Indiscretion (30 page)

Salvador had ignored her most of the evening and then swept her off her feet with such barely suppressed, heated passion that her senses were still reeling from the encounter. Feelings that were strange, exciting and dangerous had taken root in her, body and soul,
as they danced together. And then, as quickly as he had pulled her into his arms, he had abandoned her. She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or insulted.

Forcing herself to think of something other than the mercurial young man, Alexandra recalled the flamboyant
matador
who had entertained her so delightfully. Don Felipe was gallant, attentive, and obviously quite taken with her. She had openly flirted with him, encouraging his advances, even enjoying them. The sangria had helped, admittedly, providing the necessary haze.

It occurred to her that the earlier part of the evening had seemed perfectly pleasant. Then Salvador had disappeared and flirting with Don Felipe hadn't seemed half as exciting with her audience gone. All through dinner, she'd been conscious of those steel-grey eyes of Salvador, following her everywhere, cold and impassable. No doubt disapproving of her behaviour. He had only spoken to her once throughout the whole evening, before the music began, and that was to express his obvious displeasure at her enjoyment. Still, she had enjoyed niggling at him, with the distinct impression she was inciting his jealousy. She wanted to hurt him as he had her. Instead, he had taken his revenge on her emotions and senses again; made her feel on fire when he placed his hands on her body and forced her to drown in silent, seething desire.

Damn him! Who did he think he was, storming into her life and making her feel this way? He was playing with her as if she were a puppet on strings. She would not stand for it; she didn't need a man like that in her life … But what was this hollow feeling that tugged at her stomach? She was miserable and wretched, no denying it. Would she be forced to admit she was falling in love with a man who, right from the start, had made it quite clear that they should not become involved? She quickly banished that thought from her head; it only made her increasingly restless.

Her mouth was dry; she felt suffocated and needed some air.

Alexandra slipped a dressing gown over her flimsy raw-silk nightdress and went out on to the terrace. Earlier that day, when they
had booked into their rooms, she had looked over the parapet at the groves and whitewashed villages which seemed to shimmer haphazardly in the misty rays of the midday sun; she had suffered a sudden wave of vertigo as she stared down at them in the sunlight. Now, there was nothing but the bottomless void, the vast darkness spreading outwards, and above, a vaulted midnight-blue sky strewn with myriad stars.

A livid moon was up. In the vast shadows of the landscape, she could just discern the outlines of the arena on the edge of Ronda. Further off stretched the town centre; the windows of its houses were small, twinkling pools of yellow light scattered in an otherwise velvety blackness. From somewhere far away, the echo of a sobbing guitar floated through the sultry night air, like a whisper caressing her ear.

Alexandra sensed his presence even before seeing him. She wondered how long he had been there, leaning against the wall, the tiny glow of his cigarette a single, luminous point in the shadows.

The strains of the guitar mingled with the undulating hum of crickets in the night air.

‘Is that you, Salvador?' Her voice was barely audible.

‘
Buenas tardes, niña
.' Salvador approached the three-foot apology for a balustrade barely separating the two balconies. A pair of arresting blue eyes appraised her coolly and thoroughly, making her heart beat a little faster.

‘Did you enjoy the party?'

Alexandra deliberately looked away. ‘Why did you leave so suddenly?' she asked, ignoring his question. ‘I hardly saw you all evening, and then—' but she couldn't bring herself to go on.

Salvador raised his eyebrows. ‘I don't need to explain my actions to anyone. Still, before that, you seemed to be having such a good time, I'm surprised you missed me after I left,' he remarked sarcastically.

‘Yes,' Alexandra snapped. ‘I was having a
wonderful
time!' She glared at him, then added, ‘Don Felipe made a charming partner, not only courteous, but considerate too. I had an excellent evening, thank you.'

His gaze was direct and needle sharp. ‘Are appearances that important to you, Alexandra?'

‘I don't understand what you mean.'

Salvador's mouth hardened. ‘Don't give me that!' His eyes blazed as they flitted over her. ‘You were swept off your feet by the dazzling façade of your host. Admit it,' he said harshly.

