Indiscretion (15 page)

Alexandra went to the window and leaned her head against the cool pane of glass. She caught sight of Salvador and Doña Isabel climbing into a smart 1920s Hispano-Suiza open-topped car. A pang of jealousy wrenched her heart as she noticed the delicate gloved hand rest possessively on her cousin's arm, and the smile he gave her as he helped her into the vehicle. Alexandra bit her lower lip sharply, shaken by the turmoil of her own emotions. How dare he play with her like a toy, while encouraging the attentions of another woman. What had she done to merit such treatment, such a lack of respect? The Spanish man was described as an
hidalgo
, a gentleman, was he not? In that regard, Salvador's attitude was more than a little disappointing. She sighed.
This is ridiculous
, she thought. Her composure was deserting her again. Where was the poised young woman she usually tried to be? She must get a grip on herself before it was too late.

She went out on to the balcony. At this hour, just before the onset of night, the garden vibrated, bathed in a dazzling soft light. The whole of nature quivered and seemed to be making one last desperate
attempt to hang on to the day. Everything was beauty and colour. A gentle breeze shook each flower, each leaf. The warbling of birds and the buzzing of insects neared their climax before nightfall; the sound was almost unbearably loud. And then, gradually, out of the west, night came stealing on leaden feet.

In the twilight, Alexandra made out a figure running along the pathway that led back from the stables. Long blonde hair streamed behind her like an ashen cape and her sequinned silk tunic billowed out behind her. Esmeralda. Although Alexandra couldn't see her features distinctly, something in the way she ran betrayed a state of great distress.

The convulsive sobs that shook her were clearly audible as the young woman finally reached the steps of the front door and disappeared inside the house. Alexandra heard her on the upstairs landing and wondered if she should go to her cousin's aid. She had no doubt that a variety of intrigues and dramas were plotted in the secret corners of the ancestral house and, until now, had preferred to keep out of them. And yet something about Esmeralda, her sadness, the sense that she was pinned and encased like a beautiful butterfly, aroused her sympathy as well as her curiosity.

Alexandra stole into the corridor and made her way to Esmeralda's door, which was slightly ajar. She listened carefully; the young woman was still crying.

Alexandra knocked first before gently pushing open the door. Esmeralda sat at her dressing table, her head resting on her arms, shoulders shaking as she wept. At the sound of the door opening, she lifted her head sharply, her pale face streaked with tears and her beautiful grey-blue eyes rimmed with red.

‘What are you doing here?' she gasped between sobs.

‘I'm sorry, I don't want to intrude but I saw you run in from the garden …' Alexandra moved tentatively into the room.

‘I … I … It's nothing, Alexandra.'

‘Esmeralda, it doesn't look like nothing. Something has obviously upset you.'

‘Please, Cousin, there's nothing you can do. I just need to be left alone.' She wiped her eyes with delicate, tapered fingers.

Alexandra paused. ‘Has it to do with that young man I saw you with in the garden a few days ago?'

Esmeralda looked at Alexandra with alarm and her cheeks flushed. ‘When did you see us? What do you know about him?'

‘I know that you clearly have feelings for him and I suspect you don't want anyone to know that. Certainly not the family.'

‘I have no idea what you're talking about,' came Esmeralda's reply. She had stopped crying and was gazing at Alexandra steadily.

‘Come, Esmeralda, I wasn't born yesterday,' said Alexandra, though her look was kind. ‘Besides, your secret's perfectly safe with me. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm hardly universally adored by our family.'

Esmeralda's features relaxed into a weak smile. She watched Alexandra curiously for a moment. Her voice when it came was almost a whisper. ‘Yes, I have a lover … the boy you saw me with.'

‘So, what's the problem?' Alexandra looked at her, so perfect, with her hair falling over her shoulders like a river of gold, and yet her eyes haunted and melancholy.

Esmeralda sighed and let her hands fall into her lap, where her fingers began to play nervously with a fold in her dress. ‘The family are desperate to marry me off. They keep parading other men in front of me but of course it's no use, I've already promised myself to …' She broke off. ‘We're deeply in love but the family would never approve. I'm sorry, I can't say any more.' She shook her head.

