Indecent Danger (Danger Incorporated Book 3) (6 page)

A person has to live every day with the decisions they make. Good or bad.

“You know I was in foster care and then I was adopted,” she began, figuring she should start at the beginning. “My family was good to me but I had a lot of baggage. Things I had a hard time dealing with.”

Travis ran a finger across her jaw, tender and slow. “Did Bruce hurt you back then, sweetheart?”

Her throat swelled with emotion and she shook her head, forcing the words out. “No. It was the truth when I said I barely knew him. But I’ll get to him in a minute, okay?”

She took his silence as agreement and pushed forward, afraid that if she paused she’d lose what little courage she’d managed to scrape together.

“As I said, I had a lot of baggage. Most of it was about my mother and wondering how a parent couldn’t love and care for their children. It made me feel unworthy of anyone loving me. Let’s face it, if a parent can’t love you, then what’s the chances of anyone else loving you?”

“That’s not true–” he protested but she pressed her fingers to his lips.

“I know that now but I didn’t feel that then. Please let me tell this before I lose my nerve.”

He nodded but both his hands came up to wrap around her own, warm and caring and so needed. She would miss his touch when she left tonight. She couldn’t stay around to see the distaste on his face when she was done telling her story.

“I hungered for affection. My adoptive parents were sweet but not demonstrative. I’d never been held or cuddled as a child and by the time I became a teenager I wanted it so badly. That’s when things sort of went south.”

Aubrey had to steady her voice, her entire body shaking with emotion. Reliving the past was her least favorite thing to do and here she was doing it. Shame choked her and she had to swallow hard to be able to continue.

“I realized I could get attention from boys. They liked the way I looked and I began to flirt with them. It made me feel better about myself that they’d call me or ask me out. But like a junkie, that soon wasn’t enough. When I was fifteen I lost my virginity in the backseat of a Ford Taurus near the lake to a football player.” She closed her eyes in misery, tears welling up despite her desperate attempt to keep them at bay. “The next weekend I had sex with one of his teammates. And the next weekend another. Before too long I had plenty of guys paying attention to me. As long as I gave them what they wanted they gave me what my twisted-up brain had convinced me was love and affection. I used sex to numb the pain of my mother rejecting me. I lost track of the number of guys I slept with.”

Travis was silent although his grip had tightened. Aubrey didn’t dare look up to see the expression of disgust on his face. She didn’t think she could bear it.

“I was the school slut. Basically, I’d sleep with any guy that said I was pretty. I did that until senior year when one of the few girlfriends I had got pregnant. It sort of snapped me back to reality and I straightened out. But it was too late, really. I was shunned by most kids in my school even though I lived like a nun the rest of that school year. I was a whore and no one was ever going to let me forget it.”

She moved her legs restlessly, her body filled with a pain so acute it almost took her breath away.

“And tonight Bruce reminded me of what I really am. I’d almost forgotten. I’ve spent the last ten years trying to run from it but I realize that’s never going to happen. I wanted to be perfect for you so badly, Travis. I wanted to be the kind of woman you could care about, but the fact is I’m still that trashy lay from Chicago. I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t tell you in the beginning. I really am. I could have saved both of us all of this.”

Travis had levered up from the loveseat and begun to pace the room, back and forth, as if he was pondering the secrets of the universe. Aubrey said nothing, too exhausted from her confessions to say much more. In reality all she wanted to do was crawl away and curl up in the fetal position for the next several days. A dreamless sleep was the only thing that would stop the hurt from her shattered heart.

He finally stopped, standing in front of her, but she tried to keep her gaze on his shoes. Tugging at his bow tie, he tossed it onto the arm of a chair with a heavy sigh, along with his jacket.

“Aubrey, look at me.”

Deep and commanding, she found herself obeying his voice even though it was difficult to see him through her tears. She’d never wanted it to come to this.

“I am so fucking angry right now and I’m trying to keep myself under control.”

“I’m sorry–” she began but he reached down and pressed a finger over her lips, getting on his knees so they were eye to eye.

“I’m not angry with you so stop apologizing. You don’t have a damn thing to apologize for, kitten, although it sounds like you don’t believe that. But this talk between us is apparently long overdue.” He leaned forward, their noses almost touching. “And by the way, if you ever call yourself a slut or a whore again you’re going to find yourself over my knee getting a very unpleasant spanking. I won’t allow you to denigrate yourself in any way. Am I understood?”

No, she didn’t understand in the least. She’d slept around. She didn’t know how many guys she’d had sex with. She’d lost count.

“But–”

His lips crashed into hers effectively silencing her, and they both tumbled back onto the small sofa, their bodies pressed together. When he lifted his head his expression was a mask of control.

“I mean it. Don’t ever speak of yourself that way again. I don’t care if you’ve slept with the entire NFL. Just fucking stop it. I won’t tolerate it.”

More tears welled up in her eyes and his face softened, pulling her onto his lap.

“Is that what you’ve been torturing yourself with all this time? Is this the thing that’s been holding you back these last months? This mistaken notion that somehow you’re not good enough?”

She wasn’t nearly good enough.

“You’re not listening to me–”

“Stop it,” Travis exploded, his cheeks turning ruddy with anger. “I fucking mean it. Stop it. I don’t give a shit, Aubrey. I don’t care how many guys you’ve had sex with. Do you care how many women I’ve had sex with?”

“Well…no…not really, but you’re missing the point.”

His fingers dug into her shoulders, turning her so she had to look into his eyes. “I don’t think I am, sweetness. If you had been a guy you would have been a high school hero, but you were a girl. And girls aren’t supposed to want sex or enjoy it, right? Isn’t that what this is all about? Some stupid societal double standard? None of this matters.”

