Into the Deep 02 Out of the Shallows (19 page)

I rounded my eyes in mock innocence. “What? I didn’t ask one question about you and Beck and whether this means you’re going to start seeing each other…”

Her answer was to punch me in the arm like a five-year-old and prance out on a huff. I think I struck a nerve.

Smirking, I followed her out and into the gas station where we bought some snacks to tide us over until we hit Des Moines.

Keeping Claudia’s comment in mind, I attempted to make small talk with my ex-boyfriend as we got the show back on the road.

“It was good of your dad to let you borrow his car.”

“It’s safer than most vehicles we could’ve afforded to rent. Dad’s borrowing mom’s while we’ve got this.”

I opened a bag of potato chips and offered them to him. He took some, eating one-handed. “How are they? Your family?”

He finished munching and shot me a quizzical look. “They’re fine but isn’t that the question I should be asking you?”

“I believe you’ve already asked that question.”

“I did. Two months ago.”

I shot him a droll look. “Let’s just say not much has changed.”

“I wouldn’t know. You never told me how things were to begin with.”

I sighed. Apparently Jake and I couldn’t do small talk. Hoping a little music might quell the tense silence, I reached over to turn on the radio. Unfortunately, Jake had the exact same idea. Our fingers brushed and a frisson of electricity sparked between us. We snapped our arms back at the contact, and I hurriedly glanced out the window, willing the heat coursing through me to cool.

Just like that, my whole body was aware of him. I was aware of every time his hands shifted on the wheel, every little sound he made, or when he’d look into the rearview mirror to answer a question from Claudia or Beck. That awareness had me stealing glances at him. Little glances, little stolen snapshots of his enviously long eyelashes, of the two little freckles on his left earlobe, of his large, masculine hands, of the slightly fuller lower lip that had fascinated me since we were sixteen…

I was flooded by memories.

Those memories hurt all over.

Clenching my hands into fists in case they reached out to involuntarily touch him, I tried to remember a time when Jake wasn’t a part of me, but the memories of when he was were just too overwhelming.

They won and I lost. But I’d gotten really good at pretending that wasn’t true.

There were no words to describe how happy I was to get out of the car when we reached Des Moines. Beck was in the mood for lunch at IHOP, so Jake used his dad’s GPS to find us the nearest one. It took us off our main route, but as soon as Beck mentioned it, I couldn’t stop picturing pancakes, waffles, scrambled egg, bacon, and maple syrup.

But mostly, I was just glad to be leaving the world of awkward silence, stifling tension, and unspoken words.

The four of us slid into a booth and, after we ordered, I remembered the last time the four of us dined out on a trip together.

Things had been so different back then. Hard to believe it was only a little over seven months ago.

“Okay, let’s play a game.” Claudia grinned at Beck and Jake across the table. I noted the mischievous twinkle in her green eyes.

“Do we have to?” I asked.

“Yes, Grumpy Betsy, we do.”

I snorted. “Grumpy Betsy?”

Claudia waved off my teasing. “Never mind. Anyway, Beck and I play this game all the time.”

“Maybe IHOP isn’t an appropriate place for a game you and Beck play,” Jake offered slyly.

I laughed because he’d beaten me to it.

Our eyes met, his smiling into mine like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

“Get your minds out of the gutter,” Claudia scolded. “It’s not like that. The game is you choose a couple, or two friends or whatever, who are eating out together and you have a conversation for them. We’ll show you.” She glanced around the room and then surreptitiously pointed. “There.” She gestured to a young couple who sat with their elbows on the table, leaning a little across the distance so they could speak in lowered voices. “Beck.”

He looked at the couple and smiled. “Baby, you smell better than apple pie and taste better than maple syrup.”

I groaned but grinned.

Claudia gave an exaggerated sigh of happiness as the girl tilted her head to the side, causing her hair to fall away from her neck. “It’s my new perfume. It’s called Eau de IHOP.”

We laughed and Claudia nudged me. “Your turn. You and Jake.”

And that’s when I understood her plan with this stupid game. “I don’t know.”

“Ah, c’mon, it’ll pass the time,” Jake encouraged. He pointed across the restaurant to an elderly couple. Although it was cold outside, it wasn’t freezing, but both were wearing layer upon layer. The woman, wearing an ugly multicolored hat, was eating quietly, while her husband ate and tried to read the newspaper. His face was bent low over the paper as he chewed.

The woman looked at him over her spectacles and started to speak.

I smiled. “Could you get any closer to that paper? Are there naked women in it or something?” I filled in for her.

As the man replied, Jake said, “If there were, I wouldn’t know it. Last time I saw a naked woman, I’d just helped oust the Nazis from Holland.”

I could hear Claudia and Beck laughing but I managed to stay in the game as the woman apparently snapped something at her partner. “Don’t remind me. I had to get a cream for the itch you brought back.”

The older man peered up from his newspaper and Jake said in his stead, “I’d treasure that memory. It’s the most daring thing that ever happened to you.”

I choked on a chuckle and replied as the woman tapped a hand on the newspaper. “That’s it. You better start looking in the classifieds for your own place.”

The man didn’t say anything, but he took a bite of omelet as he looked at the woman. He started to speak and Jake answered with, “I think you’ll find it’s my name on the deed to the house.”

