Indiscretion (56 page)

Alexandra clung to him. ‘You are everything I ever want now,' she insisted.

He took her face between his hands and looked deep into her eyes, the emotion clear in his. ‘And you are everything a man could ever dream of,
me querido amor
. But it's late, your aunt must be worried,' he added, frowning.

‘Yes, we've been away a long time,' she whispered, gazing up at him in utter adoration. He helped her up; she gently gave him her hand and together they walked back to the house.

* * *

The next day drifted along and there was a sort of hazy magic to it. The past hadn't been mentioned or, more to the point, it had been conveniently ignored. Aunt Geraldine had tactfully left the lovers to themselves, making some excuse about visiting friends for a few days, though she had seemed quietly pleased at Salvador's arrival. Alexandra and Salvador were free to make their reacquaintance, savouring the enchantment of new discoveries and making the most of each other after so much wasted time. Caught up in her feelings of overflowing love, Alexandra was nevertheless aware of that subdued curiosity inside her, quietly floating in expectation.

Now the moment had come. Down at the lake, they sat against the trunk of a massive oak beneath its dappled purple shadows. It was an unusually misty, warm day for spring, with no cloud in the azure-blue sky. The air was fresh and rich with the scent of new grass, still sparkling with dew. Everywhere, the trees had donned their brilliant new green coats, and the garden bloomed with a profusion of daffodils, azaleas, bluebells and other colourful flowers carefully selected by Aunt Geraldine, who was a keen gardener. Nature was out in full glory. The sun-drenched garden was alive, vibrating with an abundance of living things of which Salvador and Alexandra were evidently only a minute part. Bees, butterflies, wasps and all sorts of other unknown insects buzzed, hovered and
flew above the scented bushes and the carpet of wildflowers spread over the meadow that stretched around them.

‘I missed you every minute this past year,' Salvador whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. ‘I wanted you, longed for you, every waking moment of the day and night.' He closed his eyes as though the mere recollection of those not-so-far-off days was still too painful. ‘Worse yet, I knew deep down that you felt the same and that my stubbornness, my jealousy, and my irrational conduct had driven you away.'

Alexandra gave him a long, considered look. ‘So when did you end up in hospital?' she asked, trying not to sound too blunt.

Salvador went on huskily. ‘It happened only a few days after you left. I would have come here almost immediately if not for that. As you know, I was in a coma for several months.'

‘Oh, Salvador, if I'd known earlier …' Alexandra turned to him, her brow furrowed with concern as well as helpless frustration.

‘As you've seen, censorship and the postal system in Spain make letters out of the country so unreliable. There's no way you could have known any sooner. It's fine,
querida
, I'm recovered now.' Salvador touched her face with a soothing finger.

‘Luckily, Doña Inés heard through the grapevine that I was in hospital and came to visit once I was conscious. She told me all about the misunderstanding that night in Granada and how devastated you'd been afterwards. She said you were innocent of all you'd been accused, that you loved me deeply and that you'd been the victim of Isabel's malicious set-up. At the time, I was too sick to take any action, though both your grandmother and Esmeralda wrote to you. The doctors couldn't say how long it would take me to recover, they were afraid I'd be crippled for life. What would I have had to offer you then,
mi amor
? Half a man …' He glanced at her, uneasily. ‘I've never wanted your pity,
querida
, only your love, always …'

Tears welled as Alexandra met those haunting dark-blue eyes. She put her fingers to his lips to stem the flow of words, unable to bear the sad expression on his face. ‘Oh, Salvador …'

He smiled ruefully. ‘I had a lot of time to think things through, about the way I'd behaved, and how it must have been for you. I had to wait and pray that I would soon be well enough to come to England and beg your forgiveness, hoping you still loved me enough, and would still have me.'

Alexandra paled. ‘What kind of accident could have left you so sick?'

Salvador stiffened. ‘It was a bad one,' he said slowly.

His words sent a quiver of alarm through Alexandra. ‘Yes, but what happened exactly?'

A long silence followed. His eyes looked glazed, as though remembering was deeply painful. ‘Can I tell you about it later?'

