It was just one week before their marriage.
They had spent just one night in each other’s arms.
He should not have let that happen but it had and now he did not know what to do, how to go forward. So many thoughts and emotions swirled, and Rik…did not like to feel out of control, confused, uncertain of his path and yet all he could do was continue because…nothing had changed when in a way…everything had. But nothing at the core of him, nothing of how he was. Of his parents’ traits within him.
Nevertheless, Rik needed to find Melanie. The marriage
was
only a week away. They did have a rehearsal this afternoon and…he didn’t know if he had irreparably messed things up with Melanie.
And even now you wish you could take her again into your arms.
Rik tried to force the thoughts aside. They were of no use to him, a line crossed that must not be crossed again. He glanced around him. He and his brothers were in Ettonbierre village, and, yes, there was a festival on today.
Rik had forgotten all about it. So had Anrai and Marcelo who’d both only arrived back at the palace late last night and had walked out with him this morning intending to meet a man to discuss tourism plans for the region.
All three brothers had plans and goals. All three relied on the success of each other to allow them to achieve those goals. The prize was recovery for a struggling country, the cost to be their freedom if Anrai and Marcelo could not also figure out ways to avoid their father’s insistence that they lock into lifetime marriages.
Rik tried to dismiss the thoughts. He looked around him. This festival was what Melanie had cooked for in the middle of the night. Just a few hours ago, and then Rik had found her in the kitchen and taken her back to his suite. She’d mentioned the wedding rehearsal. She had probably been worrying about it and that had prompted her cooking spree. And then perhaps other thoughts had pushed those worries aside for a time as they…made love.
And those thoughts had now given her new concerns? Of course they would have. They had given Rik fresh concerns, fresh questions. He had to keep her with him and keep both of them to their agreement. He hoped last night would not have undermined that goal. That was the only
clear
path Rik could define. Surely the only one that mattered, so why did reminding himself bring a sense of loss rather than the sense of eventual freedom it should?
Every thought brought Rik back to the same thing. He and Melanie had made love. That
had
changed things. He’d felt as though his world had shifted alignment and Rik couldn’t figure out why he felt that way or what it meant.
He’d woken at dawn with Melanie curled in his arms and a sense of rightness that had quickly changed when the reality of what they had done stabbed him in the chest.
How could that have been a smart decision on his part? Melanie had been innocent and had allowed passion to sway her judgement, but Rik was experienced and should have known not to let this happen.
Not when there was no future for them, no future when their involvement was based on a situation that he had set up to avoid becoming tied down in a relationship. He couldn’t bear to perpetuate his family’s emotional freeze-out into another generation, to be the one turning the cold shoulder to his partner and receiving the same in return. To have his children asking themselves why they were not fit to be loved.
No. He could not carry that legacy forward.
When he woke this morning and thought of all that, remorse and confusion and a lot of other emotions had set in. Melanie was a giving girl. She would be kind. She would definitely care for her children.
But Rik…could not match those traits. He’d eased away from Melanie and got up. Showered, dressed, told himself he needed to think and that he would wait for her to wake and then they would…
What? Somehow sort themselves out so that last night didn’t have the impact on them that it already had done?
She’d been a virgin. She’d given him a beautiful gift. That could never be undone now and even with all his concerns, Rik felt that he
had
been given that beautiful gift, the gift of Melanie in all of who she was, and he didn’t begin to know what to do now because he hadn’t planned for this and he had nothing to give in return of equal or acceptable value.
A confronting thought for a man who always set out to be in charge of his world, who had been raised into position and privilege and must now acknowledge that in this, he lacked.
‘I just want to find Melanie.’ He frowned. ‘There are a lot of people around. She is the fiancée of a prince now, and shouldn’t be unattended without at least two bodyguards with her.’
Rik totally overlooked the fact that he had encouraged Melanie to move about the palace grounds and surrounds using the small buggy vehicle, and had believed she would be perfectly safe where members of the palace staff would never be too far away or the villagers would know she was a guest at the palace.
But the festival would bring tourists and strangers. Anything might happen.
And your protectiveness of her is out of proportion to your ability to let her into the core parts of you that you withhold from the world.
But not from his brothers?
That was different. It was all that he had. Care for his brothers and for the people of Braston. He could not bring normal love and caring feelings to a marriage.
‘Hate to point it out to you, brother, but
we
don’t have any bodyguards with us.’ Anrai raised his brows. ‘You’re sounding very serious considering the temporary nature of your arrangement with Melanie. Much as I think she’s a wonderful girl,’ his brother added.
‘She is.’ Rik didn’t notice the tightening of his mouth as he spoke, the flash of warring emotions that quickly crossed his face. Instead his gaze scanned the crowds, searching as he missed the surprised and thoughtful gazes his brothers exchanged before they gave nods of silent decision, told him they needed to find their contact and get on with their meeting, and gave him the space to make his search.
Rik glanced around the crowded village square. There were colourful rides for children to play on, stalls out in the open selling home produce and hand-sewn items. A kissing booth, another to have your romantic future read, another for chemistry tests to find potential matches.
The fair had started out as a proposal day centuries ago as a means for men to woo their potential brides with offers of a fowl or a pig as a dowry. Today it had turned into an opportunity for the folk of Ettonbierre village to let their hair down for a day, for children to play and young men and women to flirt with each other, ask each other out.
He didn’t want Melanie anywhere near this.
The jealous, protective thought came from deep within Rik. He had no right to it but still it came. A moment later he spotted her and he strode towards the small group gathered outside the food marquee at the edge of the town square.
