Independent Study (30 page)

The moon isn’t as bright as last week, which makes it easier to cross the residence property without notice. A crack of a stick makes me jump, but when I squint into the darkness, I see nothing. Thanks to the penlight, I find my bicycle quickly. As I start to wheel it away, I hear a shuffling noise.

My heart leaps to my throat as a figure fills the doorway and says, “I knew you were up to something. Wait until I tell Professor Holt about this.”

D
AMONE
.

I hit the signal button in my pocket and then lift my penlight to his smirking face.

“You scared me to death.” I force a quiet laugh. “What are you doing out here?”

He leans against the doorway. “I think you’re the one who should be answering that question.”

Tension floods me, but I shrug as though I haven’t any concern. “I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I thought I’d take a ride.”

“That’s a good lie.” He laughs. “I wonder if Dr. Barnes and Professor Holt will believe it. They might, unless you have something in that bag that clues them in to what you’re really doing.”

I clutch the strap of the bag and pull it tight against me. If Dr. Barnes gets ahold of the Transit Communicator . . .

“What’s in the bag, Cia?” Damone pushes off the wall and saunters forward. “Griffin thinks whatever’s in there must be pretty important, since you never let the thing out of your sight.”

“Why does either of you care what I have in my bag?” I shift the bag on my shoulder so I can reach the side pocket. Sliding my hand inside, I say, “Are you failing your classes and need to borrow my homework?”

My fingers close around the handle of the lab knife as Damone’s eyes narrow. “We don’t need a colony brat’s help to pass. We’re the ones who deserve to be here. We should be the ones working with the president. Griffin figures whoever turns you in will be able to request that assignment. He thought you’d never have the guts to venture out after dark, so he went to bed.” Damone smiles. “But I know you better.”

“I saved your life,” I whisper, hoping Tomas has received my signal. That he is at this moment looking for me.

“I saved myself.” Anger crackles in his voice. “The snake only attacked because of you. And I was only in danger of being left behind at the second challenge because Will and Enzo were too weak to do what was necessary to ensure we’d win. Your lack of leadership made them weak. You don’t belong here, and I’m going to be the one who removes you for good.”

I grab my bicycle and throw it forward as Damone lunges for me. He lets out a shout of anger. The clatter of metal and a yelp of pain give me a burst of satisfaction as I flick off my light and dart to the left side of the shed. I slide the knife free of my bag and swing it toward the shadows in front of me as I try to think my way out of this.

But there is no way out. Even if I fight my way past Damone and flee, he will report me to Professor Holt. Dr. Barnes will send officials to look for me. Tomas and I only planned to escape if our disappearance would be covered by the outbreak of fighting. People might then believe we were casualties of that action. Now there is no chance for my flight to go unnoticed. My family could be punished, as could Tomas and all the students who dared to be my friends. If I turn myself in, they might be safe. Unless Dr. Barnes gives me the drug used in The Testing interview. Unlike during my Testing days, I have nothing to counteract its effects. My secrets will be in the open. My family still at risk. Right now the only war that is being waged is here. No matter what happens, there will be consequences to this night.

I race for the moonlit doorway. Hands grab me from behind and yank me back. Instinctively, I lash out with the knife. I feel the blade make contact with fabric and flesh, and Damone screams. His grip loosens and I run.

I am in the doorway when I hear the footsteps. I run faster, out of the shed, toward the bridge. I stumble over a small bush. That one moment is all it takes for Damone to catch me. His body hits mine, and we crash to the ground. I roll to the side and am stopped as hands close around my throat from behind and squeeze.

I can’t breathe. Pressure builds in my chest. The world goes hazy around me. I claw with my free hand at the fingers digging into my flesh and then do the only thing I can do. I grip the knife and stab behind me with the last of my energy.

The knife punches into flesh. I hear a gasp as the hands release their hold on my throat. Blood runs over my hand. The knife plunges deeper. Air slides into my lungs. There is a loud
thunk,
and Damone’s body slumps on top of me.

Gasping for breath, I struggle out from under the weight and hear “Let me help you.”

Not Tomas’s voice. Raffe.