Alexandra nodded, though deeply curious. It had never occurred to her that he could have come to any harm or might be in danger. Her heart turned over sickly, her emotions a mixture of dread and shame as reality dawned. She had badly misjudged him: he had been fighting for his life while she was busy nursing her pride and feeling sorry for herself, instead of being at his side, nursing him back to recovery. She could have lost him and never known the truth until it was too late, all because of an unlucky combination of coincidence and crossed wires. Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

‘Oh, Salvador, I'm so sorry,' she whispered, her lips trembling. ‘I should never have gone off on my own with Don Felipe. I was angry and wanted to hurt you but I was foolish, arrogant and naïve. How can you ever forgive me?'

‘Hush,
niña
,' he said, taking a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping her tears. ‘Doesn't the fact that I've made this journey tell you anything? There's nothing to forgive,
mi paloma blanca
.' He stroked her face tenderly. ‘You're not the only one to blame. I loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you but, because I had many unresolved problems and no immediate answers, I did not dare begin something with you without knowing how it would end.'

He lit a cigarette and drew on it for a while in silence, arms resting on his bent knees. Then, leaning back against the tree trunk, he gazed ahead. ‘When the baby died, my ties to Marujita were
broken. I grieved for the child but, after a while, I realized there was a glimmer of hope for us, for you and me. For the first time, I could see some light at the end of the dark tunnel.'

He turned his head to look at her. ‘Truly, all the while, I was protecting you, though I can see how it probably seemed. I didn't want you to become entangled in my troubles with the
gitanos
. I know I was weak and irresponsible at times.
Usted es una joven muy bella y deseable
, you are a very beautiful and desirable young woman. But afterwards, I always felt ashamed that I'd taken advantage of your vulnerability. My automatic reaction then was to go about setting lines we couldn't cross, even if that meant misleading you about how I truly felt and driving you away.' He smiled awkwardly. ‘It is unfortunately my way,
querida …
putting up barriers when what I feel is too intense for me to deal with.' There was agitation in his voice.

‘Then came the
corrida
at Ronda, and the introduction of Don Felipe into the frame.' He took a deep breath before sighing. ‘From then on, the most fierce, corroding feeling took over my life. Subsequently, all my attitudes, arguments and reactions were skewed by it. Jealousy,
niña
, is a very destructive fault.'

‘But Salvador, you had no cause to be jealous,' Alexandra pleaded in frustration. ‘I was just trying to attract your attention. You kept blowing hot and cold, and I couldn't understand what you expected from me. I guess I wanted to make you jealous, the way I was jealous of Marujita and Doña Isabel. Believe me, I know exactly how destructive jealousy is. There appeared to be two women in your life to whom you gave attention, rather than me. I was completely confused all the time — you kept pushing me away. My pride was hurt, and I needed to get even,' she added, trying to keep the defensive tone from her voice. ‘I admit that I was attracted to Don Felipe at first. I found him good-looking, smooth and gallant. He made me feel special while you were busy rebuffing me but, I swear to you, nothing ever happened between us.'

Salvador raised his eyebrows. She heard the breath catch in his throat as she spoke. He stiffened, his mouth tightening to a thin line.
Steel-grey eyes fastened on her face and ice fleetingly replaced the warmth that had filled them since his arrival. Beneath his gaze she couldn't help but quail; the old jealousy had not yet turned to cinders and was still smouldering inside him.

‘That evening in Jerez, I saw you both. You were kissing.' She winced at his tone. The nightmare was starting up again.

‘No, no, Salvador, you're wrong,' she cried out, tears stinging her eyes. ‘Felipe
forced
his kiss on me. I struggled and was pushing him away when you arrived. I did try to explain but you wouldn't listen. I swear it's the truth. After that incident, I never once let him touch me again.' She was thankful that Doña Inés had agreed to keep the terrifying ordeal she'd suffered at the hands of Felipe to herself — the consequences of Salvador ever finding out were unthinkable. ‘You must believe me, I've never wanted another man but you. I could never belong to another man but you.' Her eyes blurred with unshed tears.

