His voice is deep, and he speaks with a slow drawl that reminds me of honey and whisky, for some reason.
“American,” Ana murmurs, reading my mind.
He’s tall, much taller than Ana and I, and even taller than Chris, who’s at least six foot. Not only does he have the accent and the height, but he’s tanned to boot. He’s like some kind of movie star, and I struggle to place him in this environment. His short, slightly scruffy, mid-brown hair is tinged gold at the tips, bleached from the sun. He’s wearing a dark grey t-shirt with ‘Owls’ written in white, beneath a picture of an owl perched on what looks like a baseball bat. His cargo shorts are khaki and end just above his knees. He’d be the textbook definition of a California surfer if it wasn’t for his beard. It’s not like Chris’s, which is dark and slightly raggedy-looking. His is almost golden, like the tips of his hair, and well groomed, swallowing up much of his face. It’s his beard that makes his eyes stand out so clearly. Light blue, or maybe even green, they’re almost the same colour as the lake behind him. For a moment, I forget what we’re doing here.
“Luke Lancaster,” he says to Chris, releasing his hand and settling his gaze on Ana.
I almost laugh. He even has a Hollywood name. Could he be any more of a cliché?
Ana comes out from behind Chris, leaving me standing back there by myself as she offers him her hand eagerly.
“Hi, I’m Anatia. Nice to meet you, finally.”
She’s practically slobbering over him. Mind you, I can’t blame her. He’s pretty hot, and she’s very single.
Smiling, he takes her hand.
“Hi… Anatia? Did I say that right?” he says, wrapping his foreign tongue around the unfamiliar name.
“You said that perfectly,” she swoons, and I almost roll my eyes. “And you can call me Ana if you like. Most people do.”
“Okay then,” he says, still smiling.
Then it’s my turn, and the moment that those blue-green eyes zero in on me, I almost forget my own name. Suddenly, I feel completely out of my depth. Anxiety rushes in, and I want to turn tail and run, but I can’t.
I summon up a smile from somewhere as I feel the additional weight of Chris and Ana’s gaze on me. Stepping forward, I shove my hand at him, desperate to act like the twenty-seven-year-old I am, even though I feel much more like a fifteen-year-old at this very moment.
“Hi, I’m Sian Bennett, your actual neighbour. These two are just hangers-on, here for the weekend.”
He smiles, and his eyes crinkle a little in the corners.
“Hi Sian,” he says, swallowing my hand in his. “I’m Luke.”
My name sounds strange coming from his lips. Grander, somehow. I think I understand now how Ana felt just a moment ago. He makes quite an impression, that’s for sure.
His hand is slightly sweaty and calloused, his grip just the right mixture of firm yet respectful. He looks me in the eye, and it sends a strange buzz running through me. It feels like he’s flirting, but it’s been so long since anyone flirted with me, I can’t be sure. In that brief heartbeat, I feel dirty, like I’m cheating. I pull my hand out of his, and he wipes his hand on his shorts, taking a step back.
“You’ll have to excuse me, I’m not used to having company.”
“Thirsty work, by the look of it,” Chris says, indicating the building with his head. He hands him one of the beers he brought with him. “Thought we’d bring you over a cold beer, as a kind of ‘welcome to the neighbourhood’ thing. Looks like you could use one.”
Luke’s beard breaks into a smile, and I catch a glimpse of perfect white teeth as he accepts the beer.
“Thanks, don’t mind if I do,” he says, indicating the tent. “I’m a little out of practice, but please, come and have a seat.”
His voice is deep, and he speaks much more slowly than we do. I’m suddenly aware of my own accent, bland by comparison. Flattened vowels, high-pitched, fast. I’m almost disgusted by it, really. At least Chris has a slightly more continental flavour after having spent the past two years overseas.
“Thanks,” Ana says, pushing past Chris to take the lead, grinning up at Luke as she does so.
He waits as we all file past him and round the corner of the building to the lake front. A wet tongue licks my fingertips, and I look down to find the monster German Shepherd walking beside me.
“Don’t worry,” Luke says from behind me. “He won’t bite. In fact, I think he likes you.”
I glance back at him, smiling awkwardly.
“As long as he doesn’t try to eat me, I’m sure we’ll get along fine.”
It feels like I’m talking too fast, and I fight the urge to enunciate properly.
“He’s all bark and no bite,” he chuckles. “Aren’t ya boy?”