The woman leaned over the table to him and I said, “If I left, you wouldn’t know what hit you. Do you think just anybody would wash out your skid marks and deal with the glasses of false teeth you leave lying around?”

“Ugh,” Claudia giggled.

“Me? You think I’m hard to live with?” Jake replied. “What about all those ceramic owls you got lying around the whole house? I can’t move an inch without walking into a damn ceramic owl. And don’t get me started on the pot pourri.”

I shot a look at Jake and mouthed, “Pot pourri?”

He grinned.

Looking back at the couple, I watched as the woman dug into her breakfast but continued to speak to the man. “If I didn’t have pot pourri everywhere, the house would smell of cigars and feet.”

“Don’t start in on me about my cigars, woman,” Jake snapped as the man waved his fork at his wife. It really did look like they were arguing about something. “My cigars mask the smell of that damn pot pourri and chicken. Don’t you know how to cook anything else?”

“How about arsenic and apple pie?” I answered in mock anger.

The two didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then the man patted his wife’s hand and she gave him a small smile.

“I can deal with the pot pourri and chicken if you can deal with my cigars and teeth,” Jake said quietly.

As the woman nodded and replied, I said, “Sure. And tonight… I’ll let you leave the light on.”

“Aw, sweetheart, that’s real nice of you but I think we’d both get on better with the light off.”

Our eyes met at that, Jake’s twinkling with laughter, and I found myself giving into that laughter, feeling it for the first time in as long as I could remember. By the time the food arrived, the tension between us had eased and we dug into our food, our foursome joking and chatting about meaningless things and enjoying the peace of the momentary distraction from all the
meaningful
things.

I tried not to meet Claudia’s smug, satisfied gaze.

The drive from Des Moines to Lincoln, Nebraska, was about three hours, give or take. The light chitchat from the restaurant carried over and the hours seemed to pass faster now that Jake and I could talk without stumbling over the big stuff.

We found a cheap motel in Lincoln just off the I-80. We got two rooms and Jake said he was taking a nap before dinner. Claudia and I had just dumped our things in the room when she turned to me.

“I’d like some time alone with Beck. Will you be okay on your own?”

I studied her a moment, trying to understand what was going on. Finally, I said, “Of course I’ll be fine. But I’ve got to ask—”

“I don’t know,” she cut me off abruptly, throwing her hands up in the air. Her beautiful eyes shimmered with emotion. “I really don’t know. All I know is that I’m the one person who can lift Beck’s mood. I’m the one person he can talk to about anything… and these last few weeks…” Her expression seemed to plead with me. “Charley, he’s letting me in. For the first time I really feel like he’s letting me all the way in. And life’s too short, right? We both know that.”

It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for her. I truly believed she and Beck were meant for one another. But I also believed that there was a time for everything and I wanted to make sure she was doing this for the right reasons, and that she was ready for it. “And everything from before… the reason you decided to walk away from him for good. You’ve worked all that out?”

Claudia blew air out between her lips, looking a little lost. “If I’m honest, no. But I’m starting to wonder if I go on the way I am, I’ll always find an excuse not to trust someone. If I don’t see where this is leading, if I don’t try, I’ll regret it.”

“And Will?” I said, reminding her of the TA.

She looked a little ashamed as she said, “I broke that off a few days after Beck’s dad passed.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You kept that quiet.”

“I knew if I told you, you’d make assumptions about what’s going on between me and Beck.”

“Assumptions that would turn out to be right.”

“Charley, you wanted me to see Beck in this light for a long time. I need you to support me in whatever happens here.”

“I do.” I pulled her in for a hug. “I always will. But Beck is going through this huge emotional upset right now and I just don’t want you to get chewed up in it.”

Claudia held me tight. “He wanted to try something serious with me before his dad died, remember?”

“Yes. It’s the only thing stopping me from grabbing your hand and running a million miles away from him while he’s going through what he’s going through.” I stepped back and gave her a small smile. “I’m here no matter what. Why don’t I go check out the bar while you guys talk?”

She smiled gratefully. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

I left my friend to it and made my way across the lot to the on-site restaurant and bar, my mind on Claudia and Beck. I did want it to work out for them, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t terrified for Claudia. She’d been disappointed by so many people who were supposed to love her. I didn’t know if she could take any more disappointment, and I was only ninety percent sure that Beck would remember everything she’d gone through and treat her carefully while he dealt with his own demons.

Totally lost in thought, I’d only taken two steps inside the almost empty bar when my feet faltered. A blond woman sat in profile at the bar.

“Andie?” I whispered in disbelief.

My heart slammed so hard I thought it was going to launch itself out of my chest. Sweat slickened my palms as my body froze to the spot.

Then just like that, the blond turned to smile at the bartender.

It wasn’t Andie.

Of course it wasn’t.

How could it be?

Tears pricked my eyes and I stubbornly shoved them back as I marched up to the bar and slid into a stool.

“I’m going to need to see some ID.” The middle-aged bartender smiled kindly at me. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and he looked like he could handle himself. He also looked like he wasn’t born yesterday. Thank God I was twenty-one now.

I gave him my ID and he slid it back to me. “What can I get you?”

I glanced down the bar at the woman I’d mistaken for my sister. “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.”