Indulge (22 page)

I place my engagement ring in his cupped hand and close it. With tears in my eyes, I say, “Your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet, and she will be the luckiest woman alive to have it.”

T
hat was brutal
. I hated hurting Preston. He’s such a kind and loving man. I truly want the best for him, and that’s not me.

I go back to Beau’s house. My two guys and the loudmouth have beaten me there. If I didn’t figure it out by seeing Beau’s Hummer in the garage, I’d know because Daphne’s horselaugh echoes through the house when I enter the front door. So fucking annoying. I don’t know how he can stand listening to her.

“I’m back,” I announce.

I go into the living room and find Beau and Daphne cozy on the sofa. One look at them and I’m consumed with jealousy.
Can he tell?

I must admit I’m a little perturbed to see Clark happily sitting in her lap. I feel a little betrayed by my eight-month-old.

Clark sees me and immediately squirms in her lap, reaching for me. I happily take him from her. “Hello, my sweet boy. Did you enjoy your day at the park with Daddy?” I purposefully leave off Daphne.

Beau’s smiling. He likes it when I call him
Daddy
.

“I think he did. He may be a fan of music.”

“I’m glad you had nice weather. How was the music?”

Of course, she’s the one who answers. “Oh! My! God! It was so good!”

She rambles on for five minutes about complete nonsense before Beau’s able to get a word in. “There was a guy who put a reggae twist on a lot of popular songs but he also did an acoustic cover of ‘Falling’ by Iration.”

“Ah, I’m sad I missed it. That’s one of my favorite songs.” Beau and I danced to it at the reggae club in Jamaica––while I was falling for him.

“Ugh! I hated that reggae shit.” She babbles on again. I block out most of it but she regains my attention when she places her hand on Beau’s thigh. “Are we still going to Café Intermezzo after they leave?”

At least she’s subtle about putting her foot on my ass and giving Clark and me a shove to get us out the door faster. Too bad. I’m not going anywhere. “Beau has Clark until nine o’clock.”

“You mean Beau has Clark and his mother.” Daphne looks at her watch and sighs loudly. “And that’s over three more hours.”

Wow. One would think she’s ready to be rid of my son and me. Can’t imagine why.

I need a break from Miss Loud Mouth. “Baby boy, I bet you’re ready to nurse.”

“Dear, Lord! You still breastfeed him?” She sounds so disgusted. “Are your breasts super saggy?”

It’s an inappropriate question so I decide to give her an impolite reply. “My tits are fantastic. Aren’t they, Beau?”

Beau bursts into laughter. Daphne, not so much. “She’s right. They’re pretty spectacular.”

Bam, Daphne! In yo' face.

The look Daphne gives Beau is priceless. I’m pretty sure it could qualify as a death stare.

Clark and I go into Beau’s bedroom to get away from big mouth. Poor little thing has probably had all he can stand. Beau should be ashamed for forcing that on him. “I bet you’re exhausted from hearing all that hot air, aren’t you, sweet boy?”

I stack the pillows on Beau’s bed the way I like them and get comfortable.

I know it was only a few hours but I’m never away from him for this long. I didn’t like it. “Mommy didn’t have fun while you were at the park today.”

“Mommy didn’t have fun?” Beau’s standing in the doorway.

“Eavesdropper.”

Beau comes in and stretches out on the bed next to Clark and me. Even after three months, he still likes being with us during his feedings. “Where did you go while we were out?”

He needs to know my engagement with Preston is off. But not this way. We should be alone for that discussion. I have big plans for what I hope happens afterward. “I went home because there was something important to take care of.”

“Right.” He sounds pissed off, or hurt, and I can guess why. He thinks I went home to have alone time with Preston. And I did, just not for the reason he thinks.

“We need to talk.”

He props his head in his hand. “I’m listening.”

I wish we could have this conversation right this second. I’m anxious to tell him. “Not now. And definitely not with Daphne here. I need your undivided attention.”

“Sounds serious.” That’s the second time I’ve heard that tonight.

“It’s very important.”

I see fear grow in his eyes. I don’t want that. “Have you changed your mind about our custody agreement?”

I have. I want Beau to be a full-time father to our son. “This isn’t a conversation to have now.”

“Then when?”

“Can you come over tomorrow night?”

“I can if I don’t have a heart attack between now and then, worrying you’re going to take my son from me.”

I need to put Beau’s worries to rest. “I’m not taking Clark from you. If anything, I want you to see him more.”

