Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4) (51 page)

I move to her clit and slide my middle finger in her. Her delight reverberates around the room in mewls and groans that rev me to get the job done faster. Hardening my tongue and adding a finger, I pound into her curving my fingers to hit that spot that undoes her every time.

“Nicky! Fuck!” she yells slamming her pussy against my face as she comes.

I hop up on my knees before she catches her breath, palming my dick and slowly feeding it into her. As she clutches me with her pussy, always needing a moment to accommodate my size, I reach under her arms and pull her into my lap.

Kat wraps her slender arms and legs around me before peppering my face and neck with kisses as she begins to rock against me. I help her motion, gripping her ass, moving her up and down, back and forth. I lean my forehead against hers and watch the passion that fills her blue-green-grey eyes while another orgasm builds.

If love were tangible, this would be the moment I’d be holding it. Kat in my arms, peaceful and vulnerable, giving me every piece of her.

“I love you, Nicky,” she whispers, her voice full of emotion and sex.

I tip her back down onto the mattress and power into her with long paced strokes.

“I love you, Sunshine,” I murmur into her neck.

Kat constricts her arms and legs around me, her nails scoring my back. I surge forward. Filling the room with slaps and groans of pleasure. As my spine tingles with my own orgasm threatening, Kat shudders with her own.

I capture her screams of ecstasy with my mouth, tasting and savoring the woman I love as I fill her with come. I pump and pump into her, releasing the biggest load I’ve ever had. Goosebumps cover my skin as my last shaky thrust buries me deep inside her.

“Holy shit,” I breathe out collapsing on top of Kat.

“I second that,” she gasps in exhaustion.

As our breathing evens out I feel sleep taking us over, so I roll Kat on top of me, my dick still inside her. I cover our bodies with our new duvet and kiss her hair as sleep pulls her under. I follow not a minute later.

The alarm chirps letting me know a door or window has opened. I sit up to find Kat already climbing out of bed. She wraps her silk robe around her body as I tug on my sweats. I run down the hall to be stopped at the vision of Dane carrying Cara up the stairs.

“She can’t sleep, Dad,” he whispers.

I nod and follow him into his room where he lays her down in his bed. Kat comes into the room with a groggy looking Sawyer and Cole. That is until they spot Cara. They both clap me on the back before climbing in bed.

Dane crawls behind Cara pulling her back to his front. Sawyer lies in front of her as she snuggles her head into his chest. Cole situates himself at the end of the bed before wrapping around her legs. She’s cocooned by love. Her breathing evens out almost immediately followed by the snores of my boys as Kat rests her head against my bare chest.

“You wake the boys up?” I whisper.

“She needs ’em,” she says quietly.

I nod in agreement before leading us out of the room. As we plod back to ours, I feel a grin on my lips. I have my wife in my arms, my baby safe within her and my boys caring for my cousin all under my roof. I’m at peace…almost. I need Jake home and safe for everything to be right in the world. Until that day comes, I’ll hold this moment dearly as a second best for us as a family. We didn’t get here the conventional way, but we got here all the same. Together we found unconditional love.

Jake

“Cooper?” Jase Mitchell, my future spotter, whispers from the bunk next to me.

“Yeah,” I whisper back.

“Were they really talkin’ about your parents out there today?”

“I guess so,” I reply with a shrug.

Some of the instructors were talking about past recruits today in the mess hall at the table behind us. Apparently, Nick Cooper and Katherine Russell have left some big shoes to fill. I’m happy to have the goal and proud that everyone here knows they’re my parents.

“You think your brothers’ll come into the DCA?”

“Nah,” I say nonchalantly, knowing I’d fight them tooth and nail if they ever tried. “Sawyer’s got baseball. Cole and Dane are really smart. They’ll do the college thing for sure.”

“Your parents good with that?”

“Yeah. They
just want us to be happy.”

“You happy here, Coop?”

“Happy as I’m gonna get, Mitch. Get some shuteye. They’ll be comin’ for us soon,” I order.

He’s two years older than me, but I’m definitely the leader of our team. I like being the leader of our team.

“Night, Coop,” he says, trying to get comfortable.

“Night.”

The bunks here suck. My back’s killing me and I feel like I haven’t slept in days. Probably because I haven’t slept in days. Sniper training is kicking my ass and I’m loving it. I need this to feel human at the end of the day. Coming her was the best decision for me. No matter the sorrow it caused.

Every night at the same time I feel like a warm beam is splitting through my center. I know it’s her, Cara. I know she needs me and I can feel that need burning in my soul. That’s some crazy shit to think, much less experience, but I know that’s what’s happening. I’ve never felt it before she came into my life. I’ve never felt anything like I did before she came into my life.

When the time is right, I’ll make sure she gets all of me like she deserves.

She deserves everything I can give her and the stuff I’m learning to give her while I’m here. It’s been almost three months and I feel different. Part of it is the physical training I’m going through. Part of it is the emotional turmoil the training has taken on me.

I haven’t had a nightmare since I got here. When the instructors have allowed it, I’ve had peaceful, quiet sleep in a way I didn’t know I could. My mom gave me that. Her love holds my head above water at every turn. My dad offers me the strength to push when everyone around me is crumbling and I want to lay down in defeat right along with them. I have strength and love because two people decided to have my back when no one ever has.