Alexandra sat down on the bed in front of her cousin, gazing at her sympathetically. ‘I know how it feels to have men thrust at you, whom you feel nothing for. Before I came out here I even had to turn down a proposal of marriage from my best friend. It was a match that my aunt and his parents longed for. Anyway, it was painful for us both, but especially him.' She was struck by the fact that, apart from her conversation with Ramón, she had not once thought of her loyal and devoted friend Ashley until now.
Poor Ashley
, she thought. He had seen her off from Southampton harbour with such wounded resignation.

‘Did you ever think that it might be easier just to give in? Marry him?' Esmeralda's large eyes were fixed on hers, intently.

Alexandra shook her head. ‘We were thrown together from an early age. For him it became more than sibling-like affection as we grew up. Not for me, though. For some, I suppose, the respect and fondness I have for him would be a sufficient base on which to found a marriage.' She smiled sadly. ‘That's not true for me.' Alexandra had always assumed she would find it easy to decline a proposal but because it was Ashley, and she loathed hurting him, it had been awkward and painful.

‘I feel the same,' agreed Esmeralda. ‘I refuse to marry anyone else, no matter how hard I'm pushed. And while that's the case, I'm trapped here.' Her face took on an anguished, distant look again. ‘Tonight, it was difficult … he wants me to make a decision but …' she trailed off and shrugged her shoulders, reluctant to say more.

‘What does Salvador think?'

Esmeralda frowned. ‘Salvador? How can I tell Salvador?'

‘But he's your brother … aren't you close?'

‘Yes, we're close. I know everything about him, more than anyone else, I imagine.' She saw Alexandra's puzzled expression. Picking up a tissue, she began to wipe away the wetness from her cheeks. ‘
Querida
, it's not like England here. What do you think would happen if I told my brother all this? He would be duty-bound to put an end to this relationship and make me marry someone suitable, even if he didn't want to. It's a question of honour, and Salvador is no less bound by it than any other Spanish nobleman. More so, I would say.'

Alexandra shook her head, disapprovingly. ‘So he would sacrifice his sister's happiness for the sake of some outdated notion of honour? Do you think he suspects anything?'

‘He knows, of course he does. But he chooses to turn a blind eye, for both our sakes. Besides, he already has his own troubles to think about.'

‘So I gather.' Alexandra glanced at her, wanting to know more but wondering how much she was prepared to say herself. Perhaps
Esmeralda was alluding to Salvador's preoccupation with his revived feelings for Isabel … if they had ever been fully smothered. She swallowed painfully. Finally, she said, ‘Your brother seems to be full of dramatic pronouncements. I got the impression he almost thinks this house is cursed.'

‘And so it is, in a way.' Esmeralda screwed up the tissue tightly in her hand. ‘The gypsies … they've always spelled trouble.' She looked at her cousin warily. ‘It's not for me to say but my poor brother has much to contend with.'

At that moment, quiet footsteps sounded in the corridor and someone stopped outside the door. Esmeralda gave a start and motioned for Alexandra to be still. Whoever it was paused, then the footsteps moved away and down the stairs.

‘I heard someone outside … didn't you?' Esmeralda whispered, her eyes wide with panic.

‘Yes, but they've gone away.' An uneasy feeling stirred again in Alexandra, though she tried to look unconcerned. Esmeralda seemed jumpy enough as it was at the prospect of someone overhearing.

‘I think you should go now, just in case. The walls have ears at El Pavón and things are already difficult enough for you.' Esmeralda gave the briefest of smiles, though she still looked anxious and tired. She took a shawl from the back of her chair and pulled it tightly round her shoulders, like a protective shield.

‘
Gracias
, Alexandra, for coming in to check on me.'

Alexandra smiled back and moved towards the door. She made to leave and then paused on the threshold. ‘I'm here if ever you need to talk, Esmeralda.'

Esmeralda nodded but said nothing.