I look up. He is standing in front of me holding a large wooden bat in one hand. The other is held out in front of him. I close my hand around his and climb to my feet. Only then do I look down at the body sprawled on the ground.

“Is he dead?” It hurts to speak, and my voice sounds unfamiliar. Low. Harsh. Swollen.

“Not yet.” Raffe puts the bat on the ground, grabs Damone’s legs, and begins to drag him. Not toward the residence and the help that lies inside, but away.

“What are you doing?”

“We can’t risk Damone telling Professor Holt about this.”

“We can’t prevent him from talking.”

“Yes.” Raffe looks up at me. “We can. No one will question a student disappearing from the University. Especially one who is barely making the grade, like Damone. Students know failure requires a price. Some are too cowardly to pay it.”

“I don’t understand,” I whisper. But I do. Raffe is dragging Damone to the ravine. If Damone isn’t dead now, he will be when he hits the bottom. “We can’t kill him.”

Raffe stops at the edge of the crevice. “If we don’t, we’ll both suffer the consequences. I’m willing to face Professor Holt if you are. Your choice.” He puts his foot on Damone’s back and waits.

My choice. Save Damone or myself. Kill or be killed.

I wish Tomas were here to help me make this choice. I know the one I should make. All my life I’ve been taught to respect each and every life. To do whatever is necessary to preserve it.

Moonlight glistens off the blood on my hands. I picture myself running inside. Calling for a doctor. Following the teachings my parents instilled in me.

But I don’t. I tell myself Damone has lost too much blood to be helped. That no matter the choice I make, he will die. Both are true. But I know in my heart the real reason behind my choice. Choosing to attempt to save Damone’s life means ending my own.

I look out into the darkness, willing Tomas to step from the shadows. When he doesn’t, I take a deep breath, swallow the bile building in my throat, and nod.

That one movement is all it takes. Raffe puts his arms under Damone and rolls Damone onto his back. Someone lets out a low groan. Raffe from exertion? Damone from pain? Before I can find out, Raffe gives one final push, and Damone’s body plunges over the edge.

I can’t breathe. Bending over, I put my hands on my legs and force air in and out of my lungs. Without missing a beat, Raffe walks back across the grass, grabs the bat, and drops it into the emptiness below. “Okay. Let’s get going.”

There is no guilt in his voice. No concern for the life he has just taken. None of the tears that make my body tremble and my eyes burn.

“Cia. We have to go.” He grabs my arm and pulls me toward the shed. “We don’t want to be out here if someone inside starts wondering what the shouting was that woke them up. If we don’t want to get caught, we have to get out of here now.”

I flinch at the icy tone of Raffe’s voice. Nausea rocks my stomach. A knife slick with blood is clutched in my hand. A body lies broken at the bottom of the ravine. Raffe appears unfazed as he picks my bike off the shed floor and wheels it out to me. A moment later, he returns with one of his own.

“Where are we going?”

“You’re not going anywhere with him.”

Tomas.

I turn and see him step out of the darkness into a patch of moonlight. His face is filled with worry and rage as he looks from me to the knife in my hands to Raffe.

“I should have figured you’d turn up.” Raffe takes a step toward Tomas. “Did you and Cia plan to meet tonight, or did the two of you figure out some kind of emergency contact method?” When neither of us answers, Raffe shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. Cia didn’t need you to come to her rescue. She saved herself from Damone. The two of us were just about to head out. Do you want to come with us?”

Tomas stiffens at the implication that Raffe and I planned to go somewhere together without informing him. I start to explain, but realize this isn’t the time or place. The longer we stand here talking, the greater chance there is of someone hearing us. If someone finds us here, they will see the knife and the blood that stains my hands. They will know what I have done. All of us will pay the penalty for my crime. I will not allow that to happen.

Sliding the knife into my bag, I take a step toward Tomas. “Look.” The word scrapes my swollen throat. “We have to get out of here now.”

“I’m ready when you are.” Raffe sets down his bike, heads back to the outbuilding, and returns with another. “This was Damone’s. I don’t think he’ll mind if you use it, Tomas. Now, if both of you are ready, I think we should get moving.”

