It wasn’t simply his pride that was battered. His heart felt like it had been attacked with a club. She’d played him. She’d let him think she was a fallen woman. His honor was her backup plan. Now she had him trapped by his need to avoid bringing further shame on the Strathmore name. He could not father an illegitimate child.
He moved toward her, his shadow slipping over her. She looked more delicate than he remembered, and her bottom lip trembled. “I want the truth. Why the devil did you let me compromise you?”
What could she say—
because the mere sight of you sets my insides on fire? That I burn for your touch until I ache? That even now all I can picture in my head is your powerful physique, all rippling muscles and chiseled strength? That the thought of your sensuous mouth on me makes me wet between my thighs ... ?
Rheda kept her lips tightly closed least they spill her most intimate secrets.
“Tell me,” he demanded. He swung around to face her. “Tonight, did you or did you not purposely set the tub scene to distract me? Did you use your body to entice me into bedding you, knowing I’d ruin you?”
She could not hold his icy gaze. In a way she had used him. “Not exactly.”
“Then, what exactly?”
Her cheeks flooded with crimson. She took a deep breath. “Yes, I wanted to distract your search, but I had not planned to be compromised. I thought your honor would prevent things going so far ...”
Rufus’s jaw tightened till the muscles stood out in rigid relief. “What did you expect me to do when you rose from the tub like a water nymph? I may be a gentleman, but I am not a saint.” He walked and poured himself another drink.
Rheda shivered. The brandy seemed to have done little to improve his mood. “I did not anticipate you making me get out of the bath.”
“Well, your plan backfired. Unlike Prince Hammed, who obviously gave you the horses before you had to sacrifice your virginity, I was stupid enough to succumb to your abundant charms.” His mouth thinned. “We will discuss the situation we find ourselves in once I have completed my mission.” Rufus took a deep breath. “It would seem I have no course open to me but to offer you marriage—”
“Marriage!” Rheda jumped to her feet and cried. “Don’t be ridiculous. There is absolutely no need for that—”
His mouth twisted bitterly. “What if you are with child?”
Rheda felt trickles of perspiration run down between her shoulder blades. “Then I will raise him or her on my own like many women are left to do.”
He moved quickly and gripped both her arms in a vicelike grip. “I will not have a child of mine born a bastard. There has been enough scandal in my family. I will not tolerate more.”
Rheda stared down at his hands until he released her, but he did not step back. She felt his virility humming around him, and despite herself couldn’t help the flare of response simmering in her belly.
“I suggest we wait and see if I am with child before we rush into matrimony. You certainly do not wish to marry a woman like me, and I have no wish to tie myself to a man who will forever despise me.”
Rufus stepped even closer. His chest brushed against her breasts, and she clenched her fists at the immediate response of her nipples puckering under her dress.
“I assure you, marriage to a woman of your ilk was not my plan. I have been striving to restore the Strathmore good name for over ten years, and I am not about to undo all that work for your convenience,” he softly uttered, a hint of bitterness edging his tone. “You will become my wife, and you will deport yourself as a married lady of nobility should. Do I make myself clear?”
“What, pray, does that mean exactly? What of my horse stud?”
Rufus threw his head back and laughed. “I did not realize that respectable ladies bred horses. They leave that to their husbands.” His smile vanished as quickly as a rabbit down a rabbit hole. “There will be no horse stud, no smuggling, nor any other illicit activities of any kind. You will at all times honor the Strathmore name. Your home will be my country estate near Cambridge, where you will reside with my mother. You will be my viscountess, and I demand you behave like one.”
He never raised his voice, yet his words seemed more unequivocal than if he’d shouted at her. His tone was dark, while something hard and unforgiving in his eyes seeped like ice into her soul. He sounded like he hated her. Really hated her.
She swallowed back threatening tears. She would not let him know how much his words hurt her. Knowing how he felt about her, she could never marry him. But he was right. Her behavior was scandalous and once known would tarnish his reputation. She did not care about her own. However, Daniel would also suffer. She couldn’t allow that to happen.
