Infraction (18 page)

I gather two more vials before the next yard time. I
steal the first when Dr. Benedict says he needs to have a
follow-up to check on my face. He prods the bruises and I wince,
but he says there's no bone damage and the contusions are healing
nicely. Luckily the never-ending tears only lasted until the middle
of the night, and then I finally stopped crying and fell asleep.
I'd be mortified if I had to sit on this exam table sobbing while
he examined me. He asks about side effects from the injection, of
course. I tell him it made me sad. I don't want to talk about much
more than that. It might be his unreadable black eyes, but he looks
disappointed when I tell him about the depression. I shake it off
to not knowing him well enough. When he goes back to his office to
get his tablet, I grab a vial as quickly as I can and tuck it into
my pants.

I still haven't solved the problem of the
keycard.

Drugging the agents and the soldiers won't matter if
we can't even get out of our cells. Sure we could all have a laugh
that they're seeing themselves as snakes or crying uncontrollably,
but escaping is the only thing that will get us away from their
needles and their psychological abuse. It's only a matter of time
until their scientists perfect a serum that will make us all
mindless followers. We have to get out.

Dr. Benedict comes back and makes a few notes. I
look at his side, and his keycard is missing. I grab his hand. He
smiles at my touch, his black eyes softening, and then he realizes
I want to spell something.

Keycard is gone.

He looks down, and the closest thing I've seen to
panic reaches his eyes. He pats his pocket and leaves the room. I
hear him rummaging around in his desk, and he returns a minute
later with his keycard once again clipped to his belt.

“
Thank you, Terra. You scared me for
a minute there. You know, I keep a spare in my office—”

I perk up and scold myself. Don't act so
interested.

“—
but the agents might actually have
me killed for losing one.”

He reaches out his hand again, and I
think he just wants me to hold it. Instead I grab it and
write,
You're welcome.
His smile
turns down at the corners, but he recovers and the dimple returns
to his cheek.

So that's the answer: I'll need to search his
office. Great. And how am I supposed to find the time to do that?
Maybe I don't have to do it alone; other people come in here.
Mary's been started on the injections—though she refused to talk
about what she went through yesterday. Kai comes in here for
prenatal exams. We'll come up with a search plan, and one of us
will find it.

“
What are you thinking about?”
Dr. Benedict asks. He has a bemused look on his face as he
watches me.

Nothing, just reclamation.

“
Well, it's nice to see you busy.
Take care, Terra.”

I hop down from the exam table and as I walk to the
exit, I glance in his office. Files, papers, medical equipment.
It's a mess. It could take a while to find anything in there.

Eight days left.

The second vial comes a day later when I get another
injection. Madge told Kai the escape plan yesterday, and she's all
in. I'll give her the vials the morning of the escape. She works in
the commissary before dinner, and she'll be able to put the serum
into the agents' and soldiers' food.

“I know the risks,” she says when I raise my eyebrows
and look at her belly. She's thirty-four weeks pregnant now, and I
don't want to do anything to endanger her or the baby, but she's
determined to help us.

I spend the next five minutes explaining to Jane,
Kai, Madge, and Mary how Dr. Benedict has an extra keycard
somewhere in his office.

Kai groans. “I've been in the medical area enough to
know it won't be easy to find.”

I nod.

“What's wrong with the medical area?” Mary asks.
After just one injection, she must not have noticed the state of
Dr. Benedict's office.

“It's an absolute wreck.” Kai chews a bite of
pancake.

“Guess we better get busy.”

Then the soldiers come again to take Mary to the
medical area, and from the determined set of her mouth, I know
she's going to find some way to look for the keycard.

She hasn't returned yet before another set of
soldiers comes for me. I could cry for real this time, thinking
about the drugs coursing through my veins and turning me into
something I'm not. But it means a chance at the office, and I can't
pass that up. I sag a little bit between the soldiers, just enough
that they think I'm compliant. I can't look at them, though—I can't
hood my eyes the way Jane can, or the way Madge barely manages
to—my eyes won't tell a single lie.

