InHap*pily Ever After (Incidental Happenstance) (43 page)

“I’ll
pick up some Chinese,” Lexi told him on the phone. “Pot stickers, vegetable kow
and fried rice. Sound good?”

“Sounds
good,” he managed, without much conviction in his voice. He’d been working on
how he’d break the “news” to her all week, but he was still deathly afraid to
even broach the subject. Shit, he wondered for about the millionth time, should
he just suck it up and go forward?  He jumped in the shower and turned the
water cold, hoping it would give him some much needed strength, but knowing
that this was going to be one shitty night, regardless of the decision he made
when he actually saw Lexi.

She
knocked on the door, unable to fumble for her keys with her wedding planning
briefcase, her purse, and two Chinese take-out bags dangling from her arms.
When he opened the door and looked at her, cloaked in shadow, he felt
differently than he ever had before—for a second, she was a stranger to him.
She leaned in and kissed him, and handed him the bags of food, smiling when she
saw the invitation samples that sat on the table in the foyer. She tossed the
rest of her bags carelessly on the kitchen table, and went straight for the
gold box.

“Oh
my God, I just can’t wait!” she exclaimed, snatching it off the table and
heading for the couch. “I mean, this is huge, right? Picking out our wedding
invitations? We can eat after!”

Ryan
tried to swallow but found his throat had stopped functioning, and he was
unable to say anything. He followed her to the couch as she pulled the samples
from the box, spreading them over the coffee table. She stood back and studied
the pile from a distance, pulling him over to stand beside her. “What do you
think?” she asked, her head tilted in contemplation. “Anything jump out at
you?”

Fuck,
he thought. He needed to do this thing right now. “Lexi, I need to…” he
started, but she interrupted.

“Oh!”
she gasped. “Do you see it?” She darted back to the table and shook loose a
sample printed on paper that could only be described as an explosion of blue,
with tiny stars of white glitter, and fireworks of red, gold, and blue along
the edges.

“Oh
my God, Ryan,” she said breathlessly. “This is the one!” She handed the sample
to him, and he could only stare for a moment. “It’s got tiny fireworks on it!
It’s perfect!”

As
she reached over to take it back, he put his hand over her wrist and guided her
hand away, dropping the invitation back onto the pile. “Lexi, I need to talk to
you about something important,” he croaked.

“OK,”
she said, cautiously. “Is it too much? Do you see one you like better?” It was
hard not to notice the tension in him, and when she looked at his pained expression,
she got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was impossible to ignore
the distance that had come between them over the past couple weeks, and she had
grown suspicious about the extra meetings and vague explanations of why they
couldn’t spend any time together;  but she’d been wrapped up in her world too,
balancing work with her own new “mini-celebrity,” as she called it.  Plus,
she’d been planning her own wedding as well as starting plans for Tia’s. She
hadn’t thought much about it until now, and her mouth went dry as Ryan led her
to the couch and sat down beside her. Something wasn’t right.

She
waited, looking at the top of his bowed head for what seemed like forever
before she finally spoke. “What’s going on, Ryan?” she asked. “I know there’s
something that’s bothering you. Spill it already,” she said gently. 

He
took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start,” he fumbled. “It’s kind of a
‘good news/bad news’ kind of thing, but …” 

She
exhaled on a whisper. “Well, thank goodness there’s good news—start with that!”
she said, relieved. “I was getting worried.  You’ve been awfully busy lately.
I’ve barely seen you all week.”

“I
know,” he said, bowing his head again. His heart was pounding in his chest, and
he knew that the next words that came out of his mouth could change his world
forever. “The thing is…” he paused, debating one last time about whether or not
he’d go forward with the lie. Finally, he decided that he didn’t really have a
choice. He swallowed and met her gaze. “Wes stopped in to talk to me on
Wednesday, and told me that my partnership is looking really good. That’s why
I’ve had so many meetings this week.”