* * *
‘It’s very flattering of you to say that to me, and yes I guess it would be fair to say that I am a guest of Prince Rikardo at the palace at the moment.’ Mel spoke the words as she tried to edge away from the small crowd that had gathered outside the food tent.
She tried to sound normal, polite and not as deeply confused and overwrought as she felt this morning. Pretending calm until she started to feel it was a method that had worked for her after their trip to Paris. Surely it would work again now?
After Paris you were recovering from a kiss. Last night you made love with Rik. The two aren’t exactly on a par.
‘I’m really not at liberty to discuss that any further at this time.’
Though Rik had assured her none of the villagers would recognise the ring she wore as her engagement ring, Mel tucked her hand into her skirt pocket just in case, and was proud that she’d managed to think clearly enough to consider that need.
In that same thrust to find some sliver of normalcy in the whirl of her emotions she’d delivered all the cakes she could carry to the fair. She had stepped outside the catering tent intending to take a quick look at the festival before heading back to the palace.
Rik had been out on the grounds somewhere when she had first woken up. She probably could have gone looking for him, but what would she have said? She’d needed a moment to try to clear her head before she faced him.
You wanted more than a moment. After all that you shared with him last night you had no idea how to face him. Why downplay it, Mel, when it’s all you can think about and every time you do think about it, you can hardly breathe for the mix of feelings that rushes through you?
She’d fallen asleep in his arms, more drained emotionally and in every way than she had understood. And had woken alone, only to realise she was not alone because doubt had come to rest on her shoulder to whisper in her ear. Doubt about his feelings in all of this. Doubt that she had any right to expect him to
have
any feelings about it. Just above the other shoulder lurked despair. Mel didn’t want to acknowledge that, but…
She and Rik had shared something. It had been stunningly special to Mel, but that didn’t mean it had been any of that to Rikardo. To the prince. How could it have been?
You managed to forget that little factor last night, didn’t you? That he’s a prince and you’re a cook and his path is carefully set and doesn’t include any kind of emotional commitment to you.
‘If you change your mind while you are here…’ The man in front of her gave an engaging smile and handed her a piece of paper with his phone number on it.
Proposal Day. The festival had a history. Mel had heard it all from the kitchen staff. But nowadays it was a chance for people to get to know each other, date or whatever. Mel wouldn’t have been interested before. Now that she’d made love with Rik, she felt she could never be interested in any other man, ever again.
The man turned away. There were two others. Mel managed to quickly send them both on their way. She needed to get out of here, to make her way back to the palace and maybe during that solitary walk she would gather up all the pieces of herself and get them back into some kind of working order. Maybe she could hole up in her room for the entire day to complete that task. Would that be long enough?
It will never be long enough, Mel. You know what’s happened.
The thought was so strong, so full of conviction. It forced her hand, and realisation crashed over her, then, whether she was ready for it or not.
She’d fallen in love with Rik. It was the answer to why last night had moved her emotions so deeply that she had wondered if she would ever be the same. The answer was no, she never would.
Because “everyday girl” Melanie Watson had fallen in love with Prince Rikardo Ettonbierre of Braston.
It should have been a moment of wonder, of anticipation and happiness. Instead, devastating loss swept through her because last night had been the total of any chance to show her love to him in that way. A moment that shouldn’t have happened.
In return, Rik had made no promises. Not at the start of their marriage agreement, and not last night. He’d given in to desire. That wasn’t the same as being bowled over by love so that expressing those feelings was imperative.
Mel
was the one who had foolishly given her heart. Well, now she had to get back on her feet somehow. She had to get through marrying him and walking away, to do all that with dignity when all she would want to do was beg him to keep her, to want her, to not reject her or abandon her or punish her for—
What did she mean, punish?
And today there was the first wedding rehearsal. How could she get through that?
‘Melanie. What are you doing here? Why were you talking to those men?’
Rik’s words shook her out of her reverie, stopped a train of thought that had started to dig into a place deep down where she had hidden parts of herself. But the interruption did not save her from her sense of uncertainty and panic. That increased.
She glanced at him. Oh, it was hard to look and to know what was in her heart.
Please don’t let him see it.
That one glance into his face showed austerity, as though he had stepped behind shields, had taken a fortified position.
In that moment he really resembled his father…
Rik had told her he couldn’t buy into a cold relationship. He’d been so against the institution of marriage. He…hadn’t believed in love.
Mel had thought that was because he’d been hurt, had seen his parents in a loveless relationship. But looking at him now, seeing that capacity to close himself off when she needed so very much for him to…let her in…
Last night was not the same for Rik, as for you. And whether or not he is like his father, you have to accept what he told you at the start. He won’t ever love you, Mel. Not ever.
That attitude must make it much easier for Rik to deal with things like arranging this marriage and knowing he would be able to walk away from it later. It wasn’t his fault that he’d asked her to help him. He had the right to try to protect his interests, and he’d wanted to help the people of Braston. His father had put him in an impossible position.
And now you have allowed yourself to end up in one, by falling for him.
All she could do was try to match his strength. She stared at the face she had come to cherish far too much in the short time she had known him, and prayed for that strength.
‘Rik. I…’ She didn’t know what she wanted to say. What she should try to say.
‘I was concerned. You may not be safe here, Melanie.’
If his frown showed anything but attention to her presence here at the fair, Mel couldn’t discern it.
He went on. ‘You are all on your own.’
Oh, she knew that more than well, though she realised that Rik meant it literally in this case.
A thousand moments of trying to escape wouldn’t have got her any closer to feeling ready for this. For facing the feelings that had overcome her, and for facing him. She loved him. Deep down in her heart and soul, all those feelings had formed and intertwined and she had no choice about it.