INTERNET DATES FROM HELL (18 page)

Thinking about the way I looked, as most women do on a regular basis, I realized that my appearance was less than desirable. “Great,” I thought to myself, “this would have to be the day that I rushed home from the gym without my usual locker room shower, deciding to wait for the comfort of my own tub.” With my hair tied in a severe ponytail under a foolish-looking baseball cap, I realized my appearance must have been ghastly. I wasn’t in the mood for any new encounters. Nonetheless, he seemed harmless. I guessed the little old lady next to me had either passed away or moved down to Miami, where they have bingo every Wednesday. It’s amazing that in New York City, one could live next door to another person and not even know his or her name, nor care to know it.

After a relaxing bath, I resigned myself to checking my online dating site. By the time I had logged on, I realized the irony of my screen name, which read “Girl Next Door in NYC.” A few days later, while checking my responses, I surprisingly discovered an e-mail from my new neighbor, Mike. He didn’t write anything about recognizing me or knowing me; he simply sent a “form” e-mail that he may have sent to any number of women. Laughing out loud, I felt the need to respond. Returning the e-mail, I mentioned, “As my screen name says, I actually am the ‘Girl Next Door’!” “To refresh your memory, we met on the elevator just a few days ago.”

At that moment, I could picture Mike reading the e-mail and saying, “Well, golly gee,” as his smile got even wider. He wrote back, asking if I cared to meet him for a drink. I thought about how easy and convenient it would be. But with added thought, I decided that I didn’t feel a connection, and it wasn’t just his excessive smiling. I wrote back: “Thanks, but maybe we can meet sometime down the road instead.”

Like a bad cold sore, I couldn’t shake Mike for anything. No matter how kind I was, he insisted we meet for something. What puzzled me, however, was that his requests were always electronic. I never heard him knock on my door. I am not complaining, mind you. But this is the nature of cyberdating. Mike knew the rules. I developed a newfound respect for him in the way he allowed me my space. He could have been a nuisance, since we were living so close, but I must say one thing for him: he was a gentleman and knew his place.

Mercifully, I didn’t see him in the building for approximately two weeks. Once again, on the way to the gym on a Saturday morning (just like the first time I had met him), he entered the elevator, but this time he was with a woman who could have passed for his sister.

He greeted me with a great big, “Hello, Trish. This is Samantha.”

“Hi, Samantha, nice to meet you,” I said.

Mike proceeded to tell me that Samantha hailed from two towns north of Omaha—his own hometown. She had just moved to New York.

“That’s nice. Where did the two of you meet?” I inquired.

“We met while line dancing at the Gold Rush last weekend,” Mike proudly responded.

What made me smile (but not as wide as they were smiling) was their outright similarity. Their smiles were identical! No wonder they grew up in the same area. What a wonderful thing it must be to smile for no apparent reason. Or maybe they had a reason. Maybe that old saying holds more weight than I thought: there’s a key for every lock. This instilled the strangest sense of hope in me. I had never felt so elated during my years of cyberdating than I did that morning.

Part II
Hope Prevails
 

21
 

Finally! My Internet Date from Heaven
 

November 2003

After what appeared to be a lifetime of miscues in the game of dating, I had nearly resigned myself to the thought that I was destined to be single. “Single, hmmm,” I thought to myself. That didn’t sound so bad. I could come and go as I pleased and not have to answer to anyone. If I wanted to eat ice cream for breakfast every day for a year, I could do so without an onlooker criticizing my mental health. I could miss my weekly housecleaning chores without reprisal from an overzealous, anal-retentive husband. I could date whomever I wished, without worrying about food expenses (missing out on, particularly, that wonderful experience of standing in line with all the other miserable housewives at the local supermarket). Single! It sounded better and better the more I said it. I wouldn’t have to deal with annoying in-laws and wouldn’t have to attend infinitely boring family outings.

But then again, it would be tough during the holidays. Those damn holidays! I couldn’t seem to evade them. Just to think it had been only six short years ago that I had found myself reveling in holidays like Christmas with its mistletoe and yuletide cheer, New Year’s, with its noisemakers and silly hats, and Valentine’s Day with its pink hearts and candy assortments. After a year of near hits (if not near misses), I considered reentering the harried world of Internet dating one last time. I knew I had said “one last time” before, so this time, I would use the word “final.” Final!! There, I said it. My only problem with this word was its finality. I was never a final-type girl. I had always had hope for myself and for my fellow man. But before I would waste another six long years, I needed to draw the line in the sand.

An odd sense of hope enveloped me while changing my old screen name to a more subtle screen name. My new screen name really spelled it all out. How could any red-blooded American male refuse? I changed my “Girl Next Door in NYC” screen name to “Nordic Angel.”

