Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 4 (7 page)

Should this strategy be made public and used by many low-level adventurers as a method to level up quickly, then there was no doubt the number of casualties would be off the charts.

Low-level adventurers would think the Guild was making a joke at their expense.

“…We’ll need to sweep this under the rug. I’ll take care of the higher-ups myself.”

“I’m very sorry, sir…”

Eina’s boss, a gentleman with thin features, took one last look at the document before shutting it deep in the bowels of his desk. Most likely, no one would ever see it again.

Lightly scratching the long ears on top of his head, the man turned away from his desk and back toward the girls with a very disgruntled look on his face.

“Tulle, one more thing. “

“What is it, sir?”

“Please try to keep your emotions in check from now on.”

“…Yes, sir. I will be more careful.”

After being scolded for that last incident of the morning—when she had shouted Bell’s personal information in the crowded lobby—Eina deeply lowered her head in apology.

Grateful to her superior for overlooking the incident, she sighed quietly to herself.

The man took a moment to clear his throat and said, “Next, Frot,” looking toward the human girl.

“Y-yes?”

“…The quality of paperwork submitted to the Denatus was extremely poor. Especially the last one, for adventurer Bell Cranell.”

“B-but, sir—. He leveled up so soon before the meeting that I had no time—! I did the best I could with my back against the wall, so please don’t question the effort that I put into making it!”

“I understand what you’re saying…but I’m talking about the whole project. Should we receive any complaints from the gods, it will be your job to talk to them alone, Frot. I can’t help you if it comes to that.”

“Waaaah—Eina—,” sobbed Misha as she wrapped her arms around her friend’s shoulders. Eina sighed for the second time in as many minutes. Their supervisor turned to face his desk with a very curt “You may leave.” The two of them backed away from him and started walking toward the exit.

But rather than returning straight to the lobby, they decided to stop at the break room in the corner of the office.

Using a magic-stone machine they had operated many times before, both of them had a cup of hot tea in their hands in no time at all.

“Ugh…Tell your little brother I said ‘thanks a lot’…”

“Little brother…? He’s not the only reason for what happened today, Misha.”

“Not listening! Can’t hear a word you’re saying!”

Swish.
Eina could only look on in astonishment as her human friend’s shoulders slumped, turning away.

Misha’s pink hair swung lightly around her chin as she sipped tea and tried to make herself as small as possible.

She hasn’t changed at all since our school days
, thought Eina with a grimace on her face.

“Not to change the subject, but what was with all of them? Everyone seemed really uptight.”

“Hmm, well, they aren’t usually like this…”

They couldn’t find a single relaxed face among the Guild employees from their vantage point at the corner of the office.

Many of them were up, pacing back and forth in front of their desks. Those who were sitting in their chairs kept looking at the clock as if it were about to explode. The office was normally filled with pens racing across parchment, but that sound was nowhere to be heard.

Actually, the two girls had a pretty good idea of what was causing the heavy mood.

“It’s just past three in the afternoon…It’s over, right—the Denatus?”

“Most likely. The results should have been delivered by now…”

This was the usual scene on the second floor of the Guild after a Denatus meeting.

The Guild employees were very interested to know the titles assigned to adventurers. The people of Gekai had to take their hats off to each of the names given, and nobody could wait to see what the gods and goddesses would think of next.

Seeing their superiors like this was nothing special to Eina and Misha, they had seen adventurers do exactly the same thing in the lobby many times.

“Are you excited, too, Eina? I wonder what names came up this time.”

“I…Hmm, yes. I’m a little interested this time.”

“So it’s true? Actually, one of my adventurers leveled up, too, so I can’t wait to see!”

Their conversation was interrupted without warning by a
BANG!

An office door had been flung open, slamming into the wall behind it. All eyes in the room turned to face the doorway.

A man stood in the frame, trying to catch his breath and carrying a bundle of paperwork.

“It’s here—the Denatus results are here!”

“Finally!”

“Hey, open it up, already!”

All the employees dropped everything and rushed toward the door. The mob encircled the man as he passed out sheet after sheet of documents containing the second names of adventurers.

Voices of praise and amazement started ringing out almost immediately.

“Take a look at this one, this nickname.”

“Woah! Awesome…”

“They never disappoint.”

