What did that mean for his feelings for Maddy? Truly—his first thoughts about his new wife had been to protect her. He’d offered to wed Maddy because he could not stand by and see her ruined by a simple misunderstanding. Maddy had, after all, only been trying to protect him.
He frowned into the silence.
Did he
have
to be saving everyone? Did he gravitate to women in need because of a driving need to make up for his upbringing and for the fact he’d been unable to protect his twin?
The memory of Anthony’s brutal upbringing once again filled his mind. The first remembrance was from when they were about five years old.
It had been a cold winter's day, with the wind howling and light snow falling. Bored to tears, they had escaped their nanny to play hide and seek in the large house at the Craven country estate. Although they had been told to stay out of their father’s study, the temptation to sneak into his domain got the better of them. They had mistakenly thought their father would be unable to return home in the appalling weather. The first they knew of his arrival was when the study door burst open.
The look on their father’s face when he had seen all his papers over the floor had stopped Richard’s heart. The black fury clearly evident in the coldness of their father's eyes plummeted the room to even icier depths.
When Anthony had stepped forward to take the blame, his father had backhanded Anthony’s face, sending his slight frame flying across the room. Their father took not the slightest notice of Richard. Instead, he moved to drag Anthony out of the room, up the stairs, and into the nursery where he had taken a birch to Anthony’s bare buttocks.
Richard’s punishment was simply that he was left alone—unpunished and left to listen to Anthony’s desperate cries. For Richard was never punished. His father ignored him completely.
It wasn't until he was much older that he learned the reason why. His mother had made a deal with their brutal father. Richard was to be left under her care, but Anthony was the heir and belonged to the Earl, their sadistic father.
He began to understand that his childhood had shaped him as surely as Anthony’s had shaped his. He hoped his father was rotting in hell.
Perhaps it was himself that Maddy needed saving from. A man who did not know how to love, or know what love truly was, could really hurt her. He knew she was infatuated with him. If that grew to something deeper, her heart would die a slow death if he couldn’t return her love.
His faith in his ability to know if he was capable of sincerely loving any woman was crushed. He saw what Anthony saw. He didn’t know what love was. Would he ever?
And Madeline? Did she really love him? What if she saw him in a different light now that they were married? Once she truly knew him, this frivolous, damaged man, would she still love him?
He’d tried to discourage her idolization, given she was his best friend’s young and innocent sister, and was therefore completely out of bounds. But part of him had been flattered.
Vanity, thy name is man.
What if she got to know him and was disappointed in the real man. What if the infatuation disappeared and left simply friendship in its place? Would that be enough for him? For her?
He felt panic begin to rise and he was not a man usually given to panic.
Quite frankly, he didn’t know what his feelings were. Sarah weighed heavily on his mind. He’d thought he’d been in love with her, but the pain of losing her to Chesterton hadn’t destroyed him. He knew if Anthony lost Melissa, his twin’s world would end.
And the desire he felt for Maddy—could he feel that if he had been truly in love with Sarah?
He looked at the beauty lying beside him. Maddy looked like an angel in her sleep. Her long eyelashes lay like soft smudges of soot against her pale cheeks. Her mouth was relaxed in a smile. But he knew better than anyone the little minx she could be. He smiled. Life with her by his side would never be boring.
God, he didn’t want to hurt her.
Perhaps he should give himself, and her, more time to adjust and work through what this marriage meant to each of them.
In the breaking dawn, she stirred beside him, her bottom pressing erotically against his groin. Unfortunately, all the good intentions in the world didn’t stretch to giving her space in his bed. He wanted her with a need that scared him.
Maddy let out a wistful sigh and squirmed, moving her hips seductively against his hardness and in the morning silence, he slipped into her warmth from behind, driving deep into her until she cried out in pleasure. His release was fast and furious, and he held her tightly trying to make sense of this past night.
His, no, it was
their
wedding night.
#
Maddy had never been this happy before. Her wedding night had been far more than she’d expected or even hoped for. She was tired, and a little sore, but she was blissfully happy. Her body ached in places where she’d never ached before, but she wouldn’t change anything about their lovemaking.