Thinking of all the lessons I had learned regarding mistakes or miscalculations, I pondered using my newfound knowledge to keep from getting sucked into another hellish date or relationship. My next step was to make a list of how I would do things differently. Reviewing everything that had transpired over the last six years, I prioritized based on importance, to create my own little top five list. This doesn’t mean that I disregarded everything else I had learned. Instinctively I made sure that my potential date had a variety of recent photos attached, and I made sure that there was at least one head shot without a hat or sunglasses obscuring his true identity.

Number one on my list was to not accept e-mails that were outside the tri-state area. As much as men from foreign lands intrigued me, both my budget and patience were worn out regarding the travel issue. Number two was that the guy needed to have been in previous long-term relationships. Number three was to select men who were neither flashy nor pretentious. Next was to select a family-oriented man with a future in mind. Finally (I know I already used that word), I would select someone who shared his love for the arts with others. The other lessons that I had learned based on my experiences would have to be tested via the telephone and the first date.

Returning home from visiting friends in Philadelphia with my best friend Greg, I rushed into my apartment to a ringing telephone. Much to my chagrin, it was just another telemarketer hawking some useless product. Taking off my coat, I instinctively turned on my computer. As I signed on to my Internet provider, I heard the ever-familiar sound, “You’ve got mail.” Boy did I! I had fifty-two responses alone that day, and one-hundred-forty-one over the past three days! “Wow, I guess that new screen name worked,” I thought to myself.

Recognizing the large number of responses, I slowly scrolled through them. One in particular caught my eye. It was from a gentleman named Tom from New Jersey. “Hmm, New Jersey,” I thought to myself.”That settles my first concern.” After this, I looked at Tom’s age. This guy was two years my senior. I read on, discovering that he was previously involved in a few long-term relationships, so the prior relationships concern was also satisfied. After divulging his nonmarital status, I felt most comfortable. While reading farther, I determined that Tom’s response was creatively personal, like no other that I had ever received before.

Subj: WOW—What a Profile

Date: 11/02/2003 10:00:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time

From: uofatom88

To: NordicAngel

Hi,

Your username and photo caught my eye. You mention in your profile that your legs are your best feature, but I couldn’t get a clear view in the photos, so I wanted to tell you that you have a beautiful face with incredible blue eyes.

I read your profile… WOW, you sound like an absolutely amazing woman with an incredible appetite for travel and culture. There isn’t anything on the list that I wouldn’t enjoy doing myself. Being born in Germany and moving 10 times during the first 11 years of my life, traveling was ingrained in my brain. I lived in Germany in the early 90’s and began traveling extensively through Europe. Now I make a trip every summer exploring a new corner of the continent. I’ve been to some of the places on your list including Zermatt, Venice, Pisa (one of your photos), and Tuscany.

In fact this past summer, I rented a convertible and toured the wine country of Umbria and Tuscany for a week and then went to the Island of Sardinia for a week long biking trip with some close friends and family.

I am extremely family oriented and have a great relationship with my immediate family and all of my relatives. I see my father, who lives 10 minutes away, at least once a week. Even though my sister and her husband live in Boulder, CO, I still get out there twice a year. In fact I’ll be there over Thanksgiving.

What type of photography do you do? I always wanted to get into some serious photography after taking a class in college, but never took the time. Now I just use my digital camera with reckless abandon. I think I have a pretty good eye for composition, due to my architectural background. I earned a Bachelors in Architecture from the University of Arizona.

What’s the significance of your username? Are you or your relatives from Scandinavia? I would love to hear back from you.

Tom

Referring to several exotic locales that I had listed in my ad, I sensed a connection. That took care of my fifth request. He obviously enjoyed culture. Expressing his fondness for his family, I sensed his paternal instinct loud and clear. Tom even stated that he was a man not afraid to get married. That about wrapped it up! Now for the icing on the cake, I thought to myself as I downloaded his photo attachments. I realized after viewing half of the available shots, that half was enough. Although on the thin side, he was not only trim, but also fit. His attractiveness enthralled me. He was dressed comfortably and casually. What got me was that he was smiling in all the photos, and not posing awkwardly or rigidly like most men did in their online photos. That did it! That satisfied number three. No more flashy or pretentious men! The more time I spent looking at his photos and rereading his email, I came to the realization that he was different, in a good way.

I noticed that Tom had sent the e-mail days before. Since I was away for the weekend and did not have Internet access, I hadn’t responded earlier. I made haste in answering his e-mail. I wasted no time in giving him both my home and cell phone numbers. Even though giving out my phone number was always a nono, I made an exception this time. All I could think of was reeling in this keeper.

With a combination of fatigue and newfound hope, I focused on getting a good night’s rest and anticipating the work week along with his call. In an effort to defray any unnecessary late chitchat with my friend Charlene, I shut my cell phone off and put my home phone on answering machine mode (after one ring).