Inner Guidance (7 page)

Good-byes were said for the summer. I went through the motions of the last few days in a zombielike state. No word had come from the school board.

With classes over, I could have enjoyed the luxury of being at home all day. Instead, I just sat on my bed and cried. It was a difficult time, a period of soul-searching.

I wondered aloud, “How can this possibly work out well? Do I have to find a new school? Dare I still trust this voice within me?” Two startling messages had come through lately: first, about the baby, and now this Inner Guidance_CH 01-05.p65

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unconventional guidance on how to handle the school board.

With all my heart, I wanted to trust my inner guidance. It was growing inside me, blossoming with my spiritual studies, and I longed to believe that I could stay in the same school and have a new teaching contract.

But as the days passed and no call came in, I began to wonder what I would do next. My rational mind urged me to call the school and beg for my job. But my inner guidance said, “Just wait.”

I lacked the motivation to go looking for a new job, so I decided that waiting was OK for now.

I surrendered the whole thing to God. I let go. “Thy will be done,” I told the Divine, and this became my guiding principle as I ceased agonizing and moved into a peaceful state of detachment.

Someone
would
want me. I had a lot to offer as an educator. I would stay open and imagine my new position as if I already had it.

I kept adjusting my attitude, little by little, to become more and more positive and more relaxed.

A
lmost a month after school ended, the principal called. He didn’t say hello or identify himself, but I recognized his voice at once. He went straight to the point.

“OK, Anne, what do you want?” he asked bluntly.

There was even a little laugh in his tone.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked. “What do I
want
?”

We both knew what I wanted; I wanted my teaching position back!

“The school board would like you to sign a contract as soon as possible. They have asked to know exactly Inner Guidance_CH 01-05.p65

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Inner Guidance: Our Divine Birthright

what terms you want,” he explained. His voice was friendly and slightly amused.

Shock and joy both filled me at once, but my inner guidance alerted me to proceed cautiously. I quelled my urge to simply accept the position.

So I asked, “What are my options?”

“You can have whatever you choose,” he replied.

“The best classes, first option on grant opportunities, a raise, a lighter schedule—you name it. What do you want?”

I could not believe my ears. I would never have thought to ask for
any
of these things and would have gladly settled for just getting my old job back! Wanting to understand why this change of heart, I asked, “What happened?”

“One of the senior school board members has a son who attributed all his newly developed academic success to being in your class,” he explained. “They want to make sure they don’t lose you.”

We waited in silence for a moment or two, as I listened quietly to the inner guidance I was receiving.

Shortly, an answer came, and I said, “I don’t want all the top classes, just some of them. I would like a mixture of students. I want to experiment with the various levels to see how I can teach better at any level. Yes, I’d be interested in applying for major grants. Please let me see what the possibilities are so I can apply. That would be great. And I don’t need a lighter schedule. I will take a full schedule—as many classes as I can get.

“And, please, I will need full cooperation. I would be grateful to just be able to teach, and I’d like to know that you personally support me. I don’t care to be concerned with the loss of my job. I would appreciate receiving the cooperation I need to do my work. It may be innovative and original, but my approach will always Inner Guidance_CH 01-05.p65

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be professional and educational.”

The principal didn’t hesitate. As soon as I finished my list, he said, “I can do that, and I can get you more money too.” I could hear the smile still in his voice. He then asked me to come in to sign my new contract for next year and pick out my classes, as soon as possible.

Could I come today?

I practically dropped to my knees with relief and gratitude. I had achieved my goal and a whole lot more by remaining open, listening to my inner guidance, and trusting it. I was learning to follow it with a new level of spiritual conviction.

In the beautiful summer months that followed, I didn’t hear anything more from my inner guidance about the baby. I decided it was a message about my teaching career. Little did I know how wrong I was.

But I had some other lessons to learn about inner guidance before the Divine brought me that far more significant gift I longed for.

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6

Resolving Karmic

Connections from the Past:

Inner Guidance

Opens an Ancient Door

Each person will, in his own time, find the
path that is right for him. And it may be many,
many paths before he comes to the teachings of
ECK. This is as it should be, as it must be,
because God has made a path for every state of
consciousness.

—Harold Klemp

How to Survive Spiritually in Our Times
8

M
y courtship with my husband-to-be, Jon, happened at the speed of light. When we

met for the first time, I felt that I already knew him. Sometimes that happens when we have karmic connections with certain people and we are just picking up where we left off. That certainly seemed to be the case for me.

Jon was the older, traveled brother in a family I already knew. I taught his younger brother and sister 51

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Inner Guidance: Our Divine Birthright

in high school. Jon was a brawny carpenter who wrote me poetry and discussed philosophy with me. We were very compatible, and life was unfolding for me in another new and exciting direction.

We decided to marry. We would move to Bloomington, Indiana, during the summer and have the wedding at our new home. With daisies in my hair, on a gorgeous day, I married Jon on our front porch, with several friends as witnesses.

Just like any other young, newly wedded woman, I wanted my life to be wonderful and perfect. But soon after the wedding, a strange, unexpected feeling began to wash through me. I became aware of heightened inner guidance, warning me of changes to come. It was a premonition I didn’t want to embrace. Yet, I was sure everything was as it was supposed to be. I was meant to marry Jon, yes. But my inner guidance was telling me it would not be as easy as I had dreamed.