Salvador sighed before his mouth curved softly into a smile. ‘I know, I know,
niña
, of course I believe you,' he reassured her quietly. ‘It's just that I still can't bear to hold that image in my head, even though now I know it wasn't what it seemed. During the long months I spent in that hospital room convalescing, I had plenty of time to mull over every detail. I realized neither of us had behaved normally. There were too many adverse winds clouding reality.'

Reaching out for her hand, he turned it over and gently kissed her palm before placing it against his cheek. ‘But you see,
querida
, I'm weak,' his grey eyes skimmed her face wretchedly, ‘every now and then the old pain bubbles to the surface. Jealousy, that angry beast, claws mercilessly at my insides and my misery is unbearable.' Salvador broke off. The frost in his eyes had melted. Alexandra gazed into them and saw the appeal for forgiveness, the mixture of strength and vulnerability, the passion, the desire and the genuine love that had replaced it.

How she loved him in this moment. She felt her fears and her heart dissolve into waves of tenderness. Raising herself on to
her knees and leaning towards him, she kissed him again and again, slowly, so slowly … On the eyelids, the cheeks, the throat, her fingertips stroking his shock of black hair adoringly, sensuously exploring every inch of his face, willing her touch to erase the pain, aching to convey to him her own passion, and her deep love.

With a groan, Salvador gripped her shoulders, drawing her into his powerful embrace and they entwined themselves beneath the tree. His mouth sought hers with a searing, devastating possessiveness that was a new thing, and it shook her to the core. ‘I will never let you go again,' he breathed, his face buried in her neck. ‘
Usted es el mio, mio, mio
, you're mine, mine, mine.' He crushed her against him, his hands roaming over her body, sending shockwaves and surges of pleasure through her secret places.

The sound of barking startled them. Caesar, Hannibal and Scipio hurtled down the hill, harbingers of Miles' arrival with a picnic lunch. The dogs launched themselves at the couple, in their excitement, ecstatic yapping, leaping and tail wagging decisively interrupting their moment of intimacy. Salvador and Alexandra sprang to their feet, laughing.

‘Saved by the dogs,' said Alexandra as she brushed the grass off her skirt and tried to instill some order to her hair. What would Miles have thought if he'd caught them in that fiery embrace? She smiled mischievously to herself.

The butler soon appeared, moving gingerly down the hill, carrying a tray laden with china and silverware, a jug of lemonade and a bottle of champagne, closely followed by Rose with the picnic baskets. A copious lunch of cold chicken, veal-and-ham pie, pickles, potato salad, cheese, butter and a large loaf of freshly baked bread was spread before them on an Irish linen tablecloth.

‘The glory of English picnics!' Alexandra whispered to Salvador, smiling. ‘Thank you, that will be all,' she told Miles and Rose once they had finished laying out the contents of the first basket.

‘Will you not need us to unpack the other basket, Miss? It contains stewed plums from the garden, frozen after the autumn, a bowl of
creamy rice pudding and the first cherries of the season, early this year and freshly picked this morning,' said Miles. ‘Mrs Hull has also included a thermos of tea, sugar, milk, a pound cake and a tin of biscuits, for later in the day.'

Alexandra laughed. ‘No, thank you, Miles. I think we'll have enough trouble getting through the first one. Will you please thank Cook on our behalf for this wonderful spread? Would you also tell her that as my aunt is out to dinner tonight, we would just like a light supper this evening.'

‘Yes, Miss. Shall I uncork the champagne?'

‘No, thank you, Miles. That will be all.'

Salvador beamed. ‘Surely a feast fit for a king,' he declared when they were sitting alone again and had toasted each other with a glass of champagne. ‘And sugar too? What luxury! I thought even the English upper classes were subject to rationing …'

Alexandra laughed. ‘And so we are. But we're lucky enough to have our own dairy farm and chickens, and we grow our own fruit and vegetables. Mrs Hull had always been rather extravagant. Dear Uncle Howard loved his food and Cook always made it her business to indulge him, taking pride in conjuring up new and interesting dishes for him. But since the war she's become resourceful with it, a happy combination. She's been in the Grantley family for forty years and her mother before her was cook to my uncle's parents.'