Inked: A Bad Boy Next Door Romance (13 page)

I
wanted so fucking
bad to go after her. I watched her close the door to her condo and I stared at it for a long time. I could’ve begged her to take me back. But what could I promise her?

I can’t leave the mob. They’d hunt me down. They’d hunt
us
down. Marky’s there now at my place, keeping an eye on her house for me. I refused to leave until I had eyes on her. I called him the second I had the strength to get my ass back here and confront Garret.

I have a sick feeling in my gut. I may be overreacting, but I’d rather that than risk her safety.

It can’t have been more than an hour since we left, but the shop’s deserted. I walk to Trisha’s room, but it’s locked. Needles’ is open though.

“Yo,” I call into his room, holding onto the jamb of the door. “When did they leave?” I need to know. Once they pick the shipment up it takes a few hours to drop it off. But then they'll be free to do whatever. I was hoping I’d catch them and make sure Garret stays away and leaves her the fuck alone.

Needles looks up at me from his drawing pad and opens his mouth to answer, but then his expression changes and he stands up, letting the pad fall to the floor with a dull thud.

“Bro, what’s wrong?” he asks me and I back up, running my hands down my face.

I keep telling myself it’s alright. I keeping thinking she’ll be fine.

But I can’t fucking lie anymore.

This shit isn’t right. I’m not alright.

My heart twists in my chest.
She’s
not alright.

“Maddy,” I start to tell him, but my throat closes. I shake my head and pound my fist into the wall.

“How long?” I ask him again. My words come out harder than they should.

“Like fifteen minutes.” I nod my head and swallow thickly. “What happened?” he asks again, and I know I need to tell him.

“I gotta call Nikolai,” I tell him as chills run down my arms.

Fuck, having to make this call makes it that much more real.

I pull my phone from my pocket and dial his number. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be calling to talk about this shit. It’s against code. Nothing is ever discussed on the phone. It’s the reason I drove here.

I press the buttons and put the phone to my ear. Every ring makes me worry more and more, like he’s avoiding me. Like maybe they’re gonna take a hit out on me and keep me in the dark about it.

It’s Nikolai, I tell myself. He wouldn’t do that to me. He was everything to me growing up. He’s not gonna fuck me over like that. Right?

Finally, he answers, “Yeah?” Hearing his voice answer the same way he always does is a good sign. A good fucking sign.

“Nikolai, I got a problem.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. Fuck! I wish this weren’t real. I wish I could just take it back. I’d take it all back to save her.

“You need me?” I can hear him move the phone and I’m guessing he took it off speaker.

“You don’t know?” I ask him.

“Know what?”

“Something happened today at the shop.”

“How bad?” he asks.

I shake my head and reply, “Not bad. It’s just, my girl.” I swallow thickly before continuing. “She was here and went out the back when the van was here.”

“That’s not good, Zane.” Nikolai’s voice is low. There’s a pause before he asks, “Did she see anything?”

I can’t lie to him. “She saw a bit, but she knows not to say shit.” I say the last words with conviction. “She’s not gonna say shit to anyone.” I start pacing the room with my hands in my hair. Needles is watching me like he’s ready to go to war with me. He's always been a loyal friend like that. But he’s nervous as fuck. “She’s good for it. I’d put my life on it.”

“Just calm down, Zane.” He’s talking like there’s nothing wrong with what happened.

“I think Garret’s gonna want her,” I say, and I have to pause. I can’t finish the sentence. I shouldn’t, first of all. This is all going down on the phone and I can’t say shit like that. But that’s not the reason I can’t get it out. The thought of them going after her makes me physically sick, almost unable to speak.

“We won’t touch her.
He
won’t touch her.” He’s quick to answer, and his words are absolute.

“I have a bad feeling, Nikolai.” I’m telling him the truth. I really do. Something in my gut is telling me she’s not okay, that she's still in danger.

“It’s me, I got your back, Zane.” Hearing Nikolai’s voice telling me it’s alright calms me down a good bit. Maybe it’s all just in my head because I had to end it with her. Maybe that’s why I feel so fucked.

