Inspiration Point (8 page)

When I got downstairs I didn’t go into the lounge
room; instead I took the long way around to the kitchen and was pleased to find
it empty.  I searched through the fridge, there wasn’t much to choose
from, but I thought I should be able to make a decent stir fry with what I
had.  I prepared all the meat and vegetables taking extra care in cutting
every piece – wanting to waste more time I suppose.  I prepared enough for
Dad, surely he wouldn’t be too much longer.  Everything sizzled in the wok
as it cooked but no-one came into the kitchen to talk to me which I was happy
about – there’s not much to say until we talk to Dad.  When everything was
cooked, I dished out two plates, and put Dad’s in the oven and sat down to eat
mine.  Probably childish I know, but I wasn’t in a mood to make any effort
with my mother.

I heard Zeke say something about getting some dinner
and then they all came into the kitchen, Zeke smiling carefully at me. 
They each grabbed a plate and helped themselves to the stir fry and sat down at
the table.  We were nearly finished our meals when Zeke spoke broke the
silence.

“This is really good Hayl’s, better than a restaurant
even.”

I was glad Zeke was still here I am not sure what
would happen if the rest of us were left alone with each other.

“Not like that would stop you from eating it anyway,
you eat like a horse Zeke,” Emin joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Zeke’s right though Emin,” my mother said kindly.
“This is really delicious Hayln, I had no idea you could cook so well.”

How could you, I think to myself, she’s made no
attempt to get to know me in years.

“You should have tasted the pasta she cooked the other
night,” Zeke added trying to sing my praises to my mother.  He wasn’t to
know it wouldn’t make any difference, our relationship is pretty much broken
forever.

“Thanks,” I said quietly.  “I am glad you like
it.”  I took my plate to the sink and started to clean up.

“We can do that Hayl’s,” Emin said quickly.  “I
mean you cooked, and everything, so it's only fair.”

“Yeah leave it, we will sort it out,” Zeke added.

“Thanks,” I said again.  I couldn’t sit back down
with them, I felt so uncomfortable, so I went back up to my room and waited.

I had no idea time could move so slowly, I found
myself constantly checking my phone and looking out the window, just wanting
him to be home already.  I picked up a book to read but wasn’t really
interested, but that’s what I was trying to do when Emin came in.

“What time is it?” I asked, sitting up on my bed.

“Nearly nine,” he said, sounding as fed up as I
was.  “How are you doing anyway?”

“Same as you I imagine, anxious for Dad to get home,”
I said.

“No, about the stuff with Mum, I mean what she said
was pretty harsh,” he said apologetically.

“It’s nothing I didn’t already know Emin, I just want
to hear from Dad now, to see what I did,” I explained.

“You didn’t do anything Hayl’s, you couldn’t of, you
were five!” He argued.

“That’s not how Mum sees it,” I complained.

“There will be an explanation, you’ll see,” he sounded
hopeful.

“Well, whatever it is it won’t change anything, you
must know that.” I was so frustrated. “You don’t know what it’s like Emin, I've
only ever really had Dad.  Mum and I simply exist together when we have
to.  You have them both.”

“Let’s just see Hayl’s, you never know, once this is
all out in the open it might even help make things right – Mum seems to think
so.”  He said still taking the positive side of this. 

“Well if that's what Mum thinks I doubt it will help
me much, maybe I am better off not knowing,” I said as I put my head in my
hands.  “Where is she anyway?” I asked.

“In the other spare room, she’s already gone to bed,”
he said.

“Great, a full house,” I said begrudgingly.

“I’ll be here for you no matter what happens,” he
reassured me.  “Zeke too you know.” 

I stopped and looked at him trying to see what he was
getting at.

“You know, he was just as excited to be coming over
here this weekend to spend some time with you as I was, I guess he missed you
too.  And I can tell he is worried about you, you’re like a sister to
him.”

I held back a smile, knowing he wouldn’t understand.

“We'll both be here for you Hayl’s, no matter what,”
then he put his arm around me.  It was nice, just like it used to be.

We sat there like that for a while and then he said,
“Kind of like old times, isn’t it?” Obviously thinking what I was. 
“Especially, being in this house and all.”

“I’ve kind of been wondering lately whether I had just
imagined all the good stuff, it seems like forever ago,” I said.

“There were plenty of good times Hayl’s, and there
will be more, I’m sure of it,” he said as he kissed me on the forehead. 

“Now, try and get some rest, you look exhausted,” he
said as he pulled my blankets up for me and closed the door as I laid down and
tried to get some sleep.

I wasn’t asleep long before I woke up from a
nightmare.  Images of the day that Mum and Emin left us mixed up with one
of my Dad trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t hear him.  I
couldn’t reach any of them.

I shook the dream off and decided to go to the kitchen
to get a drink to calm myself down a bit, but thought I would try to call Dad
again first.  I flicked open my mobile and noticed it was just after midnight. 
I dialed his number, but it didn’t ring, straight to message bank.  I
threw the phone back on the bed and went downstairs.

I got to the kitchen and went to turn on the light
when I noticed Zeke was there staring out the window.  The moon was bright
enough for me to see his face, he looked worried. 

“Couldn’t sleep either?”  I said softly not
wanting to startle him.

He turned towards me and leant back on the counter,
the moonlight from the window behind him made a halo of light which framed his
body.  He had loose drawstring pants on and a tight singlet that almost
made me blush he looked so yummy.

“Is everything okay?” He said quickly.  “I mean
you haven’t heard from him have you?”

“No, I just tried to call again, but his phone it
still switched off,” I explained as I went to the fridge.  “I’m going to
make some warm milk, would you like some?” I asked.

“Warm milk,” he repeated.

“It helps me sleep,” I answered him.

“I remember,” he said.  “Your Dad used to make it
for you all the time when we were younger.”

