Authors: Jeanne Bannon
“
Hurry up and write it. We’re running out of time. Next week is exams and then graduation the following Friday.”
I know only too well what the next few days hold.
* * * *
When I walk through my front door, my cell’s buzzing. It’s Jon. He wants to make sure I’m all right and that he didn’t hurt Charlie. Even though it was just an act, his words bring me relief.
U gonna write tonight?
he texts.
Yup
, I reply.
Good – text u later.
After dinner, I jog around the block, twice. It’s back to my routine. I grab a shower and then settle in to write Nino’s new speech, the one we have to convince him to read during the presentation of his athletic scholarship award on graduation day.
Chapter Thirty
Class started a few minutes ago and Nino and I are alone in the corridor. All the girls think Nino’s a god: broad-shouldered, muscular and tall. But I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone. So, to me, he’s not just ugly, he’s hideous. He’s at the end of the hallway and as I walk toward him, I take long deep breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth. It’s become my routine, my habit. The steady rhythm of my heart comforts me, letting me know I’m in control – no winking out until I decide to. Getting Nino to do what I want will be easy. I’ve been practising; running the words over and over in my mind, until they’re all I can think about.
He’s tugging on something; his knapsack, I think, trying to free it from his locker. I reach out and give his shoulder a quick tap. He turns, a smile flashes, but is quickly replaced with disappointment and a look of disgust. “What do you want, pig?” He spits the last word at me like a dagger.
Drawing my shoulders back, I straighten to my full height. “You’re a bastard. A good-for-nothing piece of shit and a waste of flesh.” I inject as much venom as I can muster.
His chocolate eyes flash in anger and he lunges at me, making me stumble backwards, almost losing my balance. He barks a wicked laugh. “Get the fuck out of my face you fat, ugly bitch.” He turns back to his locker and his wedged knapsack.
“
No, not this time.” I stab him hard in the ribs with a finger. “Meet me after school in the courtyard,” I say through gritted teeth.
His eyes widen and his mouth hangs open.
“
If you’re man enough, that is.” A slow smile of satisfaction blossoms on my lips, as I turn on my heel and saunter off.
“
Well?” Charlie asks when I round the corner.
I grab her arm and pull her with me. “Let’s go.”
When we’re far enough away, I let out my breath and a nervous laugh. “You should’ve seen the look on his face. I shocked the hell out of him.”
“
But do you think he’ll show?”
“
Yeah, I think so, but I’m more worried about Jon holding up his end of the bargain and getting Julia to keep Tyler away.”
“
Hope you didn’t come across as a psycho. Maybe he’ll be too scared to show. He might think you’re gonna shoot him or stab him or somethin’.”
“
Ha!” I laugh, but realize she may be right. “Hope I didn’t overdo it. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” I check the time on my cellphone. “We’ll know in two hours.”
We skip class and go across the street to the strip mall to grab a tea at the donut shop. The place is crowded with students. Keeping butts in seats in the classroom is a losing battle this time of year. We sip tea, snack on chocolate croissants and talk about anything but Nino and what’s to come. The hours pass like days, until finally it’s time to head back to school and to the courtyard.
I text Jon on the way.
Where R U?
At our spot.
On the way
.
Charlie and I pick up our pace and separate when we hit school property. I scan the crowd of students waiting for buses, searching for Tyler and Julia. To my relief, I catch sight of them as they board a bus together.
Charlie’s gone to meet Jon at the oak and I run to my locker. I rummage through my knapsack and pull out a piece of paper, fold it neatly and slip it into my back pocket.
Dread springs to life as I head outside. Before turning the final corner, that will probably bring me face to face with the school bully, I text Jon.
Almost there. Pls keep an eye on me
. I wait for his reply before taking another step.
The familiar buzz of my phone tells me he’s answered.
I see him. He’s waiting. I won’t let anything happen 2 U. UR my girl
.
If I wasn’t so scared, I’d smile.
The sound of rocks ricocheting off a steel utility door alerts me to Nino’s presence and his anger.
I plaster on a confident scowl. “You had the guts to show,” I yell as I round the corner.
He turns, his knuckles whiten around a large gray rock, and I flinch thinking he’s going to whip it at my head. Instead, he throws it a few feet in the air and kicks it out into the field.
“
I’m here. What the fuck do you want?” He steps closer, hands fisted at his sides. His flushed face and ropey-veined neck are more evidence of his mood. A twinge of fear shoots through me and I allow it. It’s okay to feel right now, I tell myself. It’s
good
to feel right now.
“
I want to show you something.”
“
You got nothin’ I wanna see.” He sneers.
“
Don’t you want to know more about my secret?”
“
Your secret?”
“
Yeah, you know what I’m talking about… I can
vanish
.” I hate the lame sound of the words as they leave my mouth, because they sound ridiculous. I fight to keep my confident expression in place.
He howls with laughter. “Holy shit. You really are nuts. I thought Jon was just shittin’ me. You mean to tell me, you came here to
show
me how you can disappear?” Nino moves to a picnic table and perches on the edge. “You’re fat and ugly so disappearin’ is probably a good thing… for
everyone
. This oughta be good. Go ahead, pig, disappear.”
I flash on the scene at the park where I disappeared the day Nino punched me in the back of the head and wonder why my ability to vanish is so hard for him to fathom. After all, hadn’t I already proved it to him? One moment I was there, the next I was gone. I suppose he’s just too dense to realize it, or it’s too ludicrous a thought to really believe.
