Intimate (23 page)

He was such an idiot, and Kaz thought about telling him so, but he didn't want to hear that. Someday he'd find a woman who was right for him, he'd fall in love, and he'd want to marry her and have kids, but until he found that woman, she knew he wasn't going to change his mind.

And since that woman obviously wasn't her, she refused to agonize over it or try and correct his misconception. What she did intend to do was enjoy every moment of this last night together.

*   *   *

Saturday seemed so anticlimactic, after their deep conversation the night before. After hours of the best sex she'd ever experienced. Jake had definitely ruined her for any other man, ever.

She wondered what kind of nun she'd make.

Probably not a very good one. She loved sex too much, at least with Jake. They packed up their stuff, Jake got a few more shots around the B and B, and then they checked out around eleven.

They'd skipped breakfast to get some photos around town, stopped in Santa Rosa for a quick lunch, and then headed south on Highway 101 to San Francisco.

*   *   *

Traffic was mostly headed north to the wine country, so it was a fast trip home. Jake found a parking spot right in front of Kaz's house and helped her carry her things up the stairs. They'd talked about the shoot, about what she should expect from Fletcher Arnold when he called her on Sunday. Other than that, he might have been with any model after a short job.

There'd been no mention of their conversation last night, of the amazing sex afterward. Why couldn't he tell her that she'd changed his life? That he wanted her more than anything, but he didn't want to hold her back?

That he'd lied to her about his past? He hadn't told her the part that really mattered.

He followed Kaz into her house, waited while she greeted Rico the basset hound and fondled the dog's droopy ears before heading down the hall to her bedroom. It was as neat and utilitarian as if she were in the military. The only picture was one of Kaz laughing with a beautiful little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl.

He picked it up. “Jilly?”

“Yeah.”

“She's almost as pretty as her big sister.”

Kaz turned and rested her forearms on his shoulders.

“You are such a smooth-talker, Mr. Lowell. I'm going to miss you.”

He kissed her nose. “You're going to be too busy to miss me. Will you let me know how it goes with Fletch?”

“I will, when I see you at the Intimate launch. You still want me to wear the black and bronze outfit I wore for the photos? With the tigers eye set?”

“I'd rather you wear the diamonds. Unless you can think of something better to show off the jewelry, I'm leaving the diamond set to wear with the black and bronze, and I slipped the rubies and the tanzanite sets into the box, too, in case you have a chance to wear them in the commercial. Marc wants the more expensive stones showcased at the launch. I got to thinking that if you had something bright red, or even in black, that's as revealing, feel free to wear it instead of the bronze. I want you to be in something comfortable, but sexy as hell. Something that shows off the tat, too.”

“I can do that.”

He stared into those dark coffee-colored eyes. How the hell was he ever going to walk away from her? He knew they'd be together in two weeks, but a lot could happen in two weeks.

His feelings for Kaz were so powerful, so unacceptably strong, he couldn't trust them. He'd never been in love. Didn't want to be in love, but the entire ride home from the wine country, his only thought was how he could possibly keep her in his life.

And the truth was, he couldn't. Not until he was willing to tell her the full story of his arrest, which he obviously couldn't do. Her sister had died because of a DUI. He'd spent almost six years locked up for killing a young mother and her son, even though it was his brother's DUI. Guilty by association, if nothing else. Case closed.

He pulled Kaz close and kissed her. He put everything he felt, everything he wanted, all that he couldn't have into that kiss. And then he stepped back, took her hands in his, and held them, as much to keep her from touching him again as to hold onto her.

“For what it's worth, Ms. Kazanov, I'm going to miss you, too. Good luck with Fletch, don't take any crap off the bastard, and knock 'em dead.”

“Gotcha. Thank you, Jake. For everything.”

“You, too. For giving an absolute stranger a chance.”

“Works both ways.” She shrugged and sort of smiled. “And, for what it's worth, we're not strangers anymore.”