Or about her wedding night. Nothing!
She lay in the hot bath with Richard’s bare chest behind her, warming her with his heat and reliving every touch, every kiss, every look…Richard’s whiskered cheek grazed her shoulder as he kissed it.
“You’re prickly,” and she shivered even though the small bathing room was full of steam from the additional hot water heating on the fire nearby. Richard had organized everything perfectly.
“I need a shave. Care to do the honors?” and he held out the soap. “Another duty I can teach you. Make sure there is plenty of lather on my face.”
She turned and sat facing him in the large copper tub, no longer shy of her body, for Richard had seen, touched, kissed every part of it.
His hair was slicked back off his handsome face and his arms rested along the sides of the tub. He smiled wickedly and winked. He looked like a decadent treat, the steam swirling around him as if it too couldn’t touch him enough. She knew the feeling well.
Her hands spread the soap along his prominent cheekbones and strong jaw. Rinsing her hands she reached for the razor. “You’re very trusting. I could do a lot of damage with this.”
He looked directly into her eyes. “I’d trust you with my life.”
She blushed, and with a shaky hand slid the razor along his cheek in the way he directed her.
“Am I doing this correctly? I’m sure other women have done it better before me.” It seemed her insecurities could not be kept at bay, or remain unspoken.
He took the hand holding the razor and raised it to his lips, kissing it gently before helping her wash the soap and whiskers from the sharp edge in the basin next to the tub. “I’ve never let any woman shave me. You’re the first.”
“We’ve both had firsts then.” Her heart somersaulted in her chest. This was a task only she had shared with Richard. He couldn’t compare her to anyone else, not even Sarah. But had he compared her with anyone last night? Would she be enough to satisfy him for the rest of his life?
That
was the question driving her mad. Her mind could not stop picturing Richard and Sarah together. Nothing could shake the awful, uncomfortable feeling that the memory of the very much alive Sarah was still filling Richard’s head as he’d was filling Maddy’s body. She couldn’t bear sharing their bed with Sarah’s memory.
“You’ve gone very quiet.” Richard’s voice brought her back to the present. “You’re thinking and probably thinking too much.”
“That’s the trouble with marrying your best-friend, they know you too well,” she teased, but he would not let it go.
He closed his eyes and wiped a bit of soap off his nose. “Talk to me, Maddy. If something is troubling you, please tell me about it.”
“It’s Sarah.”
She snuck a peek but his eyes remained closed, his face was impassive.
“I’m in this tub with you. It’s our honeymoon. Let’s not bring Sarah into it.”
She swallowed back her fear and nodded. “We will have to talk about her at some point.”
“Why? She is my past.” His eyes flashed open and he leaned forward, brushing his lips over hers as her spine tingled. “You are my future. There’s no one else. I give you my word.”
His declaration didn’t settle the gnawing unease. “Please don’t promise something you may not be able to give. You don’t love me, so how do you know there will be no one else?” Maddy wondered if his love for Sarah would eventually drive a wedge between them.
His silence spoke louder than words.
Finally, Richard’s words shattered the awkward quietness. “Marriage is not a game to me. I won’t break my vows.”
She gave a tentative smile. “If you say so….”
He pulled her roughly into his arms. “I do, Princess. And I must say I’m aggrieved. Since it’s our honeymoon, you mustn’t think of anyone, or anything, but us.”
On those words, he slid his hands up her thighs and pulled her too him, wrapping her legs around his waist, kissing her deeply. He kissed down her neck, with little nibbles, as if he wanted to taste every inch of her. One hand molded her breast, rolling her hardened nipple between his fingers.
The way he touched her was magical, and the pleasure washed over her like a waterfall. He started to make love to her, heedless of the water crashing over the sides of the tub. Exotic, gentle, and then rough…he lifted her to the dizzying heights of sensuality.
