Indestructible Desire (3 page)

It’s as if a weight has been lifted off of Kayden. Letting out a loud sigh, his body instantly relaxes, but his eyes are overcome with sadness again. “I want to tell you everything, baby, believe me. I just don’t want to risk losing you. I was so afraid that you would never wake up. It would kill me to know that something I did hurt you.”

The rush of love that has exploded in my chest right now is overwhelming. I never thought I would feel that kind of love for someone where your life isn’t complete unless they are in it. As a child I watched Disney movies, and dreamt of finding my Prince Charming. As life went on I thought that was a childish pipe dream. So I settled with a man I knew I loved and could imagine growing old with, but gave up on that idea of a love so explosive that the moment you are near each other, your breath is sucked from your lungs. Never thought I'd have one of those relationships with so much love that your heart skips a beat when they kiss you and sweetly say, “I love you.”

With Kayden, I have that. I finally found my prince charming. I don’t ever want to be a cause of pain for him. Because I love him so much, I will push my questions into the back of my mind for now. Just enjoy this moment, knowing I am alive and going to be okay.

Reaching for the collar of his white undershirt peeking out from under his button up shirt, I pull him towards me. Finally seeing a smile on Kayden’s lips which makes me instantly tingle all over, “Lay with me please?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice. You should’ve seen the nurses trying to insist I sleep on a pull out bed. Needless to say, you haven’t slept alone a single night here, baby.”

I can just imagine Kayden telling the nurses where to shove their pull out bed. A small giggle escapes my mouth, making the smile on Kayden’s face widen. “You’re such a rebel.” I say shaking my head, gladly snuggling into Kayden’s warm welcoming embrace.

***

Chapter Two

***

After a week in the hospital I’m beyond ecstatic to be finally going home. Kayden had to go back to work the day after I woke up, and my parents had to fly back to New York. I feel bad; they missed their New Years performance in Time Square. But they insisted that being by my side was far more important than any concert. They are doing a free concert tonight at Madison Square Garden for fans. I swear my parents have the biggest hearts of anyone I know. They truly love every single one of their fans.

I wasn’t alone for a single second. Brooklyn and Rebecca were by my side every minute that Kayden was away at work. Reagan had photo shoots he couldn’t reschedule, but Brooklyn grabbed my iPad from the beach house so I could FaceTime with him every day. 

Mya and Braxton were life savers! They brought me the most delicious food from Braxton’s restaurant, even bringing meals for Brooklyn and Rebecca. It’s overwhelming all the love and support I’ve had while being cooped up in that God forsaken hospital.

My parents, along with the doctor, told me everything about the night of my accident. Kayden sat with me, just holding my hand and being there to support me. While I learned the horrific truth of what happened the night I almost died, I’ve slowly began to regain my memory, which the doctors keep reassuring me is totally normal. Things come to me in short flashes of memory, some being more blurry than others.

It all seems surreal, as if I am being told a story someone saw on the I.D. Channel, not something that I actually went through. I trusted Zak and Jacob wholeheartedly. They never once gave me a reason to doubt their friendship. They definitely conned me, and I feel like a fool for trusting them so easily.

Since I awoke, I’ve struggled with sleeping. I fall asleep for maybe two hours and then I’m back up again. Nightmares plague me as more and more memories from that night come back to me. The fact that Zak is still out there is petrifying. I keep having dreams that he comes to my house and kidnaps me again. I wake up every time just before he kills me. The doctors prescribed me some sleeping pills to help me fall asleep at night. Because of the anxiety I’ve had, I struggle to shut off my thoughts and fall asleep. Even with the pills, though, I still haven’t had a full night's sleep yet.

The detective working the case has been in to see me a few times to update us on the search for Zak, also to take my statement on what happened that night. All my memories are scrambled and jumbled together. I am having trouble knowing what happened first or last. I'm still in shock over the fact that I shot Jacob. The police said they first suspected Zak did it, but they discovered gun shot residue on my hands and found my pistol at the accident scene with my fingerprints on it and no one else’s.

I’ve scheduled an appointment for next Monday to meet with a psychiatrist. The doctors think it will help me with my struggle to regain all of my memory from that night, and will help me with my fears and anxiety I’ve been plagued with. They even suggested Kayden come to some appointments with me. They said it may be good for him to speak with someone too, because we’ve both gone through a traumatic ordeal.

With Zak still on the loose, Kayden thinks it’s best that we stay at his house in Sugarland. His house has security guards outside of the main gate leading into his gated community. He also has top of the line security at his house. Jax flew back in a few days ago. He helped Kayden with hiring a few more guys from the security company Jax is employed by. So now we have three more men who will be staying at the house with us.

My stitches are almost all dissolved in my head. I was grateful they only did a small incision; you can’t see where they cut into it, or where they shaved some of my hair. My ribs are still sore; it feels like someone kicked the shit out of my ribcage repeatedly. Brooklyn stopped by the pharmacy and grabbed my prescriptions for me so Kayden could drive me straight home.

I had a mini panic attack when leaving the hospital. I kept having nightmares the last two nights that Zak attacked Kayden and me outside of the hospital. He was shooting us both and screaming as we lay on the ground bleeding. He kept repeating that it’s my payback for taking Jacob away from him. The police assured me I was safe, that they had people all over looking for him, and that he would not be able to get anywhere near the hospital without being spotted first.