The dog ignores him in favour of licking my fingers again.
“I love what you’ve done with the place,” Chris quips, indicating the old cottage, barely held together by the original joists and timber frame.
It’s clear to see what Luke has been doing these past couple of months. Up close, the cottage has been stripped back to bare bones, and there’s a pile of rotting wooden lengths to one side, a pile of new ones stacked neatly off the ground on the other.
Luke chuckles again, standing beside me as we survey his project, our backs to the lake. The dog sits in front of him, as if doing the same. It’s funny, I’ve never even heard so much as a bark coming from this direction before. Maybe the hammering drowned him out.
“It’s sure gonna be keeping me busy for a while longer,” Luke says. “And I’d like to apologise for all the noise. I’m ripping down all the rotten timber and replacing it with new stuff. It’s a dirty job, but it’s gotta be done.”
“I’m sure the noise isn’t a problem, is it?” Chris asks me, putting me on the spot.
“Honestly, I barely notice it from over there anyway.”
It’s the truth, but it also feels like the polite thing to say and I’m proud of myself. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a proper conversation with a complete stranger. So far, so good.
“Are you working on it by yourself? Seems like a hell of a big job for one person,” Chris says, walking forward to inspect the timber structure with a keen interest.
“Yeah, unfortunately. It’ll take a while, but I’m not in any hurry. It’ll be worth it in the end. This spot was just too good to pass up – ruins and all.”
He walks over to join Chris, and the two of them start discussing his plans, while Ana and I hang back, watching them.
“Holy shit,” she mumbles out of the corner of her mouth. “He’s a looker isn’t he?”
“Duh.”
She flashes me a grin, and I keep one eye on the guys as she folds her arms across her chest thoughtfully.
“And to think he’s been over here for a couple of months and we didn’t come over before now. How tall do you reckon he is? Six-three, six-four? Look at those bloody biceps, girl. Phwoar.”
I dig my elbow into her ribs – hard.
“What?” she hisses.
“He’s right there!” I hiss back.
She looks over at Luke and Chris, now picking their way through the rotten floorboards in the cottage, lost in conversation.
“He can’t hear me. Jesus, he’s like a movie star or something, isn’t he? And that accent is fucking
hot
.”
I can already tell she’s going to make a play for him, and I can’t blame her. He’s here, alone, and he’s obviously not from around here. I can see her angle from a mile away.
“He’s gonna need a tour guide,” she says. “Someone to show him the sights. Who better than a local? I’ll take him to Whakarewarewa, show him the bubbling mud – tourists love that stuff. Then maybe the Government Gardens – picnic on the lawn would be good, or maybe the café by the museum. The Polynesian Spa is a must-see – private pool, obviously. Mmmm…”
“What?”
“Just thinking of him in the spa. Do you think he’s a trunks or speedos kinda guy?”
“Something tells me you’ll find out soon enough,” I smile.
She winks at me, grinning.
“Leave it to me, babe. He’s putty in my hands.”
I almost feel sorry for him.
***
Watching Ana flirt mercilessly with Luke takes me back about fifteen years. At school, she was always the confident one. I was the weird, shy one. In many ways, we were complete opposites. I have no idea what she got out of our friendship, but being around her gave me strength. Lately, it also gave me hope. It scares me sometimes, how much I rely her. She’s a reminder of the past that’s been ripped away from me, but she also ties me to the present. Right now, I need both. My sanity depends on it. If I somehow manage to slip the unseen ropes that bind me to either, I know all will be lost.
I watch her work her magic on Luke as we sit on the front lawn of his cottage, on a pile of new timber he and Chris have hastily fashioned into a semi-circular bench especially for our benefit. She’s coy, funny and attentive. Chris knows what’s going on as clearly as I do. He shoots me a raised eyebrow once or twice, and I can sense his bemusement even beneath the cover of his beard. As for Luke, he seems to be oblivious. Either that or he’s deliberately keeping her at a distance. I can’t figure out which, but I can see her frustration building. It was a rare male who could resist Ana’s charms, especially when she put her heart and soul into it like she was currently.
“So, what part of the States are you from?” Chris asks, keeping the conversation flowing.
“Forest City, North Carolina.”
“Sounds pretty,” Ana smiles.
“It really is.”
He smiles back, but it looks more like a courtesy smile.
“Is that on the coast, or inland?” Chris asks.
“Inland, but only a few hours from the coast. Do you know North Carolina at all?”