Beau’s face and posture relax. “You don’t know how happy that makes me. Two days a week isn’t near enough time with him. I feel like I miss everything.”

“Beau!” I cringe at the sound of her voice coming from the living room.

“She doesn’t sound too keen on you being back here with me while my spectacular breasts are on display.”

He looks at Clark nursing. “God, they are splendid.”

He gets up to leave. “What I wouldn’t give to touch them again.” There it is. The glimpse of hope that he hasn’t moved on from me to her.

“Beau?”

He stops and turns back to me. “Yeah?”

I’m dying to tell him not to sleep with her tonight after I’m gone. But what right do I have? “Nothing.”

“You don’t get to tease me like that. What is it?” He’s grinning. I think he knows he’s tormenting me by having her here.
And he’s loving it.

Damn bastard, whom I love.

I shake my head, saying nothing.

“I want to know what’s on your mind.”

I’m going for it. If he tells me to fuck off, then he does. “Don’t sleep with Daphne tonight.” Or ever.

His face beams. “Never intended on it.”

“
I
have
a huge favor to ask you.”

“You know I’ll do anything for my best friend.” She says that now. Let’s see how she feels tomorrow morning.

I hate asking Meredith to do this. It could possibly be the worst night of her life. “I need you to keep Clark.”

“That’s not a huge favor.” She claps her hands together like a happy child. “And I’d love to.”

She hasn’t heard the rest. “Overnight.”

My son has never been away from me for more than a few hours so I have no idea how he’ll react to being separated from me for a full night. “It might not go well, Mere. You might want to kill me and then run to get your tubes tied.”

“What are you talking about? Clark loves Grayson and me. He’s used to being around us so he’ll be fine.” True. He has spent a lot of time with Mere and G but I’ve always been around, too.

An overnight stay means Clark will have to take a bottle tonight and in the morning. It’s still new, and he’s not entirely crazy about them, so it could go bad, fast.

“I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important.” My happiness is dependent on how this night goes.

“What’s going on that you need a whole night away?”

“I broke off my engagement with Preston.” She doesn’t seem the least bit surprised.

“Finally came to your senses.” Meredith and Grayson liked Preston fine but they knew he wasn’t
the one
. Beau is.

“Beau doesn’t know yet. I asked him to come over tonight so we could talk.” Just saying those words aloud gets me excited.

“Don’t you mean so you can fuck his brains out?” Such a Meredith comment.

“Well, that, too, after I tell him.” It’s ridiculous how much I’m looking forward to doing that.

“Do you have something special to wear?” It’s just like her to be thinking about that.

“I wasn’t planning on wearing anything.”

“As much as he might like it, going to the door naked will be a dead giveaway. You gotta make him sweat for a minute.”

I’m pretty sure he’s been sweating it out since last night, considering he has no idea why I’ve asked him over. Or maybe he does since I told him to keep it in his britches last night.

“What about one of the lingerie sets he bought you in Jamaica? Do you still have them? That would be a sexy walk down memory lane.”

They’re packed away in a box I never open. “I have all three. Two have never been worn.”

“You need to change that. Tonight.”

He chose them so they must be the style he likes. “I think I’ll wear the champagne one with rhinestones.” It’s super sexy.

“With matching, sparkly fuck-me pumps. You have to.”

I can’t argue with her on that. “Done.”

I
’m showered
, shaved, fluffed, and puffed. My hair and makeup is perfect. I’m wearing a charcoal wrap dress with the chosen lingerie beneath it. All I need now is Beau.

He’s late.

Thirty minutes. An hour. An hour and a half. His phone goes straight to voicemail each of the dozen times I’ve called over the last hour.

Beau wouldn’t be a no-show. He knows I was planning to discuss something important tonight. I don’t believe he’d stand me up.
Was I too late? Is he really done?

Something is wrong.

My phone rings. It’s a number I don’t recognize but the voice on the other end is familiar. Beau’s sister. “Anna James. It’s Caroline.”

I immediately know something has happened. “What’s wrong?”

“Beau’s been in an accident. He’s asking for you.”

My heart takes off in flight, pounding in my chest, my ears, throbbing in my hands. “Is he okay?”

“It was a pretty bad accident. An eighteen-wheeler ran a red light and T-boned him on the passenger’s side. They’re still running tests, but he doesn’t have any life-threatening injuries. That’s all we really know right now.”

“I’m on my way.”

