Irresistible Fear (29 page)

“I told you I was the first Incubus. I was her first born and to her I was the ultimate testament of her power and her rejection of God and Adam. If I were gone, the hold on her power would be shaken. Lilith needs to feel omniscient; it’s what has helped her survive. And her obsession is absolute. She needs me as her constant reminder of victory.”

Obsession. That word again. “So she wants me to die so you’ll stick around. Because if I don’t, you will.” The cold reality of the situation sunk in. He wasn’t going to be around forever. They were destined to lose each other.

Tavin spun her around. “Everything that I am, everything that I have ever been is different. This isn’t supposed to happen for an Incubus. Demons are demons; they don't exactly fall in love.” Emily rested her hands on his chest and stared at him, willing herself to hear his words, though she was seriously close to freaking out again.

“I didn’t realize what I was missing, how what I was doing and how I was living was a shadow of what I could have, even for a moment.” The last of Emily’s resistance melted and their lips met.

He tasted the core of her and she felt her soul reach out to meet him. They were washed in brilliant light and settling warmth. It felt as if they were in a cocoon, where nothing could touch them.

The kiss stopped abruptly and the bubble around them burst. “Give me a moment Emily.” Tavin leaned against the wall, resting his forehead against its cool hardness. He looked winded and seemed to be struggling for breath.

She stepped behind him and put her hand on his heaving back. They stood that way for a moment, Tavin taking her strength into him and finally his breathing slowed and he seemed to compose himself. “This is getting so hard Emily. You have no idea how hard.” His voice was tired and Emily again felt a wrenching sadness.

There had to be something she could do. She couldn’t stand there and watch the boy she loved die. She had never been one to give up and she wouldn't start now.

Tavin turned around and rested his chin on the top of her head. His fingers found the skin at her neck and he traced the gold chain that lay there. The tip of his forefinger rested on the delicate cross. “I appreciate your mother's sentiment. If only it mattered.” He whispered.

Tavin led her to the bed and they lay down on top of the heavy comforter, ending any further discussion about Lilith and their uncertain future. Emily rested her head on his chest, again aware of the lack of heart beat. But this time its silence was almost comforting. Tavin’s hands traced smooth circles on her back and after a time she became aware of the light coming through the window brightening.

They continued to lie like that, tangled together as she slowly came back to consciousness and she lost him again to the day.

Chapter 33

He was alone, Emily once again back to the world in which she belonged. Away from her, his mind began to work furiously. So Lilith was after Emily. He had suspected as much but his preoccupation with Emily and his looming death made him blind to what was really going on. Which was stupid. He should have been more aware, for Emily's sake.

Tavin was scared. He could admit that. He was scared of what Lilith would do to her. His mother was capable of a lot of things.

But he couldn’t allow her to hurt Emily. He had to protect her from the others out there and he had to think of something fast. Tavin knew his relationship with Emily had become common knowledge. He thought he had been so careful, so safe in shielding Emily from the true dangers of his world. He hadn’t done a good enough job apparently.

Every time he thought he had it under control, he became more and more aware of how perilously close he was taking Emily towards danger. The angels were now aware of her as well and their interest worried him more than Lilith’s.

He needed answers and he needed them now. He couldn’t go to Lilith for them so he was stuck with how to solve this puzzle on his own. He decided to return to the Abyss. He needed to regroup, to figure out his next step. As much as he wanted to stay with Emily, to make sure she was okay, he needed to come up with a plan of action that would ensure her continued safety, even after he was no longer there to do it himself.

Upon arrival, Tavin was immediately aware of an unnatural stillness. The dusky air was heavy and oppressive. There was no echo of demonic presence, which was extremely unusual. Normally he could feel the vibrations of his brothers. Not today.

The typical earthy, rich smell was gone and it was like being in the eye of a storm. It was silent and everything around him seemed to be waiting for something. Tavin walked down a crooked stone path that wrapped its way through bare trees grouped in thick growths.

“Looking for someone?” The voice came from between the trees, deep within the shadows there. Tavin frowned; he didn’t recognize this voice. He could have sworn he had never heard it before. Which was strange, considering he knew all of his brethren by voice. His memory was long and it was accurate.