She flushed and jerked her head up. Unwilling to acknowledge his accusation, she tried to deflect it. ‘What do you have against Don Felipe?'

‘This conversation is not about Don Felipe.' His tone cooled as he looked at her broodingly.

Anger was beginning to build up inside her. Who was he to make pronouncements on the way she behaved? Green eyes glittered with indignation. ‘How dare you interfere in my life!' she said vehemently. ‘What entitles you to—'

‘I agree, I have no right to interfere in your life,' he interrupted calmly, suddenly sounding tired, ‘but I care about you, and would be sad if the slightest harm came to you.'

‘Are you warning me off Don Felipe?'

He nodded gravely. ‘I suppose I am.'

‘I really don't understand what you're driving at.'

Salvador shook his head and sighed. ‘You do make things difficult, Alexandra.'

He was making her feel like a capricious schoolgirl, and a swift rush of heat flushed her cheeks. She glared at him furiously, searching for some wounding retort.

‘You know nothing of Don Felipe's reputation as a womanizer,' he went on, before she had time to answer. ‘You've been taken in by the smooth affectation and the glossy, rather obvious charm, all of which I'm afraid are designed to conceal his true character. He looked at her reproachfully. ‘Your encouragement of his attentions was unwise. Despite your twenty-five years,
niña
, you're still very naïve.'

Alexandra's face was now burning with hot indignation. Without giving herself time to think she looked fiercely at him.

‘How dare you patronize me! How dare
you
judge
me
?' Her voice shook a little. ‘I wouldn't start pointing fingers had I been credited with an affair as sordid as the one you've been having with that gypsy girl.'

Alexandra caught her breath, suddenly aware of what she'd said. Salvador had mortified her and she'd wanted to hurt his pride, to make him feel some of the humiliation she herself was feeling at his allegations, but instantly she regretted the harshness of her words.

Salvador's mouth twisted contemptuously. Alexandra had seen that expression before; he was holding his emotions in check. There would be no outburst of anger but an arctic comeback. He did not disappoint her.

‘Again, Alexandra, this is not about me.' His face was in shadow, but she could see the steel in his blue eyes flash in the darkness. ‘Are you still so ignorant of our ways?'

‘I have done nothing wrong,' she insisted stubbornly.

His brows drew together in an exasperated frown. ‘
Dios en el cielo
!' he swore under his breath. ‘Maybe, but you're playing with fire.'

Alexandra decided not to argue. Salvador appeared to be in a foul mood and, though her instinct was to protest against his unfounded accusations, his chilly contempt forced her into silence. He turned away from her, wordless too. It was a silence that contained so much for neither was willing to acknowledge what had passed between them during their electrifying dance. A hostility that she had never sensed before had crept in and made her feel uneasy. Suddenly they were unable to talk like rational human beings.

Tension vibrated in the air. Both had said enough for one night. The last thing Alexandra wanted now was to provoke a fight. She was tired and her brain did not feel that sharp, certainly not enough to say what she truly felt. Perhaps it was the fruity punch making her head feel fuzzy; in fact, it had been more alcoholic than fruity and she was not in the habit of drinking much alcohol.

Salvador stared distantly over the darkness of the ravine to the horizon, where one after another the twinkling lights had faded into
oblivion. Alexandra watched him and yearned for those rare moments when they had been close and he'd seemed so relaxed and happy.

An owl hooted, breaking the heavy silence that hung between them. Salvador moved his head to look at her. He scanned her face, his eyes glowing like torches, searching Alexandra's shadowed features as though suddenly reaching out to her. When he spoke, his voice was calm and gentle.

‘I was wrong to interfere in your affairs. I'm neither your father nor your brother and, though I can't help but regard myself as a little responsible for you, I had no right to intrude into your private life. I can only apologize for my irrational behaviour. It was meant with good intentions.'

Her heart rose to her mouth; the caressing tone of his voice stroked down the angry hackles urging her to hurt him.

‘Are you upset with me?' she whispered.

