“I have eyes.” With both hands on his hips, Pat glared at Jared. “You find her attractive.”
“And I find your wife attractive, too.” Jared ripped open the paper the steaks were in.
“We’re talking about my sister.”
“Who happens to be my friend, age difference and all.” Jared rinsed the steak before tossing it on the cutting board he’d already sprinkled with seasonings. Even when she’d been a teenager, Jared had considered her a friend. He’d been there for her, and she’d done her share of being there for him when his ex-wife had left.
Pat ran a hand across his jaw. “I’m worried about Ryan.”
Jared pounded at the steak. “Me, too.” He grabbed a dishtowel and wiped his hands, then flung the towel on the counter. “One of the guys George was in prison with is a sex offender, and he lives in Troy.” Opening the refrigerator, he slammed the cutting board on top of some soda cans.
“Jesus.” Pat rubbed his jaw. “Rapist or something?”
“Or something, but that’s not my only angle on this one.” Jared turned a chair, then straddled it when he sat down. “You know Tom Grady?”
Pat looked at the ceiling, then mumbled the name.
“He’s the moron she went out with the other night. She also works with him. Something about him rubs me the wrong way.” Jared fiddled with his badge. “So you see, the closer I keep her to me, the closer I get to finding out who’s behind all this. Anyone tries anything, I’m there.”
“What if you don’t find this guy before you move?” Pat pulled the chair out to sit.
“I should be able to clear this up before I move, I promise.”
“You can’t promise that,” Pat said.
Before he left, Jared would do everything in his power to make sure whoever was behind these crimes would be punished. “Let me do my job. I’m kind of good at it.” Jared lifted his beer in a toast, then took a gulp. “What brought you by, anyway?”
“To check on my sister. And to let you know that you’re going to be the godfather of my baby.”
“Negative.” Jared stood, then guzzled half his beer. Him, a godfather? Never. “You’ve got a lot of nerve to ask me that this week.” Jared’s heart raced, shooting adrenaline throughout his system. He slammed his beer on the counter.
“You didn’t kill your son,” Pat whispered.
“I’m not having this conversation with you,” Jared bellowed. “Please leave.”
“Let it go,” Pat said.
Jared gripped the counter until his knuckles turned white.
“Lisa didn’t love you or Johnny. She didn’t leave you any choice,” Pat said, softly. “Think about it, okay?” The door rattled as Pat tugged it closed.
Pat had been right about one thing. Lisa hadn’t given Jared a choice. She’d threatened to leave town, with his child, if he didn’t toss a seventeen-year-old Ryan to the streets. So he took legal action, making sure Johnny would stay with him.
And now Johnny was dead.
“I’m going to jump in the lake,” Jared yelled to Ryan, as he jogged up the stairs. His body trembled. He had the strong urge to grab his favorite stash and get lost in the darkness of a bottle.
Moments later, he stood at the end of the dock and contemplated jumping into the cold lake, butt naked. “What the hell.” He stripped from his jeans and ripped off his shirt. Standing at the edge like he was king of the mountain, he took in a deep breath, then…
Splash!
He dove fifteen feet, making sure his hand squished in the muck before shifting his body and surging to the top. “Damn, that’s cold.” He hoisted himself onto the dock, then shook the frigid water from his naked body and wrapped a towel around his waist. He stared out over the moonbeams dancing across the dark blue water.
He snatched up his clothes and headed toward the lounge chair on the lawn, ignoring the goose bumps climbing up his numb body.
“Nice show.” Ryan’s voice rang out soft and sexy in his ears.
The towel slid an inch or two as blood rushed to places it shouldn’t. “How long have you been sitting there?”
“Long enough. And you’re nuts. That water couldn’t be more than fifty-five degrees.” She’d stretched out across a lounge chair with her hands clasped behind her head and a warm smile plastered on her angelic face. Damn woman was too beautiful for her own good.
“Tell me something I don’t know.” He waved to her, flashing his clothes.
“All of a sudden shy?” she teased, seductively crossing her legs.
“No.” He cleared his throat. “Turn around, unless you want a front row seat for the next showing.” He released the tucked in corner of the towel and chuckled when she went scarlet and turned away.
Given the opportunity, he eyed her with appreciation. Her lean body had all the necessary curves to drive a man insane, but her legs—well,
wow
, was all he could come up with. “Do you always sneak up on skinny-dippers?”
She laughed. “That was a repeat performance.”
“Huh?” He pulled his shirt over his head. “You can turn around now.”
“Do you even own a bathing suit?” Her sultry tone warmed his chilled body.
He sat down on the edge of her lounge chair and propped his elbow on her knee. He inhaled and smelled her fresh, rosy scent. “Of course. But I prefer my birthday suit.”
“Once, Penny and I watched you and Randy stumble to the dock, strip, and dive in. We stole your clothes and towel and had to stick cold pizza in our mouths to stop from laughing when you two hightailed it to the house, nudie.”
“So, you’re the scoundrel who stole my trooper sweats.” He dropped his chin, squeezing her thigh. The heat from her body rippled to his hand.
“Penny hoped she’d have to go rescue one of you.”
“And you?”
“I would’ve let you both drown.” Her playful smile told him otherwise.
He chuckled, then turned sullen. “Your idiot brother wants me to be a godfather. You have to talk to him.”
She traced a path down his jaw with her finger and leaned closer. “It’s time, Jared. It’s been too long to hold onto this kind of pain.” Her soft lips pressed against his unshaven cheek, and melted away some of the heartache.
“I can’t.” He shifted her legs to the side, then rested his head on her firm, flat stomach. Wrapping his arms around her, he closed his eyes. “I didn’t know how hard it would be.”
