H
ayden knew where he was
, but he couldn’t place it.
He knew he’d been here before. He’d been sitting on the grass like this. The grass was warm. Slightly damp, but warm. The sun above was strong, and he could feel its heat spreading through his skin, all over his body. He was wearing swimming trunks. They had Batman on them. They too were slightly damp from the swimming pool he must’ve been in not long ago.
He could smell the chlorine in the air. He always liked that smell. Always took him back to those summer days as a child. But as he looked down at his legs, at his body, he realised he
was
a child. He was that child he’d longed to be so many times. Before she died. Before Annabelle…
He turned to his left and he saw her sitting there.
She was beautiful. He’d always found her beautiful even though she was his sister. Not in a weird way. Just in a way that made him feel proud that she was his big sister. The boys in his year always used to stare at her, too. Always used to whisper behind her back, love in their eyes. And that made Hayden feel good, in a way. Because he knew that with a sister that beautiful, no one would ever hurt him.
“You’re scared of the water aren’t you, short-arse?”
Hayden heard Annabelle’s voice. It was soft. Dreamlike. She smiled at him. Smiled, her curly blonde hair waving in the breeze. Her chestnut eyes were warm—so warm that he could feel them crackling through his skin as she looked at him. Somewhere in the distance, Hayden could hear laughter. The laughter of kids playing. Enjoying themselves. Splashing about in the pool.
“Shut it,” Hayden said. He felt the words leaving his lips, but they left as if he’d spoken them before. As if they were replaying from a memory a long time ago.
“It’s true, though,” Annabelle said. She moved closer, and her voice grew more real. “I’ve seen what you’re like. Only staying in the shallow end.”
“I like the shallow end.”
“I can see that. But there’s nothing to be scared of. You’ve got your rubber ring. You’ve got your armbands. There’s no monsters down in the deep water. So what’s scaring you?”
Hayden looked back at the pool. He saw the children playing, laughing. They were okay with him. Not his best friends, but they were okay. He looked at that deeper end where they were all splashing about, nothing underneath them for support, and he felt his stomach turn like it did when he ate something funny at Nan’s that time.
“I just don’t like having nothing under my feet,” Hayden said. “Nothing to fall on.”
“Wow,” Annabelle. “For a little kid, that’s pretty deep.”
Hayden knew it was deep, too. He wasn’t sure if he’d said those exact words back in this conversation all those years ago, but he knew it must’ve been something along those lines.
“You know, I lied,” Annabelle said.
“About what?”
“When I told you there were no monsters. There are monsters. Real nasty monsters.”
She turned to Hayden, fire in her eyes. Hayden started to feel a bit excited. He always liked it when Annabelle told him stories. She told them way better than Mum and Dad. Not that Mum and Dad didn’t tell good stories—they just were never as exciting as Annabelle’s. Sometimes Annabelle told stories that scared him. That made the hairs on the back of his neck stand—
Swinging from a rope—
Eyes popping out of her eye sockets—
Green vomit drooling down her perfect face—
Sometimes he told the other kids those stories too. But not all of them. Because he felt like some of those stories were his. That they were just for his ears.
But Annabelle didn’t tell him another scary story. Not this time.
Instead, she leaned close and said, “The worst monsters of all are the ones inside your head.”
He heard those words, dreamlike and shaky, and he felt himself drifting to another place. The smell of the chlorine was slipping away. The sounds of the kids playing were disappearing. He felt like this entire word was collapsing around him.
He remembered what he’d asked Annabelle back then on that summer’s day, as the brightness of the sun turned to thick darkness. He’d asked her what she’d meant. And he remembered exactly what she’d told him.
“One day, you’ll understand.”
He understood now. He knew exactly what his sister meant now.
He saw her soft, shaky hair flowing in the breeze.
Her chestnut eyes.
That smile, so radiant and strong, with the little gap between her teeth.
He saw it, and he wanted to stay with Annabelle forever. He wanted to stay right by her side.
But he knew he wouldn’t. Because Annabelle was gone. She was going away from his dreams, just like she always did.
When Hayden opened his eyes, it wasn’t a sudden thing. He didn’t take a sharp breath of air, or gasp, or sit bolt upright, or anything like that.