After a long and uncomfortable ride, we finally pulled up to Kayden’s house. It was for the first time today, I was able to let out the breath I’d been holding in. Taking my hand, Kayden helped me to the front door with small slow steps. Every inch of my body hurts. My body took quite a beating when the car flipped. I have bruises everywhere.

We were supposed to have a celebratory party at Vertigo in L.A this weekend to release my cover of Envy, but because of the accident, we canceled and rescheduled for two weeks later. Eloise sent me the February issue; it’s strange seeing myself on the cover. I’m used to doing the work on the issues, not being part of the actual issue itself.

Brooklyn’s jeep pulled up behind Kayden’s car as soon as we reached his front doors. She and Rebecca quickly jumped out and started sprinting towards us. Rebecca has to fly back to L.A. tonight. It’s been nice having her here; it’s going to be hard saying goodbye. I’m grateful that Eloise gave her the few days off to come be with me.

I noticed Brooklyn and Jax exchange smiles and polite hellos. They haven’t really spoken much since they both got back to Texas. He’s been tied up with getting the new security guys prepared for when I came home. She’s had her hands full between him and Dixon. Lucky for her Xander’s back on tour because Dixon and Jax, I think, are going to be hard enough to juggle.

***

The pain meds the doctor prescribed me upset my stomach, so while everyone else is sitting around chowing down on dinner, I’m lying on Kayden’s oversized couch sipping on a Coca-Cola through a straw. Thank God I remembered from when I had my wisdom teeth out that sipping cola helps settle your stomach. I really need to plan something amazing for Braxton and Mya to thank them for all of their help. Kayden keeps offering to give Braxton money for all the food he’s been sending, but he refuses every time.

Braxton has a multi-million dollar contract with the Houston Texans and a successful chain of steak houses. So, I guess some free meals won’t make him go broke, either.

Setting her plate on the coffee table, Rebecca walked over and knelt down on the floor beside the couch. Flashing a smile at me, her fire red lips separated to show off her big bright smile. She rocks her black bob hair cut with red chunky highlights, styled in random loose waves framing her heart shaped face. She’s beyond gorgeous and every guy's dream. I don’t know what it is about exotic looking women that make men fall all over themselves.

“How ya feeling, girly? I feel bad you just lying here watching us all eat.” Pursing her lips she turns her gaze away from me momentarily and looks around at everyone scattered around the living room.

“Its fine, really, these pain meds are awful. They’re helping, but making my stomach does flip flops. I think I’ll try to eat some orange sherbet after it settles down.”

“You are going to wither away to nothing. I was happy these last few days I saw you nibble on some of the stuff Braxton had brought to the hospital. You’re going to be skin and bones, girlfriend.”

“Oh my God, I know. I am dreading when I finally feel up to going back to kick boxing classes. I am going to be so out of shape. I think as soon as I’m off these God forsaken meds I’ll fatten up quick.” I let out a small laugh. “Kayden cooks enough for a damn army.” Laughing again, I hold my ribs trying not to hurt myself. This is the first time today I‘ve smiled, and not had to fake it.

“I have to head to the airport. Brooklyn’s going to drive me. I’m going to miss your bony ass.” She says poking me playfully in the arm. “When you come to Los Angeles in two weeks, we will party it up. Put all this bullshit behind us!” Leaning forward Rebecca gives me a gentle hug and taking extra care not to hurt my bruised ribs.

“Text me when you land, okay?” My voice cracking as I try to hold back my tears. With everything that’s happened I’ve become a big emotional mess, one minute happy and fine, then the next a blubbering mess crying my eyes out.

“Stop with the sad face, Savannah Elizabeth! You will make me cry and then I’ll have to go through the airport with raccoon eyes.” We both laugh together this time. Smiling through my tears, I give her one more hug and we say our goodbyes.

Brooklyn packed a bag for me and herself so she can stay here these next few days. She’s flying back to Vancouver Monday to wrap up taping of the movie she’s been a stunt double in. It will be nice to have her here with me more then just a few days. She’ll probably still fly to L.A. off and on for casting calls and auditions. I’ll be flying in weekly again when I return to work in two weeks, so at least for a little while I can just relax and relish being able to be lazy before I dive back into my workaholic ways.

It’s going to be nice having her here with me at Kayden’s house all weekend. I don’t want Kayden to feel obligated to hang around me every second of the day. He has a life and friends he likes to do things with on the weekends. Since they are his only days he isn’t working from sunrise to sunset, the last thing I want is for him to shut everyone out to be with me.

***

There are no words to describe how amazing it feels to lay in a real bed. Not just any bed, but Kayden’s bed. He has the world’s most comfortable beds here, at his penthouse, and beach house. I don’t think I could last another night sleeping on the plastic mattress at the hospital, if you can even call it a mattress.

Brooklyn is staying in the guest room down the hall from Kayden’s master bedroom. I saw her dragging Jax into her room when we all made our way upstairs. Trying to keep up with Brooklyn’s love life is physically impossible.

My body is still sore, so Kayden had to lift me and place me into bed. He found it amusing, and even took advantage of the moment, copping a feel while doing so. I just laughed and nibbled at his neck, making a loud moan of pleasure escape his lips. It’s been over a week since I’ve been with Kayden. We’ve gotten used to fucking whenever the feeling arose, but since my accident I’ve been on strict orders to rest and not exert myself. It’s literally
torture
!

“Here, baby.” Sitting down beside me, Kayden hands me my sleeping pills. I hate that I need to take these to sleep. I just want my life to go back to normal, but my mind is not allowing that to happen. I hope seeing a psychiatrist will help.