I drive far too fast to the hospital, especially considering Beau’s there because of an accident, but I manage to arrive in one piece.

I rush into the emergency room and find the Emerson clan. Caroline sees me and leaves her seat, diverting me directly to Beau’s observation room in emergency department services.

Despite the gentle smile on her face, I can see how concerned she is for her brother. He is so loved. “Mom’s with him right now, but she’ll give you the visitor pass and swap places. He wants you. He’s been very vocal about that.”

He hasn’t been moved to a hospital room or admitted. I think that’s a good sign. It means they’ve not found any serious injuries.
A miracle.

Caroline calls Darby to meet us so we can swap places. “Oh, God, thank you for coming, Anna James. He’s been having a fit for us to get you here.”

“Of course. I want to be with him.” Darby looks surprised to hear me say that.

“He’s refused pain medicine because he said he wants to talk to you before he’s out of it.”

“Good grief.”

“I know. And he’s agitated because he’s hurting so badly. Not pleasant to be around right now.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll talk him into taking something.”

He was T-boned by an eighteen-wheeler. That puts horrific images in your mind. I imagined the worst during the drive over so when I walk in, Beau looks much better than what I conjured in my head.

Minor cuts and what appears to be emerging bruises are scattered over his face and chest. The cut above his right eye looks deep. I’m no doctor but I bet it will need stitches. Since a sheet covers him from the waist down, I can’t see what’s happening there.

I go to his side and grasp his hand. “Are you okay?”

“Much better now. Where’s Clark?”

“With Meredith and Grayson.”

He looks disappointed. “I guess the hospital isn’t a place for a baby.”

“I had already left him at their house before Caroline called. I made the arrangements with Meredith this morning for him to stay over.”

“You never leave Clark with anyone.” I’ve never had a reason to before tonight.

“I know. I’m hoping he doesn’t give her hell.”

“Why did you send him away overnight?”

I rub my thumb over the top of his hand. “So we wouldn’t be interrupted.”

“You must have a lot to say.”

He has no idea. “I have plenty to say.”

“Then start talking.”

I had such romantic plans for us. I wanted to tell him I loved him and then make love all night until we fell into exhaustion. “This isn’t how I want to do this.”

“Well, this is where I’m going to be for a while. And I want to know what you have to say.”

“I’m not saying anything until you agree to take something for the pain.”

“It’ll make me sleepy. I might not hear everything you tell me.” He’s being such a hard ass.

“It’ll take a good thirty minutes to work and it’s not going to cause amnesia. You’ll remember everything we talk about.” I press the nurse call light without his permission. “He’s ready for pain medicine now.”

I’m all set to talk once Beau is medicated, but the hospital staff has other plans. “Radiology just called. They’re coming to get you for X-rays.”

“Now?” He sounds so irritated.

His nurse laughs. “Yes, sir. Now, as in the next few minutes.”

Beau looks at me. Every line on his face expresses annoyance. I hope it’s not with me because I made him take the pain medicine. “I’m sure it won’t take too long.”

As promised, radiology arrives within a few minutes to take Beau. “Don’t go, Peach.”

I’m happy to hear him calling me Peach again. I was Anna James to him during our last two interactions.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here when you get back.”

Beau is rolled from the room, and reality hits me. I’m overcome when I consider what could have happened.

He could have been killed tonight. I hate to consider the outcome had he been driving anything other than that huge black tank. He might have died not knowing how much I love him. The thought devastates me.

I go into the bathroom to fix my face. I look like a raccoon. A fucking mess. So much for looking my best when I tell him how I feel.

I’m on my third trip to the bathroom to clean under my eyes when Beau returns.

“We’re back,” the radiology staff member announces as he rolls Beau back into the room.

I put on a smile, not wanting to alert him to the meltdown I just had. “That didn’t take too long.”

Beau’s eyes look tired. I have no doubt he’s fighting the drowsy side effects of the medication. “Is your pain better?”

“It’s okay but they think my ankle is probably broken. Gotta wait for a radiologist to read the X-ray.”

I go to the side of the bed and pull the sheet away so I can see his leg. His right ankle is swollen and purple. “Sheez, that looks bad.”

“I’ve known better days.”

Seeing his injury sparks more tears. I try to hold back but it’s impossible. I cover my face to hide my ugly cry from him.

“Come ’ere, Peach.” I sit on the side of the bed, and he pulls me into his arms. “I can’t stand to see you cry.”