“Nope, I’m sad to say. I’ve just come back from two years in the UK and Europe. I was supposed to go to the States, just for a couple of months, but I didn’t quite get there.”
A shiver runs down my spine and I can’t look at him. He doesn’t say as much, but it’s probably because he came back home for James and Kieran’s funeral instead. I stare at the grass in front of me, trying to slow my racing heart.
“What about you, Sian?”
I tuck my emotions back into a little heart-shaped box inside my chest and look over at him, sitting opposite me on the makeshift bench.
“Me? No. I’ve never been outside New Zealand.”
He nods slowly, and I feel like he’s assessing me, judging me even. I squirm a little under his direct gaze.
“It’s beautiful,” he says, his attention still on me.
Then he smiles, almost tentatively, as though testing the water.
“I grew up near where they filmed ‘Dirty Dancing’. Long, hot summers at a lake that looks a lot like this one, hunting, fishing, baseball – the whole deal.”
His eyes are mesmerising, and suddenly I go from fidgety to frozen. It’s unnerving, like he’s drawing me closer, even though neither of us has moved. I want to lean backwards, to get away from him, but I can’t. Finally, his gaze wavers, and I’m free again.
“I loved that movie! ‘Nobody puts Baby in the corner’ – gah!” Ana grabs her chest with her hand and closes her eyes, sighing. “I must’ve seen it a thousand times. An absolute classic.”
“Absolute bloody chick flick,” Chris says, taking a sip of his beer. “But sounds like a cool childhood. What kind of hunting are we talking about?”
“Deer, mostly.”
“We do a bit of that here as well. I know zero about baseball, but I’m guessing that’s your team?” Chris points to Luke’s t-shirt.
Luke looks down then looks up again, smiling.
“You guessed right. Forest City Owls. I haven’t seen much baseball since I’ve been over here – lots of rugby though. I did wonder if y’all played any other sports here, for a while.”
“Yeah,” Chris grins. “We get that a lot. Rugby is number one. Gotta say, I missed that when I was away.”
“So where are y’all from anyway?”
Chris launches into his pedigree – from his Auckland upbringing, his wealthy, somewhat demanding, parents, to Wellington, then London and his recent travels around Europe. Ana quickly follows, with tales of her Maori-English-Irish ancestry, followed by a quirky anecdote about her absentee father, currently in prison for, as she calls it, ‘chronic stupidity’. I notice she doesn’t mention her mother. Although she’s geographically close – she lives and works not far from her – they’re not close, emotionally.
When it’s my turn, I draw a blank. I don’t want to talk about how Mum abandoned me, how I have no idea who my father is, or how Nanna and Grandad raised me. I don’t want to talk about James or Kieran, or the life I used to have. I don’t have much to say about the limbo I currently find myself in, either. As I frantically explore my options, Chris is the one who saves me this time.
“Sian and Ana went to school together.”
Luke nods, and I’m suddenly in the spotlight again, those piercing blue-green eyes lingering on me. “So you’re local, too?”
“Originally,” I say, finding my voice. “I spent a while in Wellington. I moved back here about a year ago.”
“Must be nice to be back home again.”
My heart breaks just a little bit more. He has no idea. I smile weakly, nodding.
“Speaking of which,” Chris says, “you’re a long way from home. How long have you been in New Zealand?”
Luke’s attention turns away from me, and I feel like doubling over. The pain in my heart is so fierce, as if a fire has been lit inside my chest and it’s licking away at my organs, searing the delicate membrane that holds me together.
“It’s okay. Try and relax.”
James is in my ear again, and I can almost feel him behind me, his hands on my shoulders, giving me strength. But it’s not enough, not this time. Far from giving me strength, it just reinforces what I’ve lost. Oblivious to my pain, the conversation goes on around me.
“A little over two years,” I hear Luke say.
I stand up. I can’t deal with this a moment longer.
“Sorry,” I say, flustered. “I just remembered – I think I might’ve forgotten to close the freezer. I should go and check.”
I don’t wait to elaborate. I don’t turn back when Ana calls my name. I walk swiftly to the treeline, breaking into a run as soon as I know they can’t see me. I run across the grass and up the steps until I’m crawling into the bedroom wardrobe on my hands and knees. My heart feels as if it’s going to explode. Sitting on the floor in the wardrobe, I pull the door shut after me and sit on top of the shoes, in the dark, gulping in air as if I’m drowning.