“What if it’s not my underwear?”
“Then he walks,” Jared answered matter-of-factly. No need to beat around the bush, she’d been through too much for him to sugarcoat this.
“What if I can’t identify them?”
Her soft skin calmed his nerves when he took her by the elbow and led her back into the house. “I’m sure that won’t be a problem.”
“What about at trial? I mean, lots of women shop at Victoria’s Secret.” Her voice trembled.
Closing the door and securing the lock, he pulled her into his arms. “One step at a time, okay? The D.A. thinks we have a good case, and he wouldn’t go to trial if he thought he might lose.”
“Is this really over? Can I really let my guard down?”
He cupped her chin. “You should always be aware of your surroundings, but yes, this is over.”
“Thank God.” She pushed herself from his clutches, then rolled her neck.
He scowled. “I still want you to stay clear of Tom.”
“I have to work with him.”
“Don’t care.”
“Oh, trust me. I think this experience has taught me a thing or two about being a bitch.”
He wanted to laugh. Ryan could never really be a bitch. She was too nice. One of the many things about her he admired and adored. She had an uncanny ability to see the good in most people.
“Jared?” She touched his hand. “What’s going on?”
“I’m just tired.” He threaded his fingers through hers. “Closing a case is always anticlimactic. The experts say it has something to do with the rush of adrenaline, then the letdown when it’s all over or some such nonsense.” What a line of bull that was. And he wasn’t tired. He was restless. “Should we take a pregnancy test or something?”
“We?” She laughed. “Don’t think your urine would tell us anything.”
“You know what I mean.”
She patted her hand on his chest. “I’m not pregnant.”
“How can you be so sure?” He narrowed his eyes, checking out every feature of her face. As a cop, he was trained to detect liars.
“Let’s just say we won’t be mixing friendship with sex for the next few days.” She didn’t blink, not once. Nor did she look nervous. Besides, she had no reason to lie to him. They’d always been upfront with each other.
“You can still sleep in my bed, if you want.”
She shook her head. “Thanks, but I think the right time is right now. Besides, the realtor left a message on your machine saying she has an offer. One you should take. It sounded like they were close to the asking price.”
His pulse raced out of control and his chest actually hurt, like a heart attack might. “That’s good, but what about you?”
“It can’t be that hard to find an apartment this time of year. I’ve already circled a few in the paper over in Bolton.”
“You don’t miss a beat, do you?” He fought his desire to tell her how he really felt, because he wasn’t so sure.
“Nope.” She smiled proudly. “I can’t afford to.”
He opened his mouth to ask her what she’d do if he stayed, but then he remembered her look of disappointment when she’d found out he’d turned down the job once before. He didn’t want to disappoint her or have her hate him. Those two things he couldn’t bear. “I want you to know how much you mean to me. How much this time with you has helped me deal with…Johnny. I think I can finally move past his death, thanks to you.”
She smiled, her eyes twinkling in delight. “That means a lot to me. It broke my heart to see you in such pain.”
“It still hurts, but I know it’s not my fault.”
“Good.”
He stood there and stared at her, not knowing what to do. His heart wanted to take her into his arms and hold on tight, never letting go. His brain told him to run like hell and never look back. “Is the message from the realtor still on the machine? If someone is willing to pay list, I’d be a fool not to take it.”
She turned, fiddling with some papers on the counter. “I took all the information down.” When she turned to face him, she smiled, but her eyes looked sad. “It’s a good offer. She said she’d fax it to you in the morning.” She held the paper in her trembling hands. “Leaving this house, the carriage house, will be hard.” She wiped a tear that had dropped to her cheek.
Was there something more in her eyes? He searched, but couldn’t tell. His heart told him she wanted him to stay and give them a try, but he couldn’t commit to that feeling. What if he was wrong? What if he put his heart out there and she didn’t want him? “Ryan,” he whispered.
“I’m tired. I’ll go to the station in the morning. Goodnight, Jared.” She eased into his arms to kiss his cheek, then slipped out and disappeared up the stairs, taking his heart with her.
But he wouldn’t follow it. He couldn’t. He didn’t know how to love her.
Chapter Seventeen
Jared watched the sun begin its descent behind the tall mountains as he loaded the last of his suitcases into the back of his pickup, then looked around the place he’d called home for as long as he could remember.
“Is that it?” Pat asked.
“For now. I’ll fly back in a few weeks to get the BMW. And until I sell the house, I won’t move the furniture.”
“What about that offer?”
“Still negotiating.” Jared rubbed the back of his neck. He should’ve taken the offer up front, but he decided to hold out for a few more thousand. Now the realtor said the couple was looking at another house on Assembly Point. “You know how it is.”
“I know you’re stubborn as a mule.”
“One of my more redeeming qualities.” The empty carriage house caught his attention. Ryan had moved in with her brother until her new apartment became available in just two weeks. Jared couldn’t help but feel like he’d taken her home from her. And now she was off with Penny, camping. He scowled. She couldn’t have waited a few days to say goodbye to him? She’d been able to ID most of her underwear. The district attorney had gone after Rudy with both barrels loaded. And since then, she’d been avoiding Jared.
Or at least that’s how he saw it.
“Tell Ryan to take her time getting her stuff from the garage. I can help her when I come back. I’ll probably take a long weekend.”
“Having a tough time letting go?” Pat asked, giving him a brotherly pat on the back.
“I suppose. I’ve never lived anywhere else, besides college. It is a little weird.”
“I meant Ryan.”
