Authors: Melanie Moreland
“
I don’t want to use all your medication,” she replied quietly. ”You obviously need it as well.”
I nodded as I sat beside her. “I do. But I have enough. I don’t require them that often anymore.”
Rabbit was silent; I looked at her and saw her staring at me, her forehead furrowed in concentration.
“
What?”
“
You know a lot about pain,” she said simply.
I tensed slightly, but nodded.
“
Your leg, was it an accident?”
“
No.”
“
What happened?”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“
Why?”
I pulled my hand through my hair. I was already struggling to remain calm after seeing all her injuries again. I couldn’t handle this conversation right now. “Because I just don’t, Rabbit. I don’t owe you any explanation.”
“
I know that,” she murmured, her voice gentle. “I just thought …”
“
What? You thought what?” I snapped.
“
I thought maybe you’d like to talk about it.”
“
Well, you thought wrong. Drop it.” I could hear the tightness in my voice.
“
Sorry, I just thought since you didn’t have a lot of people to talk to …” her voice trailed off.
I stood up, my anger reaching its boiling point. “Why would you say that? You don’t know anything about my life. Fuck, at this point, you don’t know anything about your
own
life,” I hissed at her.
She stood up, tears glistening in her eyes. “That was unnecessarily cruel,” she whispered. “I just wanted to help.”
I stepped forward, my hands clenched tightly at my sides. “Well, there’s the point. I didn’t ask for your help. I don’t need
your
help. Unlike you, I’m not the one imposing on a stranger to take care of me.” I could feel the glare on my face as I spoke to her.
She backed away from me, shaking her head. The expression on her face had turned from confused and hurt to fearful. She turned suddenly and left the room, moving as quickly as she was able to. I heard the bedroom door close.
I spun on my heels and caught sight of my reflection in the window and stopped, aghast at what I saw. No wonder she backed away. I looked menacing even to my own eyes. My hands were clenched in fists and my face was a blank mask of anger. She probably thought I was …
oh, fuck
.
I sat down and dropped my head into my hands. I scared her. She thought I was going to hit her. I was sure of it. I was angry, but I would never do that. I shook my head as I pulled on my hair. She didn’t know that for sure though, did she? All she saw was someone towering over her in anger.
I groaned. She had finally relaxed enough at dinner to joke with me and actually eat. And now I had fucked it up by acting defensive and stupid. Just because she had asked me about my leg at the wrong moment. I stood and went into the hall, approaching the bedroom door. I listened, but didn’t hear any sounds on the other side. Bear was lying outside the door, eyeing me with distaste.
I put my hand on the door and knocked lightly. Not surprisingly, there was no answer.
“
Rabbit? I’m sorry. I lost my temper. You’re safe, I promise. I wouldn’t hurt you.”
Nothing. There was no response.
“
I’m going downstairs. I’ll leave you alone. Bear is out here. You can open the door and let him in if you want, after I go.”
I waited, but there was only silence.
I patted Bear’s head. “Look after her, boy,” I said quietly. His answering snort let me know exactly what he thought about what had just transpired.
I came upstairs a couple hours later, having exhausted my anger by throwing myself into my workout. Bear was gone from the hall, so I assumed he was in the bedroom with Rabbit. I added some logs to the fire and lay down on the couch, trying to get comfortable. My mind would not let me rest though. I kept tossing and turning and worrying about Rabbit. Was she okay? Was she still scared? The whole time I was downstairs, I kept hoping she would appear. As I did my exercises and worked out in the pool, I kept an ear open, listening for her soft steps. When I sat in the hot tub, rubbing the sore muscles, I remembered her soothing massage and how good it felt when she worked on my leg. The leg she had simply asked about, wanting to give me the chance to talk about it. I had plied her with questions all afternoon but as soon as she asked one of me, I had become angry. I groaned, thinking about my behavior. What a complete ass.
Finally, I sat up. I needed to check on her, and then I could go to sleep. Once I was sure she was okay, I would relax. Quietly, I made my way down the hall. I tried the door; grateful it wasn’t locked, and slipped into the room. It was far colder in the bedroom and I immediately went over to the fireplace and added some logs to get the fire going again. After it was blazing, I went over to the bed where Bear was watching me from his usual place at the bottom. His expressive eyes told me he agreed with my assessment that I was an ass. Rabbit’s eyes were shut, but I could see the dampness still on her cheeks from crying. Wordlessly, I got another blanket and tucked it around her. I stood looking at her sadly for a moment, and then turned away. The sudden feeling of her little hand clutching mine stopped me. I turned back around and saw her eyes were open, looking at me. I knelt down beside the bed. “I’m sorry I frightened you. I was already … angry and your question just caught me off guard.”
“
Why were you angry?”
“
Because someone hurt you. I hate seeing that.”
She stared at me for a moment.
