Authors: Joan Duszynski
I just shrug my shoulders at her. “Well, just so you know, I’m not here majoring in psychology, so don’t expect any miracles. Plus, once I’m awake, unfortunately, there is no going back to sleep.” Tara gives me a slight smile. It isn’t much, but it is a lot better than the only other looks I have seen from her this morning.
We walk out to the lot, and the chill in the early morning air hits me. It is November, and, honestly, I can’t stand being cold. I find myself looking up into the still dark sky toward the moon and stars. I am always drawn to the night sky. I tear my eyes away from the moon, and follow Tara as she heads toward a dark grey Mini Cooper. “Cute Mini; I love the instrument panel on these cars. I have never actually ridden in one before, but I always find myself looking through the windows when I walk by one. Oh wow, I sound like a creeper now.”
Tara gestures for the passenger door with her hand, while raising her eyebrows up. “Well, take a seat, and have yourself a real look. Now you get your first official ride in one too.”
I open the passenger door and sit down, taking it all in. Tara sits in the driver’s seat and starts the car. When the dash lights come on, my blue eyes go wide. I feel like a little kid in a candy store, staring at it all. I really don’t know why something so simple can get me so excited, but it does. “It looks even better all lit up!”
Tara looks over at me and my giddy expression, and with that Tara actually gives me a slight giggle. “Well, I guess it is the least I could provide after my intrusion. And, Caroline, the coffee is on me this morning. I insist.”
“Well, I can’t argue with free Starbucks.”
As we are parking the car, Tara’s phone chirps. Her eyes go wide, and her hand goes up to her mouth. “That’s a text, but I’m too nervous to see who it is from. Caroline, can you read the name on the screen for me?” I pick up Tara’s phone, and put it in my pocket. She gives me a confused look. “Coffee first, then once we get our seats I will read you the name.”
She goes to reach for the phone with shaking hands, and then pulls back. Tara sighs, and then nods her head. “Ok, let’s get in there then, and I will try not to have a complete melt down while talking with you here.”
We exit the car and walk inside. There is only one other customer sitting down with his cup on the table, typing away on a laptop. He looks to be a student, and in deep concentration. Two employees are working behind the counter; one boy and one girl. “Good morning. What can I get for you, ladies?” says the guy working behind the register. He has brown hair, with his bangs hanging in front of his very dark brown eyes. He looks vaguely familiar. I’m sure I have probably seen him around campus, but can’t pin point if I actually share any classes with him. I have to give him credit—I know we both look a mess, and Tara’s face is all red and blotchy with obvious signs of crying; yet, he doesn’t falter. He keeps his expression very happy and keeps great eye contact. We give him our orders, and wait for the Barista girl with blond and red chunks all throughout her hair to make our drinks.
We go to the furthest table back in the corner. I notice Tara has grabbed several napkins, and places them in the pocket of her hoodie. Once we are both seated, I take my first blissful taste of coffee, and then pull Tara’s phone from my pocket. “Ok, so you still want me to read the name off to you?” Tara clutches her cup tightly in both hands, and nods yes, finally taking her first sip. I open the screen and read out the name for the new message. “It says Eric.”
Tears start to well up in her eyes again. “I don’t know why I figured for certain it would be Andrew. I guess he is still preoccupied.” Then the hand starts swinging around in the air again. This girl is a very emotional talker. “Oh god, how did I get here; being this girl? The type of girl ready to show up and cut a bitch for screwing around with my man. When she doesn’t even probably know I exist. Doesn’t even know the guy she is probably under right now has a girlfriend.” After that last sentence she hiccups from all the tears and brings her hand up to her mouth. “He has a girlfriend who loves him, and has practically revolved her life around him for the last two and half years. I let my feelings for him bring me to nagging everyone we know around campus until I found out where this Piper girl stayed.”
Now her hands start swinging around again, and I seriously just want to reach out and grab them to keep them still. She takes in another deep breath. “I felt total rage toward her. As if this whole situation was all her fault. Like she set out to ruin my life. Whereas, in truth, Andrew is the one whom knows he is in a relationship. He is the one that told me he loves me unconditionally, and once college started this year for us it wouldn’t change things.”
