Inconvenient Relations (21 page)

“Poor man, he has been loyal to me, despite all the nasty words he said to make me think otherwise. You have him on a diet, girl. No wonder I find him on edge whenever I see him. The man needs me and can’t say it,” Des said.

“He doesn’t want you… He, he…” Ruhi exhaled slowly, trying to regain some of her composure. “What we do is between us, husband and wife. He willingly married me, and we’ll go about our lives the way we wish to. You better stay away from him. Even the mention of your name makes him sick.”

“Of course it does because he still
loves
me.”

Ruhi cringed, the word sounded ugly coming from the crass mouth.

Des pulled out her lipstick and made a show of fixing the blood-red curve of her lips. “Has he ever said that to you? Even when he left in anger when he discovered all I’d been keeping from him, he came back because he thought he loved me. He was even willing to wait till I got a divorce.” She shook her head smiling. “He wanted to give our relationship a respectable name. He is so sweet and old-fashioned, don’t you think?”

“So? You were playing with his feelings all along? When he was vulnerable and needing empathy, you exploited him. You did not intend on coming through on any of your promises. He was just a source of amusement you called upon when you felt like it. You used him, didn’t you?” Ruhi lashed out.

“Oh, shut up with all that preaching. It’s a selfish world out there, and I’m just playing my part. You are painting me out to be worse than I am.”

“Then why are you playing with two men? Why didn’t you divorce your husband? You are nothing but a high-class whore!” Ruhi was eager to trade some of her pain.

Des eyed her with pity. “That was uncalled for. But I expected it sooner or later. As for giving up Rich…which woman in her right mind would do such a thing? He has so much he doesn’t even know what to do with it. And it’ll all be mine as long as…” She let it hang. “Your husband is such a sweet guy, but he can’t give me all I want. I was living a dream, a lovely dream until you came and ruined everything.”

“How did I ruin everything?”

“You brought along with you obligations and responsibility. He probably feels guilty and weighed down by it all. But it’s momentary. You see, once he gets what he wants from you…you know what I mean?” Des paused.

Ruhi flushed crimson at the obvious suggestion.

Des continued, “I don’t blame him. You are young, beautiful, untouched. Men go for these things. It’s all physical for them. But once he does, he’d know there’s no comparison. He’ll come back to me. You are in for a major heartbreak, girl, so leave before it happens.”

She’s insecure. She’s afraid and wants to scare me out of the way. But this floozy doesn’t know who she’s dealing with. I won’t give him up and neither will he give up on me.

Ruhi took a deep cleansing breath. “Are you done? A woman like you will never find happiness. You are like a parasite who sucks its victim dry then moves on. But I’m not like you. Indeed, I pity you.”

She opened the door to mark an end to the toxic barrage. “Have fun with your ruined life, but count me and my husband out. I hope to never see you again.”

Shaan, who had been watching anxiously through the glass windows of Rich’s office, paying scant attention to his monotonous drawl, saw Ruhi come out and take off toward the stairs.

Without a doubt there is something dreadfully amiss.

He excused himself and rushed after her, hoping there was something left to salvage of their fledgling romance.

Broken

Y
ou are an obligation. You are weighing him down.

The voice chased after Ruhi as she raced down the stairs; she had no clue where she was heading, just that she had to get away—run as far as she could from that pathetic excuse of a woman who was telling her things she didn’t want to hear.

She stumbled in panic when she heard footsteps following her. They grew louder, echoing sharply on the stairs.

Oh no, she’s coming after me.

Scrambling through what looked like an exceptionally busy cafeteria, she desperately sought the exit sign. Invisible fingers seeking to clamp down on her windpipe restricted her respiratory excursions.

I’m not done yet. I want to give you a piece of my mind.

“No, I won’t listen to you. I’m not going crazy!” She saw the way out and raced toward it, nearly knocking over a little boy with an overloaded tray. She paused for a fraction to make sure he was all right before resuming.

“Sorry, somebody’s chasing me.”

Just as she thought she was gaining on her nemesis, she felt a firm grip land on her shoulder. She screamed, struggling hard, “Leave me…let me go! I won’t let you get me, ever!”

“Ruhi! Where the hell do you think you are going?”

Shaan dropped his hand when he saw her recoil with revulsion.

He doesn’t even want to touch me.

He has been loyal to me, the man needs me.
The words echoed in her brain.

She regarded him silently for several seconds before walking away adopting a semblance of dignity while conflicting thoughts vied for attention in her mind.

“This way,” he said, heading to the parking lot but saw her continue in the opposite direction. He fell into stride beside her, trying to match her rapid pace. “Ruhi…”

“Leave me alone!”

“Please…”

“No. I don’t want to hear anything right now.”

“You have to listen to me,” he said.

“No! I can’t and I won’t! I’ve heard enough!” Her eyes reproached him.