“Ahh, we’ll never measure up.”

“The gods really are different from us. The Hand of Strength and Grace, ‘Biolante’…Gives me goose bumps just reading it!”

“This is so exhilarating!”

“The gods just come up with this stuff off the top of their heads. They really are worth looking up to.”

The Guild office was suddenly alive with excitement, especially the male employees.

Eina and Misha’s supervisors seemed to be all in agreement, standing in a circle and talking as though they were of one mind. A group of women from another department arrived on the scene, their higher-pitched voices joining in the mix of enthusiastic chatter.

Misha stood just outside the break room, separate from all of the energy across the room. A sudden shiver ran down her spine, twitching her shoulders.

“T-they’re starting without us…! Let’s go, Eina!”

“Ah, sure.”

Eina followed her into the fray. Making sure not to lose sight of Misha’s pink hair as the human girl fought her way to get a copy of the name list, Bell’s face suddenly popped up in Eina’s mind.

Ohhh, a softer name would be better for him…

What if they named him something like “The Crimson Adventurer, Bloody Guy”?
Suddenly she could see herself telling him—with Bell puffing out his chest with pride and her sweating—as she chose her words very carefully.

While not necessarily feeling that such a gallant name would be completely unsuitable for Bell, somehow it didn’t fit his image. Biting her lip, she did her best to calm down and prayed that she wouldn’t have to face that situation.

“Eina, I got it! Quick, have a look!”

Misha waved her over, a big smile on her face and the list in her hand.

There were several documents containing the titles selected for the adventurers. The two of them started at the top sheet, their eyes working down the list through the second and third sheets.

Eina finally found what she was looking for at the very bottom of the final paper.

“—Ah-ha-ha-ha.”

“Oh? Bell’s name?”

Eina couldn’t control the laughter pouring out of her.

Her pinkish cheeks tightened, her lips quivering into his soft smile.

Misha leaned over the list, trying to find his name. Eina read it to her out loud.

“It’s ‘Little Rookie.’”

CHAPTER 2

“…”

I’m lying here, looking up at the white ceiling.

I’m the only one in the room under the church, and I’m sprawled out on the sofa.

There’s really nothing for me to do besides zoning out and letting the day go by.
Ticktock ticktock
. I can hear the gears inside the clock on the wall as it marks the steady march of time.

It’s been three days since the fight with the Minotaur.

This is becoming a habit. I’m getting used to daydreaming for long periods of time, motionless.

I slept for two days at the hospital inside Babel Tower after that fight.

It took a heavy toll on me…Neither my body nor my mind held out at the very end, and I just shut down. Apparently I slept like the dead, nothing but a bump under the sheets. However, I was awake enough at one point to see a look of relief on the goddess’s face, and Lilly’s, too. That’s the only thing I can remember after the battle.

After that the goddess and Lilly half carried me back here. I spent the rest of that day on the sofa—exactly like I am now.

“Level…Two…”

I’m a Level 2 adventurer.

Hearing that I leveled up brought a smile to my face. The proof that I’m closing the gap between me and
her
is now etched into my back.

…But I just can’t get over the fact that I won, I beat that Minotaur.

It’s like a never-ending transparent reverberation, unrelated to the heat of victory. But it’s not a langorous sensation—more a feeling like water rising up out of a flowing spring.

Saying it feels like accomplishment would be an overstatement, but it doesn’t feel like I’ve been released from a burden, either.

Loss…Yes, I feel like I’ve lost something.

I can’t put it into words very well, but something about that Minotaur meant a lot to me.

Of course, leveling up is important, but the fact that I slew a Minotaur feels heavier somehow.

“…”

I reach down beside my hip, grab what I’m looking for, and raise it up to the light.

A sharp point, its charred surface having a few cracks. It’s a horn that looks a little bit like a long dagger.

The drop item “Minotaur Horn.”

Lilly told me that when the Minotaur turned to ash, only the magic stone and this horn remained. She’d already exchanged the magic stone for money, but she held on to the horn for me.

Holding it under the magic-stone lamp, I scrape off some of the burned surface.

I watch as the grayish dust falls off the surface, exposing a reddish layer underneath. I wonder if that’s how it originally was or if my magic had something to do with it.