Tara pulls out a napkin, wiping at her eyes and nose. I try to just sit and listen, knowing that, right now, she needs to just let her emotions ramble out from her. She holds her hand out toward me. “I need my phone, so I can read what Eric sent early. He is my oldest brother. I can’t even imagine the shit I am going to get from him when he catches whim of this, and the way I went about it.” I hand over her phone. She takes it from me with her hands still shaking. She wipes her face again, and starts to read her message.
I notice that I am already half way through my Grande coffee. I guess I should have ordered a Venti. I am going to end up with caffeine jitters by the time this conversation is done. Tara lets out a grunting sound. “Someone has told him that I caught Andrew screwing around. He says they were worried, because I was calling and texting all around, trying to figure out where this Piper girl lives.”
She then lets out a loud tiff sound and smacks one of her hands down on the table, causing it to shake. “Remember, Tara, no inside melt downs… that was the goal when we walked in”
She gives me a look that says, did you really think that was possible? “I know. Sorry, I am trying my best. I have to send him a message, or he will probably drive all the way here to show up at your place and see what the hell I might be getting myself into. I seem to have a tendency to act before I think, and get myself in slight messes at times. He is a Police Detective; so even if whoever told him didn’t give him Piper’s room number, he will figure it out.”
Wow, could this girl make my day any more dramatic? Should I just get up and walk away now? I glance from the table to the door, debating just that. Being the sucker I am most days, I know I will stick around, though. I may not know Tara, but she obviously doesn’t need to be alone, and I have a feeling she really wants to try and talk her way through some of this. Me being a neutral party and not knowing her or Andrew sometimes makes it a lot easier to talk about.
As Tara is typing away on her phone, I feel the need to express a little sarcasm; yet, in reality, it really is something to think about. “So, now I am going to have the police showing up at my door this morning, too? Wow, I am going to be the talk of the school for the next couple days with all the action I have going on outside my place. To think, I thought my only plans for today were to drive and meet up with my best friend, Raleigh.” I roll my eyes and let out a slight huff. Her phone chirps again, and Tara runs her hand down her face as she is reading the new text. “Oh shit, Caroline, I am so sorry; he is already on his way. To say my brothers are slightly over protective is an understatement. He will probably be here within forty minutes, or so. I can take you back, and have him meet me somewhere?”
I ponder this for a moment. “Well I’m not supposed to be at Raleigh’s Physical Therapy appointment until later this afternoon, and I did agree to listen. I figure I am going to need at least one more cup of coffee to make it through this day, so if you want I will stay. I would rather Eric meet you here, though, then at my room. That might prevent some extra drama. I will leave once he gets here.”
Tara looks at me with a very shocked expression. “Are you serious? After my crazy appearance, and the fact that you don’t know me.” She is taking her finger and pointing at herself as she says this, with a look of disbelief across her face. “Which, of course, means you don’t owe me anything, Caroline; yet you are willing to be here for me. I feel like this whole situation is going to be life changing in many different ways. Other than a broken heart, and trying to figure out who I am without Andrew, I feel I might of just acquired a friend. Thank you so much.” Again, I just shrug as Tara types out another message to her brother.
My stomach chooses this moment to let out a loud growl. I take my hand and try to cover it up, like covering your stomach with your hand ever really works against it growling. “Ok, I am going to go order you another coffee… do you need something to eat too?”
I perk up at that question. “A blueberry muffin would be great.” Tara gives me another slight smile and nod, and walks back over to the register.
As I watch her walk to the counter again, I have to wonder how I became such a sucker. It would be nice, though, to make a new friend, since this year hasn’t gone anything like my first year at college when Raleigh was my roommate. I really miss her, and rooming with Piper and her trashy ass sucks. If Tara only knew the fact that Andrew having a girlfriend would have meant nothing to Piper, but no need to relate that right now.