He just opened his eyes and calmly looked around.
Miriam was by his side. She wasn’t facing him.
Amy, however, was.
Hayden saw her eyes widen. Saw a little grin spread across her face. “He’s—he’s awake.”
Miriam turned around. And Hayden saw the relief in her eyes, too.
“Jesus Christ,” she said, rubbing her hands against his chest. She looked like she didn’t know what to do with herself. “Jesus Christ, Hayden. We thought we’d lost you. We thought we’d frigging lost you.”
Hayden cleared his throat and smiled. He looked around. He was still in the same spot he’d drifted away not long ago. It was a little darker now, a little cooler. He could hear voices somewhere in the distance, inside New Britain. Every now and then, the rattle of gunfire.
“Are you okay?” Miriam asked. “You look…”
Hayden went to speak.
And then he felt something.
Felt something strange in his blood-tasting mouth as he stood, his head still spinning.
He spat it out of his mouth. Spat the thing he’d felt onto his palm.
As he looked at it, he felt his stomach turn.
Half a tooth rested in the palm of his hand. Half a tooth, cracked away.
Hayden started to shake. He suddenly realised how weak he felt. How feverish he felt. And what it meant. He knew what the feverish feeling meant. And the cracked tooth—sure, that could just be from the tunnel escape. But it could also be for another reason, too.
“What is it?”
Hayden closed his palm. He forced a smile, as sick and rotten as he felt. “Nothing. We… we should—”
“I know what it was,” Miriam said.
Hayden stopped. He didn’t want to have this conversation with Miriam. He just wanted to get to shelter. Lay low somewhere and figure out their next step. “We need to move.”
“Hayden, I have to be honest with you. I have to be frank with you.”
She didn’t finish speaking. She waited for Hayden to turn around and look at her before she continued.
He saw a new look in her eyes. A look of pity. And a look of fear, too.
“Miriam, I—”
“You look like you’re turning,” she said. “Into one of them.”
Miriam might’ve been right. She might’ve been wrong.
But nothing compared to their next discovery.
T
hey reached
the radio room by nightfall.
It was pitch black outside and in. The blackness outside was more prominent than ever due to the sheer lack of life left inside New Britain. It was always such a light place. Kind of like a Butlins holiday park, only without the shittiness. A place that never slept.
Except now, it wasn’t just sleeping. It was in critical care. Spluttering away on life support.
The darkness of the radio room came down to the fact that Hayden couldn’t bring himself to turn any lights on. None of them could. It was too dangerous, and it would draw attention to their position.
They had to just lay low. Just keep it quiet and keep it low key.
They couldn’t risk anything. Not after how far they’d come. How hard they’d fought.
Hayden saw Miriam looking at him from the other side of the room. It was dark, sure, but he just knew she was looking at him. It was the middle of the night and the pair of them—well, all of them—were supposed to be sleeping. But how could any of them get any sleep at all?
Better to just stay awake. To just keep guard, keep aware.
There was no telling what might be waiting to hunt them down just feet away.
Every now and then, Hayden heard gunfire crackle around New Britain. He heard voices. Heard dull footsteps and groans. He knew they were pinned down in here. He accepted it.
But it was just about the last safe place they had. Until they made some new plans—whatever those plans would be—this place was the only location they had left.
They had to accept they were pinned down. They were surrounded. Only through accepting it could they ever start to think about how they were going to get the hell out of here.
There was something else bothering Hayden, too. Something making his stomach turn, the taste of acid building at the back of his throat. The memory. The memory of spitting half his tooth into his hand just hours ago. He rubbed his tongue against the rest of the tooth. Felt it, sharp and protruding. He wondered if this was how it really felt. What the slow, arduous process of turning into one of those monsters really felt like.
He had to hope not. Because he still had things to do. He still had people to look out for. A place to keep safe.
But he had to face up to the reality of his situation.
He was turning.
And soon he’d be gone. Soon, he’d be a monster. Just like the rest of the planet.
“You should kill me,” Hayden said.
He didn’t mean to speak it aloud. And he regretted the words almost the second after he’d spoken them.
There was silence. No response from Miriam.
