Into the Garden (9 page)

"Cat, you hold up the sheet on the end and as soon as she's completely on it, hand it over to me. Okay?"
With my eyes closed, I lifted the sheet and waited. My hands began to tremble. I could hear Geraldine screaming.
"What do you think is going to happen now? Huh? tell you. You're all going to get into big trouble, that's what!
"I told you what would happen if you were friends with these girls. Look what they're getting you to do. Throw them out, now. Go on, tell them to go home."
They rolled her over and I opened my eyes.
"The sheet," Star said.
I handed it to her quickly and she pulled it snugly around Geraldine. Then they rolled her again and Star pulled the sheet tighter once more. Soon, Geraldine was completely covered, even her head.
"Okay," Star said. "Let's pick her up and carry her out."
"Lucky she's not too heavy," Misty said as they lifted her.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Jade muttered.
"Get moving, Cat," Star ordered. I led them out, my heart pounding. I quickly located the flashlight and opened the back door. They were right behind me, struggling because Geraldine was so awkward a load.
"You're dropping your end!" Star snapped at Jade. "Okay, okay," she said. "I'm not exactly used to carrying dead bodies."
They followed me out.
"Where?" Jade asked Star.
"Away from the house," Star said. "Over to the right is best, I think. Shine the beam there, Cat. Yeah, good," she said and we went about ten yards. "Okay, let her down. Damn. I forgot the shovel. Misty, go get it," she ordered.
"Why me?" she asked, looking back at the now empty house.
"Look, if you're afraid of going back in there alone, what do you think it's going to be like for Cat? You're the one who wanted to do this so much."
"Okay, okay. I'm just tired, not frightened," she explained. I knew it was a little lie, but I didn't say anything.
I looked down at the rolled up body and then around the yard. Fortunately, it was an overcast night. Anyone looking over our way wouldn't see much, I thought.
Misty must have run through the house. She returned in less than a minute and handed Star the shovel.
"I'll start," she said, "but we'll all have to do some digging. A grave's got to be deep and wide enough." "I've never dug anything before," Jade complained
"Like it takes a brain surgeon," Star shot back at her. She pointed the tip of the shovel down and stepped on it to sink it into the lawn. It went in easily and then wouldn't budge.
"Rock," she said. "The ground's probably full of them."
"We can't do this," Jade moaned. "We're not laborers."
"You're right. it will be hard. You might break a fingernail," Star said.
"Very funny."
"There's a garden set in the garage, too," I said, remembering. "A small shovel and one of those claws to help get rocks out of the way."
"Misty?"
"Oh, no, me again?"
"Well, we can't send Cat with her crutches and all, can we? All she can do is hold the flashlight."
"What about Jade?"
"Where is it?" Jade asked me, sighing deeply.
"It's on the shelf to the right of the door," I explained. "It's where all the garden tools are kept."
She shook her head at Misty and started for the house. "Well, we have to share the work," Misty cried. "It's only fair."
"Fair," Star muttered as she dug. "We're supposed to want to do things for each other and not worry about all that, remember?"
"I know," Misty said. "Boy, you really know how to dig," she added.
"Yeah, it's practically all I do these days, dig graves," Star quipped.
Jade returned with the garden set and Star told Misty to take the small shovel and dig around the big rock she had hit. She told Jade to use the claw and before long, the three of them were working on the grave, ripping up the earth and rocks, Jade
complaining about how dirty she was getting her outfit and Misty worrying about calluses on her palms Star made fun of them both.
"It isn't a joking matter. We'll have to come up with something to explain how we look if someone should see us when we get home tonight," Jade said.
Just then, I felt the first raindrop. Then another and another.
"Oh no," Misty cried. "It's starting to rain again."
"Work faster," Star commanded. They did but the rain started to fall faster too. I watched how the rolled bedsheet grew more and more transparent. I thought I could see Geraldine's face clearly outlined in the wet cloth. It was as if she was emerging, pressing her face out so she could glare at me with hate and anger.
"This is too hard. It's going to take hours and hours!" Jade crabbed. "We shouldn't have started."
"Yeah, well we did," Star said, "so we have to finish it no matter what."