I did need to end it though. She can’t be around this shit. I’ll never be able to bring a good girl into this shit life. I should’ve known better.

“She’s a good girl, Nik,” I tell him simply.

He chuckles low and rough on the other end. “I’m sure she is, and she’s fine.”

“Do you need anything from me?” I ask him. I can’t imagine it’s that easy. That she saw some shit, but they’re just gonna let her go.

“Nah, it’s all good.” It’s silent for a moment. “You alright?” he asks.

No. I’m not alright.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I nod my head and look out the small window in Needles’ room. “If it’s all good and she’s safe,” I feel the need to clarify so he knows exactly what I’m saying. “Then I’m good.”

He hesitates on the other end and my heart stops in my chest. But finally he responds, “It’s all good. And I give you my word that she’s safe. Go calm your ass down.”

I wait another moment, letting the words sink in before I end the call.

“What’d he say?” Needles asks. I shove the phone back in my pocket and try to calm down.

“He said she’s good... It’s all good.”

We stare at each other, neither of us saying shit, but I’m sure we’re both thinking the same thing.
He’s lying. She’s a witness, and that means she’s dead.

“Needles, help me take her car back, man.” I can’t even look him in the eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” he says as he takes a hesitant step toward me. “It’s gonna be alright.” He nods his head weakly, barely keeping eye contact with me.

Even he doesn’t believe it.

I
shouldn’t be here
.

It’s been days since I last saw Zane. Yet, he’s been on my mind ever since. Every waking moment has been spent thinking about him. I can’t get him out of my head. The more I think about my situation, the more I begin to rationalize. So what if he's mixed up in a world of crime? Does that make him a bad person? He said he didn’t sell them. That it wasn’t like that. Maybe they pressured him. Maybe
he’s
the victim.

I raise my hand and pause right before I knock on Zane’s door, thinking,
I should leave.

But I can’t. All I can think about is Zane. I want to see him again, that cocky smile, that chiseled body. I want to feel his strong hands again, touching me, feeling me, caressing me.

I want to feel better, and I know he can make me feel good. I know he can. He’s like a drug made just for me.

Taking a deep breath and gathering my courage, I knock. There’s no answer. I knock several more times. My knuckles rap against the wood and each time the hollow sound makes my heart squeeze harder and harder in my chest. Still no answer. I stand there for what seems like eternity before finally giving up.

He’s not coming to the door. Bastard.

Feeling tears well up in my eyes, I turn away and walk back over to my door.

It’s a good thing he didn’t answer,
I tell myself as I storm back inside feeling mad as hell.
I should stay away. I always thought he was bad for me, but now I know for absolute sure.

As much as I want to believe those words, I can’t stop thinking about him. Maybe right now he needs me. God, I wish this ache in my chest would just go away. I wish we could get lost in each other and just run away. I think about how well we went together, when the world would disappear around us. How much I miss his touch, his hot lips, his naughty words spoken in my ear.

Goddamn it, Maddy! Be strong!

But I can’t. Just thinking about Zane makes me weak.

“Are you okay, Maddy?” Katie asks with concern as I brush by her.

I ignore her and continue on to my room. There’s nothing she can say that will make me feel better, and in a way, I blame her for my misery. After all, wasn’t she the one that encouraged me to see Zane?

Katie follows me down the hall and up the stairs, but I pretend she isn’t there. When I reach my room, I close the door on her. Before I can lock it, she pushes her way in.

I turn my face to the side to hide the tears. “Please, just go away!”

Kate walks in and closes the door. She crosses her arms across her chest and defiantly says, “No, Maddy. I refuse. I’m not going to let you walk around and treat me this way.”

“I’m not treating you in any way,” I deny.

“Bullshit. You’re taking what happened with Zane out on me.”

“No I’m not.” My words sound hollow. Empty.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Katie pauses and then accuses, “I saw you go over there.”

“So what?” I reply defensively. “I wanted to talk to him.”

“What the hell are you thinking? I told you to stay away from him.” She’s angry, and her words are like venom.

“You know that’s funny, Katie, when you’re the same one that encouraged me to give him a chance.”