I bury my face into his shoulder, careful to not hurt him. “God, you could’ve been killed. Clark wouldn’t have a father.” I hesitate a moment before verbalizing the rest of my thoughts. “And I wouldn’t have you.”

“You didn’t have me anyway.”

I twist so I can see his face. “But I want you. I have since Jamaica, and I’ve never stopped.”

“What about Preston?”

“I broke off the engagement.”

“When?”

“Last night. That’s what I was doing while you were at the park.”

That brings a smile to his lips. “Is that why you invited me over tonight?”

“Yes. Because I wanted to talk about us.”

“I’m hoping you want to have that conversation where we both admit what we had was good.”

It wasn’t good. It was wonderful. “I don’t like what we’re doing. I want to be with you every day. And not just as your son’s mother.”

“You already know what I want to hear from you.”

He wants to hear me say I love him but I need to hear it from him as well. “You told me you didn’t have another ‘I love you’ left for me.”

“Wrong. I told you I didn’t have another ‘I love you’ without hearing it in return.”

“I’m asking you to tell me again.”

He breathes in deeply and releases it slowly. “I love you, Anna James.”

I reach up to touch his face, running my finger beside the cut above his right eye. “I love you, Beau Emerson. And I don’t want to spend another minute apart.”

“I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that.” Beau’s lips meet mine but our kiss is cut short when his doctor comes in.

“Well, Mr. Emerson. The good news is we didn’t find anything serious or life threatening. Bad news is your ankle and two ribs are fractured.”

I’ve always heard broken ribs are painful.

“We’ll splint your ankle until you can see an orthopedic doc next week but the rib injury is going to make using crutches painful. No worries. We’ll give you plenty of medication for the discomfort.”

Beau is all business while the doctor is in the room, but that ends the second she’s gone. “Sounds like I’ll be down for a while. I think I’m going to need someone to sponge bathe me.”

“You have a mother.”

“I also have a girlfriend who says she loves me.”

I’m pretty sure I surpassed that title when I gave birth to his offspring. “A girlfriend? I don’t think so. I’m at least baby mama status.”

“I hope you know you’re much more to me than my son’s mother.”

“I know I want to be more.”

“That’s a conversation I want to have very soon but not here. And not after I’ve been given narcotics.”

I don’t want to be interrupted by medical staff or have Beau under the influence while we discuss our future, either.

Future. I like that word a lot. It gives me hope.

It’s morning when Beau is finally released from observation. I twisted and turned in the bedside chair like a contortionist, trying to find comfort. I finally stopped fighting it and crawled into the hospital bed with Beau at three o’clock, after he’d been begging me for hours.

Getting him in and out of my SUV wasn’t fun, but Beau insisting on a shower before he gets into bed is even less entertaining. “I have dried blood in my hair and sweaty balls. Be a peach and help me out?”

I swear this man can talk me into anything. “Well, I guess you don’t deserve sweaty balls after what you’ve been through.”

My sister broke her leg when we were in high school. I had to help her wrap it when she showered so I’m a little familiar with what to do about Beau’s partial cast splint.

“Take your clothes off and get in with me.”

Yeah, right. “How do you think you’re going to do anything on one leg?”

“I’m not asking because I want to fuck. Well, I do, but there’s no way that’s happening. My ribs are killing me. I need help washing off.”

“Hang on. Let me see if I can find a clip for my hair.” Success. I find a ponytail holder so I twist it into a messy bun on top of my head.

Beau watches me remove my wrap dress. “Dammit, baby. Why’d you have to be wearing that underneath your clothes?” I haven’t heard him call me that since we were in Jamaica.
I’ve missed that. I’ve missed him.

“I’m wearing this because I had big plans for you last night before you became fender meat.”

“Not my fault, Peach. I absolutely wanted to be with you last night.”

“I know, Beauregard.” Our Peach and Beauregard endearments are helping heal my heart.

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I love hearing you call me that. I’ve missed it.”

“Good.”

As badly as I hate it, there’s nothing romantic about this shower with Beau. It’s strictly about getting him clean before he crawls into his bed. And expressing.
I’m about to explode.

I turn off the shower and reach for a towel. “No more sweaty balls. I think you’re good to go.”

“Thank you. I’ll wash yours anytime. All you have to do is ask and I’ll repay the favor.”

“If I ever ask you to wash my balls then you better know we have a problem.”

I go to his dresser and realize I have no idea how his clothes are organized. “What do you want to put on and where do I find it?”