When he finally let her drift back to earth, her body clenched in regret. It hadn’t worked. Sarah was still in the room. Richard’s touch had banished her for a moment, but as soon as Maddy had time to think, time to catch her breath, then her insecurities swarmed around her like bees round a hive. Scared to break the mood, Maddy lay in his arms pretending that all was well.
A sound in the front room made her sit up.
“Relax, Maddy. I’ve organized for a late breakfast to be delivered. We’re going on a picnic. I thought we’d go for a ride over the estate. Are you up for it?”
#
The trees had grown taller, but Richard knew this area well. One of his fondest memories now flooded his mind and his face relaxed into a smile. He pulled his horse to a slow trot, watching Madeline bring her galloping stead to a halt, knowing why she’d brought him here. “This tree looks familiar.”
“Why is that?” she asked with a sweet smile on her enchanting face.
“This was where I made you my pledge of friendship.”
“This is where you saved me from the Chesterton bullies, if I recall.” Maddy spat out the name as if it were bitter on her tongue.
“Isn’t life funny? If I hadn’t saved you all those years ago, you might not have bothered to save me a few nights ago.”
She glanced at Richard, her expression confused. “You think I saved you?” Her lips curved down. “Trapped you, more like it.”
He dismounted and walked toward where she was sitting, a vision of beauty. The sunlight glinted in her dark-auburn tresses, which flowed in autumnal cascades. “I’ve never enjoyed being trapped so much in all my life.”
Her lips twitched, with a hint of a smile playing around her mouth. “You’re truly not bitter?”
He let a wolfish smile consume her. His eyes intimately roamed over her person, his body reacting to the memory of what lay underneath her clothes.
“I’m more than content. I’ve married a beautiful woman, a siren in my bed, a woman many men will envy me for, who also happens to be my friend. It is more than I deserve.
You
are more than I deserve.” With that heartfelt comment he reached up, and sliding his hands around her narrow waist, he lifted her from her horse, dragging her against his hardening body, as he gently placed her on her feet.
She wrapped her arms around his neck pressing her soft curves against him, inciting him. “As you promised never to lie to me, I will believe you.”
“Shall we picnic under our favorite tree?” He broke her embrace before his body took control of his actions. They both needed a rest from their passionate lovemaking. The heat they generated together made it difficult to remember that Maddy was not used to the physical aspects of a relationship. Yet, he just couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her.
He collected the rug and picnic basket from where it was tied to his saddle. It didn’t take him long to set up the picnic. All the while, he watched Maddy as she wandered around the base of their tree.
“I’m surprised Rufus hasn’t been over today to see how you are faring.”
She wandered back to the rug. “I suspect he would be if it were not for Rheda. She will have stopped him. It’s nice to know my brother is concerned about me though.” She plunked herself down next to where he knelt, carefully taking the plates from the basket. “I’m sure Anthony was a help to you regarding this marriage.”
Richard gave an ungentlemanly snort. “He was pleased at our predicament. Our situation amused him immeasurably.”
Maddy giggled. “I’m not surprised. Melissa told me of your underhanded tactic in getting Anthony to compromise her. He no doubt feels it’s a fitting punishment.”
He halted the unwrapping of the chicken. “I wish you’d stop insinuating that marrying you is any kind of punishment,” he said crossly.
She ignored his scolding and changed the subject. “Tell me about Anthony? When I was younger, I always found him a little frightening, he’s so big and dark, and he scowls a lot. He doesn’t really look like you; his coloring is so different, although at the moment with that scowl on your face, I can definitely see the resemblance between you two,” and she took a small bite out of a chicken leg. “It must have been nice growing up with a sibling so close in age.”
“Anthony resembles my father, while I take after our mother.” His irritation subsided at her words. He knew she’d been lonely growing up too, with no friends, and shunned by society due to her father’s disgrace. Plus, Rufus was always away chasing his father’s ghost, trying desperately to clear the late Lord Strathmore of treason. He gave her small hand a squeeze. “You and I are very similar. I didn’t really know my brother growing up.”
She stopped eating. “I don’t understand. You’re Anthony’s twin...”
“Let’s talk of something else. I don’t want to spoil today with unhappy memories.”