It’s a very robust horn.

To think the Minotaur was thrusting it at me right at the very end.

Somehow, the fearsome roar that has been in the back of my mind since that day a month ago seems distant now.

All that’s left is the silent horn in my hand, like some sort of parting gift.

“…Okay.”

I get off the sofa. My body is surprisingly light.

I’ve got to pull myself together. Clenching my jaw, I put the horn down out of sight. Enough of this brooding.

I need to move around. First thing I do is check the clock.

Actually, I’m going to a party today. It’s at my usual bar and café, The Benevolent Mistress.

Truthfully, the party is to celebrate my leveling up…

I told Syr that I’d leveled up this morning, when I went to return a lunch basket, and next thing I knew I was going to a party at The Benevolent Mistress.

I think she wants to get me to spend money. It does sound like one of her plans, and I don’t really need to hold back…but it just feels strange.

Would have been nice if the goddess could have come…

I don’t think she has time. She said that she and some other gods are going to go out for a drinking party of their own. I’m not sure if it’s a Celebration or if they’re trying to cheer somebody up, I just know she’s busy.

When she came by after the meeting, she told me my title was “Little Rookie.”

Little Rookie…Hmm. Well, the goddess seemed happy about it. She threw her arms around me and yelled, “This is great, Bell! You got a good one!” So I’m not…disappointed.

I’ve been alone with my thoughts since then. But now it’s six o’clock in the evening. Time to get a move on.

I leave the hidden room under the church and make my way outside onto the street.

The western sky is already turning red. It’s almost night.

I make my way through the side streets and out onto the busy Main Street.

“—Thereeeee heeeee iiiiiiis!!!!”

“Eh?”

It happens just as I’m about to join the crowd.

A sudden loud voice fills my ears.

Wh-what? I don’t even have time to look around before a wave of people surrounds me.

They’re—gods…?!

“Couldn’t find the Loli Lady’s home anywhere, and we’ve been lookin’ real hard, too…”

“But it was worth staking out this area…”

“Lying in wait is the key to hunting, you know.”

“So you finally came out of your hole, Li’l Bunny.”

—I’m scared.

They’re getting closer, surrounding me. I don’t know why, but alarm bells are going off in my head. Especially that last one. My blood ran cold when he winked at me.

What the hell is going on?

What are they doing here, what are they talking about? I’m so confused.

“First come, first serve! Bell, want to join my
Familia
? If you come with me right now, everyone will greet you with open arms!”

“Hey, idiot! You sound way too desperate! Wait your turn, why don’t you? That’s why your
Familia
is still so tiny…!”

“Blabbermouths, out of my way. Bell, come to me! For it is you who has stolen my heart, you naughty bunny!”

“What do you have in mind for this child?!”

They’re arguing with one another and coming closer, step by step. I have to say something, so I clear my throat. “Ahem.”

…A
Familia
welcoming me with open arms? Why now?

Every single one I went to when I first came to Orario showed me the door without a second look…

“I, um, already have a goddess…I’m a member of
Hestia Familia
…?!”

“All previous relationships are meaningless in the eyes of love. Don’t you think so?”

“You’re too good for the Loli Lady!”

T-they aren’t listening…!

“But a serious question: What’s the secret to your fast growth? Raw talent? A Skill? Or perhaps foul play?”

“A rare skill, a rare skill? Is it true, is it true? It has to be a rare skill!”

“I really wanna know what’s written on this boy’s back.”

“If it’s okay with you, would you take those clothes off? Just the top is okay! I’ll even pay you?…Hee-hee.”

“We could always force him out of them…”

“—Fu-heh-heh-heh.”

—I run away with all speed.

“He’s here, meow!”

“Ah-ha-ha! Fashionably late, aren’t you, Mr. Adventure.”

The sky is completely dark and the moon shines brightly over my head by the time I reach The Benevolent Mistress.

I reach out to support myself against one of the pillars by the front door, hunching over to try to catch my breath.
Huff…huff…huff…
I’m going to need a moment.

I flew through the back streets, doubling back many times to try and shake my divine pursuers. I only lost them just a few minutes ago.

I should be in much better shape than them…So what was that? They almost had me a few times; it felt like I was running for my life. I’ve never thought of gods and goddesses as scary before.