"My hair," Jade sobbed. "Look at me." She wiped her cheeks with the back of her sleeve and streaked her face with mud.
"Oh, well," Misty said, "I'll ruin another T-shirt and jeans. Don't laugh. These jeans are expensive?'
Before long, the rain became a steady drizzle. No one said much. They grumped to themselves and worked. "Isn't it deep enough yet?" Jade pleaded.
"No," Star said. "You want us to plant her so a foot pops up one day?"
"Ugh, how gross," Misty moaned. It made her dig faster, pulling out rocks and flinging them to her side.
I tried to keep the light steady. Sometimes, my hand shook so much, it made the light seem as if it was coming from a defective bulb.
"Okay," Star said nearly half an hour later, "I think it's deep enough."
"Thank God," Jade cried. They backed up.
"Don't forget, we have to cover her back up once she's in there," Star reminded them, "so don't relax too much. Who's got the Bible?" she asked.
"I'll get it," Misty said, volunteering before she was asked to retrieve it.
"I don't see why we need to read from the Bible," Jade said. "We're not clergy and it's raining harder."
"It's only right," Star insisted. "And you're already too wet for it to make any difference."
The rain began to ease up some, but by now, no one seemed to notice or care. Misty returned with the Bible and Star asked me to bring the flashlight around.
"Just shine it down here," Star said, flipping through the pages. "Granny and I went to Mary Dobson's funeral last month and the preacher read this at one point," she said holding the Bible up. Then she began, her voice softer, al- most melodic.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for wan"
she read lifting her head,
"and a time for peace.
"Let her rest in peace," she concluded, "amen." "Amen," Misty said.
"Amen," I said.
Jade, who stood there with her hair down, her makeup running, her face streaked with mud, smiled softly at Star. "That was beautiful," she said. "Amen."
"Okay," Star said, handing me the Bible, "Let's finish it." She went around Geraldine and knelt down. Misty quickly knelt beside her. Reluctantly, Jade joined them and they rolled the woman who I believed to be my mother for nearly all of my life. She fell into the makeshift grave and disappeared.
"Good," Star said. "Now let's start putting the dirt back."
Jade groaned and they began. Nearly another hour later, Star patted down the ground and stepped back. She took the flashlight from me and ran it over the lawn.
"Anyone can tell it's been dug up. We'll have to plant new grass here:'
"Not tonight, I hope," Jade pleaded.
Star laughed.
"No, not tonight, but it would have been good with all the rain."
"I've got some seeds in the garage," I said. "I'll throw them out later."
"Fine," Jade said quickly.
"We'll check it out tomorrow and decide what else has to be done," Jade said.
"Can we go inside finally'?" Jade cried. "I dread looking at myself in the mirror."
"So don't and spare the mirror," Star said. Misty laughed.
We all headed for the back door. I was the last to enter. I paused and looked into the darkness.
If she hated me before, I thought, she'll hate me more now. She'll hate me for eternity.
I turned and entered the house. The door snapped shut behind me.
I felt like the only life I had known was over. Star had read the right verse from the Bible. It was a time to be born, a time to heal; a time to laugh and to dance Finally, it was a time to love.
I hoped.

"Look at me! Look at all of us!" Jade cried when we were inside and standing near the only fulllength mirror downstairs in the hallway.

The four of us stood clumped together, gazing at our images. Our clothes and hair were soaked, our shoes were muddied, and everyone's face was streaked with grime.

"I can't go home looking like this," Jade moaned, and ran her fingers through her hair. When she saw the dirt on them, on the backs of them, and up her arms, she groaned again. "I look like the gardener!"

"So, we'll bathe and shower before we go home," Star declared. "Don't get so upset. You'll break out with a pimple."

"Star's right. And we can all just wash and dry our clothes," Misty said. "Can't we do that, Cat?"
"Sure," I said shrugging. "I'll put all the clothing in the machine. That was always one of my chores," I added. "We recently had the dryer repaired, even though Geraldine preferred hanging clothes on the line out back." I gazed at the floor. "We're tracking in tons of mud, too," I said.
