Insane City (48 page)

his police cruiser. But Meghan had a team of very expensive lawyers hired by her well-connected father,

plus the fanatical support of the animal-rights community. Her legal defense—that she was emotionally

distraught over the shooting of Trevor and had taken the cruiser in a desperate effort to save the helpless

animal from being killed in cold blood—was supported by the drugstore parking lot surveillance video.

Ultimately, Meghan, too, was allowed to plead to minor charges.

Brewer and Castronovo, also represented by Mike Clark–hired lawyers, successfully avoided

prosecution by claiming that they had simply been trying, as former police officers, to apprehend what

they believed to be dangerous wanted criminals. It helped that the owners of the
Bay Wanderer
refused to

press hijacking charges against the Tinker Bells after discovering that their passengers that day had been

thrilled by the gun battle with the pirate ship, which they believed had been staged for their entertainment.

This battle soon became a regular and hugely popular part of the tour, with Yolanda Berkowitz acting as

narrator.

Bobby Stern’s defense was the converse of that employed by Castronovo and Brewer: He argued

that he had been protecting himself and his ship from what he believed to be a pair of homicidal, gun-

wielding lunatics. This argument had the advantage of being at least partially true. In the end Bobby was

found to have committed a variety of relatively minor maritime infractions. He had his captain’s license

suspended for six months, during which he became a certified CrossFit instructor.

Prosecutors wanted to prosecute
somebody
for shooting chicken nuggets from the
Barco Loco
at law

enforcement vessels, but in the end they could not prove who did it. So Marty, Kevin, Big Steve, Carl and

Duane—especially Duane—all got off uncharged.

Trevor also escaped prosecution, via the legal loophole of not being human. His crime spree turned

him into something of a folk hero; he became a huge attraction once his leg healed and he returned to

Primate Encounter, where he was given a larger, nicer cage. He had no desire to leave again. He had seen

the outside world, and did not care for it.

From time to time, Meghan visited Trevor. She was close by, having enrolled in the University of

Miami, where she was taking courses that she hoped would one day lead to veterinary school. Trevor

was always happy to see her and let her know, in every way he could, that he still wanted to mate with

her. Meghan chose to keep their relationship strictly platonic, although when the trainers weren’t looking

she slipped him Cheez-Its.

Officer Chris Delgado recovered fully from his injuries and was granted early retirement with full

benefits. He moved to North Carolina and never returned to Miami, even to visit.

Banzan Dazu spent several weeks in the hospital recovering from a freak head injury he suffered on

the day of the wedding. He was chatting up a young bikini-clad woman on the rear lawn of the Ritz,

suggesting that she might benefit from an Ayurvedic massage technique that he, Banzan Dazu, would be

more than happy to demonstrate to her in the tranquility of his room, when he was struck in the temple by

an iPad that had apparently been thrown out of an upper-floor hotel window. The cause of the flying iPad

was never determined, but the Clark family generously covered all of Dazu’s medical expenses.

Seth and Laurette’s marriage was viewed skeptically by immigration authorities. Among other things,

Laurette lacked the required documentation; in fact, she had no documentation at all. On the other hand,

the couple was able to produce a hardship waiver signed by a Florida judge, as well as a letter

handwritten by the governor himself on Ritz-Carlton stationery stating that his office considered the

marriage to be legal in the state of Florida.

A Miami immigration lawyer took Laurette’s case
pro bono
, and it soon became clear that the legal

proceedings would be dragging on for a while, during which Laurette and her children would not be going

anywhere. They moved into an apartment with Laurette’s sister, who had been able to work out her own

immigration issues. With Carl’s help, Laurette got a job as a maid at the Ritz-Carlton. Stephane was

enrolled in public school and became fluent in English in approximately twenty minutes. He got good

grades and became a huge fan of the Miami Heat.

Because of his ongoing involvement in various legal matters, Seth had to remain in South Florida.

This meant he lost his job as a member of the Washington PR firm’s Social Media Mobilization Team, not

that he was sorry about that.

