In the Mix (5 page)

“CiCi.” He pecks.

“Hmm?” I feel so lightheaded.

“Give me a chance; I’m not such a bad guy.” He kisses me again.

“No. You’re one of the good ones.” I pull back. “Which, to me, means you are bad.” My head clears up. “Put me down, Kyle. It’s never going to happen. Get off of me.” I look away from him.

“You. Are. Wrong!” he says angrily.

“No, I’m not.” I bring my eyes back to his. “Put me down. I don’t want this. I don’t want you.” I push at his shoulders.

“You’re a fucking liar. You want this and you want it with me,” he says through his teeth.

“If I fuck you once, will you leave me the hell alone?” I try to act indifferent and roll my eyes.

Kyle drops me. I almost fall to the floor but catch myself. He stares at me intensely. His jawline twitches. “Lindsay will be here on Monday and I promise to stay the fuck away from you,” he states calmly. Well, as calmly as one can when you’re angry as hell.

“Good.” I widen my eyes in a snarky manner.

He stares with angry eyes.

My eyes continue their snark at him.

His hands grasp my face so quick, I may have gotten whiplash. His mouth smacks mine hard. He sucks my lower lip painfully . . . that is until he bites it so hard I yelp before he lets go. He let’s go of my head, pushing it back a little. My fingers reach up to comfort my lip. Kyle shakes his head at me—same angry look intact.

He turns and hits the swinging door open. It hits the wall on the other side making a loud
bang
sound that makes me jump. I listen for the sound of the bells on the door to jingle. They do within seconds. I run out to the store and quickly lock the door. I go to the backroom again where there are no windows. No chance of anyone having the ability to see me.

All alone.

The way I like it.

I cry.

Fuck my life!

No. It’s a figure of speech. Don’t get all
I’m gonna psychoanalyze this bitch!
I’ve got Maddie for that—thank you!

It’s been two weeks. You think I could get her out of my mind for at least one fucking day? No. I’ve tried everything. Tonight I’m trying something new. I’m going on a date with someone else. Paige from finance. She’s cute. We’ve been working a lot together. She’s done more than drop a hint or two that she’s interested.
Fuck CiCi!

So, here I go. Hey, maybe it will work out. Maybe I’m not really meant to be with CiCi.
Fuck.
I just said that. You know what that means, right? I’m not going to get her or those fucking gorgeous green eyes off my mind all night!

I get out of the car when I see Paige heading down her stairs with a spring in her step. “Hi.” I smile and kiss her cheek before opening the door for her. She smells like sweet candy and flowers.
Crap.
I bet she was a cheerleader.

“Hi!” she giggles. Why the hell is she giggling? What’s so funny? She gets in and I close the door. I look up at the sky for some sort of divine intervention. I fear this may be the longest date of my life. It already feels too long.
Bad attitude, Kyle.
I shake my head and head over to the driver’s side.

“Where are we going?” she asks when I get in.

“Dinner?” I look over at her and study her for a moment. Her blonde hair is just above her shoulders—not a hair out of place. It sort of looks like a helmet. I start laughing. Her hair looks like Twiki’s, Buck Roger’s robot. She giggles. I laugh harder. She giggles more.
Fuck . . . it’s going to be a long night, for sure!

I head out onto the main road and drive to the restaurant. I’m taking her to La Bella’s in Salem, New Hampshire. This is not just a pleasure trip. It’s business. Mitch has his eye on it for Charlotte. She loves to cook and I have to say, I’ve had the pleasure of eating her food. Amazing! So I’m casing out the joint for him.

“Ooh . . . I love Italian!” Paige says like it’s her first time ever visiting a restaurant. Of course, this is followed up by a giggle. Someone, someday will appreciate her giggling. Thirty minutes into the date, I can tell you I am definitely not that someone.

We’ve finished our dinner. Thank Christ! Not only is Paige a giggler, she’s a slow eater. Like ridiculously slow. I’ve been done for forty-five minutes. She’s talked and giggled me into a fucking migraine!

“Oooh!” She gets wide-eyed. She also says
Oooh
a lot! “There’s a new karaoke place up the road! We should go there!” She taps my hand.
Shit!

“Hold on! Let me ask my friend about it. He lives up here.” I smile as I pull out my phone to text Mitch and Trent.

MAYDAY!!! HELP!!! SOS!!!

I finish my text and look up at her. She flashes me a huge smile . . . with a huge piece of something in her teeth. Should I tell her? She gestures that she’s going to run to the bathroom as soon as my phone rings. I nod and smile. I answer once she’s far enough away.

“Dude! Help me!” I greet Mitch.

“Not working out, huh?” he chuckles.

“Man, my head is ready to explode! What are you guys doing?” I ask desperately.

“We were thinking of going out,” he says and sighs like he’s still contemplating.

“Good! Meet us at the karaoke bar up the street from this place.”

“Uh, Ok. How’s the restaurant?” he asks quietly.

“Nice! It has a great location here just off of 28. I think she’ll love it!” I smile. “Fuck. She’s coming back! Meet us there, ok?” I beg.

“Ok.”

“And, Mitch?”

“Yes?”

“Hurry . . . please!” I give a final plea. He just laughs at me.
Asshole!

I hang up just as the waitress brings my card back to me. I stand up. I can’t sit another minute here with her. “Ready?” I smile.

“Sure. You didn’t want to have coffee?” she crooks her head.

“Nah. Let’s go!” I’m not even about to ask her if she wants coffee.

We head out to my car and take the drive ten minutes down the road.

Twenty-three times.

Sorry.

Giggle count: Twenty-three times.

In ten minutes.

Ya feeling me?