He closed his own in an attempt to calm down.
She has to be handled with kid gloves. If I could go back, I’d strangle that bitch!
“Ruhi, I know you are hurting pretty bad right now and not in a state to listen to reason. But I can’t let you quit on me. I can’t afford to lose the best thing that has happened to me. Please try to look at it rationally. Her purpose is to separate us. You can’t let her win.”

She knew he was right.

He’ll come back to me.

Oh no, there she goes again!
“Please don’t speak to me now!” Ruhi said, raising a hand to ward him off.

Give her time, Shaan, humor her.

“Okay…at least let me take you home,” he said.

She followed him meekly, feeling thoroughly drained, all the fight gone out of her. If only that sick woman would let her be.

He saw her huddle in the passenger seat, resigned and defeated.

My poor, dear heart.

He reached across to fasten her seatbelt. She started, flattening her torso back, trembling.

“Damn, it’s me, Ruhi, not a stranger.”

“Yes, it’s
you!”

She looked at him as if for the first time, but he wasn’t alone; there was Des too leering at her with scorn.

Kisses and caresses. It’s all physical for them.

“Stop saying that! Go away!” she screamed, batting at the air with her hands.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” he demanded, grasping her face firmly between his hands.

Her eyes grew large with apprehension. She pushed him away, crouching back. “Take me home!”

He drove slowly, stealing cautious glances at her all the time.
She’s in shock! What did that sicko say to her? Probably provided her with all the lurid details and then some, packaged and gift-wrapped with an ugly bow on top! Here you go…this is your husband…tainted and impure! I could kill her…I should have a long time ago.

Oh, sweetheart! What should I do now?

Her hands were fiddling restlessly with the diamond clasp of her purse. He made to stop her but then thought better of it.

I wish I could have prevented it, but then for how long? It had to come out some time. Can’t let the shadows of the past haunt us forever.

Ruhi was smoldering inside, breathing was painful unless taken in short, splinted spurts. She knew it was all the doings of her warped mind. She had gotten in the last word, but it was far from over; rather, it had barely begun, and she was already suffering from the malaise.

In the past, love had never come at a premium; it had always been free and bountiful, but now she was being made to fight for it tooth and nail.

Hope we’ll be able to make it; I’m sure we can make it.
His hands gripped the wheel tight as he drove, the tendons sticking out. There was a nervous tic on the side of his jaw; she advanced her fingers to ease it.

He misses me. He can’t stop thinking about me...

There she was again, Des…placing her arms round his neck, whispering into his ear. She grabbed the wheel and the car veered suddenly.

“What the hell is going on!” Shaan yelled.

“Stop the car!”

“Like hell I won’t… Have you gone mad? Take your hand off the wheel, Ruhi!”

“I said, stop the car or I’ll jump!”

She ejected like a bat from hell as soon they stopped. But she didn’t get far; he tackled her down on the sidewalk.

“Stop struggling for God’s sake. I’m not going to hurt you!”

“Help me please!” she screamed. “This man’s been bothering me!”

This man?
He released her.

Her rueful eyes met his. “Sorry, but I need to be alone.”

It felt terrible, but he knew he couldn’t leave her unattended for long; she wasn’t acting herself.

He followed at a distance, heaving a relieved sigh when he saw her enter the Orange Grove park. She proceeded briskly down one of the several verdant paths, her hands jammed into the pockets of her charcoal-grey skirt. She was fighting something…her mind.

God, I want to be there for her, hold her, reassure her, but she perpetually pushes me away! She’s one obstinate woman.
He sunk into a cold park bench with his fingers interlaced and reflected over the patterns on the ground made by the half-submerged roots of the huge gnarled oak tree in front of him.

Those limbs have grown so twisted and complicated over the years, just like my life. But they cannot be straightened out now. They have to be sawed off. Mine, too?

No. I am young, able to right the wrong. My wife has given me a chance, and I need to show her that she can depend on me, that I’m worth it.

A ball struck him hard on the leg, startling him awake.

“Sorry! Didn’t spot you sitting there!” A young father struggled to pick up his toddler son.

“It’s all right, no harm done.” Shaan looked genially at the little boy who was screaming to be let down. He was but an innocent child, just like Ruhi.

Shoot! Where is she now? Good God! What a moron I am.

At least an hour passed since he had last laid eyes on her. “Thank heavens for small mercies!” Shaan exclaimed on opening the apartment door and finding her there.

She was laughing, watching TV with the volume on high, in good spirits.

“Ruhi, are you okay?”

“Shaan!” She turned to him with a broad grin. “You are late! Weren’t you pursuing me to make sure I wouldn’t do anything reckless?”

She hasn’t recouped yet.
He didn’t reply.

“As far as being okay… Well, that’s a relative term. I should say I am as all right as one can afford to be under the circumstances.” Swinging back to the TV, she said, “Am doing pretty good, don’t you think, for someone who just met her husband’s ex after that person was also kind enough to acquaint his wife with the most colorful description of their…uhm, illicit liaisons, to put it delicately?”