Then, “What?”
He realised he couldn’t go back on himself at that point. Knew they weren’t exactly the kind of words he could just expect Miriam to forget. “If I’m turning then you should kill me. For your own safety. I’m dangerous. I could turn at any minute. And Amy and you, you’re… you’re not immunised. You’re special for that very reason. Gary’ll leave you alone if I’m not around to punish. Plus, he’s got a point. You’re not immunised. You could be important. You need to stay alive. So you should kill me.”
Again, silence followed. For a few minutes anyway, where Hayden wondered if Miriam had just dozed off, or whether she was just in denial about what he’d said.
And then he heard her stand. Heard her creep across the floor, over towards him.
She crouched down opposite him. Right in front of him. He felt the warmth of her body. Smelled the sweetness of her breath.
She put a warm hand on his face and stroked it. Moved her face closer.
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous,” she said.
Hayden wanted to respond but he didn’t get a chance.
Miriam pressed her lips against his. And at that moment, as their lips interlocked, as their bodies pressed closer, Hayden felt every fear and worry disintegrating. He felt like nothing mattered, not anymore. Nothing but him, Miriam, and this moment.
He felt his walls falling down. His defences breaking. Because this was what he’d wanted all along. This was what he’d wanted but he’d been too scared to fight for, too afraid of.
Miriam pulled away and the moment didn’t break. The euphoria buzzing through him didn’t disintegrate.
He didn’t feel weak again.
He didn’t feel the worries and the pains of the world.
He felt strong. Like he wasn’t alone anymore.
“You should be careful,” Hayden said, struggling to find a way to follow a kiss like that. “My tooth’s really bloody sharp.”
Miriam snorted. And Hayden laughed back at her. Together, holding hands, he felt like this must be what it was like to have someone. To be really close and in love with someone. This must be what it’s like to be back in the old world with someone who cares about you.
He felt regret seeping in. Regret that he’d wasted so many years of his life just trapped in his bedroom, losing himself in virtual worlds and questionable substances.
He felt regret for not taking opportunities. For missing out.
But above anything, he felt relief.
Relief that he’d been able to experience these emotions. Relief that he finally had someone who cared as much about him as he did about them.
Relief that this bastard of a new world had forced him out of his shitty old existence and forced him to grow.
“I’m in this with you,” Miriam said. “Whether you like it or not.”
Hayden moved in to kiss Miriam again.
He saw a figure in the corner of his eye.
He pushed Miriam away. Stood.
“Wait! Wait. It’s—it’s just me.”
Hayden was already throwing himself towards the figure, then the voice clicked.
Amy. Just Amy.
He felt his cheeks heating up. He’d pretty much thrown Miriam to the floor. Hardly the most romantic of moves. “Amy. What are you doing? You should be… you should be asleep.”
“I know,” Amy said. And then Hayden realised something. There was a dim light coming from outside this room. From the main radio room.
“What’s—”
“There’s something you’re going to want to hear,” Amy said. “Both of you.”
Hayden wasn’t sure what to think, believe or what to expect, not right at that moment.
But soon, he’d understand.
Soon, he’d understand completely.
And when he did, everything would change.
A
my was right
when she told Hayden and Miriam that they’d both want to hear what she’d heard.
She was very fucking right.
The night was getting thicker around them, but all sense of time, every sense of surroundings seemed irrelevant. Now they’d heard the voice coming from the radio transmission room, literally everything in the background slipped away, lost its importance.
All that mattered was that voice.
That same voice repeating itself.
“Do you… do you think it’s legit?” Miriam asked.
Hayden strained to listen to it. His stomach tingled. His heart thumped. He wanted to believe it was real. He really wanted to believe it was real.
But… how?
How was it real?
How was this possible?
“Hayden?”
Hayden shook his head. He listened to the crackly voice coming from the transmission. The illness he’d felt crippling him for so long also felt irrelevant all of a sudden. The only thing that mattered was that voice.
Those words.
What they said.
“I mean it sounds pretty… pretty logical,” Miriam said.
“That’s how you’d sound if you were trying to do whatever these people are trying to do.”
“Why do you always have to see the worst in people?”