When I enter the medical area, Mary still sits in the
injection room, and Dr. Benedict waves.

“Just sit in the waiting room please, Terra. I'll be
done with Worker
7488
in just a
moment.”

Mary raises an eyebrow. Am I the only one he's on a
first-name basis with? Surely not, but it seems odd that he would
call her by her worker number when he made such a big deal about
names in front of my interrogation agent. Dr. Benedict doesn't
seem fazed by the slip, though, as he consults his tablet. Mary
shifts on the table so he has to turn his back on me to face her. I
grin. She knows exactly what she's doing.

I slip into his office and start in the cabinets
above his desk. Stacks of books. I look in between each one and
flip through a few pamphlets, but nothing falls out. I close the
cabinets with a soft click and as I do, I hear the sound of feet on
linoleum. I drop down behind the desk. My breathing echoes in my
ears. It's stupid, really. If he can't see me in here, it means I'm
not out in the waiting room either, and then he'll think I'm
running loose somewhere. Better that he sees me. I stand slowly,
willing my heart to calm down.

“Doctor, could you look at my tracker injection
site?” Mary calls. The steps pause.

“What's wrong with it?” His voice is detached and
impersonal, the warmth completely sucked dry. He never sounds that
way with me.

“It might be infected.”

I ease a breath out and look in the top drawer of his
desk. Wadded up papers, pens, paperclips, a few markers. Nothing
important, and I worry that the rustling of papers will bring him
back. I listen as he scolds Mary.

“There's no trace of infection here, worker. Believe
me, you'd know if it was infected. Don't waste my time with any
more of this nonsense.”

Mary's voice is hard but controlled. “Sorry,
doctor.”

I scurry from the office and find a seat in the
waiting area. Dr. Benedict's back is turned as he reaches for
a vial of serum, and Mary catches my eye. I shake my head and
mouth,
Cabinets, top drawer.
She nods. She
may just get a chance to look in there when I'm getting my
injection.

Her gaze could freeze Dr. Benedict's blood in
his veins as he plunges the needle into her skin. I almost put a
needle in her once, and she was so soft that morning before the sun
had even come up. Now she's nothing but stone, and I swear
Dr. Benedict can't meet her eyes. It's not fair, really,
blaming him. He's just another piece in the government game. Did
they have to force him to be loyal? What was the price?

“
Please sit in the waiting room for
five minutes to see if there are any side effects.” He dismisses
Mary with a curt nod.

I stand and go into the room, and he shuts the door
behind me. He's never done that before, but we've also never been
in the medical area with anyone else. I try not to be nervous about
it.

“
Terra, good to see you
again.”

I nod. I want to reach for his hand and ask why he
treated Mary so differently from the way he treats me, but I keep
my arms folded across my chest. Maybe he closed the door to hide
the fact that he shows a preference for me.

He smiles and runs a finger over my head, where the
stubble of black hair is growing in. “I think you had beautiful
hair, didn't you? Before they took it all?”

It's so unexpected that I can't say anything. He
talked to Mary like he could hardly stand her, and here he is
complimenting me and caressing me. I would love to lean into that
touch, to know that someone here actually cares, but his
double-sided behavior raises goose bumps on my arms, and it's not
in a skin-tingling way—more like a skin-crawling way.

His smile fades. “I'm sorry, Terra, but I have to
give you another injection.”

I nod and my eyes burn. I blink
hard. I raise my hands to ask w
hy?

He rubs his hands over his face. “I've told you,
Terra. You've been in the wild, and we need to make sure you're
inoculated against infectious diseases. So you don't get them and
you don't spread them to the rest of us.”

He does make it sound so logical. And it would be
logical if I didn't know the government was capable of so much
inhumanity.

Why all the side effects?

“
That's a good question,” he says,
turning to the fridge.

I close my eyes and silently beg him to turn back
empty-handed. I can't stand another day being prisoner to whatever
is in that tiny vial.

