In Too Deep (15 page)

Chapter 28

I was sick. I had to be.
Or dying. Hopefully dying. I’d turned down a threesome.
A fucking threesome.

I throw
my fist into the punching bag, slamming the bag away from me, letting a growl rip through my chest.

How
can one small, argumentative girl be getting to me so much? It’s infuriating. Annoying. Sexy. Frustrating as hell. I’m fucked. Actually, that was the problem. I wasn’t. I couldn’t concentrate on other girls until I had Taylor. She was like a drug to me. I’d had one small taste and it was nowhere near enough. I was torn in between breaking all my rules about not messing around with younger girls and pursuing her whole-heartedly until she said yes. To me. To everything I wanted.

But as I’d
spent more time with her, become friends with her, confided in her about my mom, I knew I couldn’t use her like that. Which made this all the more maddening. There was no way out.

I couldn’t go on acting like a pussy-whipped fool. I had to get her out of system. And I knew of only one way to do that.

My tension faded almost instantly having made that decision. Good. It was settled. I would have Taylor. Soon. Or I’d go crazy.

Chapter 29

MJ pushes up her sleeve. “I think a nice little saying or symbol.
Right here.” She touches her wrist. MJ’s been talking about getting a tattoo for the past week and a half.

“Bad idea,” Logan says. “They’re permanent, in case y
ou hadn’t heard. Whatever you like now, you’re not going to like when you’re forty.”

“He’s got a point.” I back Loga
n up, even though I know there’s no talking MJ out of something she wants.  I toss another handful of candy into my mouth. Logan’s mom sent yet another care package, this one filled with every type of candy imaginable and of course he’s sharing with us.

MJ’s head swivels to the door, mid-bite of
a large chocolate bar.

“What?” I turn and follow her gaze.

Colt’s striding through the center of the cafeteria, heading straight for our table, his eyes locked on mine, completely unaware of all the others watching him.

He stops at our table, still looking at me.

“Um, hi.” I give a little half wave, my cheeks bursting with fruity candy.

He nods. “
Hi. What’s with all the candy?”

Logan holds out a selection of candy bars to him. “Take one.
Please. My mom smothers me, treats me like I’m five. She needs to back off.” He rolls his eyes.

Hurt flashes across Colt’s face. “No thanks.”

I have the sudden urge to reach out and take his hand, but of course I don’t. That would just be weird. I swallow down the lump of candy.

“MJ wants to get a tattoo,” Logan
explains, motioning to MJ who’s now got her shirt pushed down off her shoulder, inspecting the space there.

“Colt would you ever get one?” she asks
, pulling her shirt back into place.

“How do you know I don’t already have one?” he asks.

MJ laughs. “Because something tells me you’re too much of a pretty boy to get inked.”

“I’ve thought about it.” He leans against the side of the table and I have to will my eyes not to travel down the length of his body. “Down here.” He touches just below his belt buckle.
Holy God, focus, Taylor. Focus!
“I’d get something that says, ‘Thanks for visiting. Come again soon.’”

The table erupts in laughter. But I’m rendered speechless. 

“Classy, Colt. Even for you, that’s pretty bad,” MJ scolds.

“Hey, I’ve never had an unsatisfied customer.
And in case I forget to say thank you, it’d be covered.” He’s looking at me again.

Gross
. “Do you have any respect for women? They’re not your
customers
,” I say, not bothering to hide the unease I feel.

“I have nothing but respect. I make sure a lady is treated right when she’s with me.”

“So you don’t buy into the notion that the female orgasm doesn’t exist,” Logan asks, his voice scientific and professional.

“Myth,” Colt says absently, reaching down to steal a
lollipop that discarded on the edge of my plate. “And I have a few tricks up my sleeve,” he says, looking thoughtfully at the sucker.

I roll my eyes. This conversation needs to end.
Now.

“Don’t listen to Logan, he’s afraid of girls as it is,” MJ says.

Logan gives her a look that’s the visual equivalent of stepping in gum.

Colt
pops the sucker in his mouth and pats MJ on the top of her head like she’s four years old and just done something amusing. “Okay, kiddos, see you in class.” But before turning away, he bends down near my ear, removing the sucker. “If you’re free tonight, I thought maybe you could come by. We could watch a movie or something before you go away on break.” His breath smells of the strawberry sucker and I want to turn to him and taste it on his lips.