“I believe you have made it very clear what your orders are, my lord. If you don’t mind, I think I shall retire. It has been a very long night.”
“I have placed guards outside your room—”
“To keep you out or me in?”
He ignored her inflaming comment. “Later today, you will summon Daniel for questioning. Only then will we formally announce our engagement.” He drained his glass, then turned away to refill it.
He dismissed her as if she were a servant. It was the humiliation, as much as the coldness in his eyes, that cut her to the quick. Yet she blinked back the sudden tears that blurred her vision and lifted her chin, vowing that she would do what she should have done eight years ago.
She needed to slip free of her captors and find Lord Hale.
Chapter 19
R
heda sat quietly in her room waiting for the right moment to escape. It came shortly after the guards at her door removed her breakfast tray.
“If you don’t mind I shall take a nap. I have been up all night. Please tell his lordship not to disturb me until I have had a few hours sleep.” She hesitated. “Not unless he wants a swooning female on his hands.”
All the guard did was nod and close the door firmly in her face.
Rheda quickly drew the drapes and arranged the pillows as if someone were sleeping in the bed. The room was dim enough that anyone looking in to check on her would believe she was abed. She glanced at the clock on the mantel. She would have probably no more than three hours at the most to get to Hastingleigh and back.
A sharp pain sliced through her stomach. If her plan worked she wouldn’t have to come back. She wouldn’t have to see Rufus again. That’s where the pain came from. She couldn’t fool herself. Even now she wanted very much to see him. To beg his forgiveness and to explain that she had not used him.
The appeal of allowing herself to grab his offer of matrimony drove her. It would be all too easy to agree. To picture herself living as his wife, sleeping in his bed, bearing his children. Yet, it would be her mother’s situation all over again. A woman in love with her husband. A husband who had not an ounce of love for his wife. Rufus’s likely infidelities would destroy her.
She knew she would never survive in a one-sided relationship. She could not allow herself to be forced into one now.
The pain of their shared pleasure ripped through her chest until it felt hollow. She recalled every imprint of the lean, hard length of him. She wanted to be naked and wrapped in his arms again. But once she’d spoken to Christopher that could never happen. She did not know how she would get the taste and feel of Rufus out of her mind. It would be unfair to bring him to her marriage bed. Christopher deserved better.
With a sigh she crossed the room and found the hidden latch to the secret panel. Almost every room in the house had secret doors down to the tunnels and caverns beneath Tumsbury Cliff Manor. Remnants from when her great-grandfather had been a smuggler. One of the other reasons she’d seen no harm in indulging in free trade. If it was good enough for her ancestors, it was good enough for her.
Instead of following the tunnels to the caves down by the cliffs, she turned right and headed to the entrance that emerged about half a mile behind the stable block, pointing directly inland to Hastingleigh.
The day was humid with fluffy clouds filling the sky, the miscellany of the storm that had blown through last night. She was pleased she’d slipped on her cotton dress. She could feel the warm breeze on her back where her dress still remained unhooked. She smoothed her skirt and hoped she looked more acceptable than she felt.
She kept to the tree line, just in case any of Rufus’s men spotted her. They were still out hunting Daniel. Would he disown her when he heard of her disgraceful conduct? She wanted to explain, to beg his forgiveness.
She pushed the coming scene with Daniel out of her mind and focused on her proposition. Would Christopher still want her? She could marry Christopher because it didn’t matter that he didn’t love her. She didn’t love him. It was the thought of marrying a man she loved, but who would never return her love, that frightened more. Love gave a person the power to hurt.
She hoped her appearance wouldn’t put him off. Telling Christopher she was no longer innocent already had her stomach churning. But she would swear to him that she would be faithful and never look at another man. Or at least one man in particular—Rufus—ever again.
That would be her worst punishment for her selfishness. She would never again know the joy of Rufus’s touch, his kisses, or the feel of his muscled strength against her bare skin. She would never see his eyes darken with desire when he looked at her, and she would never feel her body warm and soften when he delivered one of his sensual smiles that melted her from the inside.