Her name made his heart ping. He missed her, and he didn’t want to. He could smell her peach shampoo and feel her skin against his.
“I’m not sure how to say this,” Pat continued, “but you’ve changed, and I think my sister has something to do with it.”
“She’s a good woman, and I care about her. She’s helped me through some tough times, and I’ll always be grateful.”
“I think she feels the same way about you.”
Jared chuckled. He’d never really thought about how much Ryan had been there for him. He’d always been worried about being there for her, protecting her from the world. But she’d proven she could take care of herself, and then some. “I just wish she’d waited to say goodbye.”
“It’s not like you’ll never see her again. You just said you’d be back in a few weeks.” Pat slapped him on the back. “And don’t forget about the christening a few weeks after that. And I’m sure you’ll be back for Penny’s wedding.”
“I think I’m in it.” He chuckled, wondering how he’d been suckered into that one. “Well, I’d better hit the road.”
He pulled open the door, then looked Pat square in the eye. “Thanks for everything, man.”
“Anytime.” Pat craned his neck. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yep.” Jared didn’t hesitate in his response, but he’d been hesitating in his heart. “I know I’ve been a little on the sentimental side these last few days.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Change is always harder than we think.”
“I suppose.” Pat took a step back from the truck. “Take care.”
“Watch your back,” Jared said, then slipped behind the wheel. He didn’t look back when he pulled away, but he knew things would never be the same again. He managed to keep his emotions in check until he pulled onto the Northway. He swiped at his eyes, infuriated with himself. He glanced at himself in the rearview mirror. A horn honked behind him. He swerved, pulling into the right lane, noticing he’d been going slower than the flow of traffic. Then he pulled onto the shoulder and rolled to a stop.
Gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white. He blinked a few times, then pulled back out into traffic. For the next few miles, he blasted the radio and tried to get into the music, singing along. He forced his mind onto his new job and off Ryan.
He yanked his cell phone from his hip and pressed star three, staring at her cell number. “And what the hell would you say to her?” He tossed his phone to the passenger seat. Like he’d tell a woman he loved her over the phone. “Shit.” He gunned the truck, trying to ignore the U-turn coming up, but to no avail.
Once again, he rolled his truck to a stop between the north and south lanes of the highway. He hadn’t driven more then forty miles from Lake George. “This is nuts.” He backed out and continued to head south. He just needed some space. He figured the more miles he put between them, the better he’d feel.
But as he approached the thruway, he didn’t feel any better. Pulling into a deserted parking lot, he reached for his cell and stared at it. “I love her,” he said, feeling like a fool for talking to himself, but a weight had suddenly been lifted. Just saying it out loud gave him some freedom. The question then became: was admitting it enough? Could he continue to drive away knowing the woman he loved would move on with her life, never knowing how he felt?
And what about his job? Wasn’t that what he’d been working toward for the last few years? The scuba unit had been his second choice. He stared at the cars rolling by toward their own destinations when it hit him. His restlessness had never been about his job, but what was right in front of him.
Ramming the gearshift out of park, he peeled out of the parking lot and headed toward home. It wasn’t about being needed by the good people of the State of New York, but being needed by one person. And him needing her.
And now he was going to get her. A sudden panic shot through his system. What if she didn’t want him? He flipped open his phone, hitting Pat’s number.
“Hello?” Pat answered.
“Where is she?” he practically yelled.
“Jared?”
“Where’s your sister?” he asked again. This time a little more calmly.
“Camping, why? Something wrong? George break out of prison or something?”
“Nothing like that, although you won’t like what I’ve got in mind.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Pat asked.
“Just tell me where she is. I’ll explain later.”
“I don’t know. She went camping with Penny somewhere in the narrows.”
“A lot of help you are. If you find out, call my cell. I should be back in town in a little less than an hour.”
“You’re coming back?” Pat’s voice rose up an octave. “Should I be worried about her safety?”
“Ummm, that all depends on what you think about me sweeping her off her feet.”
“What?”
Jared held the phone from his ear while Pat swore up and down. “You done yet?”
“Go to Rochester,” Pat snapped.
“No can do. Not unless Ryan breaks my heart.” Jared sucked in a breath. That could be a reality, something he might have to deal with.
“You come anywhere near her, I’ll…I’ll…oh hell, good luck. You’re going to need it when it comes to my sister.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jared clicked his phone shut, then called Frank, bypassing Chuck. He knew he shouldn’t use his police resources to find her, but his heart was on the line.
* * * *
“If you want to go back, we can,” Ryan suggested. “I know it’s a little chilly, and I’m sure Jared’s long gone by now.”
“Nah, I’m fine.” Penny wrapped a blanket around her body, then settled back in her chair. “So, what are you not telling me?”
“What are you talking about?” Lying to Jared was one thing. But lying to Penny would be damn near impossible.
“I’ve sat with you for hours while you cried your eyes out over that man. But I know you, and there is more to this story. So spill it.”
“I might be pregnant,” Ryan said, a little shocked she didn’t even try to lie.
Penny fell off her folding chair.
“Crap. Penny! Are you okay?” Ryan leaped over to help her up.
“Not okay. In shock. Did you say pregnant? As in having a baby? Jared’s baby?” She held onto Ryan’s shoulders.
Ryan nodded.
“Holy shit, Ryan. Are you sure?”
“No, I’m not sure, but I’m about a week late.”
Penny settled herself back in the chair. “You have to tell Jared. He has the right to know.”
“After I find out for sure. I figured on telling him after he’d gotten settled in Rochester.”