She stood up, walked over to him, and promptly exploded. “Why the hell do you think I’m watching these dumb cartoons over and over? Because I want to forget. I want to erase that bitch’s bloody face from my mind, and it’s not happening!”

“Ruhi! Will you please stop.” He made a grab for her.

She brushed him off. “Get away from me! Did I give you permission to touch me? You sick SOB! Ooopss! Mind your language, Ruhi!” She looked appalled, then laughed hysterically. “The hell I bloody care!”

“Have you gone insane?”

“Insane?
Yes, because of you and her and every other damn thing.” She faltered back, stumbled against the couch, and collapsed over it. “Oh what a fun day!”

He wanted to slap some sense into her but then elected not to, at least not for the time being. Instead, he reached over and heaved her up; she was like deadweight in his arms. “Sweetheart, don’t put yourself, us, through the wringer. Don’t destroy what we have.”

“Life is a bitch, and we are all suckers!” She smiled sweetly at him. “Now who said that? Me!” She pointed to herself. “A bloody bitch! Just like you called me yesterday!”

“Ruhi, don’t.”

“But there are gradations to being one. There is the sweet bitch like me and the sly, wicked, ugly bitch like you know who!” She jabbed him on the chest with a furious forefinger. “So you see this bitch can still rationalize, haven’t become completely unhinged yet. God…what have I done to deserve this?”

“Stop this now!”
he shouted loud enough to shock her into looking at him. “Stop this rant, stop crucifying yourself! This is not going to lead you, me, or us anywhere!”

He stared her squarely in the eye now that he had gotten her attention. “Yes, Ruhi. The key word is
us, we…you and I!
That…that thing you met earlier today doesn’t even deserve a second of airtime on our show. It’s us we have to worry about, the two who really matter. She is in the past and will remain so forever. I promise you.”

“And what if she doesn’t want to?”

“Hell as though I care. If we remain strong, nobody, not her nor anybody else can come between us! Believe me. Please, I beg of you.” He dared to feel a sliver of hope when she appeared to be weighing his words over.

The phone rang, making them both jump.

“Hello. Oh, Mama. How are you?” Ruhi didn’t appear very excited about the call. “No, I’m not sick, just a little tired…. What? You have been waiting for my call all day? What for? Oh…your twenty-fifth anniversary! Oh my god, how could I forget? Crap! Sorry, Mama, my tongue slipped… No, I don’t use those words with your
damaadji!
My anniversary? How will I ever forget that day. I hope I’ll still be alive to celebrate it… Sorry. I was watching a very sad movie.”

She felt a gentle tug on her shoulder and a fervent whisper, “Ruhi, don’t!”

“Damaadji?”
Doe eyes sneaked at him. “He’s not home yet.” He withdrew, dismayed, incapacitated.

People whom you love can also hurt you equally. But she was doing so unconsciously, transferring some of her own pain to him, and he was willing to take it all.

Just trust me, darling. I won’t let her hurt you anymore.

***

“Shaan?” He heard her call in her soft voice.

It was pitch-dark. He was lying on his bed, staring at the celestial parade on the ceiling, attempting to derive inspiration from those magnificent heavenly bodies.

“Yes, Ruhi. Done talking with Mom? How is everybody back home?” Shaan asked.

She came in and sat on the edge of the bed and picked absently at the sheets. “These need changing. They are fine. It was their twenty-fifth anniversary today. Mama was worried I didn’t call. I forgot. I don’t know why.”

“I know why. You don’t have to explain.”

“Shaan… I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I wasn’t myself.” She appeared subdued.

“Forget about it.”

“If it’s not too much trouble, can you?”

“What rubbish. Of course I can. Just ask,” he said, sidling cautiously up behind her.

“Can you take me to an Indian restaurant? I’m craving
Rajma chawal
right now after talking to Mom and there is none at home.”

He laughed softly, hugging her tight. “Of course I can, darling! Anything you say.”

***

They couldn’t find it anywhere. Nobody had
Rajma
on their menu that night.

It was getting late, and Shaan knew it to be a fruitless quest, but didn’t have the heart to call it quits when he beheld her crestfallen face. She was missing home. He wanted to take this little girl in his arms and kiss her cares good-bye.

If only she’d let me love her.

“Can we go to the grocery store then, please? I’ll try to make it at home.”

“Don’t say please. You never have to say please.”

***

“Wow, what a lovely pendant. Where did you get it from?”

She was a pretty Indian girl who seemed quite taken by Shaan’s gift. Ruhi smiled, the girl looked very young and naïve, and somehow reminded her of herself.

Oh yes, she was a new bride, too. Colored glass bangles on her arms,
sindoor, mangal sutra,
shy, happy, excited to be in a strange land with her new husband. How wonderful, to face everything together, embark on a journey of discovery.