls in a twist?” I shrug. Maddie is now suffering from the misfortune of thinking that it was safe to start her next margarita. A slushy green substance is pouring out of her nostrils as she tries to contain her laughter.

“It’s Leaky Lindsay!” We all yell at the same time. Yes, we all had a thing for Garbage Pail Kid cards back in the 80’s (I may or may not still have mine . . . shh.). We all throw our little drink napkins at her.

“Fuck, I needed that,” she says, finally able to breathe.

“You needed green shit coming out of your nose?” Charley asks, chuckling a bit.

“Better her nose than her vag . . .” Ava pipes up.

“Ewww!” We all screech collectively. I follow up with the “that skeeves me” shiver.

“So, what are you looking at? The grand total, so we can figure this shit out.” Julie asks, grabbing half of Charley’s sandwich as it is delivered.

“Julie!” she yells as Julie sinks her teeth in.

“What?! It’s a big sandwich. I’m helping you!” she says defensively.

“Why didn’t you order one?”

“Yours tastes better.”

“How do you know?”

“It always tastes better when it’s someone else’s,” she states before taking another heaping bite.

“Honestly, whatever you girls can manage, but let’s not be cheap bitches about it, either, please,” I finally say after the numbers run through my mind, not making a lick of sense.

“Nice touch, throwing that ‘please’ in there at the end.” Maddie winks.

“I’m working on my charm.” I steal a fry from Charley.

“What. In. The. Actual. Fuck, you two?!” She pulls her plate closer and circles her arm around it clearly trying to keep us off of it. I smile and bite into it.

“I need to catch up on some bills on the house, get everything up to date.” I go back to the real conversation at hand.

“You’ll need money for the repairs then, too.” Charley says, taking a bite of her sandwich.

“What repairs?” Julie furrows her brows, looking between Charley and me.

“Charley, do you really think I’d be this calm if I had no water at my house? My electric got cut off,” I inform her.

“Is a thousand enough from each of us?” Maddie asks, “Can your parents help?”

“No. They can’t help at all. I won’t even ask. And yes, that should be a good amount. I have to say that while I’m relieved that you are all able to help like this, it makes me feel like a complete shithead. How the fuck do you bitches have a grand laying around like pocket change?”

“I don’t. I have to talk to Trent. That may be too much for us at the moment. We’re still hurting from all of the money we’ve shelled out trying to have a baby.” Ava shakes her head.

“I’ll pay you back as soon as the house sells. I promise.” I reach forward to grab her hand and squeeze it.

“I know you will.” She pats the top of my hand with her other. “You never ask for help. I know you hate this. We’ll make it work,” Ava says with tears in her eyes.
Fuck. I hate when she does this.

“Only God and the GEGs will judge you.” Julie nudges my shoulder with her hand.

Maddie breaks out in another fit of laughter. I’d say it’s the margaritas hitting her hard tonight, but she always does this. She thinks of something funny—usually a memory—and goes into what looks like a seizure before she can even tell us what’s on her mind. By that point, even if it’s not funny, we’re all laughing our asses off at her. Chain reaction, if you will.

“
What?!
” we all yell at her in unison.

She gasps.

She snorts.

She may have farted because she’s laughing harder now.

We’re all now laughing hysterically like a bunch of fucking assholes.

“Do you . . . do you . . . do you . . .” She tries to tell us.

“
What?!”
We sing like a choir. No really, that’s how it sounded. Like a choir of Sopranos . . . dying.

“Do you . . . phew . . . remember our pledge in high school?” She finally gets out. We all laugh again before straightening up in our chairs. I take a fork and tap it on my beer bottle three times before putting it down again. We all stare straight-faced at each other (ok . . . we’re trying to. There may be some cheek biting to stop from smiling.).

“GEG Roll Call!” I command authoritatively. “CiCi!”

“Charley!”

“Ava!”

“Maddie!”

“Julie!”

“Salute!” I yell. We all flip our birds up. “GEG Pledge!”

“I pledge allegiance to the GEGs

Only God and you girls can judge me.

And to the music of our favorite boy bands

We will rock it out—we will dance

With coordination—and with soul

Promising to never become assholes.”

“Boy, did we fail!” Julie laughs.

“We did. But that’s a good thing,” Ava says, her tears filling her eyes again. Christ . . . she isn’t even drinking. We all sit in collective silence, knowing Ava has a long drawn out speech to deliver. “Who has this? Like us?” She throws her hands out. “I know I’m the one out of us five that is the most serious and I give you girls a hard time. I can’t imagine it any other way between us. I wouldn’t want to! We’ve been friends most of our lives. We’ve been through everything together. Sure, we have other friends that are good friends and have been there for things. But . . . not like us. Not everything. No one knows me like you girls. I don’t think anyone ever will. There’s something special about being friends as long as we have. The ability to act like a complete moron with you girls serves as a form of therapy that, unfortunately, a lot of people don’t understand. I feel sad for them. I can’t imagine not having this. I can’t imagine my life without any of you.” She looks around at all of us.

“We do the grown-up thing pretty well, too. We do it differently than most, but that’s us . . . different,” Charley pipes up, tears conquering her face.

“Here’s to laughing our way through life . . . even the tough shit. I love you girls!” Maddie lifts her glass. We follow.

“Cheers, Asswhores!” we all say in unison, clinking our glasses.

“I can’t believe it!” A certain Brit, by the name of Blake, yells over the microphone. “Do we have all five of the GEGs here with us tonight?!”

“Oh Christ,” Julie groans.

“You are fucking crazy. If I wasn’t with . . . if I were you, I’d be climbing that hot piece of ass, permanently.” I slap her arm.

“Ohhhh!” they all yell in my direction.

“Floor has been opened by you, young lady!” Maddie taps her glass. “Woot woooo!” she bellows out. Oh . . . she’s about one more drink away from being completely shitfaced.

“Take it easy with the drinks, shortstack.” I warn.

“She’s right . . .” Charley trails off.

“I’m not talking about Kyle.” I shake my head.

“Paging the GEGs to the stage! Get your pretty arses up here,” Blake says.

“Saved by the Brit!” I smile and get up. “C’mon girls; Julie’s boyfriend beckons,” I announce then take off towards him.