Nino’s gaze is intense and I’m keenly aware of the fact I’m the center of attention, yet strangely my fear has withered. With closed eyes, I try to conjure up feelings of humiliation and self-hatred. I think of the hurtful words Nino’s used to wound me as well as the look of disgust in his eyes, yet still my heart beats evenly, almost serenely. Doesn’t it matter what he thinks of me any more? A strange delight creeps its way into me and I have to fight the smile wanting to form on my lips.
“
Hurry up, dyke. I wanna go home.”
A sharp thud bashes my head and a warm trickle runs from my hairline into my eyes. Pain screams through my skull and I bite my lip to keep from crying out. I finger the sticky wet spot. Blood. He’s thrown a rock at me after all.
Quickly, I glance to the oak to make sure Jon and Charlie haven’t blown their cover.
I scoop up the egg-sized rock and bounce it in my hand. Rage has found me.
“
Don’t you fuckin’ dare,” he says, standing.
My hand is like a catapult ready to spring and he’s on me, grabbing my wrist in a vice-like grip. In one fluid movement, my arm’s pinned behind me and he’s pushing it upwards. Pain tears through me, eliciting a grunt and I fall to my knees. Adrenaline-laced fear trips my heart.
“
Jesus Christ!” Nino hollers. He lets go and backs away.
From behind him, Jon and Charlie creep out from their hiding place.
Nino backs up against the brick wall of the school and smacks hard against it, losing his footing and hitting the pavement.
I follow him step for step. The word “dyke” wheels around in my brain and I think of what he’s planning to do to my best friend. My hands squeeze into fists and I punch him as hard as I can. There’s a crunch of cartilage as I connect with his nose. Blood spurts.
“
Please. I’m sorry!” he screams, whipping his head around wildly, looking for any sign of me.
I bring my leg back and bash him in the balls. A cry tears from his throat and he slides onto his side cradling his wounded testicles in his hands. Bits of dirt and dried grass stick to his bloodied face.
“
He’s had enough,” Jon calls from behind me.
Unexpected tears, stinging and hot, rise in my eyes. Revenge didn’t feel as good as I thought it would.
Nino writhes and moans on the dirty pavement.
I step away, suddenly ashamed and take long slow breaths.
“
Time to calm down and come back,” Charlie soothes, talking to the air around her.
She spots me when I reappear and is quick to wrap her arms around me. “You did good,” she whispers and rocks me back and forth until my heart settles into its normal rhythm.
Jon helps Nino to his feet and onto a picnic table bench, where he sits slumped with his hands wedged between his legs, protecting his tender swollen gonads.
“
Freak,” Nino snarls and spits a wad of rose-tinged saliva at my feet.
I move toward him. His hands fly protectively to his face and he cowers. But I don’t mean to hurt him. I almost want to hug him; to comfort him. I stare down at the swollen red knuckles of my right hand. What have I done? I’ve never been so out of control, so desperately violent. “Sorry,” I mutter too softly for him to hear and turn away.
He inches to the farthest end of the bench and cautiously lets his hands fall. “You in on this?” he says to Jon, clearing his throat wetly and trying to reclaim some of his bravado with a defiant flick of his hair.
“
Damn right.” Jon brings his face inches from Nino’s. “And this ain’t over yet, buddy. You’ve got more payback comin’.”
I want to jump in and say ‘no, it’s over. It’s over right now,’ but I keep silent. He can’t be let off the hook this easily, not with what he has planned for Charlie.
“
What the fuck is she, man?” Fear and disbelief mingle in his expression.
“
She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” Jon throws an arm around my shoulder. Here’s where I should beam but I’m not feeling worthy of such a grandiose claim.
“
Give him the speech,” Charlie says.
I pull the folded sheet of paper from my pocket and throw it on the table.
“
We know what you were planning to do to us,” she adds bitterly.
His mouth twists into a crooked smile. “You can’t prove shit.”
Charlie slams a palm down beside him, making him flinch. “So you admit it? You son of a bitch.”
“
I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” He’s smiling, but I see hot blood pulsing at the side of his neck.
It only takes the gentlest of touches to pull Charlie away. She’s only playing at looking fierce.
“
This is your new acceptance speech,” Jon says. “If you don’t read it out loud in front of all the students, teachers and parents at grad, Lola will be your worst nightmare. You won’t now when or where but she’ll come back to finish what she started. You won’t see her coming and the next time, no one will stop her.”
Is he talking about me? Jon’s words make me sound like a mob henchman.
Nino picks up the sheet. His face crumples in disbelief as he reads. Finally, his eyes flicker from Jon’s to mine. “The fuck I will,” he says and shreds it into tiny pieces then throws them into the air. They land on my head and shoulders like confetti.
“
I’ve got more copies,” I say flatly.
“
If you don’t do what we say, then she’ll have to join you on stage. She’ll be right there with you. No one will see her … who knows what she’ll do,” Jon says taking my hand and pulling me close.
“
What are you gonna do? Beat the shit out of me in front of everyone?” Nino says, eyeing me.
“
No,” Jon answers, “but she might pull your pants down and give everyone a free show.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Final exams were two days ago and graduation is tomorrow. I can’t believe how much my confidence has grown in these last few days. But in that there is the danger I won’t be able to disappear when I need to. Grandma Rose told me, The Vanishing would stop when I finally loved myself.
Although it’s been days since I did what I did to Nino, I still don’t like to think about it. Part of me can’t really believe I actually beat him up, but a bigger part is ashamed, though I don’t tell Jon or Charlie. They ask everyday if I’m still on board with the plan, as if they sense my ambivalence. What choice do I have? I’m in this thing ’til the end. I’m doing it for Charlie.