He nodded. “No,” he said. “We're definitely not strangers.” He closed his eyes for a brief moment and then somehow managed a smile. “I'll see you in two weeks, okay?” He turned before she answered and walked away. His cell phone vibrated in his hip pocket. He didn't check the text. He just kept walking, out the front door, down the steps.

It felt worse than that day almost twenty years ago when the bailiff had led him out of the courtroom to begin his sentence.

*   *   *

Kaz watched Jake walk down the hall and out the door. She stood in the doorway to her bedroom, watching him until the front door shut behind him. Then she had to force herself not to run to her bedroom window to watch him drive away. Instead, she shut her bedroom door and leaned against it.

“If it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, this will be a wonderful memory.”

And if she said that at least a gazillion times, maybe eventually she'd believe it.

Who the hell was she kidding?

Standing there, alone in her bedroom, she laughed, but the laughter broke, and she was sobbing. Sobbing as if her heart were breaking.

And maybe, just maybe, it was.

 

CHAPTER 14

Kaz glanced up from her book when Mandy and Lola got home around four. She'd done her crying in the shower, accepted Rico's undemanding sympathy while she lay on her bed with an ice pack on her swollen eyes, and had finally thrown on a slinky old dress that somehow made her feel relaxed, comfortably frumpy, but still in control.

Sort of. Jake was gone, and she had a new job already lined up. She'd see Jake in two weeks, after the most amazing four-and-a-half days of her life. Remembering—even wallowing in—all the crazy emotions of that time was okay.

Rico raised his head and howled, a long, mournful note that suited her mood while announcing someone coming up the stairs.

Mandy threw open the door, rushed across the room, and gave her a hug. “You're home! You didn't call. We've been worried.”

Lola dropped her purse on the couch, stood over Kaz with her arms crossed, and glared at her. “You should have called.”

“I…” She grimaced as the truth rolled over her. Jake had filled her senses in every possible way. “I never even thought of calling. I'm sorry.”

Mandy grabbed her hands. “You always let us know how a job's going. We didn't want to call you and interfere, but we really were worried.” Then she winked. “This guy must be something special.”

There was no doubt in Kaz's mind. “He is.” Her roommates were the best friends she'd ever had, the two she'd met shortly after losing Jilly, who, without even realizing, had helped her through the worst time of her life. “But no, don't get your hopes up. He's got a busy career and I…” she paused for dramatic effect, “I'm expecting a phone call tomorrow with details about an audition with Fletcher Arnold for a commercial.”

“Fletcher Arnold?” Lola's eyes went wide and she slapped her hand over her chest. “He's like the biggest thing around here. I just sent Marty and Tim and a new kid out on a job with him. We were all shocked he'd come to Top End for models. How'd that happen?”

Mandy flopped down on the arm of Kaz's chair. “Even I know who Fletcher Arnold is. He's won a bunch of awards for his commercials. Remember that one with the tiny little kitten and the Great Dane?”

“Or the old, old man and the little girl? That one just made me cry.” Lola sighed. “So what's the interview for? What's the commercial?”

Kaz shrugged. “Lucullan Cellars. It's a South Bay winery that wants to build its brand. It's a speaking role. I met him in Healdsburg when I ran into the guys.” She told them what little she knew, and answered most of their questions about her four-and-a-half days with Jacob Lowell. But she didn't answer all of them, and she decided to let them think what they wanted.

Her feelings for Jake were too new, too fresh. Much too fragile. She knew he cared, but they'd agreed it wasn't the right time. That didn't mean that it would never be the right time. That what they'd begun this past week might not actually be something they could build on. Sometime. She'd hang on to that, for now at least. But she couldn't help but wonder if he thought of her at all.

The way she couldn't stop thinking of him.

*   *   *

Jake shoved his chair back from the desk and rubbed his eyes. He glanced at the clock on the wall. Three in the morning wasn't the best time to be working, especially since he'd only had a couple of hours' sleep last night. He never should have read that damned text after dropping Kaz at her house.

Hey, RJ! Did you enjoy the ravioli? I knew I'd find you. What's on the menu tonight?