“
Every day new medicines are
discovered as well as new diseases. So new serums are created. We
have to start using them quickly to protect us all before it's too
late. It's unfortunate there are so many side effects, but
sometimes that's the price you have to pay.”

Yes, unfortunate indeed. I shudder as I offer him my
arm.

The smiles and the dimple come back. “Thank you for
understanding, Terra.”

He slips the needle into my skin, and the burning
crawls through my veins. I wonder what they'll turn me into this
time.

I can't look at him with the empty syringe in his
hand. I slide off the table, open the door, and find Mary in the
waiting room, looking a little pale. She moves her head an inch to
the side, her mouth in a tight line, and I sigh. No keycard.

“You'll want to wait for a few minutes, Terra, to
make sure there are no side effects this time.” Dr. Benedict
smiles warmly, but he's angled away from Mary so she can't see that
show of kindness. Her eyes narrow. What
is
going on
here?

I sit down next to her. My head aches a little, but I
don't have the dizziness and I'm still seeing everything for what
it is. Then she leans into me.

“You're just his little pet, aren't you?” She sneers
at me, her face uglier than I've ever seen it. I stand up and slide
over to the next chair.

What's wrong?
I mouth. I'd
write it on her hand, but I don't really want to touch her right
now.

Mary grips the arms of her chair until her
fingertips and knuckles turn white. She laughs, avoiding
Dr. Benedict's gaze. His hands are on his hips, and he can't
decide if this is going to be an altercation he needs to break
up.

“
What's wrong? You're serious? Why
does everyone prefer you? Dave did—until I sabotaged that whole
situation—and now the handsome doctor does.” She nods her chin in
Dr. Benedict's direction. “What
is
the draw? I just don't get it.”

I didn't expect her words to make me angry, but
there's an inexplicable inferno in my chest, and now I'm grabbing
the arm rests just like she is. My eyes narrow to slits. Is it
really so astounding that guys would find me attractive? Sure I'm
not exactly beautiful and I have no curves by any stretch of the
imagination, but am I really that repulsive?

“
Must be the mute thing. Draws their
sympathy.” Mary releases one hand and taps her chin. “Yup, that's
got to be it because other than that, I'm coming up
blank.”

The inferno in my chest flares up my neck and blinds
me, and all I can feel is heat lapping at her, just begging to be
released. Before I even know what I'm doing, my hand curls into a
fist and I punch Mary square in the face.

The next day during yard time, I make a beeline for
Jack, and Mary follows. He's at the fence, his breath coming out in
foggy puffs, and he's waiting for me like he already knows I need
him, that I need to talk to him. But before I can reach for his
palm, his hands are on my face, caressing me like he thought he'd
never see me again.

“Calm down, Jack,” Mary hisses.

“You're okay?” he asks, his voice hushed.

I nod.
What's wrong?
I still
see a battle in his eyes—he hasn't forgiven me for lying all this
time—so I wasn't expecting this reception.

He takes a deep breath. “I got an injection
yesterday, and for hours afterward, I couldn't help thinking you
were dead. That Dave and Mary were dead.” He laughs humorously. “I
know I can't trust myself after those injections. The side effects
are horrendous. You've had one, haven't you?”

I nod again.

“
Heh.” Mary laughs and gingerly
touches her black eye and swollen nose. “You should have seen her
yesterday.”

“
Terra did that to you?” Jack gapes
at her. He turns to me. “Then you know what I'm talking
about.”

I grab his hand.
Could a
drug make us loyal?

“
What?”

The injections. They make us everything else. Could
they make us loyal?

His eyebrows knit, and he's thinking so hard I can
almost hear the gears cranking. “I'm not very good at neurology.
There was never time or resources to get into anything that
complex. But I think so. Different drugs produce different
psychological side effects, depending on how they affect your
neural transmitters. They can make your nerves send incorrect
messages. That's the basic gist of it. So yes, I think so. If
they're trying to find a drug that would make us loyal to them, it
would take a lot of trial and error. And a lot of the side
effects.”