Why all of a sudden…?

“Syr ’n’ everyone’s been waitin’ for you, meow! The kitchen’s really busy, too, we’re bending over backward to accommodate you, meow! So get in here, meow.”

“S-sorry…”

“They couldn’t start without the guest of honor. Go over there, quickly.”

Two waitresses—Ahnya, a cat person, and a human—come out to meet me and usher me inside. If I remember right the human girl’s name is…Runoa. She’s laughing, too.

I wipe the sweat from my face and stand up straight before setting foot in the bar.

“Mr. Bell! We’re over here—!”

I swear there’s a customer in every single seat in here! But just over the lively mass of humanity, I see Lilly standing on a chair and waving with a big smile on her face.

I invited Lilly to come tonight. It’s not every day that I get to do something like this, and she responded with a resounding “Yes!” so I asked Syr to prepare a seat for her.

…It would have been nice for Aiz to be here as well—wouldn’t that be something? But she’s somewhere in the lower levels of the Dungeon right now on an expedition, so inviting her wasn’t an option. Trying to get the what-ifs out of my head, I give a quick nod and wave back at Lilly.

The table they reserved for us is close to my usual counter seat. Syr and Lyu are sitting beside Lilly, dressed in their nice-looking waitress uniforms.

Syr’s eyes meet mine as I work my way through the crowd. I bow my head, mouthing, “Sorry I’m late!” over and over.

“Bell…?”

“
Hestia Familia
?”

Just as I’m making progress toward the girls waiting for me, I suddenly feel all the eyes in the bar lock onto me.

The topics of the conversations around me change without warning, like a spark igniting an inferno.

I don’t stop moving as I look around in every direction.

“A white-headed human…That’s him, all right. What did they call him…? ‘Little Rookie’?”

“That punk-ass kid?”

“You heard? He’s the record holder now.”

“Who said he’s gonna keep it? The gods’re just awestruck, nothin’ more. One month is nothin’!”

“Ya got tha’ right!”

“But I’ve heard that he really did slay that Minotaur. You know the one, the lower ninth.”

“So he took out one Minotaur, big frickin’ deal!”

“Could you kill a Mino at Level One? On your own, I might add.”

“Who in their right mind would try something that stupid?”

Eyes glinting at me from every direction, I weave my way through the maze of tables as quickly as possible. The air around me is swirling with hushed whispers.

Being the center of attention like this is overwhelming! I must look like a criminal or something. A man stops talking on the spot when my eyes happen to meet his.

With ice flowing in my veins, I duck down as low as possible and quickly escape to my destination.

“You’ve become the talk of the town, Mr. Bell.”

“R-really? I can’t relax anymore…Even on my way here, I was chased around the city by a group of gods…”

“That is the fate of all adventurers who become known. You are not being singled out, Bell. Please put up with it for the time being.”

I can feel all the muscles in my face droop. I must look pretty funny because Lilly’s trying hard not to laugh at me.

I scratch the back of my neck with my left hand out of habit, making small bows to everyone in turn.

“Well, now that Bell is here, let’s get this thing started, shall we?”

“Um, Syr and Lyu, are you sure it’s okay for you guys to be here with the bar like this…?”

“‘I’ll lend ’im the two of ya. Make sure he’s well fed’ was Mama Mia’s instruction. That and ‘spend yer cash.’”

Hearing Lyu imitate the owner’s—Mia’s—accent in her calm voice makes me chuckle to myself.

As for Mia, I look over my shoulder to see her standing behind the bar, waving her hand and giving me a hearty smile. Must be her way of telling me to live it up tonight.

It’s not long before we say “Cheers!” and clink our glasses together.

Mia suggests that I try ale for the first time, being a special occasion and all. For now, I’ve got a small jug of the stuff in front of me.

Syr’s holding a citrusy cocktail, Lilly’s gotten sick of ale so she’s drinking fruit juice, and Lyu refuses to drink anything except for water. Wait a second…Syr and I are the only ones drinking alcohol?

As soon as food starts arriving at our table, all the eyes around the bar finally turn away. Such a relief! Ahnya and Chloe drop by our table a few times for some friendly banter and we start to have a genuinely good time.