“Oh,
Ry, that’s great!” she said, elated. “We need some wine, to celebrate!” She
started to get up to grab a bottle, and he put his hand on her arm, looking
into her eyes. She immediately sat back down. “Is that not the good news?” she
asked.

“That
part is,” he said. “But he came to me in confidence, so this is between you and
me, OK?”

“Of
course,” she said, confused. “But I’m not really following you. That isn’t
usually the kind of news that has someone all upset.”

“The
thing is, Connor is still a bit of a hold-out,” he said, working the lie, “You
know how the old-timers get sometimes; they think they know everything and that
a young partner can be a liability. Of course, he was two years younger than me
when he started the firm, but he doesn’t seem to remember that.” He paused and
took another breath. “He gave me a project, and apparently, my success with it
could make or break my chances with him. It’s a big job…”

“You’re
up to a big job,” she said confidently. “You’ve never backed down from hard
work, and you’ll show the old coot that energy and drive are a match for
experience any day! Christ, the guy doesn’t even have an email address—how can
he even expect to compete in today’s markets without technology?”

Ryan
smiled, feeling guilty that she had so much confidence in him while he was
lying to her face. “I appreciate your confidence, Lex, I really do,” he said,
taking her hand, “but this project is going to keep me incredibly busy for the
next several months. Probably six to eight.” He paused again.

“OK,”
she said, confused. “It still sounds like good news to me.”

“Oh,
Lex,” he whispered. He swallowed around the growing lump in his throat and
forced himself to continue.  “Shit, I don’t know how to even to say this to
you. Believe me, I’ve worked it out every way I can think of and it keeps
coming down to the same thing.”

“What
thing, Ryan?” she asked, anxiously.

“Fuck
Lex. We have to postpone the wedding. I can’t see any other way. I’m going to
be working late nights, weekends, holidays, traveling…I can’t help you plan a
wedding right now, and I sure as hell can’t take time off for a honeymoon…until
I know how this thing is all going to play out, I can’t focus on anything else.
I’m going to be stressed out, I’ll have constant meetings—I just don’t see how
I can do both. I’m so sorry Lex,” he whimpered, “but I really don’t see another
option.”

For
a minute, she just stared at him. He could see confusion, disbelief, and
disappointment fighting for room on her face. She shook her head, her features
crumpled, and her shoulders hitched.           “I’m sure I didn’t hear that
right,” she said; completely stunned. Her pained look almost made him want to
pull the words back; forget he’d ever considered it; but he thought of the
alternative, and forced a concerned look onto his face.

“I’m
so sorry,” he whispered. He reached out to take her hand, but she pulled it out
of his grasp.

“For
how long?” she asked.

“Maybe
November?” he said.

She
broke then, and anger took control of all the other emotions. “November?” she
yelled. “Fucking November? Are you kidding me?” She jumped off the couch,
backing away from him and shaking her head.

“Lexi,
I…”

“I
have a strapless wedding dress, Ryan—I can’t wear that in the winter! And
nobody has fireworks in November—it could be fucking snowing!” He opened his
mouth to speak; to try and calm her down; but her fury was as hot as a volcano,
and he closed it again. “Do you even have a clue about how much money we stand
to lose? We’ve put down deposits on the reception hall, the photographer, the
florist, caterers, the limo…and there’s no guarantee we could even rebook half
of them for four months later—I booked that stuff almost a year ago!”

“Maybe
we could do it in Spring, then,” he suggested meekly. “When the weather gets
warmer…”

“Fuck
you, Ryan!” she bellowed. “This is bullshit! I’ve planning this for almost a
year, and you’re basically telling me to start over, and plan it for another
year? What kind of shit is that?”

“It’s
work, Lexi!” he yelled back. “This isn’t a choice of convenience—I’m doing this
for our future! Once I make partner I’ll make more money and we can have a
better life! I’m doing it for us!”