I look toward the edge where Damone lost his life, feel the throb of my throat where his hands tried to end mine, and climb onto my bicycle. Tomas does the same, but refuses to look at me as we begin to pedal.

Both Tomas and Raffe let me take the lead as we ride across campus. I push my legs as fast as they will go, desperate to leave the sorrow and fear of my actions behind. But there is no forgetting the feeling of my knife puncturing Damone’s flesh or watching his body plunge into the ravine. I want to collapse to the ground and howl with frustration, guilt, and sorrow. But I can’t because there is more at work here than a boy who wanted my success for his own and was willing to do anything to get it. There will be time enough for guilt and recriminations later. Now I have to decide what to do about the boys riding behind me. One I would trust with my life. The other just saved my life, but I do not understand his motivations. I need to if Tomas and I are going to survive this night.

When we are several blocks away from the University’s entrance, I stop and wait for Tomas and Raffe. When they arrive, I ignore the frustration on Tomas’s face and turn to Raffe. “This is as far as we are going to go until you answer some questions. I know why Damone came outside tonight. Why did you?”

“Because I was following you.” Raffe pushes up the sleeve of his jacket. In the moonlight, I can see three angry-looking scars. “You helped me during the Induction, not because you were trying to get ahead but because it was the right thing to do. That made an impression.” He shrugs and rolls down his sleeve. “A couple days after the Induction ended, I heard Griffin and Damone say that if they couldn’t beat you in class, they’d find another way to get rid of you. A few days later, Professor Holt asked Griffin to keep an eye on you. He said she was concerned about your suitability for leadership and wanted Griffin to report any unusual behavior. Griffin asked Damone and me to help him follow you. I drew that duty last weekend.”

My heart skips. “You saw me leave the residence.”

“You were too fast for me to keep up.” He gives a small smile. “This time I was ready. Apparently, so was Damone.”

I shake my head. “I don’t understand. Why not report me to Professor Holt?”

“Because I’m not like Griffin and Damone.” Raffe glances in the direction we came from. “I grew up believing that going to the University and helping revitalize this country were the greatest things a person could do. Two years ago, I started to realize that things weren’t as perfect as my father and his friends claimed. Something happened—”

“What?” Tomas asks.

Raffe shakes his head. “There isn’t time to get into that now. The two of you can either trust me or not, but if we’re going to do whatever it is you planned, we’d better get moving or we’ll never make it back by morning. Unless, of course, you guys don’t plan to go back.”

“Of course we’re going back,” I say, wondering if Raffe has somehow overheard Tomas and me discuss our plans to leave. If so, what else did he hear?

Though we have studied together, Raffe is not a friend. Not someone I understand. His actions tonight should elicit my trust, but part of me can’t help wondering if that was the reason he helped me in the first place. Damone had more ambition than brains. It’s not a surprise he would jump to betray a fellow student in order to better his standing. While I didn’t like Damone, I think I understand what lay behind his actions. Raffe is a mystery. I do not want to believe someone would aid in someone’s death just to gain the confidence of another. However, Will’s actions in The Testing proved almost anything is possible if someone wants something badly enough. It’s possible Raffe pushed Damone to his death in order to delve into my secrets. My father once told me to trust no one. I take Tomas’s hand and hold tight. No matter what secrets we had in the past, I know I am right to trust Tomas. Unless I want to return to campus and ignore my chance to help end The Testing, I see no choice for now but to take Raffe with us.

“So are we going to stand here and talk all night, or do what you planned to do?” Raffe asks.

“Let’s go,” I answer.

“No.” Tomas lets go of my hand. “Cia, you can’t trust him.”

Maybe not, but I see no other option. Asking Raffe to give us a moment, I lead Tomas down the street and explain about the airfield and the answers I hope to find there. “The president is going to propose the change in law and ask for a vote soon. We may not have another chance to look for the answers the rebels need. I don’t know if I can live with myself if people die and I didn’t do everything I could to prevent it. Can you?”

I look at the dried blood on my fingers. Maybe if I prevent more deaths, I can live with the one I am responsible for. Maybe Tomas will be able to live with Zandri’s death, too.