You’re asking
why,
aren’t you? Why am I continuing with this date if I’m miserable? Two reasons. 1. I work with her and she’s generally a nice girl so I don’t want to be a jerk. 2. CiCi.

Got it?

We get to McPherson’s Karaoke bar and head in to get a table. I let Paige know that Mitch and Charlotte will be joining us. It just occurred to me, when she got giddy and giggled, that I may have been sending out the wrong message by making this a double date.
Fuck.
I think she now thinks that
I
think things are going so well, I want her to hang out with my friends. Yes, she knows Mitch but the fact that this is Mitch makes it even worse.
Oh well!
I sit back and watch the clock. Ugh!

Finally, after fifteen minutes, Mitch walks in with Charlotte. And . . .

Faaaaacccckkkkk!

We lock eyes. I proceed to do what I do next when we lock eyes. Yes. I fuck her. I fuck her with my goddamn eyes every time. You know what? She fucks me back. I know it. My dick knows it. We eye fuck. We give
good
eye fuck.

“Hey guys!” I stand up and shake Mitch’s hand. I kiss Charlotte on the cheek. I stare at CiCi—thrusting into her one more time.

Paige? You know what Paige is doing . . . hee hee.
Christ!
CiCi widens her eyes at me when Paige’s giggling fit rolls into the next. I widen mine back at her.

We both snort.

We all finally sit. Paige grabs my arm and puts it over her shoulder and snuggles into me like one does on a first date.
Awkward.
CiCi, probably for the pure pleasure of seeing me uncomfortable, is laughing her ass off. Part of me wants to laugh with her, but then I remember. I remember that she’s the one who’s supposed to have my arm around
her.
She’s not and it’s her fault. So instead of laughing with her, like I want to, I pull a dick move. I bring my forefinger under Paige’s chin to lift her face up and I kiss her. Then I deepen the kiss. Giggling aside—Paige can kiss and she seems more than happy to be kissing me. A minute or so later, I pull away after giving her another quick peck. Paige snuggles into me a bit more as I bring my eyes up. My eyes find CiCi’s. She’s not laughing anymore. She seems uncomfortable.
Good.

CiCi gets up and goes up by the DJ’s to look through the song choices. CiCi sings? Hmm. I bring my eyes back to Mitch who is staring at me like I’ve got eight heads. Charlotte is glaring as opposed to staring. I shrug. Charlotte mouths
Asshole
at me.

“We have CiCi up at the mic!” the DJ announces. Guess there wasn’t a long wait! We all turn to give our attention to her up on stage. Within seconds, the music is playing and she starts singing. God . . . she has a beautiful voice. She’s singing “Human” by Christina Perri. I love this song. She’s staring right at me as she sings about losing her strength to not be vulnerable. My heart aches. I want to run up to the stage. I want to save her from whatever negative thought that is keeping her from being with me. I pull away from Paige as CiCi continues to sing. Jesus—she’s fucking running her tongue up my neck. It’s annoying. I give her a look to knock it off. She giggles.
Idiot.
My eyes go back to CiCi. She’s amazing. You would think this was
her
song!

CiCi finishes the song and the room claps their hands off for her. Some guy
Woot Woos
for her. I scan the room to find this guy who is woot wooing my girl.
My girl?
What am I thinking? She’s not my girl. She doesn’t want to be my girl. I wish I was a quitter. I’d find it much easier to walk away from her. But . . . I’m not. I’ve just got to find a way to reach her.

Think.

Suddenly, it hits me! As soon as CiCi sits down, I get up and head to the front by the DJ. I request a song and due the earliness of the evening, I’m able to go right up. “This is for you, Ceese.” I say before the song comes on. I want to make sure
Giggles
doesn’t get the wrong idea. I can see CiCi’s rapid breathing from here. She’s seems unsure—uncomfortable. Yet, I can tell she’s glued to her seat. The music begins and I don’t take my eyes off her as I sing “Perfect” by Pink to her. She seems shocked. The whole table seems shocked.

Yeah. I know my way around a note or two!

CiCi starts chewing at the inside of her cheek. Nasty habit but I love it. It tells me that a window is being cracked open. It’s a small crack, but it’s opening. How long will I have before she slams it shut again? I finish the song and am a little taken aback by the applause I receive.

“Dude, I’m booking you for the company Christmas party! We’ll call you the singing ninja.” Mitch laughs.
Asshole.
I offer my usual salute of a smirk and hand gesture. He unloads both barrels at me. I sit next to Paige, still laughing at Mitch. CiCi and I lock eyes. My smile drops. My heart races. I lick my bottom lip slowly. She does the same. If anybody is talking to me, I couldn’t tell you what they are saying. The only person in this room is CiCi. “Stay” by Rhianna and Chris Brown plays in the background. Ever have that moment when you’re feeling a certain way that is indescribable then . . . out of nowhere . . . the perfect song comes on. No other words needed. The song explains everything. Our eyes stay focused on each other’s.

Making love.

“Can you take me home, please?” Paige elbows me. I break away from my stare down with CiCi to look at Paige. Oh, she’s not happy . . . at all!

“Yeah, sure.” I nod. She stands up and grabs her purse aggressively before slamming her chair under the table. She storms off to the door to exit.

“I’m guessing there won’t be a second date.” Mitch says as he watches her.

I stare at CiCi—locking eyes with her again. “There should’ve never been a first one,” I say then proceed to follow Paige.

“Is she your ex-girlfriend? Did you know she was coming here? Did you only kiss me to make her jealous? Do you even like me? Did you really even want to go out with me? Why didn’t you just take me home if you didn’t want to be here with me? Are you going to answer me?” Paige unloads her questions like her mouth is a Tommy gun. I stand here staring at her—mouth open. “Kyle!” she yells.