“Who are you? Reveal yourself.” Tavin clenched his fists and prepared himself for battle. The feeling of anticipation for the fight overtook him. He knew that whoever hid among the trees was an enemy. Not one of his own and he needed to prepare himself. He never worried about fighting. He was the strongest and the most powerful. There wasn’t much in heaven or hell that frightened him.

A deep laugh answered him and Tavin heard a rustle of branches as they were parted by an advancing figure. Tavin’s body tightened. He recognized a challenge and he knew that this being was there to give him one.

“Relax Masteema. I’m not here to fight you. Consider this more of a…business meeting.” Tavin tensed painfully at the use of his demonic name. Finally, the owner of the voice emerged from the dead trees. Tavin squinted at the brilliant light that accompanied the figure. Tavin shielded his eyes with his hand, finding it hard to look at him directly.

After a few moments, the light dimmed and Tavin lowered his hand. Standing in the grove of trees was a man. Outwardly, he didn’t look much older than Tavin’s human form. He had deep, rich brown hair that fell to his hips. He was thick. A body of tight, taut muscle. A formidable opponent, Tavin observed. He wore all white, a giveaway as to who Tavin was dealing with. An angel.

How the hell did an angel get here? More importantly, why was an angel here? They didn’t make a habit of venturing amongst demons. It wasn’t safe for them to do so. They were taking their existence into their own hands by coming into the Abyss. Whoever this was obviously very powerful and someone Tavin needed to stay on guard around.

“What do you want?” Tavin got right to the point. He was on edge. The presence of this being partnered with the absence of his demonic brothers made it very obvious that something was very, very wrong.

The angel laughed again. “You really need to relax Masteema. I’ve closed off the portals to the, what do you call it? The Abyss? Such a dismal name. Though I suppose I understand its origins.” He looked around, his expression condescending. Tavin frowned. “What do you mean you closed the portals? That's impossible.” He scoffed.

The angel smirked at him. “Believe it or not, that's exactly what I did. I wanted to ensure our...privacy.” Closed off the portals? How could he do that? Tavin didn’t think that was within anyone’s powers to do so, except for Lilith. Tavin paused…who was this angel?

“I’m Sanvi. I’m sure you recognize my name.” Tavin froze. Sanvi. One of Lilith’s torturers. One of the angels ordered by God to destroy his mother all those millennia ago. An angel that had proved himself to be as merciless and brutal as any demon.

Tavin felt his power surge in preparation to attack the being in front of him. Again, the angel laughed. This time it was clear he was laughing
at
him. “Masteema, calm down. I told you I wasn’t here to fight and I keep my word. You are safe from me.” Tavin cocked his eyebrow…effecting an image of cocky confidence. “You mistake me for someone who is worried. I can assure I am not afraid of you.” Sanvi’s laugh was deep and he seemed to thoroughly enjoy Tavin’s response.

“Your reputation is aptly earned I see. I can’t imagine you being fearful of much Masteema. You’ve won your confidence, I can see that.” Sanvi slowly moved among the trees, grazing his hand over the rough bark. Smoke billowed at his touch as the trees crumpled beneath his fingers. Tavin suppressed his surprised look, and fought to maintain a bored expression.

“Enough with the theatrics. Get to your point. Why have you come here? This can’t be your idea of a vacation destination.” Tavin taunted, sinking to the ground in feigned nonchalance. Sanvi stopped his meandering walk and turned to face Tavin. His eyes were cold, his expression hard.

“I will speak when I’m ready.” The cadence of his voice was beautiful, yet painful for him to hear. Each word felt like an ice pick piercing his ear drums. It was said that the voice of an angel could incur unspeakable pain on a demon. Tavin had thought it a myth, seeing as he had never encountered a demon that had experienced it. Except for Lilith, but she never spoke of the angels. Now he knew it was true. He attempted to hide his grimace.

But Tavin didn’t speak again. Instead he watched the angel as he made his rounds through the grove of trees, seeming to take in his scenery and destroying everything he touched. What was he doing? Making a show of how powerful he was? This was becoming almost comical.