“Yeah, I did. I’m not ashamed of it either. How was I supposed to know he was involved in that shit?” I want to argue with her, but I bite my tongue. She's right. I can't blame her for not knowing the truth about Zane.

“You weren’t,” I admit grudgingly.

“Okay then. Now that I know the truth, I want you to do me a favor. Don’t see him.
Ever
.”

My heart twists in my throat. It hurts. It hurts just thinking about it.

Seeing my tormented expression, Katie presses on, saying, “He lied to you.”

“He didn’t really,” I find myself saying, “He just kept the truth from me. Which isn’t exactly the same thing as lying.”

I can’t believe I’m defending him
, I think to myself.
After all I’ve said about guys being no-good dogs, and now I’m taking up for someone who's been dishonest to my face.

“Maybe I can change him,” I say, trying to convince Katie as much as I'm trying to convince myself. “Maybe he’ll stop.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Katie asks with disbelief. “Is the same Maddy I grew up with, or did aliens abduct her and stick me with this clone? 'Cause you can’t be serious.”

“I know it sounds stupid, Katie, but... maybe Zane will change for me… I mean, I feel like he would…” I trail off weakly.

Kate raises a finger sharply, cutting me off from whatever I might say next. “Stop it, Maddy, just fucking stop. You tried this very thing with Zach. And did that work?”

“No,” I admit reluctantly. Katie’s right. It’s just that I hate how I feel inside. I hate how I feel my very existence depends upon being with Zane. Being with him is intoxicating beyond words. Being without him is like being in a dark, lifeless abyss. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“It'll take a while, but get back involved in your studies and try your best to stop thinking about Zane. I’ll even do whatever it takes to help you keep your mind off him. After a while, it’ll be easy.”

Katie’s being overly optimistic. The guy lives next door and we’re stuck in our lease for the rest of the year. How the hell am I going to stop thinking about him when I can look through my bedroom window and he’s right there?

“You’ll find someone else somewhere along the line in the future, someone who loves you and that’ll treat you right.”

I can’t take it. I break down and start sobbing. I feel Katie’s arms wrap around me a second later.

“Shh,” she coos. “Everything’s going to be alright.” She comforts me. It feels good to be held. I just feel so damn alone without him.

When I finally stop sobbing she says, “Come on girl. Pull yourself together. We got class in the next thirty minutes. That jerk-off is not about to ruin you like Zach did. Just be happy that you found out what you did before the relationship went any further.”

After Katie’s sure I’m okay, we take off to school. When we arrive, I’m a cauldron of bubbling emotions I can hardly contain.

I don’t know why I agreed to come to class today,
I think to myself as Katie pulls in between two trucks on the west side of the parking lot.
I’m a total mess.

Katie gathers her books and begins to get out, but pauses when she sees I’m not budging. “What are you doing?”

“Sitting here,” I say, trying to hold back tears.

Katie frowns. “Aren’t you going to get out?”

“In a minute.”

Katie opens her mouth to protest but I sharply say, “Katie, not now. Please. I need a moment to collect myself.”

Katie stares at me long and hard. “Fine,” she says reluctantly. “But don’t stay in here too long. You’ll just be making it worse.” She climbs out of the car. Before she shuts the door she adds, “I’ll be sending you a text to check on you. Answer it. And I’m taking the keys.”

Then she walks off and I watch her for a moment before breaking down into tears. Luckily, this crying fit only lasts a few minutes, and after a few sobs, I’m able to pull myself together.

One day it’ll stop hurting. I know it will. I just need to live through the pain and it’ll go away. One day.

I gather my books and then check my makeup in the mirror. My mascara is all runny and smudged. I quickly fix it and then step out of the car. I’m about to round the car when I hear the sound of running footsteps.

Before I can turn around, rough powerful hands clamp down on my mouth. I try to scream, but there's a rag pressed to my face. I try to shake the hands off of me. I inhale deeply, and then belatedly realize I need to hold my breath. The rag is obviously laced with something to knock me out. Fuck! I struggle against the man. Or is it men? But my body feels weak. I’m losing control of my limbs.

Then I go unconscious.