Intentional Dissonance (17 page)

“I’m already killing one person today, I can easily make it four. Tell me who you are so that my assistants know what to write on your gravestone,” says who, Jon assumes, must be Duer.

“I’m Jon, this is Edward and One Eye,” says Jon as the others fill the room.

“Really? That’s fascinating. I do know who you are then. Mainly because of that,” says Duer, pointing towards the edge of the dark hall. Jon’s eyes have been adjusting to the light but things have gotten clearer. A naked, bald and pale man covered in tattoos of 1s and 0s from head to toe is lying up against a wall, quite dead, disemboweled and quartered, violently.

“Jesus,” says Edward looking over Jon’s shoulder.

“No, we believe his name was Gerald. Or at least that was one of the words he screamed before he died,” says Duer.

“What’s he got to do with us?” asks Jon.

“Besides the fact you might die in a similar manner? This man was one of the United Government’s new universal messengers and he was carrying a message about you.”

“What’s a universal messenger?” asks Edward.

“You are an inquisitive shrub. The theory goes that if you want to transmit an absolutely ridiculous amount of data and be absolutely sure no one’s going intercept it, you use one of these guys. He is, or at least was, a human flash drive.”

“That’s ridiculous, there’s no way those 1s and 0s tattooed on him could hold more than a few kilobytes of data,” say Jon.

“You are correct and an idiot at the same time, which is a strange combination. The 1s and 0s are merely the encryption method, the password if you will. The data is encoded into his DNA itself.”

“How do you get the password?” asks Edward.

Duer grins like a Cheshire cat. “Well, there’s the easy way and the hard way. The easy way is if you’re the person the data is intended for, the messenger simply willingly steps into a specially designed photo booth, naked, and is then photographed. The 1s and 0s are collated and entered as a password, a piece of hair or a drop of spit or whatever contains his DNA is taken from the messenger and the information is extracted. The messenger goes home and has a nice cup of tea. Then there’s the hard way. The hard way is five of my boys drop down off the roof into a dark alley the messenger happens to be walking through and they beat the ever-loving fuck out of him, without tearing his skin or damaging any of the tattoos. Then the messenger, unwillingly, is divided up into pieces and his entire body is photographed individually. The code on his body is then written down into one long password and we take whatever’s left of him to make a DNA sample. We extract the information from that sample and then enter the password. Simple really,” says Duer, cleaning his nails while he explains this.

“I still don’t understand what this has to do with us,” says Jon.

“This is what his DNA contained,” says Duer and he motions with his hand at one of his lackeys, who pushes play on a holo-projector.

The room is suddenly filled with objects with writing on them—diaries, guitars, screenshots, rocks, photographs—and in the centre of all this are three-dimensional representations of Jon, One Eye and Edward.

“I know you’re important gentlemen, especially if you’re important to the government, I just don’t know why yet,” says Duer.

Jon pays special attention to the fact that the room is filled with Duer’s thugs and pushers. He has no doubt that the three of them could probably take them all on but he still doesn’t know where Emily is and he suddenly feels their roles reverse. He came here so she could save him. Now, he’ll have to save her.

“I’ve got news that may impact not just your little gang of thugs here, Duer, but perhaps the entire world. The United Government wants to make The End happen, again.”

Duer looks up and a silence falls over those assembled in his back alley throne room.

“What do you mean? My parents died in The End. I would advise not lying to me or messing me around on this one,” says Duer and his feigned disinterest is replaced by a hint of steel in his voice.

“I’m not. I can tell you what they’re planning but first we need to see Emily,” says Jon.

“Emily? That little whore owes me more money than she can count,” says Duer and Jon has to stop himself from using the last of his fading energy to charge the throne.

A thought suddenly strikes Jon. It almost kills him. He hasn’t paid Emily for the Sadness she’s been feeding him for months now. She’s never brought it up. There’s every chance he’s the reason she’s in this mess. The thought is cold and hard and slices through the mush that Jon’s brain has become in its withdrawn state.

“The information I give you will be worth whatever she owes you,” says Jon. Duer sits and thinks for a moment.

“Very well. Let’s talk in my private chambers,” says Duer and he snaps his fingers. The thugs make a path from him to a wooden door at the back of the room. Duer goes to it, opens it and waits for Jon to join him.

“Just him, you two can stay outside,” says Duer and One Eye immediately starts to draw a blade from somewhere.

“Stop, One Eye,” says Jon. “Let me talk to him, I’ll be fine.”

One Eye seems to strain against himself but he puts the blade back. The thugs around him breathe a collective sigh of relief. Jon and Duer step inside. Jon wonders what tattoos Gerald would’ve chosen, if he had a choice.

Chapter 24

Now

Elsewhere are two letters that were never sent, because of pride, each a declaration of love that would’ve changed lives.

Here, the room is like a library but instead of books, hundreds of vials hang from hooks around the room, each with a label attached to it.

Rose Cottage, Dutch Tears, Snow Dawn, Saudade, Limerence, Ubi Sunt, Memento Mori, Crowhurst, Stendhal Syndrome, Lazarus Syndrome, Sic Transit Gloria Mundi, Melencolia, Lamentation, Judgement, La Petite Mort, Moriendo Renascor, Isaiah 22, Pie Jesu, Requiem, Ad Mortem Festinamus, The Wild, Fimbulwinter…

Jon’s mind slowly comprehends that every single one is a different form of Sadness.

Duer turns to him, “Booze makes you stupid and like it. It makes you fall around and not care. And eventually, stupid is the only way you know how to be. Cocaine makes you feel important, that life matters, that you matter. That the music is better than it really is. That every conversation is profound and that all pretenses have been stripped away. Ecstasy makes you dance all night and love your friends so much, in a way that you’ve never been able to tell them about before. Acid makes you see pretty colours and makes things breathe. But Sadness, there is nothing like Sadness.”