Tavin became antsy and just when he was about to voice his impatience, Sanvi stopped and stood directly in front of him. “Stand up Masteema.” Tavin wanted to refuse, as a show of defiance, but he thought better of it. The last thing he wanted was to pick a fight with an angel in his weakened state.

Tavin stood up and faced the angel. Sanvi regarded him evenly and finally got to his point. “We know what you’re doing.
We
know you have refused your feeding and are dying.” Tavin’s jaw clenched. He neither confirmed nor denied Sanvi’s statement. Sanvi smiled. “No need to say anything. I can see it’s true. You’re a mess. You couldn’t defend yourself against a spider, let alone me.” The angel laughed, obviously finding all of this entertaining.

Tavin’s pride bristled and he felt his anger spike. He was no weakling. If this Sanvi needed a show of his power, he would give it to him. Sanvi put his hands up in mock surrender. “Peace brother. There will be no fighting here. But we need to talk seriously about what your plans are for yourself and for your human girl. You are marking her for death one way or another you realize.”

Tavin looked away. This was the very conversation he had just had with Emily. Of course she was in danger. His mother was making it her mission to kill her. But he didn’t need the reminder from the likes of this uninvited visitor. He felt like punching the smirk right off that chiseled face.

“I have no plans to feed from her.” Tavin provided this small admission and nothing more. Sanvi nodded and made a wide circle around Tavin. “How strange. A demon that refuses to kill. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen one of your kind willing to do such a thing. Not since Balon.” Tavin stilled at the mention of his brother Balon.

He hadn't thought of his fellow demon in ages. The memory was forbidden. Balon had refused to feed, had denounced his demon brethren and had been smote by Lilith herself as a result. No demon could deny their purpose and live. Lilith had cut off Balon’s head and kept it on the wall of her sanctuary. It had stayed there until it rotted away, a reminder of the punishment for betrayal.

Tavin had always been repulsed by Balon’s decision. The thought of refusing to act on one’s demonic nature had seemed so alien to him. He had rallied behind Lilith when she battled her own son. Tavin had carried the head for his mother and helped her to mount it on the wall; the slick black blood of his brother had coated his hands.

Tavin shook his head at the memory. “Balon was different. He declared war on all of us, including Lilith. He couldn’t live after such a betrayal.” Tavin hadn’t made the connection between Balon’s choices and his own. They had seemed so different that he hadn’t thought of it, until now. Balon had decided to bring Lilith down and all of the incubi with her in quest for reformation. It had been rumored that he had been turned by the angels as a way to destroy Lilith from the inside.

Balon had killed 250 of his brothers before Lilith ripped his head from his body. It had shaken her demonic kingdom and continued to provide an undercurrent of instability within the brotherhood to this day. If one could be turned against their mother, couldn’t they all be in danger of the same thing?

“A betrayal is a betrayal Masteema. Do you really think your mother would see your actions any differently? No matter how she favors you?” Tavin whirled on him. “Are you threatening me angel? If you are, you will find yourself a more than able opponent.” Tavin’s voice was low but menacing and he knew that Sanvi saw the rigid strength that he still possessed.

Sanvi broke a branch from a tree and incinerated it in his palm. “No, no Masteema. You misread my words. I’m only pointing out that you are in a very similar situation. It won’t end well for you. You know this. And what will become of your human then? You will leave her vulnerable to attack. Do you honestly think Lilith will allow her to live once you’re gone? We are all aware of Lilith’s obsession, where you are concerned. It's almost...touching.” Sanvi snickered.

Tavin reluctantly agreed with Sanvi’s point. He had blindly thought that once he was gone, Lilith would leave Emily alone. Stupid, stupid! He admonished himself. Why did he ever think Lilith would leave her alone? Of course she would seek retribution against the person who she blamed for everything. The fact that the angel could see the truth of the situation when Tavin had not, infuriated him.

“So, you are seeing it clearly now. You know what I say is truth.” “Do you have a point to this rhetoric? Because I’m not. It’s a lot of waffling around about things you shouldn’t be involved in.” Tavin was angry and he was forgetting that he needed to watch himself around this very powerful angel.