Before I have a chance to answer, Colt strolls away, leaving me looking after him with both intrigue and disgust.
I am so screwed.

Chapter
30

I’m a man on a mission, tossing dirty clothes in the basket in my
closet, picking up stray socks, making my bed, even dusting with an old T-shirt. I don’t know the last time I dusted my room. Probably never. I search through a box in my closet. I know I have some candles in here somewhere. Finally I locate them.

Three thick white candles.
A gift from a girl I hardly remember. A blonde I think. Jillian? Jenna? It doesn’t matter. I line the candles up on my dresser, the matches set beside them. Then I go to take a shower.

After a lengthy shower,
I’m relaxed and spend time online searching for just the right movie. I find one about computer hackers, chuckling to myself and wondering if Taylor’s seen it. Probably not since it’s several years old.

I pay the small fee and download it on my computer. I check the clock again. I know Taylor’s finished with dinner by now. I decide to go and scrounge up some snacks for our movie
night, and a diet Coke for Taylor. She won’t be able to resist me and all my careful planning. Girls are suckers for that shit.

Tonight will be perfect.

Several hours later, I’ve eaten all the snacks, burned the candles down to nubs and replayed through my mind all the things I wanted to do her about six times. She must have changed her mind about coming. It’s not like I really waited for her to answer me when I asked, er,
told
her to come. But that would have worked with most girls. They liked being told what to do. They claimed they didn’t like that macho bullshit, but from what I’d seen, they always responded well.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand. I glance at the caller ID. It’s
Yes
, aka Samantha. I don’t answer. Thirty minutes later, it buzzes two more times. I pick it up and text her back. I can’t escape what I am. And Taylor’s refusal to come here tonight affirms I shouldn’t even bother trying.

Chapter
31

The halls
are deserted, many people having already left for summer break, but my parents are coming to get me tomorrow, since the drive is too long to make on a weeknight after work.

Colt
’s offer to come by his room after dinner has been weighing on my mind since lunch. I wanted to hang out and watch a movie, but I’d convinced myself that was a bad idea, and instead spent the evening alone in the computer lab, messing around online, chatting with friends on the hacking sites and message boards I liked, which was always a good distraction.

Around midnight, my eyes are burning
from staring at the computer screen for the past six hours. I wonder what Colt’s doing and if he’s still up. I wonder how long he waited before realizing I wasn’t coming. I’m starting to feel bad that I didn’t show. I glance at the clock again wondering if he’s still awake.

I decide
that on my way to bed, I’ll walk past his room. If I see his light on under the door, I’ll knock. If the light is turned off, I won’t. I didn’t want to have that awkward moment where he thought I was coming for a late night booty call.
Awk-ward
, I giggle to myself.

Heading down the hall, I
can tell from several doors down that his light is still on. Its faint glow floods through the crack by the floor. My heart speeds up at the thought of seeing him.

As I g
et closer, a knocking sound I can’t place grows louder. I stop in front of his door, confusion setting in. I raise my hand to knock when I hear it. A faint female voice moaning, followed by the knocking sounds again. She calls out Colt’s name.
Holy shit!

I drop
my hand, my fists balling up at my sides. My heart pounds in my chest in time with the knocking bed post against his wall.

Tears
spring to my eyes. I have to get out of here.
Now
.  I turn and run down the hall, stumbling blindly, thankful no one’s around. I don’t know when it happened, but the tears are freely flowing down my cheeks. I trip and catch myself against the banister, breathing hard. My heart slams against my chest, beating so painfully I fear it may just stop working. I brace myself against the wall for support and sink slowly down to the floor.

What was I thinking liking Colt? He could not be trusted. No guy could. They thought with their d
icks, plain and simple. I sniff and wipe my nose on my sleeve, not even trying to stop the tears from coming. It would be pointless. Despite my best intentions not to, I’ve fallen for Colt, and he’s already crushed my heart just like Wes had.

I don’t know how long I sat there feeling sorry for myself, but after a little while, I hear voices coming down the hall.
Shit. I press myself closer to the wall, but there’s nowhere to hide.

“S
ee ya soon,” a girl’s voice says sweetly. She rounds the stairs and stops in front of me. “Excuse me,” she says, stepping around me. I don’t bother looking up to investigate. Feet clad in sky high heels, leading to tanned, well-toned calves tell me everything I need to know.
Yes
is superior to me in every way. I didn’t want to further torture myself by looking into the face of the girl who’d just slept with Colt, so instead I keep my eyes trained on the floor.