Alexandra returned to her room to dress for dinner
.
There was still time before she had to endure the company of her family — and face her cousin Salvador again. The doors to the balcony were open, framing the dark blue sky. She stepped outside and inhaled the air, fragrant with the breath of night. The garden, so alive earlier on, was now veiled in darkness, which brought with it a nocturnal mystery
as unfathomable the people around her, she reflected. As she stared into the vast, inky canopy, her growing sense of foreboding murmured quietly to her.

Since her arrival at El Pavón, so many things had puzzled her and her talk with Esmeralda had only gone some way towards enlightening her. It was now clear what Esmeralda was concealing from her family but the hidden agendas of the rest of the de Fallas remained obscure. Why had Salvador warned her to leave Spain? Equally, how had he come to deserve such muted disapproval from the rest of his family? And what was behind the hushed whispers whenever Marujita's name was mentioned? Strange that Esmeralda hadn't mentioned her at all, even though the girl appeared to hold quite an importance in this household where so many comments carried ambiguous meanings. Alexandra could think of more than one occasion when the conversation had stopped dead as she walked into a room. Often, during her walks, or while she read in the shade of a tree, she sensed an evil presence, as though invisible eyes were watching her.

The hostility of certain members of the family, the fact that they took her for some wily schemer come to rob them of part of their inheritance, was undeniable. Yet Alexandra had the clawing sense that these indefinable impressions of danger whenever she was alone had their roots elsewhere but, like all her other unanswered questions, the truth remained elusive. Endowed with a fertile imagination she might be, however, she was not an alarmist. She was determined soon she would somehow have proof that her uneasy feelings were justified.

Time marched on. She couldn't tell how long she'd been on the balcony, wrapped in sombre thoughts. The evening breeze, gentle and cool, brushed her lips lightly, giving her the ephemeral illusion of a kiss. She shivered; all of a sudden she was cold. Going back inside, she shut the window and finally dressed for dinner. She made her way down to the conservatory at the back of the house where the family was assembling, as the great dining room was still being cleaned
following the ball. Alexandra much preferred the informality of this charming space opening out on to the gardens, lit with softer lamps, its glass walls hung with vines.

Esmeralda didn't appear that evening. At the beginning of the meal, Doña Eugenia announced starchily that a migraine was keeping the young woman from joining them for dinner. If some had any doubt as to the veracity of this excuse, they kept it to themselves. Once more Alexandra had the notion they were acting by common accord, as though a tacit conspiracy was going on, which deliberately excluded her. Still, inwardly she allowed herself a satisfied smile, knowing they were unaware of the conversation she'd just shared with Esmeralda. For once she knew what was behind their masks.

Dinner tonight was conducted in stern silence. Even Ramón failed to make his customary quips, and Don Alonso was in his own world as usual. Doña María Dolores sat opposite Salvador, her expression more grim and severe than ever. Alexandra had tensed a little when her cousin had taken the seat next to her on the large round table, meeting his easy smile with barely suppressed irritation lighting her eyes. The young man had returned from his jaunt with Doña Isabel in his vintage car a few minutes before dinner and seemed totally unaware of either Alexandra's or his great-aunt's mood as he tried singlehandedly to keep the conversation going.

‘Alexandra, have you any engagement for tomorrow?' he asked, glancing at his cousin. ‘I need to travel to Seville on business,' he went on without waiting for her reply. ‘My work should take only a short time. We'd have the rest of the day to visit one of our most beautiful cities. I thought it may interest you and …'

‘Oh, Salvador,' Mercedes cut in, suddenly coming to life and throwing a dagger-like look at Alexandra. ‘Can I come? I adore Seville and I could stop off in the Calle de Sierpes and …'

‘My dear child,' interrupted Doña María Dolores, ‘you're forgetting that Monday is the day you read to me.'

‘But
Abuela
,' she protested indignantly, ‘I could read to you just as well when I come back from Seville or, if it's too late, on Tuesday.'

Alexandra wasn't sure if she was more alarmed at the prospect of Salvador's invitation or the idea of Mercedes joining them. However, she had no chance to voice her misgivings. Ignoring the objections of one granddaughter and the silence of the other
,
Doña María Dolores turned to Salvador and announced that Alexandra would be delighted to go with him to Seville.