“
Still, I shouldn’t have pushed you. You’re right. It’s none of my business,” she replied quietly. “I am sorry … for imposing. I’ll stay out of your way.”
The look in her eyes was heartbreaking. I drew in a deep breath. “You’re not imposing, Rabbit. I was an ass. I didn’t mean it. You’re not in the way.”
She didn’t say anything. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”
I began to walk away when she whispered, “Wait.”
I looked back and saw her moving. I watched as the covers lifted in silent invitation. Even as my mind was screaming at me to walk away, I crawled under the covers and pulled Rabbit into my arms, sighing with soft relief at having her there.
“
Why do I feel so safe here in your arms?”
“
Because you are. I would
never
hurt you.”
She looked up at me. I couldn’t stop myself from stroking her warm cheek. “I’m sorry, Rabbit. I know I scared you. I might get angry and say stupid things but I would never, ever, touch you in anger.”
My hand cupped her cheek, “And, you are not imposing. I’m so sorry I said that.”
Her eyes gazed into mine. “What am I doing then?”
The words were out before I could stop them. “Saving me from my loneliness,” I whispered.
Her eyes widened. “Joshua …”
Then my lips were on hers. She opened her mouth and my tongue slipped in, tenderly exploring. I groaned at the sweetness of her and her low moan spurred me on. Her hands slipped up into my hair, holding me close. I tilted her head and deepened the kiss, needing to be closer to her. Her velvet tongue, which seemed hesitant at first, grew bolder and soon our tongues danced together, swirling, hot, and wet.
Stroking. Savoring.
Deeper and deeper.
I felt like I was drowning in her. I wanted more. I wanted her. Hot pulsating desire tore through me. I pulled her even closer, needing to feel her, but the gasp that came out of her mouth this time was not one of pleasure but rather of pain. I pulled back in horror. I had forgotten about her injuries.
“
Baby, I’m sorry. I hurt you. Oh, God …” I ran my hands frantically over her torso.
“
Joshua. Stop. I’m fine. It was just a little too … tight.”
I gazed at her, her lips swollen from mine; her hair mussed up from my fingers and leaned forward, kissing her again, this time tenderly. I nuzzled her cheek and then I lay down on my side and pulled her close to me, stroking her hair while our breathing calmed. The quiet of the night and the soft pulse of her breath were so peaceful as we lay together. It was as if the events of the evening which had opened up something inside me and, suddenly, I wanted to answer her question from earlier.
“
I was attacked.”
Her hands tightened on my shirt as she reacted to my sudden words. “Where?”
“
Outside my apartment building in Toronto. I was walking home from dinner one night. I was jumped and dragged into an alley … and beaten. Badly.”
Her hands released my shirt and wound around my waist, holding me. “When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I had been in a coma for two weeks.”
“
Oh, Joshua,” she breathed.
“
I was pretty much a mess. My face was beaten, my nose broken, two broken ribs, a ruptured spleen … and my leg …” I drew in a deep breath. “It was literally in pieces. They had already operated on it and it took more surgeries and months of physiotherapy before I could begin to walk again.” I shuddered, remembering the pain when I had first woken up.
“
Are you in pain a lot?”
“
Some days. There was so much damage and not all of it could be repaired. Add in the pins, screws and whatever else they pieced it back together with, I feel it every day.”
“
Why?”
“
Wrong place, wrong time. They were high and wanted to get higher. I didn’t have enough cash on me and they were angry. So, they punished me for it.” I was quiet for a minute.
“
It wasn’t until I was partway through my recovery that I was given the news I would probably never be able to father a child. They had taken that away from me as well. There was… a lot of damage.”
Rabbit’s hand came up and pulled my head down to her chest. I was surprised to find my face wet with tears. Her hand stroked my head gently and she whispered soothing words, allowing me the comfort of her embrace. With her warmth and softness around me, I felt myself let go and I acknowledged the pain I carried with me without even realizing it. After a few minutes, I looked up at her. “Sorry,” I whispered.
Her hand wiped away the remnants of my tears. “Don’t be sorry. I understand.” She smiled and warmly grazed her lips on my forehead. I tightened my arms around her in a silent thank you.
“
Did they … did they arrest the people who did this?”
I shook my head. “No. They were gone when I was found and I never got a good look at them. They’ve never been discovered.”
Her arms tensed. “That must be a frightening thought?”
I nodded. “Sometimes more than others.”
We were quiet for a few minutes.
“
How long were you in the hospital?”
“
Six months.”
“
You moved here after that?”
“
Yes. I couldn’t stay in the city. I had bought this property a year before it happened and had the house built. I had come up for a weekend and I loved the area and the scenery and one day I was out driving around and stumbled across this piece of land and I had to buy it. So, when I needed to escape the memories of the city, I came here to recover and … I have never left.” I drew in a deep breath and looked at her directly. “I have
never
left, Rabbit.”