“Because we live in a fucking world that brings out the worst in people.”
Miriam tilted her head. Then she moved closer to the transmission, too. Like she was trying to wrap her head around it. Weigh it up.
Amy, Miriam and Hayden all sat there, totally still, trying to figure out what this meant.
“Attention. Any remaining survivors. There is still hope. Repeat, there is still hope.”
The transmission crackled into static. A few words were covered.
“See he could’ve said anything there,” Hayden said.
“Ssh,” Miriam said.
Hayden did. He carried on listening.
“We cannot pretend to understand what you’ve been through. We cannot even begin to ask you for our forgiveness for coming for you after so long. But we are. We’re a United Nations task force made up of the remaining armies of the last standing nations. We’ve operated in Belgium, France, Switzerland, and now we’re moving through mainland Britain in the hope of finding one thing: uninfected human beings.”
“It just doesn’t sound right,” Hayden said.
“We will be visiting the following extraction points. Please listen carefully because there will only be one opportunity to reach these extraction points. You have to understand that this is a very volatile, high-risk mission. Once we reach each extraction point, we stay there for no longer than thirty minutes. Then we move on. You have one opportunity. Just one. Please, for the sake of yourselves, for the sake of our future, please take it.”
The voice went on to list the locations of the extraction points. And it was this part that always surprised Hayden. This part that always startled him more than any other.
Towards the end of the list:
“Dunstable Downs Golf Club. 2 a.m.”
Hayden heard those words in his head over and over. He replayed them in his mind.
Dunstable Downs was only five miles away. They could get there in less than two hours if they threw everything they had at it.
It was midnight now. They had two hours.
Plenty of time to get to that extraction point, even allowing for crises.
But also plenty of time for shit to go wrong.
“We understand your trust may be an issue. We understand you’ve probably heard a dozen transmissions, and you’ve lost out because of it…”
Hayden thought back to Clarice. To Riversford. He could vouch for that right away.
“…And we appreciate your journey to one of our extraction points may well be costly. But our goals are simply to save those who are listening. Those who can be saved. After that, we cannot promise refuge. We cannot promise safety. This is your final opportunity to survive. To prosper. To move forward in a new world. It won’t be easy. We’d love to call it a paradise, but it will take time. But one day, your children will thank you. Your grandchildren, and your grandchildren’s grandchildren, all of them will thank you. For the sake of civilisation, take this final opportunity. Do not waste it. Please.”
The voice cut off, the transmission ended, and then it started again.
“We definitely sure this is live today?” Miriam asked.
Amy nodded. “I was just sitting around in here. Then it went off. Had to turn it down so it didn’t wake anyone or… or bring the zombies to us.”
Miriam nodded. She looked at Hayden, a mixture of concern and hope in her eyes. Hayden knew why that was. She was worried about his state. Worried about his condition. Worried whether he could make it. “We have to do this. Right?”
Hayden shook his head. “I… I’ve been fucked over by transmissions before.”
“But not like this,” Miriam said.
Hayden opened his mouth to respond. No sound came out.
“Hayden, we’re surrounded. We’re surrounded in the last place we know’s safe in this country. You heard what the guy on the transmission said. We might die fighting to get to them. And he’s probably right. He’s probably fucking right.”
She grabbed Amy’s hand.
“But right now, it’s all we have. And it’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means getting away from this place. To somewhere… somewhere off this rock. Somewhere safe.”
Hayden wanted to argue. He could hear the old Hayden droning on inside his mind, telling him he was being stupid, he was making the wrong call—a dangerous fucking call.
But then he remembered Annabelle’s words.
The worst monsters of all are the ones inside your head.
He heard them as if spoken aloud, and he turned around. Walked to the transmission room door. Leaned over to the window and peeked under the blind, out into the darkness of New Britain.
“Hayden? What do you say?”
He lowered the blind. Looked back at Miriam. Then at Amy. He was shaky. He felt rough as fuck. But he’d sworn to protect these people, to look out for those he cared about; those he loved. So he wasn’t even going to give up on that, not if that’s what they wanted.
He nodded. “We’ve got two hours to get out of here and travel five miles. I think it’s time we got a plan in order, don’t you?”