It was funny how I kept thinking Geraldine still could hear every word spoken in this house, especially my words, and see everything we did as well. Her orders, complaints and criticism lingered on the walls and echoed through the rooms, reminding me we could bury her, but not her shadow or her voice.
"Stop being her and making us feel bad," Jade ordered. "She's gone."
"Oh, I didn't mean to do that. I..."
"Well, Cat's right. It's still a mess. Who's going to clean it up?" Star demanded. "You Beverlies?"
"We'll clean it up," Misty said. "First we should get out of these clothes so we don't drag mud any further around the house."
She pulled her T-shirt off, kicked off her sneakers, and began to undo her jeans, dropping everything in a pile right where she stood.
"I can't wash this outfit. It's supposed to be drycleaned only," Jade moaned. "It might shrink or stretch."
"So, if it does, just blame it on your maid," Star told her. "I'm sure you've done that before?'
"I have not!"
"I have a pullover and a skirt you can borrow if you don't want to wash your outfit," I suggested, hoping to quench an argument before it began.
She thought a moment. I guess she was imagining her- self in my clothes and wasn't pleased with the thought. She shook her head and began to get undressed, too.
"Just forget it. Wash it," she said.
As Star began to disrobe I left to get us all towels from the laundry room. While I was in there I wriggled out of my wet clothes as quickly as I could.
"Hurry up with those towels, Cat," Jade hollered. "I need a hot bath. Do you have any bath oils, powders?"
"I think there's some left from what my father gave me," I recalled as I came back with the towels.
"Well?" she said. "Let's get moving. Don't you hear my teeth chattering? I'm freezing!"
Standing there all wrapped in towels, we looked like we were heading for the steam room in some resort. Laughing at the sight of us, maybe as a way of relieving all the tension and nervousness, they followed as I hobbled as quickly as I could back to the stairway and up, first to my room, where Star went right to the shower, and then to Geraldine's room where Jade began to run a bath. Misty found one of Geraldine's bathrobes and wrapped herself in it, waiting for her turn in the shower. I found the bath powder and brought it to Jade.
"This is good stuff," she remarked as she read the words on the box. "It has an herbal ingredient that's supposed to relieve aching muscles, and my legs ache. And just look at my fingernails," she suddenly whined, holding up her hand. "I'll have to go for a manicure first thing tomorrow."
I tried to look sympathetic for a moment and then left her mumbling and moaning.
While Star and then Misty showered, I took care of the clothes, getting them all into the washing machine. Then I put the plastic zip bag over my cast the way the doctor had showed me so I wouldn't get it drenched, and took my shower. Afterward, Misty, Star, and I gathered in Mother's bathroom and sat around the tub while Jade continned to soak, the foam up to and around her neck like a collar of bubbles.
"I can't get the chill out of my bones," she complained. "All that mud..." She shook her head and grimaced as if she had some in her mouth. "I think I swallowed some."
"It won't kill you, if you did," Star told her.
Jade brushed away some of the suds and looked at her indignantly.
"You might be used to dirt and grime clinging to your body, but I'm not."
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"It means ...it means I hope I never have to do anything like that again," she concluded, avoiding any confrontation.
Star's glare softened.
"My mother went to a spa in Desert Hot Springs where you pay to take a bath in mud," Misty said.
"Huh?" Star leaned back as if Misty had something contagious.
"It's supposed to be good for your skin."
"Well, this is different," Jade said. "The mud was cold and it was full of pebbles. I can still feel it in my hair!"
She sat up and asked for the shampoo. I asked Misty to get the shampoo in my room since it too was a special herbal blend that I'd received as a gift.
"Go on, spoil her some more," Star muttered.
"We've all got to spoil each other. That's a rule in the OWP's," Jade told her.
"Oh, it is, is it? You just make up the rules for all of us?"
"Excuse me. We'll vote. All opposed to spoiling each other say nay," Jade cried. No one did. She smiled at Star. "So moved," she said.
Star raised her eyes to the ceiling. Then she looked at me. I was staring at the floor, trying to keep my heart from periodically breaking out in flutters every time I realized what we had done.
"Are you all right, Cat?"