“I make it better than him though, with honey and
cinnamon,” I smiled.

“Sounds like I better try some then,” he said and he
moved to sit at the table.

I was still making the drinks when he spoke again.
 “Emin told me what your mother said to you,” he said quietly.  I
could tell he was trying not to upset me.
 
“You
know he was pretty upset with her for saying that stuff.  I have to admit
I couldn’t honestly believe she said it to you, how are you holding up?”

I sat down at the table and handed him his drink.

“I guess I always knew how she felt, but it was a bit
of a shock to hear her say it out loud,” I said as I took a sip of my milk.

“So I guess that’s why you ran off,” he said taking a
sip of his milk.  “Where did you go?”

Until this moment I’d forgotten why I was avoiding
Zeke, but I decided to tell the truth, it had been working for me so far.

“I went to Tyler’s, he’s used to this stuff with Mum
so I knew he would understand,” I said.

“Did it help, talking about it with him?” He asked,
but I could tell he was being cautious with his questions.

“A little, I felt better after I cried a bit,” I said.

“Well, I’m glad he was there for you, especially if he
made you feel better,” he said sincerely.

“Did you… mention anything about us?”  He asked
warily.

I answered simply, “Yes, I wanted to be honest with
him too.”

“That’s fair,” he paused for a minute.  “So what
did he say?” still being careful with his questions.

“He gave me a few things to think about,” I said.

“I bet he did,” he said raising his eyebrows. 
“What did he say to you?”

“He mentioned that you were…. a little more
experienced with this sort of thing compared to me,” I said, now I was being
careful.

“Is that all?” He asked disbelievingly.

“No, he also mentioned that this might not be a
serious thing for you, that you like a lot of girls I guess.”  I could
tell this comment had hurt him a little.

“Well, that is a bit to think about, but what matters
most is what
you
think,” he said now looking at me thoughtfully with his
beautiful eyes.

“Well, I think you have been really honest with me, so
it’s not that I don’t believe you.  It’s just…. well you do always seem to
have plenty of female attention.  Even at the Sweat Room the other night,
there were three of four girls hanging around just like when you were at
school.  So I guess it leaves me thinking why you would choose me, when
you could have anyone you like?”  I asked, having another sip of my milk.

“Hayln, I want to be with you because I have never
felt like this about anyone before,” he was talking so fast now it was a little
hard to keep up.  “Look I know what people think, and I guess it is my
fault because I encouraged it.  But the truth is, apart from a few awkward
dates and some school dances I have never actually been serious about anyone,
until now” he said genuinely. 

“So the reputation you have, where did that come
from?” I asked innocently.

“A lot of talk I suppose, I mean at school I always
enjoyed getting attention from girls, especially since it seemed to annoy the
other guys, but I never acted on it.  People just assumed I had, and I let
them believe it.  Like I said that part is my fault.”

“So you have never…. been serious with anyone before?”
I asked a little disbelieving.

“If you are asking if I am still a virgin, yes I am –
but if you tell anyone that I might have to kill you.  I have worked hard
to get this reputation you know,” he smiled teasing me.

“I like the truth better,” I reassured him.

“You know that actually was the best milk I have ever
had,” he said pleasantly surprised as he took our mugs to the sink.

“I’m glad you liked it,” I said as I stood up.

“Do you mind if I walk you back to your room?”
 He held out his hand to me, still teasing me a little.

“What if Emin or my mother sees you, how will you
explain that?” I smiled back at him but had no intention of letting go of his
hand.

“That’s what I was down here thinking about actually,
before you came in just now,” he said as we walked to my room slowly.  “I
was thinking it might be easier if Emin knew how I felt about you.”

“How so?” I questioned.  “Weren’t you worried
about how he will react – unwritten law and all that.”

“Yeah I was, but seeing you so upset and not being
able to comfort you the way I want to is worse than what Emin could do to
me.  I was glad you were able to go to Tyler today, but I have to admit I
wished it could have been me,” he said truthfully.
 
“Could I ask another question, if you aren’t too tired?” He said,
being careful again now, I nodded for him to proceed.

“Did you kiss Tyler today?” He couldn’t look directly
at me when he asked this and I knew I was about to hurt him, but I couldn’t see
a way around it – I wasn’t going to lie.

“Yes,” I said softly and then waited for him to
respond, but he didn’t say anything so I continued.  “He thought I needed
another option to consider before I make any decisions.”

“And what was your conclusion after kissing us
both?”  I could see this was a double edged question for him.

“Kissing him felt safe,” I said stopping at my doorway
and taking his other hand so I was holding both. 

“And kissing you made me feel… alive,” I said looking
into his emerald eyes.

“Well that’s a pretty decent start I suppose,” he said
slightly satisfied.  “So I guess I’ll just have to find a way for you to
feel safe with me too,” he said squeezing me hands softly.  “Now you
should try and get some rest before your Dad arrives.”

 I started to close the door but reached for him
instead.

“Zeke,” I paused.  “I do feel safe with you,” I
reassured him as he turned back towards me. 

He was closer to me now than he had been all night and
I found it hard to resist.

“But a little bit of danger never hurt anyone,” I
smiled mischievously at him.

“Really,” he said as he flashed his heart breaking
smile. 

We both moved together embracing each other at the
same time and then we were kissing, more intensely than we had ever kissed
before which took me by surprise.  The heat washed through me again as I
pulled him towards me falling back into the wall behind me.  He lifted me
up so I didn’t have to stretch to kiss him as I wrapped my legs around his
waist to balance myself.  I found myself short of breath but moved my lips
to his neck as I didn’t want this to end just yet.  His hands held me in a
way that made me feel utterly safe and yet dangerously excited all at the same
time.  My teeth brushed his earlobe, and he sighed deeply.