Duer goes to the shelves and holds up the vials one by one.

“This one feels like a death in the family, whomever you’re closest to and it makes you remember every good time you shared that you’ll never have again. It tastes like old age and bitterness and regret, like a phone not ringing. This one feels like your God has abandoned you and that you’re truly alone in the universe. It makes your mind so dark and so cold that your soul wants to scream. This one is the bitterest. It tastes like squandered talent and this one is the subtlest, it tastes like a lover turning away from you and makes you hear the words ‘we need to talk’ in the back of your mind. It makes you feel like someone’s, casually, leaving you forever. It’s obvious and blunt but it takes a real connoisseur to appreciate the nuances. This one feels like apathy and wanting to leave your skin. This one feels like a desire to fix something which can never be fixed. This one makes you feel like your dog has died. The one you’ve had since it was a puppy. Exactly like that. It’s considered a novelty by some. This one feels like a conversation not had. This one feels like yourself yelling at yourself.” 

“It’s quite a collection,” says Jon and he fights the urge to smash one of the vials open and immediately swallow it. The feeling is like an unholy typhoon inside him, begging to be let out. He starts to sweat.

“I’m quite a collector. I’m glad you can appreciate it,” says Duer. “Would you like some?” He offers Jon a vial and Jon’s hands shake as he takes it. Jon pours some of it into his mouth. The familiar feelings begin to overtake him. Somewhere else, he’s back with Michelle and they’re happy again; he’s happy, in his sadness. Everything is normal.

“Whoa, take it easy, trickster,” says Duer as Jon falls to the floor, emptying the bottle. Jon is somewhere else. Jon is somewhere else. Jon is somewhere else. Somewhere, with Michelle.

Chapter 25

Now

A son makes himself a birthday card each year his father isn’t there and pretends it’s from him. He turns twenty and throws them all away. But someone finds them.

“Get the hell up,” says Emily and she pours a bucket of water over Jon’s face. Jon is yanked back to reality, back from the place where he and Michelle are real again, back to this hell without her.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” asks Jon as he looks around and he knows that there’s probably less wrong with her than there is with him. Edward is there. One Eye is there. Duer is there, with his personal honour guard of thugs.

“I’ve never seen an addiction as strong as yours,” says Duer. “You’re lucky you’re still alive. Your friends here bargained for your life and they’ve managed to convince me that what you have to say is worth hearing. I hope, for your sake, that they’re right,” says Duer, pacing slowly across the room.

Jon finds some remaining human part of himself and he turns to Emily. “Are you alright?” For the first time in a while, there’s genuine human emotion in his voice, there’s feeling and there’s caring. Emily manages a smile.

“I’m alright,” she says and she means as much of that as she can.

“You’ve been asleep for a while. I believe it’d be best if you start talking,” says Duer.

“Fine, but in private,” says Jon.

“Fine with me but no more Sadness for you until this is over,” says Duer and Jon nods, ignoring the lump in his throat, the animal, the typhoon inside him screaming for more and more and more.

“Emily, you need to hear this too. Duer, bring your most trusted men in with you, everyone else must stay outside,” says Jon. They walk back into Duer’s study and One Eye and Edward take their place outside it, discouraging any eavesdroppers. And Jon, in that little room, explains how his father ended the world.

Chapter 26

Now

A single tear on a post-it note that says, “Goodbye forever. I will love you for just as long.”

“You’re lying,” says Duer and he slams his fist against the table. “I know what I saw, I know what killed my parents.”

“Do you really?” asks Jon, “Ask your men, one at a time, what they saw. Was it an earthquake? A nuclear holocaust? An invading army? The only common denominator is the shadows, that’s it.”

“If what you’re saying is true, then it’s the greatest lie ever told,” says Duer. He stares out the window at the distant marble spires of the United Government building. Jon can tell some part of him is starting to believe. Emily is crying in the corner. Duer’s two top men are whispering quickly to each other, debating Jon’s story.

“And you say this doctor you encountered, he wants to do it again?”

“Yes, he says the illusion wasn’t finished at The End, that because my father died, he never completed the second part,” says Jon.

“What’s the second part?”

“I don’t know exactly. I think because the first part was catastrophe, depression and misery, the second part was supposed to be some kind of positive hallucination, something that pulled everyone together and inspired them to fight a common enemy to build a better world. But that’s just a guess.”

“The doctor needs you, right?”

“Yes, that’s what he said.”

“Well then, my little friends, all we need to do is keep you out of his hands for a few days and we’ve won, correct?”

“Correct. There’s something about the significance of the date that it happened last time, it makes the illusion powerful, something about the emotional resonance everyone has with it. He can try and use me after it but it won’t work nearly as well. He believes that he needs me on that date, as near as I can tell,” says Jon. Duer steeples his hands in thought, then after a pause, claps them.

“Very well, we will hide you and your friends from the United Government, at least until the anniversary of The End passes.”

“Thank you,” says Jon. The animal inside him is screaming for more. He reaches out for another vial of Sadness.

“May I?” he says.

Duer makes a mock bow and says, “Go right ahead.”

Emily looks away. She knows she helped make Jon the addict that he is. And now, she’s starting to regret it.

Chapter 27

Now

A woman turns away from the man she loves, as a passerby takes a picture. The picture is saved on a memory card.

Emily hears Jon’s voice talking in the small room Duer gave him to sleep in. No one’s responding. At least, no one living. She opens the door.

“Jon?” He doesn’t answer. “Jon?” She asks again, into the darkness.

“What do you want?” comes the voice, weak and feeble.

“What’s wrong with you?” Emily asks, sitting down on the edge of his bed.