I nodded, and then I looked up and smiled at all of them. I never so much as had a girlfriend in my room talking to me. To have them all here, all of us together, helping and caring for each other like this, really made me feel like I had sisters. Sure I was all right. At least for now, I thought.
After she got out of the tub, Jade talked about a new skin cream her mother had brought home. It was designed to be applied after baths and showers.
"Water can make your skin dry, too, especially hard water. Our bodies have natural oils," she lectured, mostly to me, "so we shouldn't just dry and forget."
"I never put any of that on myself," Star bragged.
"Well, you should, before you turn into a wrinkly old prune," Jade told her.
"Girl, you make it up as you go along."
"I do not. If you don't want to learn anything new, you'll never grow."
"Spare me," Star pleaded. "All this wisdom so fast will wear out my poor, deprived brain."
Misty laughed. I couldn't believe I was smiling, too. For a while, as we brushed our hair and Jade babbled about waxing her eyebrows, how to use eye shadow to emphasize our eyes, and what lipsticks would complement our complexions, I completely forgot what had just happened and what we had just done. It was as though we were all in some girls' dormitory, filling our heads with only fluff, living in a cotton candy world where worries were as easy to pop as soap bubbles, and glitter instead of rain fell from the sky. How long would it last? I hoped forever and ever.
"I'd better get the clothes into the dryer," I said, realizing the time.
"I'll do it," Misty volunteered. She gazed at Star who looked pleased at her offer. "It takes you forever to go up and down those stairs. You really should set up a bedroom downstairs until you're better," she said.
Star nodded.
"Good idea."
"Maybe tomorrow," I said. "I'm all right. It's a short stairway."
Misty hurried off while Jade sat at the mirror and brushed her hair. How pretty she is, I thought. Can all the skin creams, makeup, herbal shampoos, and hairstylists in the world ever make me as pretty?
Nearly an hour later, Misty and Star went downstairs to bring up everyone's clothes. Jade's suit wasn't shrunk. As she had feared, however, it was stretched instead.
"I look like someone gave me a hand-medown," she complained, holding out her arms to show us how the sleeves drooped. However, she had her hair looking as perfect as it had been when she had first arrived.
"Do you have any hot chocolate?" Misty asked me. "I feel like having some to calm my stomach."
"Me too," Jade said.
When we all went downstairs, I fetched the hot chocolate and gazed up at the crawl space door. Misty saw the direction of my gaze and understood instantly.
"I'll go get the ladder and go up there," she offered, excited.
"You're going to get yourself all dirty again," Jade warned "Can't it wait?"
"How dirty can I get and besides, Cat can't go up." She looked to Star for support.
"If she wants to do it, let her," Star said. "We don't need your permission for everything, you know."
"I didn't say you did," Jade shot back. Would these two ever stop dueling? I wondered.
"I'll be right back," Misty declared, and shot off.
I started to make the hot chocolate, when Star took over.
"Why don't you sit down and rest your ankle," she said, glaring back at Jade who sat filing her broken fingernail. "I'm okay."
"I feel better doing something," Star responded.
We heard Misty banging the ladder on the doors and walls as she made her way into the house. Again, I couldn't help thinking how Geraldine would be screaming. Star went to help her and they set the ladder up in the pantry. Moments later, Misty was up and in the crawl space. I shouted up directions and she found the letters and dropped them into Jade's waiting arms.
"You want any of this other stuff?"
"No, not now, thanks," I said. She remained up there awhile going through it anyway.
"I love looking at old stuff," she declared as she began to descend.
"Are you going to read those now?" Jade asked, as she handed me the letters.
"Not right now," I said.
"They're private. She should read through them by herself," Star declared with understanding, and poured everyone a cup of hot chocolate. I thanked Misty for getting the letters. She started to take the ladder out but Star told her to just leave it there and have her hot chocolate first before it got cold.
"You're the one who wanted it in the first place. The ladder's not in our way or anything," she said. "Not that anyone's going to complain anyway," she added.
Once more I couldn't help but think about Geraldine raging about not putting things back where they belonged. I even looked to the doorway as if I expected to see her come storming in at any moment. I couldn't help feeling as if everything we had done had been only a dream after all.