“Lisa made it hard,” Ryan whispered, running her fingers across his buzz cut.
“I didn’t make it easy for her.”
“That’s not true.”
He tilted his head and caught her tear-filled gaze. “You were just a kid back then. What do you know?” He had wanted to push her away both back then and now, but for some godforsaken reason, she never left.
“Lisa didn’t love you.”
“You don’t know the whole story.” He dropped his chin down, slipping his hand under her shirt and across her warm skin. She gave him comfort and offered so much more.
“Stop making excuses for her. She took off, plain and simple.”
“I pushed her away, and then Johnny died.”
“He died of SIDS,” she whispered, holding him tight. “You couldn’t have known that would happen, and it would have happened whether or not Lisa had stayed.” Ryan tugged at his head, forcing him to lock teary gazes with her.
“Had I been a better father, I would’ve known what was going on.”
“Why do you do this to yourself?”
He let out a long breath. “I can’t be a godfather to Pat’s baby. I need you to tell him that.”
“Yes, you can.” Her loving eyes pierced deep into his soul. “Loving someone doesn’t kill them.”
But if you don’t love, you don’t get hurt. That had been his motto since Lisa ran out. He still had love in his life. He loved his parents and sister. He didn’t need anything else. “I can’t help the way I feel.”
Her breath hitched when he traced a path with his finger where her low-cut shirt met her soft, supple skin. “You can try,” she whispered. “It means a lot to Pat.”
Staring down at her perfectly shaped breasts, he moistened his lips and kissed the exposed skin. She tasted like honey. He continued to lose himself in her. Her hands splayed across his shoulders, neck, and back, easing the tension built up by years of not letting anyone know he cared.
He cupped her breast over her thin shirt, pinching the hard nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Her fingers dug into his back as she let out a passionate moan. Kissing his way to her luscious mouth, he gently bit down on her lower lip.
Her eyes fluttered open, and he searched them for a reason to stop. But all he found was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted, and she wanted him.
His heart beat so fast it drowned out the world around him. He sucked in a quick gasp when her tongue darted out to meet his. A low rumble coming from deep in his throat rippled out in a groan of desire.
With trembling hands, he clasped his fingers around her tiny wrists, and in desperation pried his lips from hers. She stared back at him, a hint of fear looming behind her glossy blue eyes.
“Ryan.” He sucked in a ragged breath.
“Don’t tell me you want to stop.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to use you. At least a bottle of Jack Daniels doesn’t have any feelings I’d have to worry about.”
“You need to let yourself feel something other than anger and self-loathing.” She swiped at a single tear that rolled down her cheek. “You’re not the only one who lost someone.”
“I don’t want you to reduce yourself to a one night stand because you feel sorry for me.”
“I don’t pity you. I feel empathy for you.” Anger flashed in her eyes. “But if you’d prefer getting drunk to spending the night with me, someone who cares very deeply for you, well, I’ll just go collect my things and go to my brother’s. I won’t hang out here and watch you slowly destroy yourself.”
For a long moment she glared at him, not saying anything. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. For the first time in a long while, he didn’t know what to do. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’d have to lie to me to hurt me. I know exactly what this would be and I still want it.”
Her lips quivered when he traced them with his thumb, then pushed himself up to a sitting position in front of her. “You’re suggesting that I use you—”
Her hand covered his mouth. “That we console each other instead of wallowing in self-pity. We both hurt, and having human contact might help.”
He lifted a brow. “I’ve tried that before, but it didn’t help.”
“That’s because they didn’t understand you and what you’re going through. They were nameless one night stands.”
“That’s exactly what this would be.” He stood and raked a hand across his head. She wanted him to be her knight in shining armor. She wanted more than just sex, and he couldn’t give her that, ever. “You really need to get over this fascination with me.”
She rolled her legs to the side and rose with style and grace. Standing before him, she lifted her hand and rested it against his thumping heart. “I’m not twelve. My eyes are wide open and I’m not looking for anything other than…” Cracking a smile, she said, “One night.”
“You left out the
stand
part.” Caving to her, he drew her body close. Her tender touch felt better than the best liquor gliding down his throat.
The other women he’d slept with following his son’s death had been nameless girls who meant nothing to him. No matter how many times he’d tried in the past, this week he’d always ended up doing everything he could to keep himself from completely falling apart, yet that was exactly what happened.
Ryan had always tried to be there for him, offering him nights of soft whispers and caring words. She’d put up with shouting matches, name-calling, then she’d finally give up and let him drown. He didn’t feel like drowning now. Somehow he owed it to her.
Had he just rationalized taking her to bed?
Her eyes brightened when he smiled. Shaking his head, he let out a throaty chuckle.
“Dare I ask what’s so funny?” She tilted her head.
“I wouldn’t if I were you.” He brushed her hair back and his look turned serious. “Are you taking the pill?”
“I have condoms in the carriage house.” Her voice cracked when she answered.
He arched his brow. “Really?”
“A girl’s got to be prepared.”
“Come on.” He took her by the hand and tugged her toward the main house. “I’ve got a box by my bed.”
“Really?”
“A guy’s got to be prepared.” He looped his arm around her and forgot about all the reasons why sleeping with her was wrong.
Very wrong.
Chapter Five
Ryan took in a slow, calming breath, hoping her hand didn’t tremble as she slid it into Jared’s back pocket. His hard buns pressed firmly against her palm sending her pulse into a dangerous beat, but one she welcomed. No turning back now.
The walk from the front lawn to the main house seemed to go on forever. The longer it took to get inside and in bed, the greater the risk one of them would come to their senses and call the whole thing off. She wouldn’t let that happen. Not this time.