My discovery of the teachings of Eckankar was just beginning, and I had much to learn about myself as Soul.

And my very trustworthy inner guidance was hinting at this uneasy truth: I was about to face some important challenges along the way.

B
loomington was a lively college town. I loved shopping, every now and then, in the quaint stores all around the campus area, and I quickly found my favorite ones. I was especially attracted to Lila’s Imports, a small shop with wonderful clothes.

One day, at the height of a downpour, I suddenly felt an urgent desire to go to the import shop. I was not normally so inclined to shop; sudden urges of this sort just never happened. I decided to heed the inner guidance although I did not even have transportation that day. I was at home, Jon had the car, and it was too far Inner Guidance_CH 06-10.p65

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to walk in the pouring rain.

Undaunted, I called a cab, and out I went, motivated by my compelling desire to go to this particular shop.

The taxi delivered me to town in the middle of the storm. Rainwater rushed down the street and flooded the gutters. With a big umbrella over my head, I dashed through the downpour, across the road, and along the crowded campus sidewalks into the little building that housed Lila’s Imports.

What a crazy day to go shopping
, I thought.
There
must surely be something really special waiting for me!

As I rushed through the door and shook my wet umbrella, I was shocked to find that Lila’s Imports had been completely redecorated. The walls were now painted a light shade of blue, and all the clothes racks had been replaced with shelves. The shop was now completely filled with books.

Was this the same place I had visited only a few weeks ago? I wanted to go back out and look at the entrance. The location seemed right, but the store was totally transformed, and I wondered why I had been in such a hurry to get there.

Several people were quietly browsing around. A young man was sitting behind a desk. I approached him and laughingly asked, “What happened to the import shop? Did Lila’s move? And what is this place now?”

He didn’t know anything about Lila’s Imports.

Apparently, they had relocated. Then he added, nonchalantly, “This is an Eckankar center.”

Practically jumping over his desk, I leaned in closely to eliminate any unnecessary distance between us. I asked cautiously and slowly, “Did you say
Eckankar
?”

“Yes.” He explained that this was a center filled with books about Eckankar, books mostly written by its modern-day founder, Paul Twitchell.

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Inner Guidance: Our Divine Birthright

Eckankar had transformed my classroom teaching and opened a whole world of inner discovery, but I didn’t know it could go any further. What a discovery! There was actually a spiritual gold mine of information about Eckankar, the teaching that had been dancing around the periphery of my busy existence. I began asking the young man questions on top of questions.

“I’m a new ECKist,” he said. “Just a college student.

I don’t know a lot.”

“What is an
ECKist
?” I demanded.

As he spoke, I held my breath. A major reality shift was taking place, without a single sign of fanfare. The volunteer college student told me more than I expected.

“An ECKist is a student of the teachings of

Eckankar,” he said. “
ECK
means Divine Spirit. ECKists are considered members of Eckankar, and they can study monthly discourses in classes called Satsang. I highly recommend it,” he added. “But if you really want to know more, there is an ECK regional seminar tomorrow at the Holiday Inn. They’ll be able to answer all of your questions there.”

Now I understood the urgency to come out in the pouring rain, to this very place. I was guided here—

mysteriously led here at just the right time to learn about the next day’s seminar. First I had stumbled into an entire room filled with books on Eckankar, and then I learned that Eckankar is an organized teaching, and now I was hearing about a regional event where many ECKists would convene!

“What wonderful good fortune,” I told the helpful young man. “I will be at that seminar.” My heart was pounding. I tried to sound calm as I asked him to confirm what he had just told me. “So this is a spiritual path that people can join?”

“Yes. You can find out more about that tomorrow at Inner Guidance_CH 06-10.p65

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the seminar. I have a brochure with details about the event,” he announced, holding the colorful flyer out to me.

I was not much of a joiner when it came to organizations, but I was eager to learn more. I took the information, thanking the college student warmly for his assistance. I browsed through some of the books, feeling that a grand future was opening before me. Since I was already mentally reserving the funds necessary to attend the Eckankar seminar, I only had enough money to buy one book,
The Flute of God
by Paul Twitchell.

I could hardly wait for the next day to come.

Through half the night I read fervently, eventually falling asleep with the light on. Jon was open and understanding when I said I wanted to change our plans for the weekend. We had intended to visit friends out of state, but after I told him about the seminar, we readily decided that Jon would make the trip and I would stay home and attend the Eckankar event.

The next morning, my husband dropped me off at the hotel and left town.

T
he seminar had already started. I was late! The big double doors of the meeting room were closed, and I stood there in the hallway, unsure what to do. I wanted to go in, but if I opened the large door wide enough to enter, it would create a disruption. I hesitated and listened intently at the door, straining to hear what was going on inside. I could hear a speaker.

“Open the door,” my inner guidance whispered to me. Something was irresistibly pulling me into that room.

I still waited several uncomfortable moments. Then I again felt the nudge, more insistent now: “Open the door!”

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Despite any awkward interruption I might cause, I finally pulled open the door, slowly and as quietly as possible. Stepping into the packed room, I tiptoed down the aisle, looking for a seat.

The speaker stopped talking for a second, reacting to my entrance. I was slightly embarrassed but was certainly willing to endure a little discomfort for the thrill of being in that room. When the speaker continued speaking, there was excitement in his voice.