The bastard must have followed them to the restaurant. He'd been that close, and Jake hadn't known it. He'd been so damned pissed off, but after he'd calmed down enough, he'd worked until after midnight going through photos from the shoot.

Spending so many hours staring at images of Kaz had been its own kind of hell, especially when he'd crawled into bed and realized how quickly he'd grown used to her long, lean body beside him at night.

He hadn't left his apartment all day today, but in a way, he'd been back in wine country, watching Kaz through the lens of his camera. Her brilliant smile, the sassy sparkle in her dark brown eyes, the soft, contemplative looks that left him wondering what she was thinking as he'd shot photo after photo, each one better than the last.

She had an amazing ability to focus on the lens as if it were a living, breathing person, which translated into an intimate relationship between Kaz and whoever viewed her image. Images he'd captured in what he now realized might have been the most important four-and-a-half days of his life. Professionally and personally.

Every single shot was absolute gold. He'd been trying to choose the best ones to deliver to Marc's art department, but it was impossible to find favorites. Somehow, he was going to have to go through all of them again and again until he was able to narrow the hundreds of pictures he'd taken down to a dozen or more.

He missed her so much he ached.

He hadn't had the balls to look at the personal photos. The ones Kaz had allowed him to take with the promise that no one but Jake would ever know about them, much less see them. That promise held its own intimacy, the fact she'd trusted him enough.

Viewing her face on the oversized flat-screen monitor in the professional shots, with her perfect cheekbones and long, narrow-bridged nose, the lips he'd kissed—the same lips he would forever see wrapped around the hard length of his dick—had almost killed him.

He wasn't ready to view the ones they'd done together. The ones that would forever make him think of the most amazing experience he'd ever had. Pictures out in the vineyard on the tablecloth, shots of her smiling that seductive smile with her breasts entirely bare, the sensual curve of her hip, the barest glimpse of the smooth pubic mound between her thighs with the tiny silver ring in the hood of her clit … no. He wasn't ready for that.

Nor was he ready for the photos he'd taken in their room at the B and B, less revealing but even sexier for what they didn't show. Merely thinking of them made him hard.

Made him remember that night—a night he should try to forget though he knew he would always remember. He hadn't been ready to discover what “making love” actually felt like. What happened with Kaz was no ordinary sexual experience.

He wasn't ready for love.

Staring at the monitor, at Kaz's beautiful smile and the devilish twinkle in her eyes, had him reaching for his cell phone. Was she awake like he was? Thinking of him the way he thought of her?

Then he remembered it was already Monday. In a few more hours she'd be going to her audition with Fletch.

His phone chimed, startling him so badly he dropped it. It was the middle of the night. Kaz? Maybe she'd sensed he was thinking about her. He grabbed the phone off the rug and flipped it over to see what she'd sent him.

It wasn't Kaz. Not with a fucking blocked number.

I've missed you, RJ, but I understand. Not when you had that hot little number keeping you so busy. Hope you enjoyed the wine country vacay.

He stared at the screen. There was a name this time.
Fanboy
. Number still blocked
.
Who the hell was it? More important, what the fuck did he want?

Kaz's face still watched him from his monitor. The text message on his phone mocked him. He turned off the phone and then flipped off the monitor and shut down the computer. But he couldn't shut that creepy message out of his mind.

Around four he sent a text to Marc. Marc had a security department—maybe they could figure out who this guy was. He forwarded all of them, along with the info to allow Marc's people access to his online account.

Even Marc didn't know the whole story about Jake's arrest. Damn, his life was so filled with secrets. Once upon a time, he'd kept them out of loyalty to his brother. He couldn't use that excuse anymore—not when he hadn't seen or heard from his brother in almost two decades.

So what was his excuse now?

He was such a fucking coward. He shut out the lights and forced himself to concentrate on that last shot of Kaz that had been up on the monitor. She was so fucking beautiful … but even with her visual behind his eyes, the text was in his mind.