Once Tara gets back to our table, she sets my order down in front of me. I notice that she hasn’t gotten anything else for herself, though. “Ok, here is your coffee and muffin. Where to start at now? I guess I should explain that when Andrew and I got together during High School… although he wasn’t my first boyfriend, he was my first serious boyfriend. I fell for him, hard and fast.” She takes both her hands and places them over her heart, while letting out a moan. “My brothers never cared for him, so, of course, this situation will add to the, I told you to dump that loser a long time ago speech. I seem to be drawn to the somewhat trouble maker type of guy. I don’t want mister perfect fancy boy.” I snarl up my lips, and start shaking my head back and forth. “I have to agree with you there, Tara; preppy and perfect never really has done it for me, either.”
She nods and says, “Exactly.”
Then the hands start moving again with her nervous energy. “My brothers really shouldn’t judge so much anyway; being that they aren’t exactly prim and proper themselves. Anyway, Andrew was my first and only. Sorry if that is a bit too much information, but I figure we are both adults here, so why not just put that out there? I wasn’t his first, but he claims to have been with no one but me since we became a couple. Now I wonder if I can truly believe him with anything he has told me.”
I finally feel the need to grab at one of her hands. “Do you always use your hands so much when you talk? You are going to smack yourself in the face eventually.”
She gives me a shy smile, and tucks her hair again. “I have been told I do that a lot when I am worked up. I didn’t even realize it honestly. I will try and keep them at bay.”
She then takes both her hands and entwines them together, with a napkin scrunched up between them, placing them on the table. She looks to the side, then back at me, taking another deep breath in and out. I nod my head at her, as to say go ahead and continue. “I was nervous about college starting, and honestly I knew things would change. I had this talk with him many times over the summer, but he kept assuring me how much he loved me and couldn’t imagine life without me. That we were building ourselves into our future selves as individuals, and as a couple, so we could have a comfortable and secure life together. He did comfort me in my feelings about it all, and I felt a lot more relaxed once college was getting ready to start. Although, he did have that bad boy persona, he was, honestly, always really good with me. A little rough around the edges here and there, but good.”
As I listened, I notice Tara seemed lost in thought at times, and I could see her ringing her napkin tightly in her hands as she continued to speak. I could tell she was picturing the moments as she spoke of them. “I could see major changes, though, by the third week into school. Just as I feared, college did begin to change him and fast. He was calling and meeting up with me less. Sometimes he would say he was busy with papers or studying, and other times it was about the importance of getting to know the guys in the Frats and making a place for himself. Therefore, going out regularly for that all so important guy time.”
Tara hangs her head, pausing for a moment. I don’t know why, but I feel the need to reach out and pat one of her hands lightly. She then raises her head again, looks down at my hand, and wipes at her face with her other hand, while giving me a slight smile.
“I would catch him walking out of classes sometimes, with a group of girls and guys all laughing, and one of the girls may be leaning in on him or grabbing at his arm. He would always come to me and put his arm around my shoulder, and when I would question him about the group, especially the girls, he would just shrug. Saying things like: Oh they are just class mates; no one important, especially not as important as you. Then he would give me his killer reassuring smile. Of course, now, if I think about it, that was probably his way of getting me to drop the subject, and it worked. Last night, he was supposed to be at some Sorority meeting; all guys of course. I guess plans changed, and he just somehow forgot about getting in touch with me; hence my sarcasm here.” With that, I raise up my eyebrows, and she lets out a huff while rolling her eyes.
“He didn’t even text or call me to say goodnight, and make sure I was ok. I live in a rental house nearby on my own, and he always checks on me to make sure I am ok. I basically followed him to school here; yet, most of my close friends went away to other states. My parents pay the rent, though, so there was no way he could move in with me. I’m sure, now, he is happy that worked out in his favor after all. So, the fact that he didn’t get hold of me last night already had me over thinking, and, obviously, this time, it wasn’t just my mind over working.” Tara sighs again, and wipes away more tears that have started to come back.
I have now finished my muffin, and am half way through my second cup of coffee. I am slightly starting to feel the jitters from the caffeine, which I seem to get every time. “Ok, Tara, honestly I can’t say I know what you are going through, because, honestly, I don’t know if I have ever truly been in love before. I do know that, even though this statement is probably over used it is true: Life goes on, and you will make it through this.”