She hurries
down the stairs, moving faster than someone in heels that high should be able to. Clearly she knows her way around here since Colt hasn’t even bothered to walk her to the door. What an ass. But that’s probably for the best, since the last thing I need is to watch them share a goodbye kiss. My stomach churns just thinking about it.

But then I notic
e Colt’s footsteps are coming closer, continuing down the hall. The girl gave away my hiding spot when she spoke to me. Colt’s probably wondering who is out here at this hour.

I
wipe at my face, knowing there’s no hiding my tear streaked cheeks, and mascara stained eyes.

The footsteps stop
behind me. “Taylor?”

“Yeah,”
I croak out without turning around.

Colt walks
over, positioning himself on the stair in front of me. He crouches down, studying my face, looking concerned. He sits down facing me. “What’s wrong?” He brings his hand up to my cheek. I flinch like I’ve been slapped, and he quickly drops his hand, looking hurt and confused.
Welcome to the club.
“What is it?” his voice is soft, pleading.

I swallow down a fresh wave of emotion at his concern and meet his eyes. “Was that
Yes
?”

He nods, looking down at the floor. “Does that bother you?”

Hell yes!
“Does it matter?” 

He leans in closer. “It matters to me.” He reaches toward me, giving my hand a squeeze.

I pull back, not wanting him to touch me. “Don’t,” I say, my voice firm, unwavering.

He lets my hand drop. “I’m sorry, Taylor. I’m sorry I’m not the guy you want me to be. I can see it in your eyes.
The way you judge my lifestyle. You tell me to go have fun, but I know you don’t mean it.”

I look down. He’s right.

He lifts my chin, then quickly drops his hand, remembering my no touching rule. “You’re right, okay. I used to have no problem with the way I lived, but now I’m starting to question it. So you should be happy right?”

Maybe I am
getting through to him more than I thought. I close my eyes. No. I won’t allow myself to get my hopes up. He will not regain my trust simply be saying he wants to change. I would need to see it with my own eyes. Words are meaningless. Wes had taught me that. Colt would have to prove it.

“So show me,” I whisper, my lips trembling.

Colt tips his head, raising an eyebrow. “Show you what?” He strokes my cheek, coaxing it out of me.

I swallow down my tears.
“That you can be trusted. That you’re not the guy you seem.”

He chuckles. “You mean that I’m not a total dirt bag?”

“Exactly.” I smile back, wiping away the dampness still lingering at my eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.” I know he didn’t mean to. This is just who he is, which is why it’s so dangerous for me to like him.

I unfold my legs from underneath me, where they’d fallen asleep and set my feet on the step next to Colt
. He lifts my sandaled feet to his lap. “I waited for you. I even picked out an old hacker movie I was betting you’d never seen.”

Is he kidding me? He says this like it should impress me. I’m moments away from slapping him and taking him to get tested for STDs.

“But when you didn’t show…and she called….I…I don’t know, I guess I just got bored.”

I roll my eyes.
“Bored?” The word drips with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, that sounded terrible.”

I press my lips together, nodding. He’d have to do a lot better than this.

His fingers trace a slow pattern in my skin, slipping along my ankle bone
, dipping down to the arch of my foot. “Tell me what you want.” His voice is breathless, husky.

I swallow. “I can’t.”

“But I don’t want to see you sad like this again. And if this is about me…I need to know.”

“Colt,” I plead. “I can’t.”

“Fuck,” he growls. “I’m not good at this.”

“At what?”

“Girls,” he says.

“Yeah, right.
I strongly doubt that.”

“I mean the real stuff.” He looks at me, his hazel green eyes burning with intensity on mine. “I don’t think I’ve ever been friends with a girl like this.” He smiles, coaxing a grin from me. “Don’t let me mess it up, okay?”

Friends? Awesome. Yay. Kill me now.
I nod. “It’s simple, Colt. Be there. Listen, care.” And stop being a manwhore, I say in my head.

He nods.
He rubs his hands along my calves, massaging away the tension and making my stomach dance with hope. But then I remember that his hands were just on her, touching her body God knows where. I pull my feet free from his lap and stand. “Goodnight, Colt.”

He’s quiet and doesn’t move from the step as I walk away.