‘I'm not upset with you so much as irate at Don Felipe's behaviour. He should know better.' He paused. ‘But that is another matter,' and though he had spoken in a low voice, Alexandra was aware of the thick undercurrents of smouldering fury.

‘What are you worried about?'

‘As I've said, Don Felipe has the reputation of being a ruthless womanizer. He will stop at nothing to get what he wants and his intentions are not always honourable. I wouldn't like him to hurt you.'

‘Why don't you stop treating me like a child? I'm sensible enough to recognize danger and defend myself, if necessary.'

‘That may be so, but I still feel I should warn you.'

For a while they were silent again, looking out at the dark hills and savouring the still of the night.

‘Did you know Marujita would be dancing this evening?' Alexandra asked faintly, at last.

Salvador stiffened. ‘Yes,' he said simply.

At this she glanced down, afraid he might see her heartache. ‘Does it upset you to see her make such an exhibition of herself in public? Is that why you left?'

Salvador laughed. ‘How imaginative you are, Alexandra.' He watched the smoke curling from the end of his cigarette and shook his head. ‘Actually, it doesn't upset me to see her dance, quite the reverse. It puts things into their right perspective. The reason I left during the show was because …' Salvador paused. Alexandra turned to look at him and thought she would drown again in the world of intense possibility held in his gaze. ‘Because I have a horror of scenes in public, and I didn't want to give anybody an excuse for making one this evening. Has that answered your question,
niña
?'

Alexandra hesitated a few seconds before the intimacy of the night gave her the boldness she needed. ‘Are you going to marry her?'

Salvador appeared to consider her question. ‘I don't know,' he sighed.

She looked at him mutely and swallowed back the painful lump in her throat; she needed to know. Moments passed before she went on stubbornly. ‘Do you love her?'

‘I feel grateful towards her … but feelings are so much more complicated than that …'

Was it complicated? ‘If you don't love her, now that … now that …' Words failed her but then she heard herself say with a harsh impudence she hadn't thought herself capable of, ‘Surely there's no longer any reason for you to stay with her?'

A muscle jerked in his cheek. ‘How simple you make it all sound,' he replied wistfully. ‘You see life in bright colours. Alas, ours is a world of darker shades.'

She glanced up at him in time to see his rueful grimace.

‘You can't spend the rest of your life paying for a mistake for which circumstances alone were responsible,' she said vehemently. She wanted so desperately to understand why he insisted on punishing himself when his feelings seemed to be fighting to be free. After all, she had seen it in his eyes when he held her, when he danced with her.

Sadness swept across Salvador's face and his shoulders hunched slightly. He seemed exhausted.

‘You're being very compassionate towards me,
niña
, but not too realistic. Once the cork is drawn, you have to drink the wine. The slate can never be wiped clean. I'm no longer a teenager. When a man of my age has an affair, he is fully aware of what he is doing and must be prepared to bear the consequences of his actions. Have you read
Don Quixote
?'

‘No,' she admitted.

‘I'll lend it to you when we get back to Jerez. Cervantes' proverb is often quoted in Spain:
He who plays with cats must expect to get scratched
.'

Alexandra thought back to Agustina's tale of the
gitana's
appearance after Salvador's accident. Suddenly, she felt close to him, imagining what it must have been like for such a man to be rendered so weak in every way, and her heart melted.

‘You were sick and easily manipulated. Surely, you cannot be held fully responsible for your actions? Apparently, Marujita knew exactly what she was doing. You're too hard on yourself.'

‘I'm not hard on myself, I'm simply seeing things as they are. I have no illusions about myself and even less about others.' He shook his head and blinked out at the night. ‘Anyhow, I shouldn't be discussing this with you, or with anyone else for that matter. This is my personal life and my problem. It's for me to sort out.'

Alexandra frowned, perplexed. Her mind was a maelstrom of confused thoughts and emotions. She drew a sharp breath and hugged herself. A shudder ran up her spine and she struggled to control the terrible sense of foreboding that rose bitterly again in her chest.