The girls were quiet, watching me, sipping their hot chocolate and shifting their gazes from me to each other. "What do we do now?" Misty finally asked.
"Go home and come back first thing
tomorrow," Star said.
"What about, Cat?" Misty asked, nodding at me. "We can't just leave her here."
"You can come home with me, if you like," Jade suggested.
"Or me," Misty said.
"I can't compete with the Beverlies, but you can come to my little shack, too," Star said.
I looked from one to the other. If I chose one, would the others feel bad? Did they all expect I would choose Jade because she had the biggest, most luxurious house? Jade certainly looked like she expected that. If I didn't go home with her, would she be terribly disappointed?
"I'm too tired to go anywhere," I said. "I'll be all right."
"Are you sure?" Misty asked, her lips twisted into a frown. She looked around the room as if to add, "How can you want to stay here now?"
"Yes," I said. "I'll just do what I always do: go up to my room, close the door and go to sleep. I've got to be able to do it or none of this will work. I can't expect one of you to stay with me every night."
The girls looked at each other.
"Maybe I can stay tonight," Star suggested.
"No, don't get yourself into any trouble on my ac- count,"
I
said.
Jade's laugh was more like a high-pitched cry.
"Are you kidding? Now you say that? We just dug a grave in the backyard and put your dead sister in it," she said.
"That's great," Star said, practically leaping across the table at her. "Make her feel like it was only her who decided to do it."
"I don't mean that, but--"
"Then don't keep bringing it up."
"I'm not! Did I even mention it before this? I've been trying to forget it. I don't know how I can sleep tonight?'
"You sure know how to say the right things, don't you?" Star shot back at her and rolled her eyes at me.
"I'm sorry. I mean..."
"Maybe we're all just very tired," Misty suggested gently.
"Yeah, maybe," Star agreed. "All right.I'll get here as soon as I can tomorrow."
"We'll all get here as soon as we can," Jade said.
"Let's decide now on the schedule. I can probably get permission to sleep overnight tomorrow night," Misty said.
"I'll take the night after," Star said.
"Okay. I have the night after that," Jade added, obviously happy she wasn't going to be sleeping here that soon.
"We'll just keep up the schedule as best we can and invite Cat to our houses when we can't stay here," Misty decided.
"We'll try to not leave you alone too much," Jade said. "You are right though, Cat, you've got to be able to be alone," Star pointed out.
I looked at them all, their concern, the fear on their faces.
"No," I said. "The truth is I've been alone most of the time anyway."
Star nodded. Misty looked sadder and Jade looked relieved.
"We should start cleaning up the house," Misty said.
"No, it's all right. I'll do it. Don't worry. It will give me something to do and help me keep my mind off things," I said.
"That's very sensible," Jade agreed.
"You would say that," Star told her. "Anything to get out of work," she muttered just loud enough for us to hear. Before Jade could react, Misty changed the subject.
It was decided that we would meet late in the morning and start to plan out all the details for the future, our future, the future of the OWP's.
Jade called for her limousine. It would take Misty and Star home as well. It was fortunate for us that Jade was so wealthy and had so much at her fingertips. Surely, I thought, it would help us later.
When we heard the limousine arrive, my heart skipped a beat. In moments they would all be gone and despite the brave front I had put up, I was terrified of being alone.
"I'll call you as soon as I wake up tomorrow," Misty promised.
They stood around me in the foyer.
"Okay," I said.
"We did the right thing," Star insisted. "You're not going to be farmed out to strangers now."
Jade didn't look as convinced, but Misty still managed to look happy and excited about it all, helping me to feel we were still on a big adventure and that the only thing that loomed ahead was fun and more fun for us. They each hugged me and offered me words of encouragement.
"If you need to, call me any time," Jade said. "You've got my private number and I can call my limo driver any time. I'll just send him to get you. Okay?"
"Thank you," I said.
I stood in the doorway and watched as they left and got into the limousine. Misty rolled down her window and popped her head out.
"Just go to sleep," she called. "Forget about it for now."
"Shut up," I heard Star tell her. I was sure she was worried about the driver hearing anything suspicious.