“He’d still find me. I can move apartments, and it lasts for a little while. Then I think he has someone following me to find out where I moved to and it all begins again,” she stared at two hands. “I didn’t know whether to stay or not. I wanted to run this morning…”
“You never told me you ran. I would have taken care of that, too,” Colin watched her expressions. “And I know you believe it isn’t my problem, but Angel, it is. You could have brought your running things with you and gone for a run along the beach.”
“I…it isn’t part of…it isn’t your job to…” Angel swallowed when he reached for her free hand and tugged until she was on his lap.
“Someone made an announcement in the ER that they were getting used to being naked,” Colin remarked with a chuckle.
“I blame the drugs,” Angel shifted her gaze from her alert nipples to the collar of his t-shirt. Especially now that one of his hands began fondling her breast and it seemed as casual as you might hold a person’s hand. She cleared her throat.
“I think you should get dressed and take a nap. I’ll rummage in your kitchen and fix some food for you.”
“But I can…”
“You can take a long, hot shower, Angel. You can put on comfortable clothing and let me pamper you today. Please,” Colin lifted her to her feet. With his hands on her hips, he turned her toward the bathroom and gave her ass a sharp swat.
She jumped and moved forward, her hand back and rubbing while she scowled at him. He could see the struggle with opening her mouth and protesting. Or not. She took a few steps back and disappeared into the bathroom. He didn’t even wince when the door closed with a little more force than was necessary.
Colin remained sitting for a few minutes, the anger finally, slowly, subsiding. Right now he was more furious with himself for not being clear about her remaining with him through the weekend. He knew better than to assume a sub knows what he expects. He was making mistake after mistake with his new sub.
He tipped his head back, the niggling little voice at the back of his mind hinting at why, but for the moment, he was pretending it wasn’t there. For the moment, he didn’t want to think that maybe he was more ensnared than he imagined possible. Maybe he’d believed he’d worn her out enough to sleep with him.
Maybe, he thought, this time, he’d wear her out enough that she’d sleep until morning at his side.
He wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking and pushed himself to his feet. After half an hour in the well-stocked kitchen, he had a nice meal of soup and sandwiches ready when she hesitantly came out of the bedroom. A soft stream of steam and soaps followed her, continuing past when she stopped and stared at the table he’d set up for them.
“Your friend across the street sent you some soup. She seemed to know your favorite,” he went to her and took her hand, pulling her toward the table. “You can argue all you want, Angel, you have friends who aren’t going to let you go through this alone. I’m not sure of all the things she brought over…” Colin pulled the chair out and waited while she sat. He knew she drank lots of ice water so that’s what he’d put on the table.
“I seem to be attracting more and more people,” she said softly.
“It happens,” Colin reached up with the napkin and dabbed at her cheek. “Nothing you learned from that man is accurate, Angel. And as for your grandparents…I don’t know how or why they didn’t adjust your thinking when you were with them.”
“They tried,” she said, immediately coming to their defense. She lifted one of the see-through wraps with rice noodles, sprouts, lettuce and prawns inside and took a healthy bite. “They honestly tried,” she said after a pause to chew. “I…I think I might have…”
“Pushed them away?”
“I think about it now and I just knew I had to keep away from them, to protect them,” she said quietly. “I have to talk to my manager tomorrow. I have to go see them…I’ve been thinking about it for a while now but I don’t know how to fix things.”
“Oh, I think you’ll be surprised,” Colin said around a spoonful of the flavorful vegetable soup. “Where do they live, Angel?”
“Down a little south of here, in the valley. They have a little farm and…it’s nice there. They live on one of the lakes just east of Olympia. Several members of the…”
“Don’t stop now, Angel.” He waited, his voice sharpening on purpose as he watched the color fall from her cheeks. “Angelica.” She looked up from her soup immediately. “I’m not your father or your brothers. I’m not racist or – usually – not an asshole.” He was relieved when that comment made her smile. “Tell me about them. And how did she meet your father?”