“But…”

He was confusing her and her head already pounded from the worrying and the crying. Since her run-in with Bruce she’d felt like hell.

“But what? Tell me why it’s different for you than for me.”

“It just is,” she answered lamely, her heart rate beginning to return to normal. “And you know it is.”

“Maybe to a bunch of closed-minded kids who see the world as black and white, but I hope I’ve moved past that. Shit, if it’s okay for a guy to have sex and it isn’t for a girl, well, who the hell is he supposed to have sex with, anyway? Those nosy busybodies didn’t think that one through, did they? The whole thing is just stupid.”

He didn’t care. Really. Truly. At least she wanted to believe that. His words sounded so amazingly wonderful. For the first time in a long time she felt something akin to hope, although she was probably a fool for even entertaining the notion.

“I–I slept with a lot of guys, Travis. A lot.”

His right brow inched up and his fingers captured her chin, rubbing along the jawline and sending shivers down her spine.

“You said that already. But you didn’t murder or cheat anyone, right? So I’m not sure what you feel guilty about, baby. I sure as shit haven’t been a saint either. Should I start confessing my sins?”

“No!” Aubrey pressed her fingers against his lips in alarm. The last thing she wanted to hear about was his sexual exploits before her. She already had an inferiority complex and that wouldn’t help it. “I think that’s best left in the past.”

“But yours isn’t?” he pressed. “I never expected a virgin, kitten, and I sure don’t deserve one considering my past. I’m just sorry that Bruce brought this all up again. What did he say to you?”

Aubrey sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, reliving the ugly scene. She hated to tell Travis about it but he had that determined look in her eye she’d come to know so well. She’d never hear the end of it until she told him every dirty detail.

“He threatened me.” Travis waited quietly for her to continue but she could see the muscle working in his jaw. He was already pissed as hell and she hadn’t even told him the worst part. “He said that if I didn’t have sex with him he’d tell you all about my past.”

“He tried to make you ashamed of having sex? Of enjoying it? Fucking asshole.”

Travis’s voice came out as a hiss, anger etched in every line of his face. He was livid. But he still didn’t understand what she’d been inarticulately trying to tell him.

“It’s not…well…I didn’t…it’s just…”

Telling him this part was almost worse.

“You’re not defending him, are you? Bruce is a well-known bastard so I’m not surprised he did it, honestly. I’m just sorry that you got caught up in all this. He hates me and I’m sure no matter what you did he was looking forward to telling something he thought was going to upset me. But sweetheart, make no mistake, I don’t care about your past. All I care about is the present and the future.”

Aubrey was still having trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that she’d told Travis her deepest, darkest secret and he hadn’t sent her packing.

“I’m certainly not defending him. He is a douche. But you said that I was ashamed of enjoying sex and that’s not it at all. That’s not why I’m ashamed.”

Frowning, Travis ran his hands up and down her arms, sending warmth into her cold extremities.

“Then what are you ashamed of, baby?”

“That I kept doing it even though I didn’t like it. I really never enjoyed it. I don’t think that I can.”

The final confession. She was a slut who didn’t care for sex. Ironic as hell.

Now he knew how screwed up she truly was.

‡

T
he entire situation
was completely screwed up.

His Aubrey actually thought he’d care that she’d been free with her favors when she was younger. He didn’t care what she’d done before as long as she was only his from now on. But her other confession that she didn’t like sex made him sad. She thought there was something wrong with her.

There wasn’t a damn thing wrong with her.

He’d kissed this woman. Caressed her soft skin and traced her curves with his hands. He’d felt her tremble in his arms and had smelled her arousal. She wasn’t frigid or unresponsive. She might not be a virgin but she sounded…unawakened.

“Sweetheart, I think we need to talk about this a little bit. Are you saying you don’t want to have sex with me? Because it’s okay if you don’t.”

What was a lifetime of blue balls anyway?

Her eyes flew open and she shook her head vehemently. “But I do. Really.” A blush crawled up her neck and face as she realized what she’d said. His heart pounded against his ribcage and his blood pressure hitched up several points. She was adorable. “I’m attracted to you. Honestly.”

“That’s good to hear, baby. Really good. But you don’t expect to enjoy it, is that why you’re trying to say?”

She looked relieved and nodded. “Exactly. I don’t want you to think it’s your fault because it’s not.”

“Hmmm…that’s good to know.”

She was serious. She thought she wasn’t capable of great passion.

“Are you sure it doesn’t make any difference?”

Her question was hesitant, almost fearful, and he splayed his hand on her lower back to pull her a little closer to him.

“I don’t care about your past and I don’t care what happened with other men. The only thing that matters is you and me. I hope you feel the same way.”

He should have anticipated them but he hadn’t, so he was caught off guard when her beautiful brown eyes filled with tears and they began to slide down her creamy cheeks, a few dropping on his shirt. Her whole body was shaking like a leaf on a windy autumn day.

“I was so worried. I thought you’d kick me out.” Aubrey buried her head in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, tightly rocking her back and forth as if she were a child. She hadn’t received enough love and adoration and he promised right then and there to rectify that situation. He’d shower her with affection and attention until she screamed for mercy.

“If I kicked you out then I’d have to kick my own ass out as well, kitten. I’ve done a bunch of things I’m not proud of, most of them in my youth, thankfully. Give yourself a break. No one is perfect.”

“You are,” she sniffled as he handed her a handkerchief from his pocket.

The sentiment was sweet but terribly misguided. He was nothing to write home about, his flaws on clear display.

“Far from it. Honestly, I’m a mess,” he chuckled. “I’m nowhere near perfect as you should well know. You work for me, after all. If that isn’t enough we can give my sister and brothers a call. They’ll be happy to tell you how pointless my existence on this earth is. In fact, they love reminding me of that whenever we’re together.”