“You
know,” she said, seething, “by then Tia will be living in Colorado—how is she
supposed to be here for me when…”

“Give
me a fucking break,” he said, “as if she won’t be able to afford to fly out
here to help you with fittings…”

“That
a bunch of shit, Ryan, and you know it! There’s a hell of a lot more to being
someone’s matron of honor than showing up for a few fittings. Besides, Inhap’s
planning a South American tour in the Spring—Dylan might not even be able to be
there!” 

“Fuck
Dylan Miller!” he spat, unable to control his emotions. And before he could
reign them in, more words came tumbling from his lips. “Wait, forget I said
that,” he bellowed. “Because you might actually want to!” He regretted the
words as soon as he said them, but the damage had already been done. He felt
the sharp crack of Lexi’s hand as it connected with his cheek, but the pain and
disappointment in her eyes hurt even more. Damn it, this really wasn’t her
fault, but in the heat of the moment, he needed somewhere to place the blame to
alleviate his own guilt.

“What
a stupid, chauvinistic, male thing to say!” she cried. “Maybe as a guy you
can’t turn off your fucking hormones or think with the right head, but I
certainly can! I can’t believe you would even think that about me, much less
say it!”

“I’m
sorry,” Ryan said quickly, trying to wrap his arm around her. “It was a shitty
thing to say. I’m really sorry, Lex.” But she wasn’t having any of it. She
pushed him away, and continued her tirade. 

“First
of all, I would never, EVER, do that to my best friend! Secondly, Dylan isn’t a
mystery anymore—a good looking face or an image in my mind—I’ve gotten to know
him as a person, and I consider him a friend. I respect his value system, and I
would never do anything to jeopardize that relationship. And I would never,
ever
,
fuck one of my friends.” She stared at him hard.

“You’re
right, I know you wouldn’t,” he said apologetically. “It was a really stupid
thing to say.” He reached out for her again, but she quickly stepped away,
putting the table between them.

“Damn
right!” she exclaimed, “but you did say it, so now I guess I finally know how
you really feel.”

“I
don’t…”

“Bullshit!”
she yelled. “You wouldn’t have said it if you weren’t thinking it! Thanks for
giving me a little credit, asshole!”

“I’m
just not running my life on his calendar, is all I’m saying. It’s our fucking
life, and our fucking wedding, and I’m so sorry if it’s going to mess up your
plan to have our wedding be a media circus…”

“How
dare you?” she bellowed. “He’s my friend, and he’ll be my matron of honor’s
husband, and I want him there, simple as that. I’m not trying to make our
wedding into a media circus!”

“Then
why is your phone still ringing constantly with people who want to talk about
it? You love it, Lexi, and if I don’t make partner, I’ll never have even a
ghost of a chance of giving you the kind of life you want; the kind Tia’s
getting.”

“Oh,
so that’s it,” she said deliberately. “You’re comparing yourself with Dylan,
and you don’t think you could ever measure up, is that it?”

“That’s
not what I’m saying, damn it!” although her words hit a little too close to
home, “it’s just that I want the best for
us
, and making partner will
give us a better life!”

“You
really are clueless, aren’t you, Ryan? Do you think I’m with you because of
what you can give me? You had nothing when I met you—when I fell in love with
you. You were a poor struggling student! And Tia’s life isn’t going to perfect,
you know. She’s going to have to deal with Dylan being gone for months at a
time on tour, with women constantly throwing themselves at her husband…and by
the way, she has enough trust in him and his feelings for her to deal with it,
unlike your apparent distrust of mine…”

“I
didn’t say I didn’t trust you,” he said, “I just said that I’m not entirely
sure you’ve given up on your fantasy to sleep with Dylan Miller, especially
since he’s suddenly accessible!”

“I
am through with this conversation, you fucking idiot. Maybe you should ask
yourself if you’re postponing the wedding because you don’t really want to
marry me.”

“Ah
shit, Lexi, I didn’t say that!”

“You
apparently don’t know what you really want to say,” she said, seething. “When
you figure it out, let me know.” She grabbed her purse and keys off the table
and stormed out of the apartment, leaving the Chinese food congealing on the
counter and the invitation samples sprawled atop the coffee table.