I miss my brothers like crazy. Those guys showed me what happy feels like. Always accepting and forgiving, they showed me that a smile can mean something. I hurt them when I left and that kills me every day I’m away. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I only wanted to heal. They get that. I promised to come home when I’m done here, but I’m not sure what done means for me. I don’t think it’ll mean training completed. I think I’ll have to spend some time in the field in order to feel ready to join the normal world with my family. If I do what’s best for me they’ll understand.

I keep trying to imagine what a normal life looks like. I can’t picture it yet. My past has clouded that vision. Now that I have the support of my family, my sight is becoming clearer. With the training the DCA is giving me, I have an outlet for the torment that makes my everyday hazy. If I can just find a way to let the past go, I can join the people I love with confidence. We’ll see what happens tomorrow when I get a glimpse of their normal. When I see my family. When I share in one of the best moments of their lives. When I escape the blackness for just a little while and step into the light.

Kat

I’m so calm. I thought I’d be a ball of nerves, but I’m completely calm. There’s no tremor in my hand. No racing heart. No need to vomit or run for the hills. I’m ready for this. I’m excited for this.

Tahiti for spring break had to be held off with Shannon’s due date looming in a few weeks. We wanted her here with us for this. I’ve bonded with her over the last few months so closely I feel like she’s my sister. Her family has taken Nick, the boys and me on like long lost cousins. I feel full to the brim with love and affection enough that my parents not being here today only stings instead of being a fatal wound to the day.

All of Shannon’s family is here with us today. Nine brothers, three fathers, two mothers, her crazy cousin and his family, her uncle Butch, Karl and even Thomas. Jess and Shane are here with us. Now that Jess is feeling better, she’s been here to help with the fast planning. Her and Shane went through with their wedding, but made it more intimate with only a small ceremony and reception. I didn’t have to wear an ugly dress either.

The wedding planner cracks the door open telling me five minutes. I turn and take a last look at myself in the full-length mirror. I asked my girls to give me these last few moments alone. I started this whole thing alone only six months ago and I wanted to have one last memory that my life is no longer empty.

My ivory silk dress clings to my body in all the right places. I have the slightest baby bump and I swear it makes the dress flow even better across my hips. The neckline plunges only hinting at my cleavage while the straps connect to a lace racer back. The lace is soft and delicate running down my spine where it connects to the dress at the base. I decided to go without a veil and have my hair swept away from my face with an antique hair clip that Shannon’s mother, Mary, lent me. It’s covered in diamonds and pearls, shining brightly in my honey curls.

My bouquet is a mix of calla lilies, orchids and irises. My bridesmaids are wearing violet dresses that match each of their body types and pregnancy bumps in the case of a few.

I’m ready to do this. I smile at myself in the mirror as the door behind me opens and the tears I’ve been promising myself I won’t shed immediately skirt my lashes at the sight of him.

“Can I take you on a short walk?” Jake asks my reflection, offering me a spectacular smile.

I drop my bouquet on the table and rush at him. I heave myself into his waiting arms and let the tears flow. That’s what waterproof mascara was made for.

Jake’s shoulders are wider and he’s taller. He looks like a man more than a teenager. I gaze up into his big brown eyes and run my fingers over his military buzzed hair. My son.

“Hi,” I whisper with a beaming smile.

“Hey,” he says through a grin.

“What are you doin’ here?” I ask the stupid question.

“I came to walk my mother down the aisle,” he says tenderly.

I nod, for fear the tears I’ve stopped will ruin his suit and my face.

“You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen,” he murmurs into my cheek before kissing it softly.

“Thank you,” I say in a whimper, fighting my emotions.

He swipes my cheeks clean with his thumbs as he studies my face.

“Normal looks better on you than any mask you’ve ever worn, Mom. I’m so happy for you.”

“Jake, you’ve gotta stop. I’ll never be able to fix my make-up,” I scold him weakly.

“Right. Let’s get you out there so I can have a mother son dance with you.”

“Not helping the tears,” I say through a sob.

“I love you,” he says as he squeezes me tightly.

“And I love you.”

We hold each other until there’s another knock from the wedding planner.

“Showtime,” he says through a broad grin.

I tentatively release him to collect my bouquet and glance at myself in the mirror. This is the best I’ve looked after crying, no contest. It’s a wedding miracle.

Jake pushes the door open and leads me down the hallway. We’re getting married at the Loose Mansion in Kansas City. It feels like getting married at home. I love the cozy atmosphere mixed with the grand architecture.

As Puccini echoes through the space while my bridesmaids make their way into the Grand Salon, I feel my parents smiling down on me. I’m not one to believe in those things, but I feel lighter in this moment holding Jake’s arm about to meet my husband.

“Trumpet Voluntary” begins and Jake leads me toward the aisle. Kieran and Quinn’s daughter, Ashling, is our flower girl and Johnny is our ring bearer. Ashling just turned one so there aren’t a lot of flowers on the cream runner, but there are some as I step onto it. I make my way around the corner and keep my gaze on Nick’s. His gaze begins with my eyes and his breath falters when he takes in the rest of me. I do the same at the sight of him. He’s in a black suit with a black tie and I’ve never seen him look better than he looks right now. His sapphire eyes shimmering with love and adoration, making my knees knock.

Then he catches sight of Jake and the tears he’s been holding spill, one large drop falling from each eye. I look to my boys standing next to their father, all of them his best men, as they also release a few tears at their brother’s surprise. I look to Jess, Shannon, Quinn and Cara next. Jess and Quinn are crying while Shannon steels herself like only she can. Well not only her, because Cara is doing the same thing. Her green eyes are locked on Jake, but she’s calm and collected as she watches us approach.