Seth was offered a job by Marty, who himself had been hired by Wendell Corliss as director of

Special Acquisitions for the Transglobal Financial Capital Funding Group. In this capacity Marty bought

pretty much any company that caught his fancy, including, at one point, a mobile ferret-grooming franchise

business. At first Marty lost money, but once he got the hang of it, he lost even more money. This was fine

with Wendell, who viewed the Special Acquisitions department purely as entertainment.

Marty offered Seth a good salary to come help him lose Wendell’s money, but Seth decided he’d

rather not work for a friend, especially a friend who was more or less insane. He took a job at Costco and

enrolled in night classes at the Florida International University law school. He planned to specialize in

immigration law.

Seth visited Laurette regularly, bringing her money when he had some, and always bringing gifts for

the kids—usually Costco merchandise, as he got a discount.

Three months after the wedding, Seth drove to Washington to pick up his stuff, which Tina had put

into storage. He asked her, via text, if he could see her; she texted back that she’d rather he didn’t come to

her place, but she’d meet him at a non-Starbucks coffee shop.

She kept him waiting forty-five minutes. She walked in looking, if anything, more spectacular than

ever. She ordered a latte and sat down.

Seth started by trying to say how sorry he was; she cut him off, saying she didn’t want to talk about it.

He asked how she was doing; she said things were great. No, things were
fabulous
. Professionally, she

was doing some very important work with some major international NGOs. Seth said that was great,

although he didn’t know what an NGO was. Tina said that things were also going very well for her

personally. She mentioned the name of a lawyer she’d just had a fabulous dinner with; Seth was pretty

sure it was the one who looked like Jude Law.

Seth asked how her parents were doing, and Tina said they were also great. Her father had been

admitted into some kind of exclusive organization and was thrilled about it. (Mike had, in fact, been

accepted into the Group of Six, although his happiness would be short-lived; he was soon to learn that the

main topic of conversation among members of the Group of Six was the rumored existence of an even

more
exclusive organization, the Group of Four.)

After ten awkward minutes, during which Tina didn’t ask Seth anything about anything, she said she

had to go. As she stood, Seth pulled the ring box from his pocket and tried to give it to her. She said she

didn’t want it. Seth said he couldn’t keep it, and noted that it had cost a lot of money. Tina said he

probably needed the money a lot more than she did. That was the last thing she ever said to him. She

never touched her latte.

Six months after the wedding, Seth and Cyndi moved into an apartment together. Two months after that,

they arranged to have dinner with Laurette, picking her up after her shift at the Ritz, and picking up Carl as

well to serve as an interpreter. They went to Stan’s Transglobal Pizza of Key Biscayne. There, over a

large pepperoni pie, Seth and Cyndi told Laurette, hesitantly, that they were thinking about getting married

and asked if it would be OK with her—since she appeared to be no longer in any danger of deportation—

if Seth and she got a divorce.

When Carl finished translating the question, Laurette started laughing; Carl did, too. Seth and Cyndi

asked what was so funny. Carl tried to answer, but he and Laurette were laughing too hard, the two of

them holding on to each other to keep from falling over. Eventually Carl got the answer out: Laurette had

been planning to ask Seth for a divorce, as she and Carl wanted to get married.

“Ohhhh,” said Cyndi and Seth.

They had a double wedding on the gazebo at the end of the back lawn of the Ritz-Carlton. They kept it

very small. Cyndi didn’t even invite her immediate family, noting that because she was Cuban her

immediate family would be somewhere around two hundred people.

Marty was Seth’s best man; Meghan was Cyndi’s maid of honor. Carl’s best man was his cousin and

Laurette’s maid of honor was her sister. The ceremony was performed by Bobby Stern. The other guests

were the ones who’d been there when it counted: Big Steve, Kevin, Duane and Blossom, and Wesley and

LaDawne, who held Laurette’s baby, and who took the occasion to point out, not in a quiet voice, that she

and Wesley had been engaged for
six years
without getting married once, while in the past year alone

some of these people had gotten married
twice
.

Seth gave Cyndi a ring he bought with the employee discount from the Costco jewelry department.

Carl gave Laurette a ring that Seth had given to them as a wedding present; it was the same ring Tina had

refused to take back. Seth had told Laurette and Carl how valuable it was, so their plan was to use it just