“My grandparents are part of the Nisqually Tribe,” she said softly. “Some of them share a large farm where their house is and sell at farmer’s markets. It’s…a different kind of family than my father and step-mother. Very different…peaceful. I used to hate when he came back for me. Then…then I’d think that I was evil because I hated my own father,” her voice had dropped and Colin wondered if this was a good topic to have over their meal. “They care for me…and about me. But they honored my…my phobia…about being touched. Now I think they should have pushed until I cracked.” She felt the grin tugging at her lips when he laughed.
“I’ll keep my opinion to myself until after we finish eating,” Colin reached out and gripped her fingers, forcing her gaze back on him and away from the past images he felt swirling through her memories. “Let’s finish eating and I have a suggestion to make.”
“A suggestion?” Angel repeated the phrase a few minutes later, most of her soup gone and her stomach had stopped growling at her. She couldn’t even begin to make her mind think what kind of suggestion Colin would have. And was she talking to Colin or the Dom? Was there much of a difference between the two?
“My, my…such a suspicious look, pet,” Colin chuckled softly. “I don’t want to leave you here alone, Angel,” he sighed when the spark of independence flared to life in her eyes. “Yeah…so here we sit, having a nice meal and talking, like a couple dating.”
The way she began coughing, he was positive she’d swallowed an elephant instead of the rice noodles and broth she had been eating.
“Dating?” Angel finally managed to sputter.
“What would you call it?” He asked cautiously. Not that he blamed her. She probably hadn’t expected to come away from the club with more than a few experiences at scenes and relaxation therapy in the form of orgasms.
“I…I didn’t think…” Angel sat back, her hands on the tabletop. “You have a lot of…followers…at the club…”
“Ahh…I see,” Colin nodded slowly. “How many followers do you think Gabe had before Bailey stumbled into his life?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m not sure he knows,” Colin admitted with a laugh. “But I know he’s not interested in anyone but his redhead. Maybe we should have sat down and talked a lot more before now, Angel. The club and the need I have for the type of play we both enjoy sexually is separate from what we have in the other parts of our life. I go to work, argue with dry cleaners and forget things at the grocery store,” he waited for her to look up from the prawn wrap she’d picked up. He watched her dip it into the peanut sauce before taking a bite.
“Dating,” she said again after she finished chewing.
“I’m confused, Angel,” Colin began slowly.
“I can’t date,” she said simply, her head shaking. “I don’t have time. I work or…or run and…and…”
“The reason for dating is to get to know one another and discover that we’re worth making adjustments to our lives for the other person,” Colin chose his words carefully. “I think we’re mature enough to handle that.”
“But that isn’t how you…how long have you belonged to the club?”
“Since it opened. I worked with Gabe and Tanner to create it and buy the building,” he leaned back in the chair. He lifted one of the vegetable wraps and took a big bite, chewing thoughtfully. “I was the lawyer involved in the negotiations and getting all the permits necessary and cleared through the legal loopholes of a city. Needless to say, since the creation of the WindSwept Narrows, membership and interest has gone up considerably. All good for business. At this point, it supports itself with money set aside for maintenance and profit.”
“There are a lot of women who go to the club,” Angel finished her second roll and sighed. “Thank you. That was perfect.”
“There are a lot of women in the world,” Colin countered with a little smile. “But not all of them interest me enough for me to want them in my world.”
He didn’t like her silence. Her questions, he had answers for. Even her doubts. If she voiced them, he would find an argument around, over or through it if he had to. He was a lawyer. He knew how to argue things in his favor. Especially when he wanted her with more emotion than he’d allowed in his life in a long time.
“I don’t think it would be a good idea right now,” she finally said, steeling her shoulders and meeting his gaze. “I appreciate your help. I really do. But I have to work through this and it would just be easier for me if you weren’t here.”
“I see,” Colin had expected this. “And you want me to believe that you’re only interested in occasional sex. That’s why you visited the club.” He knew the instant the words left his mouth he wanted them back.
“I think I was trying to escape at the club. Hide,” she said without hesitation. “But deep down, I know I can’t escape or hide.”
“I didn’t believe you were the type to give up and face this outcome – their choices - as acceptable, Angel.”