Tears blurred her vision and she stumbled over a tree root, falling to her knees. A cry of anguish escaped before she could stop it. She didn’t know what hurt more, her grazed knee or her heart.
“I say, Rheda. Are you all right?”
Christopher. The concern on his dear face made her sob even louder. He didn’t deserve to have her foisted on him. She shouldn’t have come. Her idea was even less noble than enticing Rufus into dishonor.
She sank to the ground. “Oh, Christopher. I’ve made such a mess of things,” she sobbed.
He crouched down on his haunches and gently wiped the tears off her face. “I am sure you’ve done no such thing, my angel—”
“But I have,” she wailed.
“What has upset you, Rhe? I was on my way to see you.”
“I’m not all right. I’ve been so selfish. Thinking I could do it all on my own. I should have accepted your proposal long ago, but my fear wouldn’t let me.”
He pulled her into his arms, and she felt the softness of his plump body. Instantly, she compared it to Rufus’s hard, lean frame and found it wanting. He took off his gloves, something he rarely did due to the large red birthmark on his hand. A mark he preferred to keep hidden.
He gently stroked her cheek with his gloveless fingers. It did not even kindle one tingle of awareness that a simple touch from Rufus ignited. She pulled away in disappointment and shame.
“You know you never have to fear me. I’d never hurt you.”
Rheda nodded. “I don’t fear you.”
He cupped her cheek. “Then why did you decline my proposals? Am I that repulsive?”
She lowered her head. “No. It’s just I didn’t love you.” She rushed on, “I do love you, but more like the love I feel for Daniel. Like a brother. I didn’t think that was fair to you.”
He gave a barked laugh. “Look at me, Rheda. I know I am not a prime catch, but I would have cherished you for the rest of your days. I still will if you’ll let me.”
The strength seemed to drain out of her at his words. She sagged against him and thought how easy it would be to let him take care of her. She whispered, “It’s too late now. I’m ruined.”
Christopher didn’t say a word, but she felt him stiffen at her words. “Do you still keep a journal?”
She nodded.
“I do, too. Do you know what I believe?” He did not wait for her answer. “I believe that my journal is a private confession between me and God. He sees everything I have done, and by writing the words, by letting him see my sin, he washes me clean. God is merciful and forgives everything. If you are truly repentant He forgives you. Just as I always will forgive you.”
“What if I have done such wrong he—and you—can never forgive me?”
There was only a slight hesitation before he stroked her hair and said, “I suggest you tell me everything, Rhe. There are not many things a man like me cannot fix.”
So, like a sinner in a confessional, Rheda told him everything. She confessed that she was Dark Shadow, about Rufus’s hunt for the smuggler to catch a spy, and about her fall from grace last night in Rufus’s bed because he’d thought the scandal with Prince Hammed was true. And finally about how much she loved Rufus and how she had to set him free so he could restore the Strathmore name. “Now he wants to do the honorable thing and marry me, and I can’t let that happen. It will ruin him. Imagine me in London, pretending to be a lady.”
Christopher had gone as still as one of the statues decorating his extensive gardens. His arms had tightened around her until she could barely breathe. So she was not sure how he’d taken her confession of sharing Rufus’s bed. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
They sat in silence for what seemed like hours but must have been only moments.
“You never did tell me why Prince Hammed gave you your Arab horses. I suppose it doesn’t really matter now.”
She pressed Christopher’s hand against her cheek. “I shall never forget that you believed in me when everyone shunned me.” She took a deep breath. “He gave me the horses as a gift for saving his sister’s life. She almost drowned while swimming, but I happened along and managed to save her.”
Christopher laughed and pulled her to her feet. “I never doubted you then, and I don’t doubt all you have told me now. If you really don’t wish to marry Lord Strathmore, although I would be remiss if I didn’t point out what a catch the man is, then I would still be honored to make you my wife.” And he bent and placed a chaste kiss on her knuckles.