Chapter Fifteen
Colin drew in a long, slow breath. He kept telling himself she was tired and frightened for the people she had allowed to penetrate her shields. When he reached out and placed his hand on hers, she jumped visibly and pulled her hand away. Then she seemed to catch herself and slide it back beneath his.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I think you need to take a nap, Angel. I think between the drug and your own nerves, you probably should sleep until morning,” Colin began cleaning up the bowls and plates, stacking them in the dishwasher.
“I can do that,” she protested, collecting the remaining things and carrying them into the kitchen. “I’m sorry, Colin.”
“I think you’ve apologized for so long, you’re not even sure why you’re sorry, Angel,” Colin turned and backed her against the counter. “Make sure the door is locked when I go.”
He knew he had an ally and he wasn’t above using her.
She didn’t raise her gaze to his. Just nodded in response, her hands beside her and gripping the counter. She couldn’t look into his face. Couldn’t see the disappointment and pain she’d caused him. The tension remained inside her even when he turned and walked to where he’d left his coat. He pulled his wallet from the inner pocket and opened it, selecting a small card and laying it on the dining table.
“You have friends now, Angel,” he looked over at her but felt the walls around her at the moment. “Be careful,” he suggested with a little smile before striding out the door.
He continued to his car, deciding it was one of the hardest things he’d ever done before. His hand came down hard on the steering wheel before he started the car. He knew without a doubt he could have ordered her to come with him. And he was still kicking himself for not doing it as he drove toward his home. Instead, he dropped the phone into the cradle on the dash and made some phone calls.
She was not a child. She was not a victim, she kept repeating as she cleaned the apartment, working to ignore the headache that hadn’t improved since watching Colin leave.
It was what she wanted. Right?
So why didn’t it make her feel better to know he would, occasionally, allow her to make her own decisions and choices. Defiance. So why wasn’t it feeling better than it does?
She threw herself onto the sofa and glared into the clouds massing outside. It was barely after four and getting darker by the minute. Curling into the cushions on the sofa wasn’t all that hard to do. Maybe if she rested for a bit, the headache would stop. Angel decided it was worth the try and pulled the afghan from the back over her. She closed her eyes and searched for the peace and sleep she’d enjoyed the night before.
While sleep came, it wasn’t quite the same. She wasn’t sure what all was happening, but she recognized her father and brothers; her step-mother looking all the world like she should have her own Disney movie as the villain and Bailey? That made her frown in her sleep.
Then she felt the sting of his leather belt across her hips and the scream exploded from her lungs. Maybe it was only from memory, but she swore she could feel every single inch of that belt as he hit her over and over. She could hear the chiding remarks from her brothers as they held her strung between them by her shoulders. Her sweat and blood marred the white dress they had forced her into. One of them was using the small leather collar with Colin’s name on it, whipping it across her face.
It was the pounding and shouting that didn’t quite fit the dream.
“Angel! Angel, you open this door right now or I’ll call Gabe and make him break it down!” More pounding and more shouting. “Angel!!”
“Stop,” she mumbled, shoving her legs from beneath the warmth of the blanket and stretching before thumping her feet to the floor. “Bailey? What the heck is wrong with you?” Angel pulled the door open, features softened from sleep but still scowling at her friend. “What is wrong with you?” She repeated with a little growl.
“You. That’s what’s wrong with me,” Bailey lifted her pack from the floor and pushed inside, slamming the door behind her. Her red hair was pulled into a ponytail, the ringlets curling wildly behind her when she stalked the sofa and tossed her pack into the center.
“What are you doing?” Angel asked very slowly, cautiously eyeing the obviously full pack. Then the wheels seemed to click in the silence. “Oh. Oh, no. I do not need…”
“You need a babysitter. We’re friends. You’re darn lucky Patsy had plans, or she’d be here, too. Why wouldn’t you stay with Colin?” She demanded, hip cocked to the side and arms crossed over her chest. Which wasn’t easy since she was wearing her puffy jacket.
“He told you,” Angel responded, her tone a mix of anger and surprise.