Rheda frowned. Why would a man of Christopher’s breeding and wealth wish to marry a woman who was no longer pure, could be pregnant with another man’s child, had no dowry, and confessed to love another?
She shook her head vigorously. This was wrong. Her idea was despicable. She was caught, and dishonor would be the outcome either way. Rufus’s family would suffer if he married her. And Christopher would be lumbered with a wife who loved another. There had to be another way.
“I can’t let you sacrifice yourself for me, either. I seem to be sadly lacking in honor today. I think the best thing would be for me to simply slip away. If I disappear, eventually the scandal will die down, and Daniel could go on to marry well and succeed in his dreams for his barony. He’s is still young, and marriage can wait a few years.”
“But what of me, Rhe? What will I do without you?”
She finally looked at him. His face was solemn and his pale blue eyes seemed so sad. She couldn’t help cupping his cheek. “Christopher, you underestimate your charm. You are a wealthy earl and could have your pick of young debutantes. You don’t want me.”
He gave her a wan smile. “I know what I am, Rheda. The bumbling idiot, that’s what you all call me.”
Rheda felt heat flush her cheeks. She did think of him as a bit of a buffoon. “You are the gentlest and kindest and most honorable man I know—”
He became very animated and pulled her close to whisper in her ear. “Then marry me. Can you imagine me being happy with a young debutante? You know I am a man of simple pleasures. I don’t like London. We may not have a burning passion for each other, but we have a strong friendship and mutual admiration.” He placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “I wouldn’t want you to change in any way when you become my wife. I’d take you as you are. That’s the Rhe I know and love.”
Her eyes welled with tears, so overcome with his heartfelt words. She stepped back out of his embrace. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps friendship and mutual admiration would be enough. At least Christopher was not ashamed of who and what she was. He’d take the good with the bad. Unlike Rufus who expected a paragon of virtue as a wife.
Rufus—why did she have to love a man who would never love her? A man who wanted a perfection that did not exist. Could she marry and share Christopher’s bed while her heart belonged to another. Her head pounded from lack of sleep, and the confusion that assaulted her body made her nauseous and weepy.
“Thank you, Christopher, for your honorable offer. I will seriously consider it, but I need to talk with Daniel first.”
“I am sure Daniel would welcome the match.”
“What about your mother?”
Christopher smiled, and his eyes lit up. “Mother adores you. She need not know the circumstances behind your acceptance. If I am happy, Mother will be happy. And if you marry me, I’d be the happiest man alive.”
Impulsively, she reached up and kissed his lips. To her surprise he stiffened and pulled back. If she’d kissed Rufus, he’d have pulled her hard into his embrace and kissed her until she had no breath and could barely stand. They would both have been caught up in a wild passion that neither could deny.
She backed away, immediately feeling ashamed of her boldness. “My apologies. I am too impulsive sometimes.”
He pulled her roughly back into his arms and kissed her. “Never apologize to me. You took me by surprise that is all.” He let her go and turned her toward Tumsbury Cliffs. “Go. Find your brother. I shall go and prepare to deal with Rufus and his men. I may be a bumbling idiot, but I think I know how to handle Revenue men. We shall ensure your smuggling activities do not see the light of day.”
Her mind was whirling as she made her way back to the manor. Was she doing the right thing? Christopher had seemed so earnest, but she’d always sworn she’d never marry a man who did not love her. Was Christopher’s admiration enough?
She was too tired to think. One minute she wanted to do the right thing and set Rufus free, the next she wanted to grab his offer of marriage and every other part of him, and damn the consequences. Having any small piece of him in her life would be better than never seeing him at all.
But would it? He despised her and had all but admitted he would lock her away. He would continue his life as if nothing had changed. The thought of him with other women ... women sharing his bed, a mistress sharing his life, while she was punished and shut away, hurt so much she almost collapsed on the ground.
Think, Rheda. What is the best outcome for all concerned? For her brother? Daniel wouldn’t care who she married as long as she did. However, she hoped he’d prefer Christopher as it would keep her near to him.